Another thing that you'll be taking with you when you start over is your body. You might cut or dye your hair or shave it all off. You might get some cosmetic surgery. But there are things you will either have to change before you leave, after you leave, or just deal with it.
Health is one. If you have a chronic disease or condition now, you will most likely continue to have it. Just because you move to a different climate does not mean that you don't still have health issues. It just means the symptoms have gone away. Any addictions you have will go with you unless you bust them beforehand.
Old injuries, scars, abilities such as being able to walk in high heels or play a musical instrument (which is in part muscle memory), height, and weight will all go with you. You will have to figure out how to change it or make your peace with it. If you are 6'10" and you hate it, you'll still be 6'10" wherever you go. If you're right handed or left handed, you'll still have that.
Figure out what you will be taking with you, or else you may be surprised to see just how much of your "new" life mimics your old.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Packing – Your Habits
Maybe you smoke. Maybe you eat when you’re stressed. Maybe you fidget. Maybe you zone out at the end of the day with an hour or so of TV. None of these things are going to go away just because you move somewhere else.
It can be easier to start or stop a particular habit in a different place, somewhere that the pressure isn’t as intense or the triggers that bring on the urge aren’t present, but it might be harder, too. Before you pack up your life to move somewhere else to start over, take a good long look at what you’re packing. If you don’t want to smoke in the new chapter of your life, quit now. Don’t say that you’re getting in the last bit of pleasure or that it’s too much to make the change and quit smoking at the same time. Quit now, because you don’t know how tenacious your urge to smoke will be in the new place. If you’re doing a very thorough job of making a new start, part of your brain will tell you that smoking is familiar, and in all this newness and strangeness, something familiar would be nice. So you should smoke, or eat, or watch TV, or do whatever else it is that you don’t want to do. Quit now, say goodbye now. You’ll have plenty of goodbyes to say later.
It can be easier to start or stop a particular habit in a different place, somewhere that the pressure isn’t as intense or the triggers that bring on the urge aren’t present, but it might be harder, too. Before you pack up your life to move somewhere else to start over, take a good long look at what you’re packing. If you don’t want to smoke in the new chapter of your life, quit now. Don’t say that you’re getting in the last bit of pleasure or that it’s too much to make the change and quit smoking at the same time. Quit now, because you don’t know how tenacious your urge to smoke will be in the new place. If you’re doing a very thorough job of making a new start, part of your brain will tell you that smoking is familiar, and in all this newness and strangeness, something familiar would be nice. So you should smoke, or eat, or watch TV, or do whatever else it is that you don’t want to do. Quit now, say goodbye now. You’ll have plenty of goodbyes to say later.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Packing – Your Education
Maybe you want a new job or a new career or a new field entirely. Or maybe you’re thinking about leaving the “rat race” and doing something completely different. In any of those cases, you’ll need to know a few things that you don’t know now. Rather than jumping in blindfolded, start learning now what you’ll need to know. Or, if you know what you need to learn, then learn it now rather than waiting until you’re in your new job, career, field, life.
The same goes for moving to a different part of the country or a different country. You can learn a lot about the neighborhood, the climate, the laws, the language. You can educate yourself so there won’t be quite so much culture shock when you do move.
Perhaps you’re staying put with the same job, but everything else is changing. You can still learn. There are plenty of people who have made the change you’re thinking about, and you probably will be able to find some that will help you through yours.
As you create the next chapter of your Life, of your Future, you get to keep your education, so pack now.
The same goes for moving to a different part of the country or a different country. You can learn a lot about the neighborhood, the climate, the laws, the language. You can educate yourself so there won’t be quite so much culture shock when you do move.
Perhaps you’re staying put with the same job, but everything else is changing. You can still learn. There are plenty of people who have made the change you’re thinking about, and you probably will be able to find some that will help you through yours.
As you create the next chapter of your Life, of your Future, you get to keep your education, so pack now.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Starting Over
You never really start over. Not completely. Even if you end up with amnesia, a thousand miles away from anyone who knew you, you still don’t truly start over. You will still have your body and most likely a good portion of your education. You won’t have all of you, but you’ll have pieces.
In a way, this sucks. You’ll never get a “clean slate”, so to speak. But you don’t need one. Not really.
In a way, this is fantastic. What if you did have a clean slate? You’d have to make all the same mistakes over again, because you wouldn’t remember all the wisdom you gained in your life. You’d have to go back to school, you’d have to relearn how to make friends, you’d have to relearn everything.
You can start a new portion of your life, in a new place, with new people, with a new career, with a new personality if you want, but you still get to retain the wisdom and education you picked up along the way. If the previous chapter of your life sucked, at least then you know what you don’t want. It’s a start.
You don’t have to pick up and move (except in extreme cases) in order to get a new chapter of your life started. If you decide you need to make a new chapter, start “packing” now for the adventure of a lifetime.
In a way, this sucks. You’ll never get a “clean slate”, so to speak. But you don’t need one. Not really.
In a way, this is fantastic. What if you did have a clean slate? You’d have to make all the same mistakes over again, because you wouldn’t remember all the wisdom you gained in your life. You’d have to go back to school, you’d have to relearn how to make friends, you’d have to relearn everything.
You can start a new portion of your life, in a new place, with new people, with a new career, with a new personality if you want, but you still get to retain the wisdom and education you picked up along the way. If the previous chapter of your life sucked, at least then you know what you don’t want. It’s a start.
You don’t have to pick up and move (except in extreme cases) in order to get a new chapter of your life started. If you decide you need to make a new chapter, start “packing” now for the adventure of a lifetime.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
January Appreciation Day
I've written a few writers that I enjoy their stories and series in progress and that I hope they continue. I'd also like to say that I appreciate the new burgeoning friendship I have with my sister, and I hope that continues.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Sometimes
Sometimes it's all too much. Sometimes, you just want to curl in a ball and hide yourself in a corner. Sometimes the only food you recognize is comfort food. Sometimes no music sounds right, because it's all too sad or not sad enough or just been heard too recently and too often. Sometimes you want to be held and yet want to be alone at the same time, and the cat just isn't doing it. Sometimes.
But it passes. It may take a while, and it may pass only for a little bit before it all comes swamping in on you again. But it passes, and then it passes again, and then it passes once more for longer this time. Your world becomes gray and then colored and then gray again. But the colors come back. They always will. You just have to wait out the gray, the sometimes. The world will come back, and so will you. Every time.
But it passes. It may take a while, and it may pass only for a little bit before it all comes swamping in on you again. But it passes, and then it passes again, and then it passes once more for longer this time. Your world becomes gray and then colored and then gray again. But the colors come back. They always will. You just have to wait out the gray, the sometimes. The world will come back, and so will you. Every time.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
On Writing
On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King. This is a great book for any writer or Stephen King fan. A good portion of it is autobiography, but it’s all relevant for a writer. It’s going to end up on my bookshelf. It’s to the point, it has great examples, and it is funny in a whole lot of places. I recommend it.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Learn to Howl (2)
On the flip side of the last post, if you surround yourself with people whose attributes you like, they will rub off on you, too. Birds of a feather and all that. Negativity can rub off on you, and so can positivity, though a lot fewer people have heard about that.
Your friends and co-workers can be a positive influence on you, and you can choose to do this. You can choose your friends and co-workers in such a way that you become a better person by having them in your life. There are a lot of people out there who have good attitudes, great work ethics, and who enjoy living.
Negativity isn’t easier than positivity. It’s just more wide spread in our culture, easier to learn at birth since you see so much of it. But once you get the hang of positive thinking and attitudes, they become just as easy as all those negative ones you used to have.
Your friends and co-workers can be a positive influence on you, and you can choose to do this. You can choose your friends and co-workers in such a way that you become a better person by having them in your life. There are a lot of people out there who have good attitudes, great work ethics, and who enjoy living.
Negativity isn’t easier than positivity. It’s just more wide spread in our culture, easier to learn at birth since you see so much of it. But once you get the hang of positive thinking and attitudes, they become just as easy as all those negative ones you used to have.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Learn to Howl
He who goes with the wolf will learn to howl. - Anonymous
Have you ever heard the old adage ‘birds of a feather flock together’? That’s basically what this quote means. Who you spend time with influences you, whether you like it or not. To what degree they influence you is up to you, but it’s a question of what you want to do.
Do you want to spend your time fighting off the negative influences of the people around you? Their negativity, their greed, their prejudices, their violence, their whatever it is that they have that you don’t want? You have better uses for your energy – if you aren’t around them, that is.
If you remove yourself from these people, or if you remove these people from your life, then you don’t have to spend so much time and energy making sure you stay being yourself. You can spend it on other things, like becoming the best self you can be, or anything else you want to do.
Your life is too precious to bother with negative people. Unless you have perfected your “anti-negativity shield” or unless your purpose in life is to help these people or they have skills that you absolutely cannot get elsewhere, leave them be. Find someone else to share your life with. You deserve fantastic friends.
Have you ever heard the old adage ‘birds of a feather flock together’? That’s basically what this quote means. Who you spend time with influences you, whether you like it or not. To what degree they influence you is up to you, but it’s a question of what you want to do.
Do you want to spend your time fighting off the negative influences of the people around you? Their negativity, their greed, their prejudices, their violence, their whatever it is that they have that you don’t want? You have better uses for your energy – if you aren’t around them, that is.
If you remove yourself from these people, or if you remove these people from your life, then you don’t have to spend so much time and energy making sure you stay being yourself. You can spend it on other things, like becoming the best self you can be, or anything else you want to do.
Your life is too precious to bother with negative people. Unless you have perfected your “anti-negativity shield” or unless your purpose in life is to help these people or they have skills that you absolutely cannot get elsewhere, leave them be. Find someone else to share your life with. You deserve fantastic friends.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Thoughts
Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right. - Henry Ford
It’s amazing how much your attitude can affect the outcome of something. You’ve seen those people with tons of confidence and a history of winning. Do you think that they got the confidence first or the winning? For a rare few, they won, were right, got ahead, or whatever first, and then gained the confidence afterwards. Most of the “winners”, though, were confident that they would be right, would win, would get ahead, and then went out and did it.
Your attitude is driven by your thoughts, and you can control them. Just as you can psych yourself out of something, you can psych yourself into something. You can be a winner, an achiever, a doer, someone others look at and say “Wow, how did that happen? How did you do that?” And when they do, just smile and say, “Attitude and confidence,” and go on to create and inspire some more.
It’s amazing how much your attitude can affect the outcome of something. You’ve seen those people with tons of confidence and a history of winning. Do you think that they got the confidence first or the winning? For a rare few, they won, were right, got ahead, or whatever first, and then gained the confidence afterwards. Most of the “winners”, though, were confident that they would be right, would win, would get ahead, and then went out and did it.
Your attitude is driven by your thoughts, and you can control them. Just as you can psych yourself out of something, you can psych yourself into something. You can be a winner, an achiever, a doer, someone others look at and say “Wow, how did that happen? How did you do that?” And when they do, just smile and say, “Attitude and confidence,” and go on to create and inspire some more.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Intelligence and Ability
Intelligence is quickness to apprehend as distinct from ability, which is capacity to act wisely on the thing apprehended. - Dialogues by Alfred North Whitehead
To act without knowing what’s going on doesn’t always help. To know what’s going on without acting usually doesn’t help. It’s best when the two go together. Intelligence can give you plenty of information. Ability can give you plenty of suggestions.
We’re all different. Not all of us have both intelligence and ability. Some of us have intelligence in abundance. Some of us have amazing abilities. Some of us have a little of each. Or any mix and match of amounts you can think of. That’s okay. We don’t all have to have plenty of both.
What’s great about the world is that you don’t have to be all things at all times. That’s what friends, colleagues, and co-workers are for. You share your intelligence and abilities with them, and they share theirs with you, and together you make wonderful and amazing things happen, things that none of you could have done on your own.
When you’re making your Future, you don’t have to do it on your own. You can get help from others, and in turn give help to others, and this way the Future will be brighter for everyone.
To act without knowing what’s going on doesn’t always help. To know what’s going on without acting usually doesn’t help. It’s best when the two go together. Intelligence can give you plenty of information. Ability can give you plenty of suggestions.
We’re all different. Not all of us have both intelligence and ability. Some of us have intelligence in abundance. Some of us have amazing abilities. Some of us have a little of each. Or any mix and match of amounts you can think of. That’s okay. We don’t all have to have plenty of both.
What’s great about the world is that you don’t have to be all things at all times. That’s what friends, colleagues, and co-workers are for. You share your intelligence and abilities with them, and they share theirs with you, and together you make wonderful and amazing things happen, things that none of you could have done on your own.
When you’re making your Future, you don’t have to do it on your own. You can get help from others, and in turn give help to others, and this way the Future will be brighter for everyone.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
What You Can
Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. - Theodore Roosevelt
This fluctuates, and that’s okay. Sometimes you can do more. Sometimes you can do less. Sometimes everything’s going your way, you have energy you don’t know what to do with, and very few commitments knocking at your door. Sometimes, everything sucks, you’re sick or you’re depressed or you have a thousand things to do on top of the stuff that gets shoved aside like eating and sitting. That’s okay.
Do what you can, and if that’s less than yesterday or a year ago, that’s okay. If it’s more, that’s okay, too. Don’t beat yourself up over the whims of life, the changes that seem to come out of nowhere about which you can do nothing. Do what you can, and take care of yourself while you’re doing it. And if taking care of yourself is all that you can do with what you have, where you are, then do that, because there are very few things more important than taking care of yourself. If you don’t, there won’t be a you later on to do even more things. Take care of yourself and do what you can.
This fluctuates, and that’s okay. Sometimes you can do more. Sometimes you can do less. Sometimes everything’s going your way, you have energy you don’t know what to do with, and very few commitments knocking at your door. Sometimes, everything sucks, you’re sick or you’re depressed or you have a thousand things to do on top of the stuff that gets shoved aside like eating and sitting. That’s okay.
Do what you can, and if that’s less than yesterday or a year ago, that’s okay. If it’s more, that’s okay, too. Don’t beat yourself up over the whims of life, the changes that seem to come out of nowhere about which you can do nothing. Do what you can, and take care of yourself while you’re doing it. And if taking care of yourself is all that you can do with what you have, where you are, then do that, because there are very few things more important than taking care of yourself. If you don’t, there won’t be a you later on to do even more things. Take care of yourself and do what you can.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Bird by Bird
Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott. I was a little leery of reading this, despite the recommendation by SARK, due to the title, but it connects to a very telling story and makes complete sense once you read it. I very much enjoyed this book, and I recommend it to any writer and to some non-writers as well. It’s very different from other writing books. It deals much more with being a writer than with writing, and it is honest, brutally so in some places. I’ll probably end up reading it again at some point.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Greater Things
Men are often capable of greater things than they perform. They are sent into the world with bills of credit, and seldom draw to their full extent. - Horace Walpole
This is true, but it is both a great promise and a heavy responsibility. It’s like being given a new lease on life, a time when you can go out and do great things, live the life you’ve always wanted to, etc., etc. For some people, jumping into that greatness is a little difficult. For some it’s incredibly easy, and really all they had been looking for in their life was permission to go and have and be incredible.
For now, for you, just realize that more is possible. You can do more. You can be more. You can have greater influence in the world than you do now. But don’t underestimate who you are, what you do, and what influence you have, but that’s pretty amazing, even if you can’t see it.
You are great and amazing, right now, as is.
This is true, but it is both a great promise and a heavy responsibility. It’s like being given a new lease on life, a time when you can go out and do great things, live the life you’ve always wanted to, etc., etc. For some people, jumping into that greatness is a little difficult. For some it’s incredibly easy, and really all they had been looking for in their life was permission to go and have and be incredible.
For now, for you, just realize that more is possible. You can do more. You can be more. You can have greater influence in the world than you do now. But don’t underestimate who you are, what you do, and what influence you have, but that’s pretty amazing, even if you can’t see it.
You are great and amazing, right now, as is.
Monday, December 15, 2008
The Winds and the Waves
The wind and the waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators. - Edward Gibbon
Do you know some people who are always lucky? They’re always at the right place at the right time. Things just naturally come easy to them. Opportunity is constantly knocking at their door. It isn’t luck.
It’s skill, it’s preparation, it’s keeping your eyes open, and it’s being willing to take a risk. You can improve your skills through practice and training. You can prepare to the best of your ability as it is right now rather than waiting until a “better” time. You can scan your life for opportunities and let others know that you’re looking for opportunities. You can take a less-than-sure thing and make it work, or at least give it a try and get some valuable hands on experience out of it.
You can be the ablest navigator. You can always make opportunities where others see none. Your life and your Future are possible, however you envision them.
Do you know some people who are always lucky? They’re always at the right place at the right time. Things just naturally come easy to them. Opportunity is constantly knocking at their door. It isn’t luck.
It’s skill, it’s preparation, it’s keeping your eyes open, and it’s being willing to take a risk. You can improve your skills through practice and training. You can prepare to the best of your ability as it is right now rather than waiting until a “better” time. You can scan your life for opportunities and let others know that you’re looking for opportunities. You can take a less-than-sure thing and make it work, or at least give it a try and get some valuable hands on experience out of it.
You can be the ablest navigator. You can always make opportunities where others see none. Your life and your Future are possible, however you envision them.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Happiness Contribution
Anything you're good at contributes to happiness. - Bertrand Russell
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1864519,00.html?cnn=yes
Researchers have determined that happiness is contagious, to a degree. If you’ve been denying your own happiness because you believe it to be selfish, now you know that you’ve been denying those around you a measure of happiness as well, because their own happiness would increase with your own, like ripples in a pond.
Anything you’re good at contributes to happiness, which means that even if your talent is something you consider frivolous or silly or of no importance to anyone, it could create happiness in the world by making you happy. What if your only talent was whistling (doubtful that you have only one thing you’re good at, but go with me on this). What if you consider whistling to be a waste of time because it doesn’t do anything constructive. You know you’re wrong now. You can make yourself happier by whistling which can increase the happiness of others around you. You can make those you don’t even know happier by seeing you happy as you walk down the street. Perhaps someone will hear your tune, and it will remind them of a happy time. Even something as simple as whistling can contribute to happiness.
Use your talents. You were given them for a reason.
And if you are around people who do not want you to be happy, who are happier themselves when you are miserable, leave them. Get out and find people who aren’t sadists.
Choose your life, your friends, and your happiness.
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1864519,00.html?cnn=yes
Researchers have determined that happiness is contagious, to a degree. If you’ve been denying your own happiness because you believe it to be selfish, now you know that you’ve been denying those around you a measure of happiness as well, because their own happiness would increase with your own, like ripples in a pond.
Anything you’re good at contributes to happiness, which means that even if your talent is something you consider frivolous or silly or of no importance to anyone, it could create happiness in the world by making you happy. What if your only talent was whistling (doubtful that you have only one thing you’re good at, but go with me on this). What if you consider whistling to be a waste of time because it doesn’t do anything constructive. You know you’re wrong now. You can make yourself happier by whistling which can increase the happiness of others around you. You can make those you don’t even know happier by seeing you happy as you walk down the street. Perhaps someone will hear your tune, and it will remind them of a happy time. Even something as simple as whistling can contribute to happiness.
Use your talents. You were given them for a reason.
And if you are around people who do not want you to be happy, who are happier themselves when you are miserable, leave them. Get out and find people who aren’t sadists.
Choose your life, your friends, and your happiness.
Career Tests
Here's a quick book review to make up for the lack of post on Monday.
Career Tests: 25 Revealing Self-Tests to Help You Find and Succeed at the Perfect Career by Louis Janda. Skip everything and read the epilogue, and only the first page of that.
Career Tests: 25 Revealing Self-Tests to Help You Find and Succeed at the Perfect Career by Louis Janda. Skip everything and read the epilogue, and only the first page of that.
Common Sense Economics
Here's a quick book review to make up for the lack of one on Saturday.
Common Sense Economics: What Everyone Should Know About Wealth and Prosperity by James Gwartney, Richard L. Stroup, and Dwight R. Lee. If you’re a student of economics, read the book. If you think that personal finance self-help books are beneath you, read section 4 of this book. Everyone else can skip it.
Common Sense Economics: What Everyone Should Know About Wealth and Prosperity by James Gwartney, Richard L. Stroup, and Dwight R. Lee. If you’re a student of economics, read the book. If you think that personal finance self-help books are beneath you, read section 4 of this book. Everyone else can skip it.
Friday, December 05, 2008
Writing Some Blues
I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues. - Duke Ellington
It doesn’t take more energy to read as it does to watch TV.
It doesn’t take more energy to inspire as it does to complain.
It doesn’t take more energy to eat an apple as it does to eat a candy bar.
It doesn’t take more energy to say something nice as it does to insult.
How much energy you have may be a product of your environment and your health, but what you do with it is up to you. Create, rather than destroy.
It doesn’t take more energy to read as it does to watch TV.
It doesn’t take more energy to inspire as it does to complain.
It doesn’t take more energy to eat an apple as it does to eat a candy bar.
It doesn’t take more energy to say something nice as it does to insult.
How much energy you have may be a product of your environment and your health, but what you do with it is up to you. Create, rather than destroy.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Secrets and Privacy
This is from an e-mail discussion I've had recently. I've edited it so that it makes sense even without the previous e-mails.
Some people are willing to share much more information about their lives than I am with mine, and with a wider variety of people. There are things in my past that I don't care to share. They're over and done with, why bring them up again? Some people will say that if I truly dealt with those issues that bringing them up again wouldn't cause me any discomfort. Those people have led very enlightened or very sheltered lives. It's a tricky discussion to have - what things do you think are secrets and what's general knowledge - because person A will think "well, duh" and not mention it, but person B will believe the opposite.
Then there is the issue of closets, whether they be about religion, sexual orientation, or what have you. While I may be free and open about my spiritual beliefs, I also know that I will get flak about them if I tell the wrong people or in the wrong way. If they ask, I'll tell them, but I'm not going to bring it up.
Which brings me to something said in the post before mine. That person said that if someone asks them something, they'll tell them. Well, I don't agree with that philosophy. I knew a guy who when invited over to your place would go into any room that didn't have a closed door. He figured if you didn't want him in your bedroom, you would have closed the door. Doesn't matter that you're having dinner and the bedroom's in a different part of the house. If it's an open door, he'd go in. Likewise, there are people who will bring up topics of conversations at inappropriate times, like people who will start a discussion about politics in front of a rabid Republican, sometimes just to get a rise out of the person. If I'm having a conversation with A and B, I might be more than happy to talk to A about it, but I don't want B to know because it'd affect our relationship. However, A will bring it up in front of B, and I won't answer at that time, perhaps never if I don't think that A will screw up my relationship with B just because A doesn't think it's a big deal. For those of you who say, "Then don't deal with B", that's kinda hard when B is a coworker or a family member you like except for this one prejudice.
Some people are willing to share much more information about their lives than I am with mine, and with a wider variety of people. There are things in my past that I don't care to share. They're over and done with, why bring them up again? Some people will say that if I truly dealt with those issues that bringing them up again wouldn't cause me any discomfort. Those people have led very enlightened or very sheltered lives. It's a tricky discussion to have - what things do you think are secrets and what's general knowledge - because person A will think "well, duh" and not mention it, but person B will believe the opposite.
Then there is the issue of closets, whether they be about religion, sexual orientation, or what have you. While I may be free and open about my spiritual beliefs, I also know that I will get flak about them if I tell the wrong people or in the wrong way. If they ask, I'll tell them, but I'm not going to bring it up.
Which brings me to something said in the post before mine. That person said that if someone asks them something, they'll tell them. Well, I don't agree with that philosophy. I knew a guy who when invited over to your place would go into any room that didn't have a closed door. He figured if you didn't want him in your bedroom, you would have closed the door. Doesn't matter that you're having dinner and the bedroom's in a different part of the house. If it's an open door, he'd go in. Likewise, there are people who will bring up topics of conversations at inappropriate times, like people who will start a discussion about politics in front of a rabid Republican, sometimes just to get a rise out of the person. If I'm having a conversation with A and B, I might be more than happy to talk to A about it, but I don't want B to know because it'd affect our relationship. However, A will bring it up in front of B, and I won't answer at that time, perhaps never if I don't think that A will screw up my relationship with B just because A doesn't think it's a big deal. For those of you who say, "Then don't deal with B", that's kinda hard when B is a coworker or a family member you like except for this one prejudice.
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