The End

This is my 300th post. I have written in this blog for the past three years, and now it is time for me to move on. Thank you to everyone who has read and especially to everyone who has commented. I hope you’ve enjoyed, and I hope that it’s given you something to think about. I know it’s done so for me. Thank you and good bye.

Things We Lose, The Wonderful

Not everything we lose is bad. Such a significant change like cancer can also help you lose a few other things. You could lose your pride and your insistence that you do things yourself. Your need for others could strengthen your relationships with them. You could lose your illusions, which can only help you build your Future. You could lose your pettiness and some stress. After all, what does it matter if the neighbor’s dog goes on your lawn? Compared to cancer, that’s nothing. You could lose your trepidation and fear. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to try something new but were afraid. Well, now you remember that you don’t have all the time in the world, and you get off your butt and do it. Also, since cancer shook you up, maybe you want to shake up yourself a bit, lose your complacency and your predictability. There is no need to go back to the exact same life you had before cancer unless that is what you wanted to do.

Cancer can provide you with an opportunity. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, but if you have to have cancer anyway, why not make the best of it?

Things We Lose, The Miserable

When something huge rocks your world, things get shaken up. When that happens, you can lose your sense of normalcy, your sense of security, your privacy, your career, your innocence, your confidence, your trust in the future, your health insurance, your savings, and/or your identity. You can also lose time while you put the rest of your life on hold in order to deal with this change. With the exception of time and innocence, you can get this all back.

One of the women I know hates the phrase “the new normal”. She claims that nothing is normal for her. She has a lousy attitude often and apparently cannot accept things as they are right now. You don’t have to be like that. You know that life changes, and you can adjust.

Your sense of security is shaken, but you know yourself and your body better, so you can build your security back up. The same for your confidence and your identity. Your privacy was altered for a while, but you can get it back. You can get a new career which has great health insurance. You can build back up your savings.

You don’t have to start over, just start where you are. You can create your Future and make it brighter than ever before.

Things We Lose, Relationships

During a significant change, your relationships with others may alter. For some, family security is lost as people realize that things won’t be this way forever. Others decide that they aren’t going to take the way they’ve been treated any more. Life is too short, and they won’t be a doormat. This can upset a lot of relationships. For others, life is too short to hold grudges, and relationships that have been distant may become mended. Some people decide that they have enough drama in their lives with cancer or other big change; they don’t need other people’s drama as well. Since some people live perpetually in a state of drama or crisis, those people may decide they aren’t being appreciated enough and leave, or the survivor may decide to leave them. With gynecologic cancer, sex changes, whether it be because of hormonal changes in the sex drive, emotional changes in the feelings of attractiveness, physical changes that require some alterations to preparation or position, or any other reason. Sex may never be the same way again, but it can be just as good if not better. Some people cannot handle thinking about losing someone to cancer or they may believe it to be contagious or whatever, and you may lose friends or family members. I could go into the trite “then they aren’t worth it”, but whether they’re worth it or not, it still sucks.

Life means change. No change means stagnation, and while you can survive with stagnation, you cannot live with it. Cancer and other significant changes condense a whole lot of change into a very little amount of time. But you can survive it, and when you come out on the other side, you do live. You may not have the same life, the same family, the same relationships as before, but you do live, and that’s more important.

Things We Lose, Our Bodies

Our bodies are more than just the physical. It’s also about how we relate to our bodies. Our health is compromised, true, but we can also lose our sense of well-being, how we feel about being ill. Our diet may change or our appetite may leave completely. We used to feel that we could rely upon our body, but that’s gone or at least shaken up. Sometimes women lose their body temperature regulator. It will always be too hot or too cold. We lose sleep, whether because our bodies don’t want to sleep or because we’re too anxious and can’t quiet our brains long enough to fall asleep. Some treatments interfere with memory or concentration, but that will come back.

We get some of these back. Some we have to learn to live with. Some we have to learn to live without. Life has been good training for this. All our lives, we’ve gained and lost people, perspectives, and parts of ourselves. We don’t have the bodies we had when we were teens, much less the ones we had as kids. We are no longer students or virgins or whatever other labels we may have had once upon a time. You can get through this. You can get through anything. And wonderfully, amazingly, it is up to you who you are on the other side.

Things We Lose, the Physical

We can lose a lot of things because of cancer or how others react to our having cancer. Here are a few. You can lose body parts, including ones that used to feel fantastic during sex. These body parts could include your uterus, which means no more periods. Sometimes you lose skin or hair because of the treatment type. You could also lose muscle strength or vein strength. You may lose your figure because the surgery puts things a little out of whack, or you’re unable to exercise like you used to, or because of attachments you may have to wear. Your overall health could suffer.

What you have to remember, though, is that you are more than your body. You are a wonderful human being no matter what you look like. You knew that once, whether that was just before you found out you had cancer or when you were a tiny baby. But you knew it once, and you will again.

7 Other Things We Feel, the Flip Side

Traumas and changes in your life don’t just bring out the bad or the negative in you, your life, and those around you. There are some benefits, if you let yourself see them.

Reflective – This is a big change. Some people see it as a time to take a good look at their lives, themselves, their relationships both with other people and with their Higher Power. This can be the proverbial kick in the pants that you need to make a few alterations that you wouldn’t otherwise notice.

Anticipation – Like I said in a previous post, major change can give you an out, and some people are eager to get that started. Other women I’ve met have quite jobs, sold businesses, started new careers, taken trips, begun new passions, or other things. Their life has changed and they are eager for it.

Joy – What was wrong is being made right in your body, and you can do the same for your life.

Gratefulness – When you have this huge problem in your life, you start to feel grateful for all the things that are going right. Friendships that are supportive and loving, days you can breathe easily, a warm cup of tea, and so many other things take on new meaning when contrasted with cancer.

Hopeful – This treatment will get my health back on track. This doctor knows what she’s doing. A year from now, I will be on that vacation I’ve always planned but never took. You see a life beyond cancer, and you feel hopeful.

Sisterhood – Some things you simply have to share with someone who’s been there, and that means other women who’ve been through gynecologic cancer. I’ve found some fantastic, wonderful women that I wouldn’t have met if it hadn’t been for getting cancer.

Not everything that you feel during a crisis or a change is negative. Some of it can be wonderful. You can wrap up these wonderful emotions and bring them with you into your Future.