Forgotten Dreams

So yeah, dreams are important. And I think there are more dreamers today than ever before in the history of anything... but... they're so afraid, so many of them. Afraid to lose all their 'manageable misery.' It's all just so... so... pathetic. Pathetic... and selfish. Are you seriously telling me... that you would deny the world an exquisite painting just because the cardboard firm from down the street is hiring? That you'd stay out of politics because your mates would think you a twat? That the greatest secrets of quantum physics would go forever unearthed... because Dad thinks girls are fit only for babymaking? Does that really sound good enough for you? Really? Maddening! And don't you dare tell me I'm unrealistic. I know a body's chance of sinking their claws into a dream are fairly grim. But... not to try? To settle into the gray doldrums with nary a peep? - Aaron A., Serenity Rose

When we were kids, we dreamed. We wanted to be things, do things when we grew up, even if for some of us the only dream was to be alive and somewhere other than “home”. But, we dreamed. Some of those dreams no longer fit. Now that we’re adults, we have different opinions and desires than when we were kids. But, we dust off the dreams now and again to have our cotton candy. Some of those dreams we’ve accomplished, and we look around at our life and we see this and feel full and satisfied. But there are other dreams, dreams that could complete us, dreams that still have a corner of our hearts, though we scarcely acknowledge them to ourselves much less bring them out into the bright of day. These dreams may not fit our lives as they are now, but they could fit our lives as we wish that they were. Search yourself and see if there are any hidden dreams.

I have always wanted to be a writer. I wrote my first book in kindergarten. It was stapled together for the binding, and I drew the pictures. I wish I still had it. Throughout my life, I’ve gone from poems to short stories to journals to novels back to short stories and so on and so on, but it wasn’t until recently that I acknowledged that writing was a part of me rather than just an expression of creativity like role-playing or painting. Deep in my soul, my dream of writing has always been there, and I’ve dusted it off, and this blog is part of the result. I have not published anything except a blurb in the senior yearbook, but that’s not what’s important. I’m not writing to publish. I’m not writing for other people. I’m writing for me. Even this blog, as much as I love helping others, as much as I know that there are other people who need to hear what I have to say, I write it because I have to say it. Because I write. I will almost assuredly never turn this into a career. But I don’t have to. That’s not part of my dream. My dream is to write, and I do.

Do you have dreams you could take a look at, maybe add just a dab of into your life? Do you love to paint but have nowhere to do it? Why would you need somewhere big? A little paint, a small brush, a piece of 8.5”x11” paper – that’s enough. Do you dream of dancing? Then do it, in your living room, blinds shut or open, people there or not. Do you dream of living in Paris? Learn French. Why? Just because. Get books of paintings by French painters. Read books set in Paris. You can add a little bit of Paris to your life right now as you figure out how to bring your dream into reality.

There are dreams inside you that will never die. Breathe a little more life into them and see how much life they breathe into you.

What Should I Do With My Life?

What Should I Do With My Life? by Po Bronson is a good book, and I recommend reading it. The author interviewed hundreds of people who either have found their “calling” or who were still searching for it and has put a lot of their stories in this book. Along with their stories, he includes the wisdom and guidance he’s gleaned from it all. It doesn’t answer the question for you, but it offers a lot of help in answering the question yourself.

Just Dreamers

It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. - Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling)

Last post, I told you to dream first, and this quote reminds us of the “first” part of that. Dream, and then do. For dreams are worth very little if you don’t take steps to make them come true. They’re like mental cotton candy, entertaining and sweet, but they do nothing to satisfy your hunger. Realities are pot roast, hearty and filling, when done right. Use your dreams to create your reality, and you will have the best of both worlds.

Dreamers

Yes, I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can find his way by moonlight, and see the dawn before the rest of the world. - Oscar Wilde

Recently in American culture, being called a dreamer was an insult. The esteemed people were the ones with their feet on the ground. Well, the best ones, the movers and the shakers, the changers and the doers, are the people who dream big and then make their dreams come true. People who don’t dream don’t change the world, and most of them don’t get to create their Future. If you want to build your Future was you want it, you must first dream.

Bowlines

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Frequently misattributed to Mark Twain

Throwing off your bowlines can be a scary thing. The harbor is safe, but as one adage says, that’s not what a boat is for. Some people try to sail around, but keep one rope tied securely to the harbor. This is why you have maps. You will be able to find your way back to safety or find your way to a new safe harbor. Perhaps the person who you have waiting for you in the harbor won’t wait. Perhaps there will be repercussions for doing what you want to do instead of what others want you to do. But, would you rather live the half life they insist upon or a whole life without a safety net? And if you cannot decide upon that, then create your own safety net, the safe harbor that you carry around in your heart. Rely upon yourself for your pats on the back and your support until you can find other sailors with whom to go around the world.

Bitter Tears

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone. - Harriet Beecher Stowe

I get why people don’t say or do things that, on their deathbed, they wish they had. I have a few of those floating around in my life myself. It’s because you don’t want to deal with the consequences. I wish I’d gone on that second honeymoon with my lovely wife. Ah, but then you would have had to pay all those bills and perhaps put your job at risk because you took time off. I wish I’d told that handsome fellow that I loved him. Ah, but then you would have risked rejection, perhaps brief, but perhaps humiliating and frequent, depending on who witnessed it. I wish I’d finished my schooling or had kids or things like that. But those things take time, and you make choices each day that determine how you spend your time.

A relationship can be the best thing that ever happened to you, or it could turn out disastrous and ruin a friendship. Starting your own business could be a grand adventure, or you could end up bankrupt, or both. You could have spent hundreds of hours writing your novel that no one would publish. There are a lot of “what if”’s in the world.

There’s a lot of living you could be doing right now, if you just gave it a chance. You will fail, repeatedly, and you will succeed, repeatedly, but you will be living. You will be shaping your Future as you wish it to be. Good luck to you. Tomorrow is a grand adventure.

Living versus Surviving

Every man dies. Not every man really lives. - William Wallace, in Braveheart

I have a friend who’s always full of life, who’s up for anything, and who frequently leaves me feeling energized and upbeat. I have another friend who is full of misery, who doesn’t want to do anything, and who frequently drains my energy whenever we’re together. I’m sure you guys have similar experiences. I’d much rather be with my upbeat friend.

Life is about more than just not dying. That’s mere survival. But a lot of people don’t get that. And then they do get it for a little bit and try to stuff a bunch of life into their weekends, hunting it down in art galleries, truck rallies, and romantic getaways that give you brief memories but typically do nothing to actually help your relationship. You can live all the time, and it’s not an exhausting thing like it may sound. Living life is not exhausting. Pretending to live life is.

You can live on your job. No matter how miserable your job is, you can be alive in your heart. You can feel your breath enter your body and leave it again having sustained you for another while longer. You can feel your pulse attesting to your living nature. You can feel the love of the Deities within you, for it is always within you, no matter what is happening outside of you.

You can live at night while you’re resting from your job. It’s a little harder with the TV, but some things are very funny, and laughter is living. So’s sitting back and resting your eyes, feeling your muscles unwind from their day. So are a lot of other things.

Life does not have to be intense to be enjoyed. It just seems that way because you aren’t living the rest of the week and need to pack it all in at once. But, you can live, and you can enjoy, all the time. May there be more than just surviving in your Future.

The Challenge and My Job

I’m dissatisfied with my job. It’s an okay job with really good benefits and a decent salary, but it’s boring. I am typing this at my job because I ran out of work over an hour ago, and that’s after I took a day off during the middle of fiscal year end. I’d be surprised if they fired me, because I’m not the last hired, but I wouldn’t be shocked. The most surprising part would be that they finally realized that I have this much free time. I’ve told them. I’m not keeping it a secret or anything, and I’ve asked, practically begged, for more work to do, but there isn’t any. So, I sit at my desk, waiting for someone to need something from me. It’s been wearing on my work ethics and my morale.

I’d like something that’s more challenging, something that uses my talents, something that makes me go to work with a smile on my face. And I’ve wanted this for some time. I’ve been spinning my wheels trying to figure out what I should do next, because I’ve been jumping to and from jobs like this for over a decade now. I have no expectation that the next job will be anything different unless I figure out what it is I want. So, no jumping until I figure it out.

But, I was still trying frantically to figure it out. I was reading job books like mad, looking online at job databases, taking quizzes and questionnaires, and none of it made any difference because I was too busy hopping to the next source of information to bother really taking a look at the options I had already uncovered.

Since I’m not going to make any decisions for 6 months about my job, unless the perfect job falls into my lap, then I don’t need to get books or search databases or take quizzes. I can sit back and breathe for a while. And I can research the options that I’ve already uncovered without the pressing “how soon can I do this”, but instead with the more relaxed “does this sound perfect for me?” Because if it’s not perfect, then I don’t have to worry about it. I can simply enjoy gaining more knowledge, and maybe figure it out anyway.

Living Wicca

Living Wicca: A Further Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham is worth reading if you’re Wiccan. If you’re not, skip it. I don’t agree with everything he says, but as he says, take what you want and leave the rest. He goes much further into depth on how to be a solitary practitioner of Wicca than he did in his previous book. He includes a section on how to define your own tradition, giving guidelines on what you should think about when creating a tradition that you may be able to teach others some day. It certainly gave me plenty to think about. How do I see the Deities? How are the Goddess and the God different? What do I believe their place is in human life? It also has an extensive bibliography in back with comments on what he recommends and what simply is out there.

The Challenge and Dating

Before the challenge, I had been looking for dates and for friends. Every dating-eligible person I met I assessed first as a potential date, and then I would look at them as a friend. This doesn’t get you a whole lot of friends.

It’s also exhausting, and it causes your outlook to skew a bit on life. Looks and actions are analyzed and frequently over analyzed in the context of “how did he mean that?” Things that are meant in a perfectly friendly manner are taken in the wrong way, in hopes that this person is “the one” or, for us polyamorous types, “another match”.

But it doesn’t work that way, and I have been amazed at how much I’d been doing that, looking, hunting, searching, instead of living and enjoying the friendships I have. I still do it now and again, but I’ve caught myself and taken a real look. It’s much more relaxing to simply enjoy someone’s company than analyzing them.

The Challenge and House Hunting

I’ve been looking for a house. I’ve always wanted a house of my own. Not a condo or a duplex, but a house with a small bit of land that is mine and no neighbors touching my walls. I started looking for houses shortly after I left my last living situation. I’m still looking, but with the challenge, there’s a twist. In America this year, you get a tax break if you buy a home before December 1, with certain restrictions. Add to that my desire for new, new, new, without appreciating the current, and I was looking with more vigor than I was sure I wanted to. But, with the challenge and its caveat, I’ve changed my attitude.

I’m still looking, but if it’s not right, that’s just fine. I don’t have to find something in time for the tax break. I don’t have to scrutinize and worry about every listing the realtor sends me. If I find the perfect house (the X in this case), great. I’ll try to buy it. But if I don’t, that’s fine, too. I’m getting a great education out of it. I’m learning a lot about what kind of house I’m looking for, what I’d be willing to accept in a home in terms of improvements I’d have to make in order to get it right for me, and what I really feel good about financially. Since the challenge, my attitude has shifted from hunting for a home to enjoying the learning experience. Fortunately for me, my realtor is fine with that, and she enjoys showing homes, even if I don’t buy just yet.

Buying the home became less important, so looking for a home became more enjoyable.

How about you? Is there anything in your life where the importance of the goal is making the journey painful or unpleasant? I like it best when both the goal and the journey can be enjoyed. In my Future, I’m going to have more journeys.

The 6 Month Challenge

It’s been less than 2 weeks since I decided to take up this challenge, and already my perspective is shifting. So many things that had been interesting before are not interesting now. Because I’m not spending a ton of energy on spinning my wheels or my head, I am fidgety a lot more often, having “nothing” to do. There is plenty I could do, without it making a change to my life. I’ve thought of several that are actually appealing. But the main focus of this challenge is to relax and give myself a chance to rest. That doesn’t mean I can’t multitask.

One thing I’m thinking about doing is clearing out some old projects. I have a blanket that I’ve been crocheting (allegedly) for several years now. Sure, I’ve got plenty of excuses, but it’s been sitting in various spots in my various homes, not getting done. Well, if I’m not going to introduce something new in my life, how about taking care of something old? I have about half a shelf of books that I mean to read but haven’t gotten to. I have a few novels I’ve written that could do with another re-drafting, rather than writing yet another new one. Cleaning up these bits of stuck energy will give me more time and space for other things once I am ready to introduce more new things in my life.

Another thing I’m going to do is not worry about my exercise routine. The week before I took up the challenge, I just started a new exercise routine. It isn’t optimal. It’s not ideal, and it’s much too young for me to notice whether or not it’s doing any good yet. But, I’m not going to worry about it, and I’m not going to berate myself about it. This is what it is for the next six months, and that’s that. I’m going to apply the same thinking to my home decorating, with (again) the decision I made shortly before taking the challenge. I had a major life change recently, and as a result, I’d like to make severe alterations to my décor, but I’m just going to chill, let myself work through the turbulent emotions, and see what I come out with on the other side.

Another thing I’m going to do is enjoy my job and its benefits and not worry about fulfilling my destiny just yet. At the same time, I’m going to take that list of 20+ career ideas that I’ve made and actually do some research on them. Before, I was so busy looking for the right thing and trying to find something that sounded good, that I was too busy to actually take a realistic look at these ideas and see whether the substance of the job was as pretty as the package.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m still working on my Future. I’m not stopping anything I’ve got going that’s beneficial to me and my Future. I’m still writing. I’m still taking care of my health. I’m still improving my relationships with my friends and family. I’m still doing all kinds of things. But, I’m now working on those things I’m doing rather than juggling too many things at the same time.

Of course, this is two weeks in. In another month, I could be going stir crazy. But, if so, I’ll take care of that then.

If you decide to try this yourself, if you’ve just come out the other side of a whirlwind of change, I advise you to add in the caveat that my friend did. If the perfect X drops in your lap, go ahead and take it. Don’t go looking for it, but if it’s offered up to you on a silver platter, then grab it.

Good luck to you, and good luck to me.

Challenge

I've been challenged to make no important changes in my life for 6 months. It's an interesting thought. More on that in coming posts.

The Tao of Pooh

The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff is well worth the read. If you’re a fan of Taoism or of Winnie the Pooh, or preferably both, then you should read this book. The author believes that Winnie the Pooh is the greatest Western Taoist and sets about proving it with examples from the book and from Taoist writings. For people who don’t know much about Taoism, it’s a good primer, told in a way that most people who grew up in America would be able to relate to.

Making a Change

Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you're there. It doesn't matter what you do, he said, so as long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. - Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 (1953)

There are a lot of answers to the question “What is the meaning of life?” This quote believes that the meaning of life is to make a change in the world. If so, too many people lead meaningless lives. Have you made a change in the world? A lasting change? Is that change something you can be proud of? Something you would be willing to admit to, brag about even? Your life has made a difference, no matter how small, in the world. You convert oxygen to carbon dioxide. You consume and excrete. You have or may have had a job that didn’t go to someone else, lived in an apartment that someone else didn’t live in at the same time. Somehow, you made a small change in this world, but is it enough for you? And is it in the way that you’d want to be remembered? Do you want to knock on the gates of heaven (or wherever you believe you’ll go after death) and say, the converter of oxygen is here for admittance. What do you want to be able to say?

When you figure that out, you’ve made a tremendous step into figuring out your Future.

A Dollar Down

The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments. - Mad Magazine

How easy are those weekly payments? How easy are they when you have a dozen of them at the same time? Don’t laugh, that’s not as far fetched as you think. Really think about what’s in your life that you’re paying off. But, most things are monthly rather than weekly now. Let’s take a look.

Do you own your home? Do you have a mortgage? That’s one. And don’t forget mortgage insurance, if you have it. Property tax doesn’t count for this, because that won’t go away, like utilities. We’re thinking about the stuff you’re paying off.

How many credit cards to you own? One? Three? Five? More? All of those need monthly payments, unless you have a zero balance on them. Odds are likely, though, at least for Americans, that if you have a credit card, you probably have a balance on them.

Then there’s cars. How many do you have? Is it paid off? Are they paid off? Do you have a motorcycle? A boat? Count each of those, as well.

Then there’s the television. Did you buy that on a payment plan? Or is that one of the things on the credit card? How about your appliances – your washer and dryer, your refrigerator?

A lot of people have plenty of things that they’re paying off at the same time because each individual thing is easy, so adding just a “little more” debt and paying out just a “little more” money each month is easy. But it adds up. It all adds up.

And it’s not just money. And it’s not all bad. One more soda a day adds up to a lot of calories. One more sit up a day adds up to better stomach muscles. One more drink adds up to a higher tolerance which leads to a slippery slope that’s hard to control. One more night spent in adds up to that much more money saved.

Little things add up. You don’t have to make drastic changes in your life in order to get your life to change. You are in control of your life, or at the very least a part of it. Use that control to make your life what you want rather than what is easy.

Character and Decisions

Character is the ability to carry out a worthy decision after the emotion of making that decision has passed. - Hyrum W. Smith

How many of you have made a New Year’s Resolution? How many of you have kept all of them? They “get” hard. Not really, though. The decision is just as hard on February 18 as it was on January 2, but a lot of people have stopped doing (or not doing) X by that time, because it “got hard”. What really happened is that your persistence ran out.

Unless you were in an accident or had surgery or some other major health alteration, it’s just as easy to do 20 sit ups on January 2 as it is on February 18. It feels harder, though. People like to make decisions, but following through on them is another thing altogether. That’s where character and persistence come in.

There are a lot of things that make up your character. One of the big ones is keeping your word. If you are known, rightfully so, as a person who does not keep his or her word, then your character is shot, along with your reputation. And do not even try to get away with “no one will know”. You’ll know, and your opinion of yourself and your character is important. If you lie to yourself repeatedly, then you will not see yourself as trustworthy, and others will pick up on that, whether they know about your broken promises or not.

However, don’t forget that word “worthy” in the quote. If you decide that you’re going to exercise for an hour every morning before work, and something happens that you can no longer keep that decision, let yourself off the hook. If your job changes, or your car breaks down and you have to commute a different way, or your health alters, or you start working later for an important project and can’t get to sleep on time for now, these are good and legitimate reasons for not being able to exercise an entire hour every morning. If you just don’t feel like it, or if your favorite TV show is now on later so you “have” to stay up later, or if it’s too rainy or foggy or cold or nice out for you to exercise, these aren’t good excuses. But, if you are not going to keep your decision any way, then decide to do that. Don’t just let your promise to yourself or to another linger and lapse. Grab your character, dust it off, and state that you are not going to keep that decision any longer.

Promises are harder to keep than they are to make. Decisions are harder to abide by than they are to make. First, only make those that you can and that you intend to keep. Then, keep them or stop them, if you can’t. As your character improves, your self esteem will improve, and you will feel more powerful. And that will improve your Future.

Simplify Your Work Life

Simplify Your Work Life: Ways to Change the Way You Work So You Have More Time to Live by Elaine St. James is well worth reading. It’s short but highly effective. The author puts in a lot of information in a very small book. It’s also easy to read – no long words, no page-long paragraphs, no convoluted sentence structures. It’s straightforward and has great advice.

Complaining

Every one must see daily instances of people who complain from a mere habit of complaining. - Richard Graves, Olla Podrida 6 October 1787

I hate whiners. I dislike negative people in general, but whiners and complainers, they’re some of the worst. Even when their life is relatively decent, they will have something to complain about, because complaining and dissatisfaction are at the center of their lives. They are dissatisfied with themselves and thus cannot be satisfied with anything else. They are annoying to listen to, because they typically cannot let you talk about anything, much less about anything positive.

Listen to yourself, and see how much you complain. I just complained for an entire paragraph right above this. But, I’ll let that go. If it comes up in conversation another time, I may mention it again. In fact, I probably will. But I’m not going to create an entire conversation complaining about complainers. Instead, let’s talk about what you (and I) can do to reduce the amount of complaining in the world.

How much do you complain? A lot of your complaints may be legitimate. If so, then express them where they need to be expressed and move on. Tell your neighbor the stereo is too loud, tell your boss that the hours are unreasonable, and tell your roommate that the kitchen is no place for dirty socks. And then let it drop. Do not go out with your friends and tell all of them about your neighbor, your boss, and your roommate. What are they going to do other than give you sympathy and attention? You can get attention in other ways, more positive ways.

Some of your complaints may be useless. Any complaint about the weather is useless. No one can do anything about it. Observation about the weather, sure. Want to start up some conversation with a random stranger at the bus stop or in the elevator? Talk about the weather. But, complaining about the weather to your friends and family? Don’t you have anything else to talk about? And if not, then why do you bother with them? Find a movie to watch or a game to play or something else that will occupy your time so you don’t have to speak.

And with some people, complaining is what you do, because that’s what the two of you do when you’re together. Do you really need a friend like that? You can get other friends. What if the two of you got together and didn’t complain? What if you talked about the good things that happened to you that week? What if you just expressed some thanks for being alive? Could you do that? Could your friend?

Complaining can be a habit, which means it can be broken. You don’t need negativity in your life. Your life and your Future are better off without it.

Difficulties

I am having continued difficulties posting since upgrading Internet Explorer. Several book reviews were already scheduled, so they will post as normal, but regular posts will be sporadic until I get this figured out.