Saturday, March 07, 2009
This Year You Write Your Novel
This Year You Write Your Novel by Walter Mosley. I have a very good vocabulary, better than most of my friends, as good as the rest. When I hit the third word I didn’t know in the book, I stopped. How good could a book on writing be when the author doesn’t know how to make his own book readable by the majority of his target audience?
Friday, March 06, 2009
Action Verb
Living is an action verb. Pretty much anything that ends in “ing” is an action verb. We are human beings. We are humans who are actualizing the verb “to be”. We are being. Whether or not we are living is up for debate. If we are being, then we are most likely surviving, but surviving is not living. Surviving is a requirement for living, but it is not sufficient. Walking, talking, seeing, smelling, tasting, touching, are all things that enhance living, but none of them are necessarily essential for living. Living as many different definitions, but not as many as there are humans on the earth, which is a sad thing.
A lot of people go through life living without defining what that is for them. They get up, go to work, come home, mow the lawn on Saturdays, do their laundry on Sundays and their shopping on Wednesdays because that’s when the coupons are doubled at the local store. Is that sufficient for them for living? Many people don’t bother looking at it or defining it until they hit 40 or so and we get the almost cliché “mid life crisis”. There is no crisis. You just realized that you hadn’t bothered defining “living” and thus aren’t doing it by your alleged definition. Most “mid life crisis” people borrow their definition of “living” from the media or their early 20s. Yet another brain dead short cut. More on that later.
Loving is another great action verb. “I love him” or “I love her”. What does that mean? For most people, it means that you feel the emotion of love for that person, and that’s it. Love is a verb, and loving is an action verb. “I am loving him” is inaccurate for a lot of relationships, which is why they fail. If you can accurately say, “I am loving my partner” in addition to “I love my partner”, then you’re doing great. More on that later.
Live is meant to be lived using action verbs. Swimming, thinking, contemplating, loving, shopping, reading, meditating, playing, dancing – all these things are actions that can fill your life with living. Pick a few of them, or all of them, and a whole lot more, and fill up your Future.
A lot of people go through life living without defining what that is for them. They get up, go to work, come home, mow the lawn on Saturdays, do their laundry on Sundays and their shopping on Wednesdays because that’s when the coupons are doubled at the local store. Is that sufficient for them for living? Many people don’t bother looking at it or defining it until they hit 40 or so and we get the almost cliché “mid life crisis”. There is no crisis. You just realized that you hadn’t bothered defining “living” and thus aren’t doing it by your alleged definition. Most “mid life crisis” people borrow their definition of “living” from the media or their early 20s. Yet another brain dead short cut. More on that later.
Loving is another great action verb. “I love him” or “I love her”. What does that mean? For most people, it means that you feel the emotion of love for that person, and that’s it. Love is a verb, and loving is an action verb. “I am loving him” is inaccurate for a lot of relationships, which is why they fail. If you can accurately say, “I am loving my partner” in addition to “I love my partner”, then you’re doing great. More on that later.
Live is meant to be lived using action verbs. Swimming, thinking, contemplating, loving, shopping, reading, meditating, playing, dancing – all these things are actions that can fill your life with living. Pick a few of them, or all of them, and a whole lot more, and fill up your Future.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Death and the Muppets
There’s a song in “Muppets Take Manhattan” (a movie) called “Saying Goodbye”. In it, Scooter says, “Saying goodbye, why is it sad? It makes us remember all the good times we had.”
Someone should drop-kick Scooter. Idiot.
The past is not more important than the present. Having memories of your friends is not as important as being with your friends right now. He’s one of those people who’ll be happiest when he’s 95 years old and sitting in a rocking chair looking at pictures of 70 years ago, enjoying those times more than he had when he was actually living them. Idiot.
Having memories and enjoying past times with your loved ones matter. But don’t forget to enjoy the present, too. Living in the past is as destructive to you as living in the future. You live now. Living is an action verb, like swimming and walking and loving. Live now, because no matter where your head is, now becomes then very quickly.
Someone should drop-kick Scooter. Idiot.
The past is not more important than the present. Having memories of your friends is not as important as being with your friends right now. He’s one of those people who’ll be happiest when he’s 95 years old and sitting in a rocking chair looking at pictures of 70 years ago, enjoying those times more than he had when he was actually living them. Idiot.
Having memories and enjoying past times with your loved ones matter. But don’t forget to enjoy the present, too. Living in the past is as destructive to you as living in the future. You live now. Living is an action verb, like swimming and walking and loving. Live now, because no matter where your head is, now becomes then very quickly.
Monday, March 02, 2009
Dead
A week and two days ago, I put my cat down. She was very, very sick, in a lot of pain, and had about a week to live. It was the most merciful thing I could have done. It was also the hardest. I miss her, and my home seems emptier without her in it. I believe in reincarnation in humans, and I will most likely be on earth again. I hope that in between lives, I’ll be able to spend some time with her.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Not Yelling
Some other ways you might want to use to vent your frustration or anger with out violence or destruction:
Pottery – really, have you molded and thrown and shoved a lump of clay lately?
Walking – also good exercise. Running’s good, but it’s harder on the knees.
Scrubbing your tub – venting, and cleaning, a good combo. Or weeding, a destruction that is good for you.
Going for a drive – better in bad weather than walking, but uses up gas
Loud music – drowning out your anger through volume can work, especially if you sing at the top of your lungs, too
Sex – don’t go out and have anonymous sex with strangers (see previous posts), but if you’ve got a partner that likes it hot and sweaty now and again, have at. Masturbation’s good, too.
Crafts like painting or knitting – something physical that creates. Not as good, because the physical aspect isn’t as vigorous, but for those “low simmer” times, creating something of beauty can help raise your mood
Writing – get your angry yelling down on paper, either in true form or disguised in a bit of fiction. Use loud, angry pens like red markers and those blue bleeding pens that drip across the page, the ones you don’t like using for anything else. Crayon works well, too, if you dare to seem a bit silly
Pottery – really, have you molded and thrown and shoved a lump of clay lately?
Walking – also good exercise. Running’s good, but it’s harder on the knees.
Scrubbing your tub – venting, and cleaning, a good combo. Or weeding, a destruction that is good for you.
Going for a drive – better in bad weather than walking, but uses up gas
Loud music – drowning out your anger through volume can work, especially if you sing at the top of your lungs, too
Sex – don’t go out and have anonymous sex with strangers (see previous posts), but if you’ve got a partner that likes it hot and sweaty now and again, have at. Masturbation’s good, too.
Crafts like painting or knitting – something physical that creates. Not as good, because the physical aspect isn’t as vigorous, but for those “low simmer” times, creating something of beauty can help raise your mood
Writing – get your angry yelling down on paper, either in true form or disguised in a bit of fiction. Use loud, angry pens like red markers and those blue bleeding pens that drip across the page, the ones you don’t like using for anything else. Crayon works well, too, if you dare to seem a bit silly
Monday, February 23, 2009
Yelling at a Stubbed Toe
People who do this are over-reactors. If they are yelling about a stubbed toe and not something else, then they have a problem. Perhaps it’s medical, and their toes are incredibly sensitive, in which case they should invest in some steel-toed shoes. Perhaps they are normally calm people but have a hair trigger, in which case they are probably doing okay, but they might want to check out that seething anger that lies beneath the surface. Perhaps they yell about everything, in which case they have anger issues and should work on getting those resolved. Life is a beautiful and joyous thing, and if being alive wasn’t considered better than the alternative, then a whole lot more people would be committing suicide. So why are you so angry? Why don’t you feel the joy and beauty of life? Something’s wrong, and you should take care of it before you’re on your deathbed and only then realize what you’ve been missing.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
1001 Ways to Cut Your Expenses
1001 Ways to Cut Your Expenses by Jonathan D. Pond. It’s repetitious. It may be good for a once-through of just the bolded parts for a quick-and-dirty summary of methods. Not a whole lot that isn’t common sense, but you don’t always think about everything when you’re in the midst of a situation, financial or otherwise.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Angry at the Right Time
To be angry is easy. But to be angry with the right man at the right time and in the right manner, that is not easy. - Aristotle
Have you ever (or ever seen someone else) get a hole in your sock or spill some coffee on your pants or stub your toe and then just lose it? Swearing and hopping and yelling and sometimes large gestures that people and pets have to duck. It’s just a stubbed toe, but the person goes ballistic.
It’s not just a stubbed toe. Ever. Perhaps that person has had a horrible day in general or had a fight with their boss or didn’t want to come home to this sham of a marriage or something. It’s not just a stubbed toe. But you can yell at a stubbed toe. You can scream about a stubbed toe. You can’t yell at your boss. You can’t tell your spouse you want out of this marriage, or maybe you can’t tell yourself you want out. You can’t get angry at your mentally ill parents. You can’t do any of that, or so you think. So you yell at the stubbed toe.
And as long as it’s a stubbed toe or a spilled cup of coffee or a stone in the walkway, that can be okay, for now (more on that later). But when it’s your pet or your child or your spouse that you’re yelling at, that’s a different story. They don’t deserve to be yelled at just because you’re angry at someone else. Or if it really and truly is them that you’re angry at, they don’t deserve to be yelled at for anything other than what you’re really angry about. Do not take it out on your spouse about dinner being 15 minutes late when you’re really angry about having to stay married. If you’re going to yell at someone, yell at the right person for the right thing.
Not yelling but managing to get the anger out some other constructive way is even better, but more on that later, too.
If you have to yell, don’t do it at someone unless it’s that person who deserves being yelled at, for the reason you’re yelling at them, and there really and truly is no other way to get your point across.
Have you ever (or ever seen someone else) get a hole in your sock or spill some coffee on your pants or stub your toe and then just lose it? Swearing and hopping and yelling and sometimes large gestures that people and pets have to duck. It’s just a stubbed toe, but the person goes ballistic.
It’s not just a stubbed toe. Ever. Perhaps that person has had a horrible day in general or had a fight with their boss or didn’t want to come home to this sham of a marriage or something. It’s not just a stubbed toe. But you can yell at a stubbed toe. You can scream about a stubbed toe. You can’t yell at your boss. You can’t tell your spouse you want out of this marriage, or maybe you can’t tell yourself you want out. You can’t get angry at your mentally ill parents. You can’t do any of that, or so you think. So you yell at the stubbed toe.
And as long as it’s a stubbed toe or a spilled cup of coffee or a stone in the walkway, that can be okay, for now (more on that later). But when it’s your pet or your child or your spouse that you’re yelling at, that’s a different story. They don’t deserve to be yelled at just because you’re angry at someone else. Or if it really and truly is them that you’re angry at, they don’t deserve to be yelled at for anything other than what you’re really angry about. Do not take it out on your spouse about dinner being 15 minutes late when you’re really angry about having to stay married. If you’re going to yell at someone, yell at the right person for the right thing.
Not yelling but managing to get the anger out some other constructive way is even better, but more on that later, too.
If you have to yell, don’t do it at someone unless it’s that person who deserves being yelled at, for the reason you’re yelling at them, and there really and truly is no other way to get your point across.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Whether You Like It Or Not
Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the things you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not... - Thomas H. Huxley
I do find this to be a major benefit in my life, though it’s been severely lagging of late. Many things in life can have a benefit, even if it isn’t a direct benefit. I don’t use geometry much, but the methods of looking at things logically and taking things step by step is very useful, and those methods I used in geometry. I don’t use my social studies much, but it’s very helpful to have a basic background knowledge about our nation’s and world’s history when looking at the political situations today. But perhaps the most useful thing is as Huxley says – the continuous practice of doing something that needs to be done, on time, even when I don’t want to. There’s a lot of life that’s dull and dreary, but it needs to be done – dishes, dusting, visiting the in-laws. Education can help teach you to suck it up and get it over with so you can party with the rest of your time. Life is willing to teach you that lesson, too, but at a higher cost.
I do find this to be a major benefit in my life, though it’s been severely lagging of late. Many things in life can have a benefit, even if it isn’t a direct benefit. I don’t use geometry much, but the methods of looking at things logically and taking things step by step is very useful, and those methods I used in geometry. I don’t use my social studies much, but it’s very helpful to have a basic background knowledge about our nation’s and world’s history when looking at the political situations today. But perhaps the most useful thing is as Huxley says – the continuous practice of doing something that needs to be done, on time, even when I don’t want to. There’s a lot of life that’s dull and dreary, but it needs to be done – dishes, dusting, visiting the in-laws. Education can help teach you to suck it up and get it over with so you can party with the rest of your time. Life is willing to teach you that lesson, too, but at a higher cost.
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Road Not Taken
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Road_Not_Taken_(poem)
The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost gets a place in my book. I heard the phrase “the road less traveled by” a lot earlier than I ever read the entire poem. I don’t want to be like the average American. I have goals and dreams that differ from what the 6 o’clock news and the 12 o’clock soaps and the 8 o’clock dramas tell us that we want. I’m a different person, and I will continue to take the road less traveled, because that’s the trip most worth taking.
The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost gets a place in my book. I heard the phrase “the road less traveled by” a lot earlier than I ever read the entire poem. I don’t want to be like the average American. I have goals and dreams that differ from what the 6 o’clock news and the 12 o’clock soaps and the 8 o’clock dramas tell us that we want. I’m a different person, and I will continue to take the road less traveled, because that’s the trip most worth taking.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Phenomenal Woman
http://www.feminist.com/resources/artspeech/insp/maya.htm
Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou also belongs in my book. I, too, am not a model’s shape or size, and it’s nice to have affirmed that I can be an attractive, fantastic woman, even with a Rubenesque figure. It’s a poem for anyone who’s physically different but spiritually and mentally unutterably fantastic.
Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou also belongs in my book. I, too, am not a model’s shape or size, and it’s nice to have affirmed that I can be an attractive, fantastic woman, even with a Rubenesque figure. It’s a poem for anyone who’s physically different but spiritually and mentally unutterably fantastic.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Warning
http://www.wheniamanoldwoman.com/pages/348544/index.htm
This is another poem I’d have in that book. Warning by Jenny Joseph has created an entire club. The Red Hat Society is for audacious women over the age of 50 who know that life hasn’t ended for them just because they’re “old”. They are still vibrant and amazing women, and when I grow up, I want to be just like them.
This is another poem I’d have in that book. Warning by Jenny Joseph has created an entire club. The Red Hat Society is for audacious women over the age of 50 who know that life hasn’t ended for them just because they’re “old”. They are still vibrant and amazing women, and when I grow up, I want to be just like them.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
After A While
http://www.sapphyr.net/largegems/afterawhile.htm
After A While by Veronica Shoftsall is a great poem. It’s about picking up the pieces after breaking apart, growing up and becoming self reliant. It’s about comfort that comes from life. It’s a poem I enjoy reading and often remember when I need to be strong enough to take what life throws at me. It’s a reminder that you are strong and get stronger all the time.
If I were to do a book about 10 poems that can change your life, this would be one of the first.
After A While by Veronica Shoftsall is a great poem. It’s about picking up the pieces after breaking apart, growing up and becoming self reliant. It’s about comfort that comes from life. It’s a poem I enjoy reading and often remember when I need to be strong enough to take what life throws at me. It’s a reminder that you are strong and get stronger all the time.
If I were to do a book about 10 poems that can change your life, this would be one of the first.
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Ten Poems to Change Your Life
Ten Poems to Change Your Life by Roger Housden sucked. I'm not a big poetry fan any more, but the title sounded promising. So I read the first couple of poems, and I skipped the interpretations, and I skimmed the remaining poems. These poems are supposed to change my life? One of them was about how warm the poet's socks were. I'm not kidding. I have had some poems if not change my life at least influence or comfort me greatly, and I'll get into some of them and what they mean to me in future posts. But I'm not going to be so pompous as to claim that they will change your life or that my interpretation of them is the right one. My interpretation is influenced by my life and my experiences, and your interpretation will be influenced by yours. Maybe you'll enjoy the poems I suggest. Maybe not. It's your life and your Future. You get to decide.
Friday, February 06, 2009
Packing - Everything else
If you have things you refuse to take with you when you start over, why do you still have them? I can understand certain things - pianos, etc., that bring some value to your life, but not enough to compensate you for the hassle of moving them, but what about other things?
Do you have boxes in the back of your closet you haven't opened in years? Do you even remember what's in them? Why do you still have them? I have a box in my closet that I don't open often. It holds personal items that I don't care to display in my home but I cherish too much to get rid of. However, I also visit that box now and again to see these precious things. It's like having a vacation home you never see. Why bother?
What about clothes that you'll never wear again? Why hang on to them? Do each of them have a special memory?
What about your job? Is this the job you want to have? If not, why not change it now?
What about your friends? Do they support you and give you the positive energy you need in order to create your best Future? If not, why keep them?
If you are looking to start over, think about instead "cleaning house". It may be you don't need to move, you just need a little redecorating.
Do you have boxes in the back of your closet you haven't opened in years? Do you even remember what's in them? Why do you still have them? I have a box in my closet that I don't open often. It holds personal items that I don't care to display in my home but I cherish too much to get rid of. However, I also visit that box now and again to see these precious things. It's like having a vacation home you never see. Why bother?
What about clothes that you'll never wear again? Why hang on to them? Do each of them have a special memory?
What about your job? Is this the job you want to have? If not, why not change it now?
What about your friends? Do they support you and give you the positive energy you need in order to create your best Future? If not, why keep them?
If you are looking to start over, think about instead "cleaning house". It may be you don't need to move, you just need a little redecorating.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Fire in the Soul
Fire in the soul : a new psychology of spiritual optimism by Joan Borysenko. I read about a third of this. About half of that consisted of "as I said in my previous book...", so I stopped. I figure if I want to read this one, I should read the first one, but the first one doesn't sound very interesting, so I won't, and this book wasn't interesting enough to read without it.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Packing - Your Body
Another thing that you'll be taking with you when you start over is your body. You might cut or dye your hair or shave it all off. You might get some cosmetic surgery. But there are things you will either have to change before you leave, after you leave, or just deal with it.
Health is one. If you have a chronic disease or condition now, you will most likely continue to have it. Just because you move to a different climate does not mean that you don't still have health issues. It just means the symptoms have gone away. Any addictions you have will go with you unless you bust them beforehand.
Old injuries, scars, abilities such as being able to walk in high heels or play a musical instrument (which is in part muscle memory), height, and weight will all go with you. You will have to figure out how to change it or make your peace with it. If you are 6'10" and you hate it, you'll still be 6'10" wherever you go. If you're right handed or left handed, you'll still have that.
Figure out what you will be taking with you, or else you may be surprised to see just how much of your "new" life mimics your old.
Health is one. If you have a chronic disease or condition now, you will most likely continue to have it. Just because you move to a different climate does not mean that you don't still have health issues. It just means the symptoms have gone away. Any addictions you have will go with you unless you bust them beforehand.
Old injuries, scars, abilities such as being able to walk in high heels or play a musical instrument (which is in part muscle memory), height, and weight will all go with you. You will have to figure out how to change it or make your peace with it. If you are 6'10" and you hate it, you'll still be 6'10" wherever you go. If you're right handed or left handed, you'll still have that.
Figure out what you will be taking with you, or else you may be surprised to see just how much of your "new" life mimics your old.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Packing – Your Habits
Maybe you smoke. Maybe you eat when you’re stressed. Maybe you fidget. Maybe you zone out at the end of the day with an hour or so of TV. None of these things are going to go away just because you move somewhere else.
It can be easier to start or stop a particular habit in a different place, somewhere that the pressure isn’t as intense or the triggers that bring on the urge aren’t present, but it might be harder, too. Before you pack up your life to move somewhere else to start over, take a good long look at what you’re packing. If you don’t want to smoke in the new chapter of your life, quit now. Don’t say that you’re getting in the last bit of pleasure or that it’s too much to make the change and quit smoking at the same time. Quit now, because you don’t know how tenacious your urge to smoke will be in the new place. If you’re doing a very thorough job of making a new start, part of your brain will tell you that smoking is familiar, and in all this newness and strangeness, something familiar would be nice. So you should smoke, or eat, or watch TV, or do whatever else it is that you don’t want to do. Quit now, say goodbye now. You’ll have plenty of goodbyes to say later.
It can be easier to start or stop a particular habit in a different place, somewhere that the pressure isn’t as intense or the triggers that bring on the urge aren’t present, but it might be harder, too. Before you pack up your life to move somewhere else to start over, take a good long look at what you’re packing. If you don’t want to smoke in the new chapter of your life, quit now. Don’t say that you’re getting in the last bit of pleasure or that it’s too much to make the change and quit smoking at the same time. Quit now, because you don’t know how tenacious your urge to smoke will be in the new place. If you’re doing a very thorough job of making a new start, part of your brain will tell you that smoking is familiar, and in all this newness and strangeness, something familiar would be nice. So you should smoke, or eat, or watch TV, or do whatever else it is that you don’t want to do. Quit now, say goodbye now. You’ll have plenty of goodbyes to say later.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Packing – Your Education
Maybe you want a new job or a new career or a new field entirely. Or maybe you’re thinking about leaving the “rat race” and doing something completely different. In any of those cases, you’ll need to know a few things that you don’t know now. Rather than jumping in blindfolded, start learning now what you’ll need to know. Or, if you know what you need to learn, then learn it now rather than waiting until you’re in your new job, career, field, life.
The same goes for moving to a different part of the country or a different country. You can learn a lot about the neighborhood, the climate, the laws, the language. You can educate yourself so there won’t be quite so much culture shock when you do move.
Perhaps you’re staying put with the same job, but everything else is changing. You can still learn. There are plenty of people who have made the change you’re thinking about, and you probably will be able to find some that will help you through yours.
As you create the next chapter of your Life, of your Future, you get to keep your education, so pack now.
The same goes for moving to a different part of the country or a different country. You can learn a lot about the neighborhood, the climate, the laws, the language. You can educate yourself so there won’t be quite so much culture shock when you do move.
Perhaps you’re staying put with the same job, but everything else is changing. You can still learn. There are plenty of people who have made the change you’re thinking about, and you probably will be able to find some that will help you through yours.
As you create the next chapter of your Life, of your Future, you get to keep your education, so pack now.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Starting Over
You never really start over. Not completely. Even if you end up with amnesia, a thousand miles away from anyone who knew you, you still don’t truly start over. You will still have your body and most likely a good portion of your education. You won’t have all of you, but you’ll have pieces.
In a way, this sucks. You’ll never get a “clean slate”, so to speak. But you don’t need one. Not really.
In a way, this is fantastic. What if you did have a clean slate? You’d have to make all the same mistakes over again, because you wouldn’t remember all the wisdom you gained in your life. You’d have to go back to school, you’d have to relearn how to make friends, you’d have to relearn everything.
You can start a new portion of your life, in a new place, with new people, with a new career, with a new personality if you want, but you still get to retain the wisdom and education you picked up along the way. If the previous chapter of your life sucked, at least then you know what you don’t want. It’s a start.
You don’t have to pick up and move (except in extreme cases) in order to get a new chapter of your life started. If you decide you need to make a new chapter, start “packing” now for the adventure of a lifetime.
In a way, this sucks. You’ll never get a “clean slate”, so to speak. But you don’t need one. Not really.
In a way, this is fantastic. What if you did have a clean slate? You’d have to make all the same mistakes over again, because you wouldn’t remember all the wisdom you gained in your life. You’d have to go back to school, you’d have to relearn how to make friends, you’d have to relearn everything.
You can start a new portion of your life, in a new place, with new people, with a new career, with a new personality if you want, but you still get to retain the wisdom and education you picked up along the way. If the previous chapter of your life sucked, at least then you know what you don’t want. It’s a start.
You don’t have to pick up and move (except in extreme cases) in order to get a new chapter of your life started. If you decide you need to make a new chapter, start “packing” now for the adventure of a lifetime.
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