What do you do with a woman with cancer? I am a cancer survivor, and I am a woman. Those are not all that I am, though. I am many, many other things. I am a blogger, a novelist, a wife, a college graduate. I am also fortunate that most of the people I know don’t see me as a woman with cancer or a cancer survivor. They see me as me and that’s all, but not all women are as lucky. If you are one of those people who looks at a woman in your life and sees a cancer victim/survivor/patient first, then this is what you should do.
You love her. Someone once said – I don’t remember who, but obviously he was very wise – that love is a verb. That love is an action word and that you don’t just feel love but you act it out. And that is what you must do with this woman with cancer. You verb her.
You treat her in a loving way. You do loving things for her. You demonstrate your love for her through your words and actions. Another good verb – respect. Respect is also an attitude, but it is a verb first. You respect that woman. You treat her with respect; you hold a respectful attitude towards her. You verb her, and that verb is respect.
What other verbs do you do? You give. You laugh with her. You help her. You allow her to help you. You listen to her. You leave her alone when she wants to be alone. You be with her when she wants company. (You do not become a slave to her or her whims. You have a life, too, but when you are helping her, when you are giving to her, this is what you do.) You go shopping with her. You plan for the future together. If she is willing and you are willing, you have sex with her and all the wonderful verbs that go along with it. You anticipate, enjoy, swim, and most importantly live with her.
You do not put her in her grave before she is ready. You do not treat her like a delicate porcelain doll that must be put on a shelf and not touched. You do not treat her like she’s in the hospital with an IV and oxygen tube, not on her good days when she’s walking down the street with a bounce in her step and a twinkle in her eye. Save those “treat her like an invalid” days for when she really is one.
Instead, you verb her. You verb her and verb her and verb her some more. And the most important of those verbs is LIVE. You live with her, and you let her live, too. As a woman, not just as a host for cancer.
What do you do with a man with cancer? Same thing. What do you do with a child with cancer? Same thing (minus the sex). What do you do with a person with cancer? Same thing. Love, respect, live, verb.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Friday, September 21, 2007
Living
“I believe in Dead and in Living. I don’t believe in Dying.” – Terri
I have paraphrased that quote. I’m not entirely certain if that is the exact wording, but it’s the jist of what she meant. Until you are dead, you are still alive. There is no in-between state “dying”. And if you are living as though you are “dying”, then you are doing a pretty poor job of living. For as long as you are still alive, there is still something for you to do or to be, because you don’t have to do all the time. Sometimes, you need to be without doing. Call it meditation, letting go, letting be, or simply enjoying the day on a lazy summer hammock, there is importance in being. So, even if you are confined to bed, can’t move your arms, get too tired to stand for more than a minute, you can still Live. You can still Be, which is an important part of Living.
When you are Dying, you are focusing not on your life but on your death. Well, there’s not a whole lot you can do about your death. You can do your best to prevent it in certain situations like fighting back against an attacker or driving carefully on a slick road or simply not drinking the poison beneath the kitchen sink. You can do your best to promote it in other situations like taking a gun and shooting your head or driving drunk during a blizzard or smoking when you’re on an oxygen tank. But in each of these situations, you have control only over part of your death, not all of it. There are no actions you can take or not take to guarantee that you will die or not die. If you fight back when someone is attacking you, you increase the odds that you will live, but never to 100%. If you shoot yourself in the head, you will increase the odds that you will die, but never to 100%. There are people who have been shot in the head and still lived. A good number ended up in a coma, but they lived. No matter what you do, you cannot control completely and finally when and how you will Die. And no matter what you do, you cannot control completely and finally how you will Live. But the choices you make will affect the odds.
Live and Die soon, but first Dying. When you are Dying, you are focusing on your impending Death more so than everyone else around you. They, too, will die, but that’s not the focus of their lives, hence they are not Dying. But you, you would rather pay attention to your Death than to your Life. Why? Why would you do this? Make the funeral arrangements, prepare a will, give away those things that you want others to have, and do whatever else that needs to be done, but then stop! Prepare, and then stop. You do not have to focus your entire Life, however much of it remains, on your Death. There is too much else to do. Too much Dying is whining and complaining. Yes, you hurt, but do you also love? Do you state, “I love you” as often as you state, “I hurt so much”? Or are your words focused on the pain you have? Do you focus on what you won’t get to do rather than reminisce about what you have done? Do you lament and cry about how you won’t see certain people any more rather than enjoy them while they are still there? If you don’t enjoy them when they visit you, then why complain about not being able to see them again? You’re like the miser who buried his gold in the garden and went out every night to look at it. Thieves took it, and he cried and lamented, but a wise man passing by said, “Take a rock and bury it there. It will do you as much good as the gold did.” What he meant was use what time, energy, and resources you have rather than hoarding them or squandering them. If you don’t use your time to Live, then what’s the point? Why are you Dying, when there is still Life to be had?
Death is a mystery because we don’t know what’s on the other side. There are those who have come back from being brain dead for a short period of time, and they have interesting stories, but were they truly at final Death? And what was beyond what they said, if anything? And what about the other people who were brain dead for a short period of time, also lived, and yet didn’t have a “near-death” experience? Or at least one they can remember? Perhaps the blankness that they have in their memories is what will happen to them when they die – oblivion. Not a cheery thought, eh? But there are very few people on this earth who are certain about what happens after they die. If you believe there will be a judgment, then conduct your life in such a way as it turns out how you want. Otherwise, there’s not a whole lot you can do about Death and what comes after it. Let’s move on to something that we can do and be something about.
Life and Living are about two things – doing and being. There’s a t-shirt saying about two philosophers and Frank Sinatra. One philosopher said, “To do is to be.” Another philosopher said, “To be is to do.” Frank Sinatra said, “Do be do be do.” In my opinion, Sinatra got it right, even if that isn’t what he meant. Sometimes we try to outrun the way things are, the way we feel, what we think by doing. We try to use physical action to overcome emotional or mental activity. We distract ourselves with doing. But the way things are, the way we feel, and the things we think don’t go away. To get them to go away, you must first face them and acknowledge them. You must think the thoughts and feel the emotions and face the reality of what is. You don’t have to obsess over them, but you don’t get to hide from them. It’s like a really dusty closet, and doing is the door. As long as you do, you keep the door closed, and you don’t have to face the closet. This does not get the closet cleaned, however, nor does it make the closet not exist. You have to open the door (by no longer doing) and clean out the closet (by feeling, thinking, facing). But, don’t obsess. Just give it a good dusting and sweep the floor. Don’t paint it and haul out the shelf paper and buy all new padded hangars or a new shelving unit. Clean out the closet and stop. Feel, think, face, and stop. Will you have to feel, think, face these same things again? Probably. I have regrets from eighth grade that still blindside me every once in a while (thus proving that it is a whole lot easier for me to write this than to follow my own advice, but believe me, I have been feeling/thinking/facing a whole lot more lately than in the previous portion of my life, and things are working a whole lot better now). Your closet will get dusty again (as will mine). At that point, feel, think, and face. Don’t distract. And then move on. Go back to what you were doing before or something else if you have a different preference. Be fully with what you feel, think, and are, and let it be.
Being, however, does not encompass the entirety of life. There are things that need to be done. Sometimes, there are parts of your reality that you want to or need to change. First, be enough to face the portion of reality that you don’t like. Then, do enough to alter the reality into what you want it to be. Sometimes, what you want isn’t what’s best for you, and once you’ve done your way into a new reality, you may have to face it that you’ll need to figure out something else to do. In that case, try being with your reality and your wants and needs for a little longer than you were the previous time and see what truly appeals to you. This works with mundane things, too. You can accept the reality that your spouse or children did not do the dishes, but until you do something about that reality, the dishes won’t get done. Be, so you can see what needs to be done, then do to create a reality you truly want. In this way, you can give birth to a Future that is of your conscious choice, that truly reflects you.
I have paraphrased that quote. I’m not entirely certain if that is the exact wording, but it’s the jist of what she meant. Until you are dead, you are still alive. There is no in-between state “dying”. And if you are living as though you are “dying”, then you are doing a pretty poor job of living. For as long as you are still alive, there is still something for you to do or to be, because you don’t have to do all the time. Sometimes, you need to be without doing. Call it meditation, letting go, letting be, or simply enjoying the day on a lazy summer hammock, there is importance in being. So, even if you are confined to bed, can’t move your arms, get too tired to stand for more than a minute, you can still Live. You can still Be, which is an important part of Living.
When you are Dying, you are focusing not on your life but on your death. Well, there’s not a whole lot you can do about your death. You can do your best to prevent it in certain situations like fighting back against an attacker or driving carefully on a slick road or simply not drinking the poison beneath the kitchen sink. You can do your best to promote it in other situations like taking a gun and shooting your head or driving drunk during a blizzard or smoking when you’re on an oxygen tank. But in each of these situations, you have control only over part of your death, not all of it. There are no actions you can take or not take to guarantee that you will die or not die. If you fight back when someone is attacking you, you increase the odds that you will live, but never to 100%. If you shoot yourself in the head, you will increase the odds that you will die, but never to 100%. There are people who have been shot in the head and still lived. A good number ended up in a coma, but they lived. No matter what you do, you cannot control completely and finally when and how you will Die. And no matter what you do, you cannot control completely and finally how you will Live. But the choices you make will affect the odds.
Live and Die soon, but first Dying. When you are Dying, you are focusing on your impending Death more so than everyone else around you. They, too, will die, but that’s not the focus of their lives, hence they are not Dying. But you, you would rather pay attention to your Death than to your Life. Why? Why would you do this? Make the funeral arrangements, prepare a will, give away those things that you want others to have, and do whatever else that needs to be done, but then stop! Prepare, and then stop. You do not have to focus your entire Life, however much of it remains, on your Death. There is too much else to do. Too much Dying is whining and complaining. Yes, you hurt, but do you also love? Do you state, “I love you” as often as you state, “I hurt so much”? Or are your words focused on the pain you have? Do you focus on what you won’t get to do rather than reminisce about what you have done? Do you lament and cry about how you won’t see certain people any more rather than enjoy them while they are still there? If you don’t enjoy them when they visit you, then why complain about not being able to see them again? You’re like the miser who buried his gold in the garden and went out every night to look at it. Thieves took it, and he cried and lamented, but a wise man passing by said, “Take a rock and bury it there. It will do you as much good as the gold did.” What he meant was use what time, energy, and resources you have rather than hoarding them or squandering them. If you don’t use your time to Live, then what’s the point? Why are you Dying, when there is still Life to be had?
Death is a mystery because we don’t know what’s on the other side. There are those who have come back from being brain dead for a short period of time, and they have interesting stories, but were they truly at final Death? And what was beyond what they said, if anything? And what about the other people who were brain dead for a short period of time, also lived, and yet didn’t have a “near-death” experience? Or at least one they can remember? Perhaps the blankness that they have in their memories is what will happen to them when they die – oblivion. Not a cheery thought, eh? But there are very few people on this earth who are certain about what happens after they die. If you believe there will be a judgment, then conduct your life in such a way as it turns out how you want. Otherwise, there’s not a whole lot you can do about Death and what comes after it. Let’s move on to something that we can do and be something about.
Life and Living are about two things – doing and being. There’s a t-shirt saying about two philosophers and Frank Sinatra. One philosopher said, “To do is to be.” Another philosopher said, “To be is to do.” Frank Sinatra said, “Do be do be do.” In my opinion, Sinatra got it right, even if that isn’t what he meant. Sometimes we try to outrun the way things are, the way we feel, what we think by doing. We try to use physical action to overcome emotional or mental activity. We distract ourselves with doing. But the way things are, the way we feel, and the things we think don’t go away. To get them to go away, you must first face them and acknowledge them. You must think the thoughts and feel the emotions and face the reality of what is. You don’t have to obsess over them, but you don’t get to hide from them. It’s like a really dusty closet, and doing is the door. As long as you do, you keep the door closed, and you don’t have to face the closet. This does not get the closet cleaned, however, nor does it make the closet not exist. You have to open the door (by no longer doing) and clean out the closet (by feeling, thinking, facing). But, don’t obsess. Just give it a good dusting and sweep the floor. Don’t paint it and haul out the shelf paper and buy all new padded hangars or a new shelving unit. Clean out the closet and stop. Feel, think, face, and stop. Will you have to feel, think, face these same things again? Probably. I have regrets from eighth grade that still blindside me every once in a while (thus proving that it is a whole lot easier for me to write this than to follow my own advice, but believe me, I have been feeling/thinking/facing a whole lot more lately than in the previous portion of my life, and things are working a whole lot better now). Your closet will get dusty again (as will mine). At that point, feel, think, and face. Don’t distract. And then move on. Go back to what you were doing before or something else if you have a different preference. Be fully with what you feel, think, and are, and let it be.
Being, however, does not encompass the entirety of life. There are things that need to be done. Sometimes, there are parts of your reality that you want to or need to change. First, be enough to face the portion of reality that you don’t like. Then, do enough to alter the reality into what you want it to be. Sometimes, what you want isn’t what’s best for you, and once you’ve done your way into a new reality, you may have to face it that you’ll need to figure out something else to do. In that case, try being with your reality and your wants and needs for a little longer than you were the previous time and see what truly appeals to you. This works with mundane things, too. You can accept the reality that your spouse or children did not do the dishes, but until you do something about that reality, the dishes won’t get done. Be, so you can see what needs to be done, then do to create a reality you truly want. In this way, you can give birth to a Future that is of your conscious choice, that truly reflects you.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Mental Rejuvenation
What do you do about mental exhaustion? How do you stop thinking? You’d think that watching some mindless TV would work, but people often end up even more tired after a few hours. Reading? Maybe, but reading the newspaper can increase mental activity, and reading fiction can sidetrack your mental abilities like TV does. It’s really a personal thing.
What you need to do is see what isn’t working for you. If you’re mentally exhausted, then what you’re currently doing is not working. There’s no point in saying “Look at what is working for you”, because if something was working for you, then you wouldn’t be mentally exhausted. So you have to take the back road to it.
What isn’t working? Do you currently spend your evenings watching TV, trying to unwind? Are you still mentally tired? Then watching TV all night doesn’t work for you, and you should do something else. But what?
Here are some things to try. Give each of them a decent try – a week at least. Remember, you have to overcome your previous exhaustion. It isn’t just going to go away as soon as you find something that works. It’ll take a little time. It’s like exercising. You don’t get six-pack abs or a finely sculpted calf after the first exercise session. It takes a little time. So, give each of those things a try. If they work for you, great. If not, try something else.
Watch TV. Be careful what you watch. News or dramas may depress you. Comedies could leave you feeling empty, like cotton candy for lunch. Sports could excite you after an already exciting day. If one doesn’t work, try something else.
Listen to music. Again, be careful what you choose. A lot of music is designed in order to evoke a mood or thought in you, and if you choose incorrectly, the wrong mood or thought could upset your attempts at relaxation.
Read. Again, take care what you read. Something too heavy could tax your mind. Something too light could not get your mind off its troubles.
Meditation.
Walking. Take your mind off everything with a walk, and not on a treadmill, but somewhere that the scenery changes, even if it is at a gym or the mall.
Puzzles or crafts or other hobbies that use your hands but not your mind, or at least not the part of your mind that you use for most of the day.
Creating, especially if your job is not at all creative.
If the main portion of your day is not creative, creativity may be what your mind needs at the end of your day. If the main portion of your day involves the creative portion of your mind, then relaxing that part may be exactly what you need.
You need to relax your mental muscles in order to get them up to full energy. For full energy, you need both times of stimulus and times of relaxation. Give them to yourself.
What you need to do is see what isn’t working for you. If you’re mentally exhausted, then what you’re currently doing is not working. There’s no point in saying “Look at what is working for you”, because if something was working for you, then you wouldn’t be mentally exhausted. So you have to take the back road to it.
What isn’t working? Do you currently spend your evenings watching TV, trying to unwind? Are you still mentally tired? Then watching TV all night doesn’t work for you, and you should do something else. But what?
Here are some things to try. Give each of them a decent try – a week at least. Remember, you have to overcome your previous exhaustion. It isn’t just going to go away as soon as you find something that works. It’ll take a little time. It’s like exercising. You don’t get six-pack abs or a finely sculpted calf after the first exercise session. It takes a little time. So, give each of those things a try. If they work for you, great. If not, try something else.
Watch TV. Be careful what you watch. News or dramas may depress you. Comedies could leave you feeling empty, like cotton candy for lunch. Sports could excite you after an already exciting day. If one doesn’t work, try something else.
Listen to music. Again, be careful what you choose. A lot of music is designed in order to evoke a mood or thought in you, and if you choose incorrectly, the wrong mood or thought could upset your attempts at relaxation.
Read. Again, take care what you read. Something too heavy could tax your mind. Something too light could not get your mind off its troubles.
Meditation.
Walking. Take your mind off everything with a walk, and not on a treadmill, but somewhere that the scenery changes, even if it is at a gym or the mall.
Puzzles or crafts or other hobbies that use your hands but not your mind, or at least not the part of your mind that you use for most of the day.
Creating, especially if your job is not at all creative.
If the main portion of your day is not creative, creativity may be what your mind needs at the end of your day. If the main portion of your day involves the creative portion of your mind, then relaxing that part may be exactly what you need.
You need to relax your mental muscles in order to get them up to full energy. For full energy, you need both times of stimulus and times of relaxation. Give them to yourself.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Physical Rejuvenation
Once you look at what is draining your energy, see how you can build your energy back up. It’s not unlike a boat with a hole in the bottom. Once you fix the hole (stop the energy drain), you can bail out the boat (get your energy levels up).
There are really 4 areas of life. The vast majority of life falls into these four categories. They are physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Each of these can be an energy drain, and each of these can be an energy provider.
Physical
Do you get enough sleep? I don’t, but the reason I stay up the extra half hour is worth it to me emotionally and mentally. The reason I get up early is so that I can do what I want to do before my morning commute. I could possibly get another hour of sleep, if I didn’t exercise, eat breakfast, take care of my pets, or shower. Each of those things feeds me in some way, and I do not want to give them up for an extra bit of sleep – at least not most days. There are times that sleep becomes more important, at which point I choose what to eliminate or delay for that morning. Do you get enough sleep? Is what you’re staying up for worth the drain on your energy? Is what’s getting you up early worth the drain on your energy? If it’s a scheduled appointment or a regular meeting (even those with friends), can you reschedule it for a more convenient time? If you just can’t sleep at that time, can you shift the other end of your sleep to compensate? For example, if you just can’t get to bed before midnight, is there a way to adjust when you get up so that you get enough sleep?
There are other things that can affect your sleep. Even if you get eight hours worth of it, you may still not get quality sleep. Are there noises that bother you? Do you get up in the middle of the night? Does the morning sun keep waking you up earlier and earlier every spring? These things can be changed. Eliminate or deaden the noise or learn how to sleep wearing ear plugs. If you get up in the middle of the night, why? Is it to go to the bathroom? If so, stop drinking water or anything else at a set amount of time before you go to bed. If you need water to take pills or other medicine, of course do so, but cut down on the other times you drink. For me, that time is about an hour and a half. And of course, cut down on the caffeine in any form. It may be that you have a high tolerance for caffeine and thus it doesn’t affect you as much as most people, but even with a high tolerance, it can still affect your sleep without you realizing it. Also, you know or can observe after a time what kinds of foods affect your sleep. If you always have stomach problems that wake you up every time you eat a philly cheese steak, then don’t eat one for dinner. If you must have one, eat one for lunch so that it has time to digest more before you go to sleep. If the morning sun is waking you up, can you get curtains? Blinds? A folding screen to put in front of the window? A painting you can hang over the window? One person I know taped butcher paper over her windows to dull the light. You need your sleep. Take care of yourself.
What about what you eat? We’ve already talked about drinking and eating before bed, but what about overall? Alcohol is a depressant. It makes people seem funny because it depresses their inhibitions. Other people, it doesn’t bother with the inhibitions and goes straight to depressing them. Unfortunately, it doesn’t solve any problems, it just makes you forget about them for a while. The problems and the pain are still there when you sober up. Your energy would be better spent fixing those problems than delaying the pain. Find out what works for you, and alter what you do until it gives you the most energy. Eating nutritious food is important, too. We all know this. Sometimes, though, the nutrition-free snack just calls to us, especially when we’re depressed, bored, angry, etc. And like with alcohol, the problem is still there when we get off our sugar high or are done eating. They say that you should eat a certain amount of raw vegetables, with the skin on and uncut. Well, that’s very nice for them. I say, even if you can’t do it perfectly, you can do it better. If you don’t eat any fruit right now and you’re not about to start eating a whole apple at a sitting, then get some canned fruit in syrup. If that’s what it takes to get you to eat fruit at this time, then that’s what you should do. In time, change to light syrup, then perhaps to merely cut and skinned fruit, then onwards (maybe) in time to uncut fruit with the skin on. Or not. But if you eat fruit rather than something with no nutritional value – even fruit that has less nutrition than it’s raw counterpart – you’re eating something a little healthier. The same goes for other things. If you want to drink skim milk but are currently drinking whole, don’t jump immediately to skim. Change to 2%, then 1%, then go to skim, changing each time only after you’ve gotten used to the new milk. A friend of mine changed from regular soda to diet soda by going first to a glass of half of each to get himself used to the taste over time. You can do the same thing with whole-wheat bread, if you’re currently eating white. Change to wheat, first. Wheat bread isn’t much more nutritious than white, but it’s a change in taste. After you’ve gotten used to the taste, it’s not as large of a leap to whole-wheat, which is a lot more nutritious than white. You need to eat and drink things that give you energy – not temporary energy like sugar and caffeine, but real energy like complex carbohydrates and vitamins.
In addition to sleeping and eating, there are other things that can affect your physical energy level. Your body needs some exercise, though not too close to going to sleep. Even if you just get up and walk down the hall or stretch, if it’s more than before, then it’s a little bit better. You need to take care of yourself when you’re sick. If you can go to a doctor and need to, then do so. If you can’t go to a doctor, get a good book or a wise friend and find out what you can do to take care of yourself. Adjust your diet, get plenty of water, go easy on the physical activity if that’s what you need. Good hygiene will help with your physical health, as will keeping a clean environment.
Take care of yourself physically so that you can have enough energy to do what you need to birth the Future you want and deserve.
There are really 4 areas of life. The vast majority of life falls into these four categories. They are physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Each of these can be an energy drain, and each of these can be an energy provider.
Physical
Do you get enough sleep? I don’t, but the reason I stay up the extra half hour is worth it to me emotionally and mentally. The reason I get up early is so that I can do what I want to do before my morning commute. I could possibly get another hour of sleep, if I didn’t exercise, eat breakfast, take care of my pets, or shower. Each of those things feeds me in some way, and I do not want to give them up for an extra bit of sleep – at least not most days. There are times that sleep becomes more important, at which point I choose what to eliminate or delay for that morning. Do you get enough sleep? Is what you’re staying up for worth the drain on your energy? Is what’s getting you up early worth the drain on your energy? If it’s a scheduled appointment or a regular meeting (even those with friends), can you reschedule it for a more convenient time? If you just can’t sleep at that time, can you shift the other end of your sleep to compensate? For example, if you just can’t get to bed before midnight, is there a way to adjust when you get up so that you get enough sleep?
There are other things that can affect your sleep. Even if you get eight hours worth of it, you may still not get quality sleep. Are there noises that bother you? Do you get up in the middle of the night? Does the morning sun keep waking you up earlier and earlier every spring? These things can be changed. Eliminate or deaden the noise or learn how to sleep wearing ear plugs. If you get up in the middle of the night, why? Is it to go to the bathroom? If so, stop drinking water or anything else at a set amount of time before you go to bed. If you need water to take pills or other medicine, of course do so, but cut down on the other times you drink. For me, that time is about an hour and a half. And of course, cut down on the caffeine in any form. It may be that you have a high tolerance for caffeine and thus it doesn’t affect you as much as most people, but even with a high tolerance, it can still affect your sleep without you realizing it. Also, you know or can observe after a time what kinds of foods affect your sleep. If you always have stomach problems that wake you up every time you eat a philly cheese steak, then don’t eat one for dinner. If you must have one, eat one for lunch so that it has time to digest more before you go to sleep. If the morning sun is waking you up, can you get curtains? Blinds? A folding screen to put in front of the window? A painting you can hang over the window? One person I know taped butcher paper over her windows to dull the light. You need your sleep. Take care of yourself.
What about what you eat? We’ve already talked about drinking and eating before bed, but what about overall? Alcohol is a depressant. It makes people seem funny because it depresses their inhibitions. Other people, it doesn’t bother with the inhibitions and goes straight to depressing them. Unfortunately, it doesn’t solve any problems, it just makes you forget about them for a while. The problems and the pain are still there when you sober up. Your energy would be better spent fixing those problems than delaying the pain. Find out what works for you, and alter what you do until it gives you the most energy. Eating nutritious food is important, too. We all know this. Sometimes, though, the nutrition-free snack just calls to us, especially when we’re depressed, bored, angry, etc. And like with alcohol, the problem is still there when we get off our sugar high or are done eating. They say that you should eat a certain amount of raw vegetables, with the skin on and uncut. Well, that’s very nice for them. I say, even if you can’t do it perfectly, you can do it better. If you don’t eat any fruit right now and you’re not about to start eating a whole apple at a sitting, then get some canned fruit in syrup. If that’s what it takes to get you to eat fruit at this time, then that’s what you should do. In time, change to light syrup, then perhaps to merely cut and skinned fruit, then onwards (maybe) in time to uncut fruit with the skin on. Or not. But if you eat fruit rather than something with no nutritional value – even fruit that has less nutrition than it’s raw counterpart – you’re eating something a little healthier. The same goes for other things. If you want to drink skim milk but are currently drinking whole, don’t jump immediately to skim. Change to 2%, then 1%, then go to skim, changing each time only after you’ve gotten used to the new milk. A friend of mine changed from regular soda to diet soda by going first to a glass of half of each to get himself used to the taste over time. You can do the same thing with whole-wheat bread, if you’re currently eating white. Change to wheat, first. Wheat bread isn’t much more nutritious than white, but it’s a change in taste. After you’ve gotten used to the taste, it’s not as large of a leap to whole-wheat, which is a lot more nutritious than white. You need to eat and drink things that give you energy – not temporary energy like sugar and caffeine, but real energy like complex carbohydrates and vitamins.
In addition to sleeping and eating, there are other things that can affect your physical energy level. Your body needs some exercise, though not too close to going to sleep. Even if you just get up and walk down the hall or stretch, if it’s more than before, then it’s a little bit better. You need to take care of yourself when you’re sick. If you can go to a doctor and need to, then do so. If you can’t go to a doctor, get a good book or a wise friend and find out what you can do to take care of yourself. Adjust your diet, get plenty of water, go easy on the physical activity if that’s what you need. Good hygiene will help with your physical health, as will keeping a clean environment.
Take care of yourself physically so that you can have enough energy to do what you need to birth the Future you want and deserve.
Friday, September 07, 2007
Tired
Sometimes life drags you down. Sometimes there’s just so much to do and not enough energy to do it. You may have plenty of time, but you just can’t get yourself to do the things that “need” to be done. You are just too tired. You can’t build a Future if you’re too tired, so let’s see what we can do about being tired.
First, take a look at these things that “need” to be done. Do they really? You do need to eat (which means getting the food and perhaps preparing it), preferably nutritious things so your body can get the energy. You do need to sleep, which will recharge your physical and mental batteries. What else do you really need to do? There are plenty of other things that have consequences not worth the trouble, but a good number of other things are merely inconvenient if you don’t do them.
So let’s take a look at the things with the consequences. If you don’t have a job (or some other means of getting money), then buying food and paying for shelter for your sleep will be difficult, and these are necessary things. Thus, telling off your boss isn’t going to be very helpful and could have bad consequences beyond losing your job. If you cannot stand your boss, though, perhaps you should find another job. Do you like your coworkers or your job? Do they make up for your boss? If not, look for another job. You may be of the opinion that you cannot find another job. We’ll go into that in another post. If your coworkers or your job itself do make up for your boss (or your boss and job makes up for your coworkers or your coworkers and boss make up for your job), then a new job isn’t what you need.
Dealing with your family is another area where the consequences of action could be worse than your current situation. But before you decide that you have to be nice or you have to keep in contact, ask yourself, “Why?” Do you feel you owe them something? Are you afraid of the yelling or the silent treatment you’ll get if you don’t give in to their wants? What will happen if you treat your family they way you want to treat them? What will happen if you take time out from contacting them? Again, another post.
There are other areas of your life where what you are currently doing, what you feel you “need” to do aren’t necessarily needs. Do you need to hand wash your dishes? What if you used paper plates for a little while instead? Or if you’re worried about landfills, plastic plates and silverware so that you can recycle. Do you need to vacuum every week? Or is every other week or every month good enough? Naturally, if you have a dust allergy or if you use your home as an office, you need to keep it cleaner than other people do, but are you one of those people? What about washing your car? How often do you do it and how often do you need to do it? If your car is part of your image and it’s necessary for your work (like if you are a salesperson) or your self esteem (like if you take great pride in your car) or if it’s a classic that needs great care to keep it in shape, then washing your car could be a “need”. Or if washing your car is your only excuse to get out of the house and away from your roommates for a little bit, perhaps that, too, is a “need”. Me, I used to do the laundry because the basement was quiet and away from the rest of my family. Now, my laundry is in the hallway between the living room and the kitchen, and it no longer serves the purpose it once did.
Sometimes, the upkeep on things is necessary, but the things themselves are not. Do you have a large house, so large that something needs cleaning constantly? Do you need that large of a house? A smaller house would be easier to take care of. You may need a larger house, true, but not everyone does. What about a collection? There are some people who have collections that they dust or file or clean or whatever in order to maintain their worth, but they no longer take joy in the collection. It’s just something that they have always had, and they don’t know how to give it up. The same is true for cars. How much time and effort do you spend on keeping your car running? What if you get a different car? This could take time, yes. This could take effort, yes. But, in the long run, getting a more efficient car that breaks down less often could save you a lot of energy. Do you have a pet? Do you want a pet? Pets can be great for your energy level, provided you can take care of them. I knew a couple that bred birds. They had a few dozen of them in their house. Great for them, but that wouldn’t work for me. That would be too much hassle. A dog would be too much hassle for me at this time, as well. I would not be able to take care of a dog as well as I would feel I would “need” to, so I do not have a dog at this time, though I love dogs. Before you buy a toy or piece of furniture, check to see if it says “some assembly required”. Will the thing be worth the effort of the assembly? Before you buy a piece of clothing, check to see what it takes to clean it. Is it dry-clean-only? Is it worth your time and energy to take something in to get it dry cleaned? Can you find another, equally good piece of clothing that doesn’t take dry cleaning? Or hand washing?
Are there other things that you can make easier for yourself? Do you have automatic deposit on your paycheck? If not, is it worth the time and effort to go to the bank to deposit your paycheck? It might be. My bank is in my grocery store, so I go by it every week any way. It could be you have a friend at your bank, and seeing her or him lifts your spirits, so it is worth it to you to have a reason to go to the bank. Do you have automatic bill payments? There are a lot of places that will gladly, and without a fee, automatically debit your bank account. I make use of this. It saves me any late fees, saves me stamps, and saves me the time it would take to fill out the payment and mail it, along with any anxiety I may have if the bill gets lost in the paperwork of my home.
Relationships and organizations are two more areas that you could make things easier on yourself and free up some energy to help build the future that you want and deserve. They’re important enough that I’ll address them in subsequent posts, as well.
Take a look at your life. What is really draining your energy? What do you want in life, and is your life’s energy focused on it? If not, perhaps a little bit of a change is in order. You deserve the best Future possible, and you deserve the energy necessary to make it happen.
First, take a look at these things that “need” to be done. Do they really? You do need to eat (which means getting the food and perhaps preparing it), preferably nutritious things so your body can get the energy. You do need to sleep, which will recharge your physical and mental batteries. What else do you really need to do? There are plenty of other things that have consequences not worth the trouble, but a good number of other things are merely inconvenient if you don’t do them.
So let’s take a look at the things with the consequences. If you don’t have a job (or some other means of getting money), then buying food and paying for shelter for your sleep will be difficult, and these are necessary things. Thus, telling off your boss isn’t going to be very helpful and could have bad consequences beyond losing your job. If you cannot stand your boss, though, perhaps you should find another job. Do you like your coworkers or your job? Do they make up for your boss? If not, look for another job. You may be of the opinion that you cannot find another job. We’ll go into that in another post. If your coworkers or your job itself do make up for your boss (or your boss and job makes up for your coworkers or your coworkers and boss make up for your job), then a new job isn’t what you need.
Dealing with your family is another area where the consequences of action could be worse than your current situation. But before you decide that you have to be nice or you have to keep in contact, ask yourself, “Why?” Do you feel you owe them something? Are you afraid of the yelling or the silent treatment you’ll get if you don’t give in to their wants? What will happen if you treat your family they way you want to treat them? What will happen if you take time out from contacting them? Again, another post.
There are other areas of your life where what you are currently doing, what you feel you “need” to do aren’t necessarily needs. Do you need to hand wash your dishes? What if you used paper plates for a little while instead? Or if you’re worried about landfills, plastic plates and silverware so that you can recycle. Do you need to vacuum every week? Or is every other week or every month good enough? Naturally, if you have a dust allergy or if you use your home as an office, you need to keep it cleaner than other people do, but are you one of those people? What about washing your car? How often do you do it and how often do you need to do it? If your car is part of your image and it’s necessary for your work (like if you are a salesperson) or your self esteem (like if you take great pride in your car) or if it’s a classic that needs great care to keep it in shape, then washing your car could be a “need”. Or if washing your car is your only excuse to get out of the house and away from your roommates for a little bit, perhaps that, too, is a “need”. Me, I used to do the laundry because the basement was quiet and away from the rest of my family. Now, my laundry is in the hallway between the living room and the kitchen, and it no longer serves the purpose it once did.
Sometimes, the upkeep on things is necessary, but the things themselves are not. Do you have a large house, so large that something needs cleaning constantly? Do you need that large of a house? A smaller house would be easier to take care of. You may need a larger house, true, but not everyone does. What about a collection? There are some people who have collections that they dust or file or clean or whatever in order to maintain their worth, but they no longer take joy in the collection. It’s just something that they have always had, and they don’t know how to give it up. The same is true for cars. How much time and effort do you spend on keeping your car running? What if you get a different car? This could take time, yes. This could take effort, yes. But, in the long run, getting a more efficient car that breaks down less often could save you a lot of energy. Do you have a pet? Do you want a pet? Pets can be great for your energy level, provided you can take care of them. I knew a couple that bred birds. They had a few dozen of them in their house. Great for them, but that wouldn’t work for me. That would be too much hassle. A dog would be too much hassle for me at this time, as well. I would not be able to take care of a dog as well as I would feel I would “need” to, so I do not have a dog at this time, though I love dogs. Before you buy a toy or piece of furniture, check to see if it says “some assembly required”. Will the thing be worth the effort of the assembly? Before you buy a piece of clothing, check to see what it takes to clean it. Is it dry-clean-only? Is it worth your time and energy to take something in to get it dry cleaned? Can you find another, equally good piece of clothing that doesn’t take dry cleaning? Or hand washing?
Are there other things that you can make easier for yourself? Do you have automatic deposit on your paycheck? If not, is it worth the time and effort to go to the bank to deposit your paycheck? It might be. My bank is in my grocery store, so I go by it every week any way. It could be you have a friend at your bank, and seeing her or him lifts your spirits, so it is worth it to you to have a reason to go to the bank. Do you have automatic bill payments? There are a lot of places that will gladly, and without a fee, automatically debit your bank account. I make use of this. It saves me any late fees, saves me stamps, and saves me the time it would take to fill out the payment and mail it, along with any anxiety I may have if the bill gets lost in the paperwork of my home.
Relationships and organizations are two more areas that you could make things easier on yourself and free up some energy to help build the future that you want and deserve. They’re important enough that I’ll address them in subsequent posts, as well.
Take a look at your life. What is really draining your energy? What do you want in life, and is your life’s energy focused on it? If not, perhaps a little bit of a change is in order. You deserve the best Future possible, and you deserve the energy necessary to make it happen.
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