Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. - Aldous Huxley
The ostrich buries its head in the sand (metaphorically, not actually, but go with me on this). However, that doesn’t change anything. You can pretend that he doesn’t drink or she doesn’t lie or he doesn’t cheat or you’re not angry or everything’s fine, but it doesn’t make it so. There is a codependent-recovery saying, “Fake it till you make it”, but that’s regarding your own behavior and your own beliefs, not about someone else. And you never, ever, fake it about money.
The difference, and the problem, comes in with the prequel to the saying. You see, you have to fake it intentionally, and you can’t do that until you know it’s false. And you can’t do that until you’re honest with yourself and see the facts as they really are.
Build your Future on truths, not preferences.
Showing posts with label quotes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label quotes. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Making Mistakes
Experience can be merely the repetition of same error often enough. - John G. Azzopardi
Sometimes you have to make your own mistakes. Sometimes you can learn from someone else’s, and you don’t have to make your own. Sometimes you have to make the same mistake repeatedly before you learn. Why? Because somewhere along the line, you learned something else, and before you can learn new, you have to unlearn old.
I was taught a lot of wrong things when I was a kid, including a lot of sexist and racist ideas that I’ve worked hard to eliminate from my thoughts. I’ve had a lot of unlearning to do, and I had to clear out the wrong in order to make room for the right.
Making the same mistake over and over can be a similar thing, if you learn from it. Somewhere you learned that this was the right thing, and it’ll take you a while to figure out, deep inside yourself, that no, it isn’t. But do try to learn. Too many people don’t bother to learn from their mistakes at all, much less unlearn something from their past.
With mistakes comes experience, and with experience comes knowledge and the ability to better shape your Future. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, so long as you learn.
Sometimes you have to make your own mistakes. Sometimes you can learn from someone else’s, and you don’t have to make your own. Sometimes you have to make the same mistake repeatedly before you learn. Why? Because somewhere along the line, you learned something else, and before you can learn new, you have to unlearn old.
I was taught a lot of wrong things when I was a kid, including a lot of sexist and racist ideas that I’ve worked hard to eliminate from my thoughts. I’ve had a lot of unlearning to do, and I had to clear out the wrong in order to make room for the right.
Making the same mistake over and over can be a similar thing, if you learn from it. Somewhere you learned that this was the right thing, and it’ll take you a while to figure out, deep inside yourself, that no, it isn’t. But do try to learn. Too many people don’t bother to learn from their mistakes at all, much less unlearn something from their past.
With mistakes comes experience, and with experience comes knowledge and the ability to better shape your Future. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, so long as you learn.
Friday, August 14, 2009
More Birds of a Feather
Example is contagious behavior. - Charles Reade
Birds of a feather flock together. Monkey see, monkey do. Herd mentality. The thing is, example is contagious behavior. Who you hang around with, what you watch on TV, what you read are the examples that you put into your brain, and your brain will reply in kind. If you don’t like what you’re doing, find people who are doing what you like and start hanging around them. If you want to think a different way, find others who think a different way.
And if you think, “Oh, that won’t happen to me,” I assure that it might. There have been times that I’ve thought, “At least I’m not as bad as X.” Whatever habit or situation I’ve been in, as long as there was someone worse, I thought it was tolerable. Even when it wasn’t. Especially when it wasn’t, because sometimes that “I’m not as bad as that” was all that kept me from doing something to change my life.
You can life and build your Future without any like-minded people around, but it’s a whole lot easier with them than without them.
Birds of a feather flock together. Monkey see, monkey do. Herd mentality. The thing is, example is contagious behavior. Who you hang around with, what you watch on TV, what you read are the examples that you put into your brain, and your brain will reply in kind. If you don’t like what you’re doing, find people who are doing what you like and start hanging around them. If you want to think a different way, find others who think a different way.
And if you think, “Oh, that won’t happen to me,” I assure that it might. There have been times that I’ve thought, “At least I’m not as bad as X.” Whatever habit or situation I’ve been in, as long as there was someone worse, I thought it was tolerable. Even when it wasn’t. Especially when it wasn’t, because sometimes that “I’m not as bad as that” was all that kept me from doing something to change my life.
You can life and build your Future without any like-minded people around, but it’s a whole lot easier with them than without them.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Examples
Advice may be wrong, but examples prove themselves. - H. W. Shaw
This quote is right, for the most part, but there are exceptions to every rule. Some people will choose an example that they think fits, or they’ll see an example but refuse to believe it, discounting it as not really applying. While an example may prove itself, it does not necessarily change people’s minds. I could give you examples, but that’d be defeating the purpose.
Don’t take tips on success from unsuccessful people. Don’t take advice on how to be happy from people who are miserable. Be aware of where the advice comes from. Examples are very good at letting you know what kind of source it is.
This quote is right, for the most part, but there are exceptions to every rule. Some people will choose an example that they think fits, or they’ll see an example but refuse to believe it, discounting it as not really applying. While an example may prove itself, it does not necessarily change people’s minds. I could give you examples, but that’d be defeating the purpose.
Don’t take tips on success from unsuccessful people. Don’t take advice on how to be happy from people who are miserable. Be aware of where the advice comes from. Examples are very good at letting you know what kind of source it is.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Birds of a Feather
People seldom improve when they have no other model but themselves to copy after. - Oliver Goldsmith The Bee no. II 13 October 1759 On Our Theatres
If you want to become a more positive person, hang around positive people. If you want to have more honor and integrity, hang around people with honor and integrity. Take a look at your friends and your family. Who you are with the most will have a profound effect on you. If you want to improve yourself, figure out in what way, and then find an environment to do it in. Part of it will rub off on you, whether you want it to or not. Unfortunately, the same is true when you spend a lot of time with people who have characteristics you’d rather not share. It’s easier to be honest when you hang around honest people. It’s easier to build dreams when you hang around dream-builders. It’s easier to be alive when you hang around the living as opposed to the merely surviving. You can build your Future no matter where you are right now, but there are places that it will be easier. You can find them.
If you want to become a more positive person, hang around positive people. If you want to have more honor and integrity, hang around people with honor and integrity. Take a look at your friends and your family. Who you are with the most will have a profound effect on you. If you want to improve yourself, figure out in what way, and then find an environment to do it in. Part of it will rub off on you, whether you want it to or not. Unfortunately, the same is true when you spend a lot of time with people who have characteristics you’d rather not share. It’s easier to be honest when you hang around honest people. It’s easier to build dreams when you hang around dream-builders. It’s easier to be alive when you hang around the living as opposed to the merely surviving. You can build your Future no matter where you are right now, but there are places that it will be easier. You can find them.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Forgotten Dreams
So yeah, dreams are important. And I think there are more dreamers today than ever before in the history of anything... but... they're so afraid, so many of them. Afraid to lose all their 'manageable misery.' It's all just so... so... pathetic. Pathetic... and selfish. Are you seriously telling me... that you would deny the world an exquisite painting just because the cardboard firm from down the street is hiring? That you'd stay out of politics because your mates would think you a twat? That the greatest secrets of quantum physics would go forever unearthed... because Dad thinks girls are fit only for babymaking? Does that really sound good enough for you? Really? Maddening! And don't you dare tell me I'm unrealistic. I know a body's chance of sinking their claws into a dream are fairly grim. But... not to try? To settle into the gray doldrums with nary a peep? - Aaron A., Serenity Rose
When we were kids, we dreamed. We wanted to be things, do things when we grew up, even if for some of us the only dream was to be alive and somewhere other than “home”. But, we dreamed. Some of those dreams no longer fit. Now that we’re adults, we have different opinions and desires than when we were kids. But, we dust off the dreams now and again to have our cotton candy. Some of those dreams we’ve accomplished, and we look around at our life and we see this and feel full and satisfied. But there are other dreams, dreams that could complete us, dreams that still have a corner of our hearts, though we scarcely acknowledge them to ourselves much less bring them out into the bright of day. These dreams may not fit our lives as they are now, but they could fit our lives as we wish that they were. Search yourself and see if there are any hidden dreams.
I have always wanted to be a writer. I wrote my first book in kindergarten. It was stapled together for the binding, and I drew the pictures. I wish I still had it. Throughout my life, I’ve gone from poems to short stories to journals to novels back to short stories and so on and so on, but it wasn’t until recently that I acknowledged that writing was a part of me rather than just an expression of creativity like role-playing or painting. Deep in my soul, my dream of writing has always been there, and I’ve dusted it off, and this blog is part of the result. I have not published anything except a blurb in the senior yearbook, but that’s not what’s important. I’m not writing to publish. I’m not writing for other people. I’m writing for me. Even this blog, as much as I love helping others, as much as I know that there are other people who need to hear what I have to say, I write it because I have to say it. Because I write. I will almost assuredly never turn this into a career. But I don’t have to. That’s not part of my dream. My dream is to write, and I do.
Do you have dreams you could take a look at, maybe add just a dab of into your life? Do you love to paint but have nowhere to do it? Why would you need somewhere big? A little paint, a small brush, a piece of 8.5”x11” paper – that’s enough. Do you dream of dancing? Then do it, in your living room, blinds shut or open, people there or not. Do you dream of living in Paris? Learn French. Why? Just because. Get books of paintings by French painters. Read books set in Paris. You can add a little bit of Paris to your life right now as you figure out how to bring your dream into reality.
There are dreams inside you that will never die. Breathe a little more life into them and see how much life they breathe into you.
When we were kids, we dreamed. We wanted to be things, do things when we grew up, even if for some of us the only dream was to be alive and somewhere other than “home”. But, we dreamed. Some of those dreams no longer fit. Now that we’re adults, we have different opinions and desires than when we were kids. But, we dust off the dreams now and again to have our cotton candy. Some of those dreams we’ve accomplished, and we look around at our life and we see this and feel full and satisfied. But there are other dreams, dreams that could complete us, dreams that still have a corner of our hearts, though we scarcely acknowledge them to ourselves much less bring them out into the bright of day. These dreams may not fit our lives as they are now, but they could fit our lives as we wish that they were. Search yourself and see if there are any hidden dreams.
I have always wanted to be a writer. I wrote my first book in kindergarten. It was stapled together for the binding, and I drew the pictures. I wish I still had it. Throughout my life, I’ve gone from poems to short stories to journals to novels back to short stories and so on and so on, but it wasn’t until recently that I acknowledged that writing was a part of me rather than just an expression of creativity like role-playing or painting. Deep in my soul, my dream of writing has always been there, and I’ve dusted it off, and this blog is part of the result. I have not published anything except a blurb in the senior yearbook, but that’s not what’s important. I’m not writing to publish. I’m not writing for other people. I’m writing for me. Even this blog, as much as I love helping others, as much as I know that there are other people who need to hear what I have to say, I write it because I have to say it. Because I write. I will almost assuredly never turn this into a career. But I don’t have to. That’s not part of my dream. My dream is to write, and I do.
Do you have dreams you could take a look at, maybe add just a dab of into your life? Do you love to paint but have nowhere to do it? Why would you need somewhere big? A little paint, a small brush, a piece of 8.5”x11” paper – that’s enough. Do you dream of dancing? Then do it, in your living room, blinds shut or open, people there or not. Do you dream of living in Paris? Learn French. Why? Just because. Get books of paintings by French painters. Read books set in Paris. You can add a little bit of Paris to your life right now as you figure out how to bring your dream into reality.
There are dreams inside you that will never die. Breathe a little more life into them and see how much life they breathe into you.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Just Dreamers
It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. - Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling)
Last post, I told you to dream first, and this quote reminds us of the “first” part of that. Dream, and then do. For dreams are worth very little if you don’t take steps to make them come true. They’re like mental cotton candy, entertaining and sweet, but they do nothing to satisfy your hunger. Realities are pot roast, hearty and filling, when done right. Use your dreams to create your reality, and you will have the best of both worlds.
Last post, I told you to dream first, and this quote reminds us of the “first” part of that. Dream, and then do. For dreams are worth very little if you don’t take steps to make them come true. They’re like mental cotton candy, entertaining and sweet, but they do nothing to satisfy your hunger. Realities are pot roast, hearty and filling, when done right. Use your dreams to create your reality, and you will have the best of both worlds.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Dreamers
Yes, I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can find his way by moonlight, and see the dawn before the rest of the world. - Oscar Wilde
Recently in American culture, being called a dreamer was an insult. The esteemed people were the ones with their feet on the ground. Well, the best ones, the movers and the shakers, the changers and the doers, are the people who dream big and then make their dreams come true. People who don’t dream don’t change the world, and most of them don’t get to create their Future. If you want to build your Future was you want it, you must first dream.
Recently in American culture, being called a dreamer was an insult. The esteemed people were the ones with their feet on the ground. Well, the best ones, the movers and the shakers, the changers and the doers, are the people who dream big and then make their dreams come true. People who don’t dream don’t change the world, and most of them don’t get to create their Future. If you want to build your Future was you want it, you must first dream.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Bowlines
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Frequently misattributed to Mark Twain
Throwing off your bowlines can be a scary thing. The harbor is safe, but as one adage says, that’s not what a boat is for. Some people try to sail around, but keep one rope tied securely to the harbor. This is why you have maps. You will be able to find your way back to safety or find your way to a new safe harbor. Perhaps the person who you have waiting for you in the harbor won’t wait. Perhaps there will be repercussions for doing what you want to do instead of what others want you to do. But, would you rather live the half life they insist upon or a whole life without a safety net? And if you cannot decide upon that, then create your own safety net, the safe harbor that you carry around in your heart. Rely upon yourself for your pats on the back and your support until you can find other sailors with whom to go around the world.
Throwing off your bowlines can be a scary thing. The harbor is safe, but as one adage says, that’s not what a boat is for. Some people try to sail around, but keep one rope tied securely to the harbor. This is why you have maps. You will be able to find your way back to safety or find your way to a new safe harbor. Perhaps the person who you have waiting for you in the harbor won’t wait. Perhaps there will be repercussions for doing what you want to do instead of what others want you to do. But, would you rather live the half life they insist upon or a whole life without a safety net? And if you cannot decide upon that, then create your own safety net, the safe harbor that you carry around in your heart. Rely upon yourself for your pats on the back and your support until you can find other sailors with whom to go around the world.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Bitter Tears
The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone. - Harriet Beecher Stowe
I get why people don’t say or do things that, on their deathbed, they wish they had. I have a few of those floating around in my life myself. It’s because you don’t want to deal with the consequences. I wish I’d gone on that second honeymoon with my lovely wife. Ah, but then you would have had to pay all those bills and perhaps put your job at risk because you took time off. I wish I’d told that handsome fellow that I loved him. Ah, but then you would have risked rejection, perhaps brief, but perhaps humiliating and frequent, depending on who witnessed it. I wish I’d finished my schooling or had kids or things like that. But those things take time, and you make choices each day that determine how you spend your time.
A relationship can be the best thing that ever happened to you, or it could turn out disastrous and ruin a friendship. Starting your own business could be a grand adventure, or you could end up bankrupt, or both. You could have spent hundreds of hours writing your novel that no one would publish. There are a lot of “what if”’s in the world.
There’s a lot of living you could be doing right now, if you just gave it a chance. You will fail, repeatedly, and you will succeed, repeatedly, but you will be living. You will be shaping your Future as you wish it to be. Good luck to you. Tomorrow is a grand adventure.
I get why people don’t say or do things that, on their deathbed, they wish they had. I have a few of those floating around in my life myself. It’s because you don’t want to deal with the consequences. I wish I’d gone on that second honeymoon with my lovely wife. Ah, but then you would have had to pay all those bills and perhaps put your job at risk because you took time off. I wish I’d told that handsome fellow that I loved him. Ah, but then you would have risked rejection, perhaps brief, but perhaps humiliating and frequent, depending on who witnessed it. I wish I’d finished my schooling or had kids or things like that. But those things take time, and you make choices each day that determine how you spend your time.
A relationship can be the best thing that ever happened to you, or it could turn out disastrous and ruin a friendship. Starting your own business could be a grand adventure, or you could end up bankrupt, or both. You could have spent hundreds of hours writing your novel that no one would publish. There are a lot of “what if”’s in the world.
There’s a lot of living you could be doing right now, if you just gave it a chance. You will fail, repeatedly, and you will succeed, repeatedly, but you will be living. You will be shaping your Future as you wish it to be. Good luck to you. Tomorrow is a grand adventure.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Living versus Surviving
Every man dies. Not every man really lives. - William Wallace, in Braveheart
I have a friend who’s always full of life, who’s up for anything, and who frequently leaves me feeling energized and upbeat. I have another friend who is full of misery, who doesn’t want to do anything, and who frequently drains my energy whenever we’re together. I’m sure you guys have similar experiences. I’d much rather be with my upbeat friend.
Life is about more than just not dying. That’s mere survival. But a lot of people don’t get that. And then they do get it for a little bit and try to stuff a bunch of life into their weekends, hunting it down in art galleries, truck rallies, and romantic getaways that give you brief memories but typically do nothing to actually help your relationship. You can live all the time, and it’s not an exhausting thing like it may sound. Living life is not exhausting. Pretending to live life is.
You can live on your job. No matter how miserable your job is, you can be alive in your heart. You can feel your breath enter your body and leave it again having sustained you for another while longer. You can feel your pulse attesting to your living nature. You can feel the love of the Deities within you, for it is always within you, no matter what is happening outside of you.
You can live at night while you’re resting from your job. It’s a little harder with the TV, but some things are very funny, and laughter is living. So’s sitting back and resting your eyes, feeling your muscles unwind from their day. So are a lot of other things.
Life does not have to be intense to be enjoyed. It just seems that way because you aren’t living the rest of the week and need to pack it all in at once. But, you can live, and you can enjoy, all the time. May there be more than just surviving in your Future.
I have a friend who’s always full of life, who’s up for anything, and who frequently leaves me feeling energized and upbeat. I have another friend who is full of misery, who doesn’t want to do anything, and who frequently drains my energy whenever we’re together. I’m sure you guys have similar experiences. I’d much rather be with my upbeat friend.
Life is about more than just not dying. That’s mere survival. But a lot of people don’t get that. And then they do get it for a little bit and try to stuff a bunch of life into their weekends, hunting it down in art galleries, truck rallies, and romantic getaways that give you brief memories but typically do nothing to actually help your relationship. You can live all the time, and it’s not an exhausting thing like it may sound. Living life is not exhausting. Pretending to live life is.
You can live on your job. No matter how miserable your job is, you can be alive in your heart. You can feel your breath enter your body and leave it again having sustained you for another while longer. You can feel your pulse attesting to your living nature. You can feel the love of the Deities within you, for it is always within you, no matter what is happening outside of you.
You can live at night while you’re resting from your job. It’s a little harder with the TV, but some things are very funny, and laughter is living. So’s sitting back and resting your eyes, feeling your muscles unwind from their day. So are a lot of other things.
Life does not have to be intense to be enjoyed. It just seems that way because you aren’t living the rest of the week and need to pack it all in at once. But, you can live, and you can enjoy, all the time. May there be more than just surviving in your Future.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Making a Change
Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you're there. It doesn't matter what you do, he said, so as long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. - Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 (1953)
There are a lot of answers to the question “What is the meaning of life?” This quote believes that the meaning of life is to make a change in the world. If so, too many people lead meaningless lives. Have you made a change in the world? A lasting change? Is that change something you can be proud of? Something you would be willing to admit to, brag about even? Your life has made a difference, no matter how small, in the world. You convert oxygen to carbon dioxide. You consume and excrete. You have or may have had a job that didn’t go to someone else, lived in an apartment that someone else didn’t live in at the same time. Somehow, you made a small change in this world, but is it enough for you? And is it in the way that you’d want to be remembered? Do you want to knock on the gates of heaven (or wherever you believe you’ll go after death) and say, the converter of oxygen is here for admittance. What do you want to be able to say?
When you figure that out, you’ve made a tremendous step into figuring out your Future.
There are a lot of answers to the question “What is the meaning of life?” This quote believes that the meaning of life is to make a change in the world. If so, too many people lead meaningless lives. Have you made a change in the world? A lasting change? Is that change something you can be proud of? Something you would be willing to admit to, brag about even? Your life has made a difference, no matter how small, in the world. You convert oxygen to carbon dioxide. You consume and excrete. You have or may have had a job that didn’t go to someone else, lived in an apartment that someone else didn’t live in at the same time. Somehow, you made a small change in this world, but is it enough for you? And is it in the way that you’d want to be remembered? Do you want to knock on the gates of heaven (or wherever you believe you’ll go after death) and say, the converter of oxygen is here for admittance. What do you want to be able to say?
When you figure that out, you’ve made a tremendous step into figuring out your Future.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
A Dollar Down
The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments. - Mad Magazine
How easy are those weekly payments? How easy are they when you have a dozen of them at the same time? Don’t laugh, that’s not as far fetched as you think. Really think about what’s in your life that you’re paying off. But, most things are monthly rather than weekly now. Let’s take a look.
Do you own your home? Do you have a mortgage? That’s one. And don’t forget mortgage insurance, if you have it. Property tax doesn’t count for this, because that won’t go away, like utilities. We’re thinking about the stuff you’re paying off.
How many credit cards to you own? One? Three? Five? More? All of those need monthly payments, unless you have a zero balance on them. Odds are likely, though, at least for Americans, that if you have a credit card, you probably have a balance on them.
Then there’s cars. How many do you have? Is it paid off? Are they paid off? Do you have a motorcycle? A boat? Count each of those, as well.
Then there’s the television. Did you buy that on a payment plan? Or is that one of the things on the credit card? How about your appliances – your washer and dryer, your refrigerator?
A lot of people have plenty of things that they’re paying off at the same time because each individual thing is easy, so adding just a “little more” debt and paying out just a “little more” money each month is easy. But it adds up. It all adds up.
And it’s not just money. And it’s not all bad. One more soda a day adds up to a lot of calories. One more sit up a day adds up to better stomach muscles. One more drink adds up to a higher tolerance which leads to a slippery slope that’s hard to control. One more night spent in adds up to that much more money saved.
Little things add up. You don’t have to make drastic changes in your life in order to get your life to change. You are in control of your life, or at the very least a part of it. Use that control to make your life what you want rather than what is easy.
How easy are those weekly payments? How easy are they when you have a dozen of them at the same time? Don’t laugh, that’s not as far fetched as you think. Really think about what’s in your life that you’re paying off. But, most things are monthly rather than weekly now. Let’s take a look.
Do you own your home? Do you have a mortgage? That’s one. And don’t forget mortgage insurance, if you have it. Property tax doesn’t count for this, because that won’t go away, like utilities. We’re thinking about the stuff you’re paying off.
How many credit cards to you own? One? Three? Five? More? All of those need monthly payments, unless you have a zero balance on them. Odds are likely, though, at least for Americans, that if you have a credit card, you probably have a balance on them.
Then there’s cars. How many do you have? Is it paid off? Are they paid off? Do you have a motorcycle? A boat? Count each of those, as well.
Then there’s the television. Did you buy that on a payment plan? Or is that one of the things on the credit card? How about your appliances – your washer and dryer, your refrigerator?
A lot of people have plenty of things that they’re paying off at the same time because each individual thing is easy, so adding just a “little more” debt and paying out just a “little more” money each month is easy. But it adds up. It all adds up.
And it’s not just money. And it’s not all bad. One more soda a day adds up to a lot of calories. One more sit up a day adds up to better stomach muscles. One more drink adds up to a higher tolerance which leads to a slippery slope that’s hard to control. One more night spent in adds up to that much more money saved.
Little things add up. You don’t have to make drastic changes in your life in order to get your life to change. You are in control of your life, or at the very least a part of it. Use that control to make your life what you want rather than what is easy.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Character and Decisions
Character is the ability to carry out a worthy decision after the emotion of making that decision has passed. - Hyrum W. Smith
How many of you have made a New Year’s Resolution? How many of you have kept all of them? They “get” hard. Not really, though. The decision is just as hard on February 18 as it was on January 2, but a lot of people have stopped doing (or not doing) X by that time, because it “got hard”. What really happened is that your persistence ran out.
Unless you were in an accident or had surgery or some other major health alteration, it’s just as easy to do 20 sit ups on January 2 as it is on February 18. It feels harder, though. People like to make decisions, but following through on them is another thing altogether. That’s where character and persistence come in.
There are a lot of things that make up your character. One of the big ones is keeping your word. If you are known, rightfully so, as a person who does not keep his or her word, then your character is shot, along with your reputation. And do not even try to get away with “no one will know”. You’ll know, and your opinion of yourself and your character is important. If you lie to yourself repeatedly, then you will not see yourself as trustworthy, and others will pick up on that, whether they know about your broken promises or not.
However, don’t forget that word “worthy” in the quote. If you decide that you’re going to exercise for an hour every morning before work, and something happens that you can no longer keep that decision, let yourself off the hook. If your job changes, or your car breaks down and you have to commute a different way, or your health alters, or you start working later for an important project and can’t get to sleep on time for now, these are good and legitimate reasons for not being able to exercise an entire hour every morning. If you just don’t feel like it, or if your favorite TV show is now on later so you “have” to stay up later, or if it’s too rainy or foggy or cold or nice out for you to exercise, these aren’t good excuses. But, if you are not going to keep your decision any way, then decide to do that. Don’t just let your promise to yourself or to another linger and lapse. Grab your character, dust it off, and state that you are not going to keep that decision any longer.
Promises are harder to keep than they are to make. Decisions are harder to abide by than they are to make. First, only make those that you can and that you intend to keep. Then, keep them or stop them, if you can’t. As your character improves, your self esteem will improve, and you will feel more powerful. And that will improve your Future.
How many of you have made a New Year’s Resolution? How many of you have kept all of them? They “get” hard. Not really, though. The decision is just as hard on February 18 as it was on January 2, but a lot of people have stopped doing (or not doing) X by that time, because it “got hard”. What really happened is that your persistence ran out.
Unless you were in an accident or had surgery or some other major health alteration, it’s just as easy to do 20 sit ups on January 2 as it is on February 18. It feels harder, though. People like to make decisions, but following through on them is another thing altogether. That’s where character and persistence come in.
There are a lot of things that make up your character. One of the big ones is keeping your word. If you are known, rightfully so, as a person who does not keep his or her word, then your character is shot, along with your reputation. And do not even try to get away with “no one will know”. You’ll know, and your opinion of yourself and your character is important. If you lie to yourself repeatedly, then you will not see yourself as trustworthy, and others will pick up on that, whether they know about your broken promises or not.
However, don’t forget that word “worthy” in the quote. If you decide that you’re going to exercise for an hour every morning before work, and something happens that you can no longer keep that decision, let yourself off the hook. If your job changes, or your car breaks down and you have to commute a different way, or your health alters, or you start working later for an important project and can’t get to sleep on time for now, these are good and legitimate reasons for not being able to exercise an entire hour every morning. If you just don’t feel like it, or if your favorite TV show is now on later so you “have” to stay up later, or if it’s too rainy or foggy or cold or nice out for you to exercise, these aren’t good excuses. But, if you are not going to keep your decision any way, then decide to do that. Don’t just let your promise to yourself or to another linger and lapse. Grab your character, dust it off, and state that you are not going to keep that decision any longer.
Promises are harder to keep than they are to make. Decisions are harder to abide by than they are to make. First, only make those that you can and that you intend to keep. Then, keep them or stop them, if you can’t. As your character improves, your self esteem will improve, and you will feel more powerful. And that will improve your Future.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Complaining
Every one must see daily instances of people who complain from a mere habit of complaining. - Richard Graves, Olla Podrida 6 October 1787
I hate whiners. I dislike negative people in general, but whiners and complainers, they’re some of the worst. Even when their life is relatively decent, they will have something to complain about, because complaining and dissatisfaction are at the center of their lives. They are dissatisfied with themselves and thus cannot be satisfied with anything else. They are annoying to listen to, because they typically cannot let you talk about anything, much less about anything positive.
Listen to yourself, and see how much you complain. I just complained for an entire paragraph right above this. But, I’ll let that go. If it comes up in conversation another time, I may mention it again. In fact, I probably will. But I’m not going to create an entire conversation complaining about complainers. Instead, let’s talk about what you (and I) can do to reduce the amount of complaining in the world.
How much do you complain? A lot of your complaints may be legitimate. If so, then express them where they need to be expressed and move on. Tell your neighbor the stereo is too loud, tell your boss that the hours are unreasonable, and tell your roommate that the kitchen is no place for dirty socks. And then let it drop. Do not go out with your friends and tell all of them about your neighbor, your boss, and your roommate. What are they going to do other than give you sympathy and attention? You can get attention in other ways, more positive ways.
Some of your complaints may be useless. Any complaint about the weather is useless. No one can do anything about it. Observation about the weather, sure. Want to start up some conversation with a random stranger at the bus stop or in the elevator? Talk about the weather. But, complaining about the weather to your friends and family? Don’t you have anything else to talk about? And if not, then why do you bother with them? Find a movie to watch or a game to play or something else that will occupy your time so you don’t have to speak.
And with some people, complaining is what you do, because that’s what the two of you do when you’re together. Do you really need a friend like that? You can get other friends. What if the two of you got together and didn’t complain? What if you talked about the good things that happened to you that week? What if you just expressed some thanks for being alive? Could you do that? Could your friend?
Complaining can be a habit, which means it can be broken. You don’t need negativity in your life. Your life and your Future are better off without it.
I hate whiners. I dislike negative people in general, but whiners and complainers, they’re some of the worst. Even when their life is relatively decent, they will have something to complain about, because complaining and dissatisfaction are at the center of their lives. They are dissatisfied with themselves and thus cannot be satisfied with anything else. They are annoying to listen to, because they typically cannot let you talk about anything, much less about anything positive.
Listen to yourself, and see how much you complain. I just complained for an entire paragraph right above this. But, I’ll let that go. If it comes up in conversation another time, I may mention it again. In fact, I probably will. But I’m not going to create an entire conversation complaining about complainers. Instead, let’s talk about what you (and I) can do to reduce the amount of complaining in the world.
How much do you complain? A lot of your complaints may be legitimate. If so, then express them where they need to be expressed and move on. Tell your neighbor the stereo is too loud, tell your boss that the hours are unreasonable, and tell your roommate that the kitchen is no place for dirty socks. And then let it drop. Do not go out with your friends and tell all of them about your neighbor, your boss, and your roommate. What are they going to do other than give you sympathy and attention? You can get attention in other ways, more positive ways.
Some of your complaints may be useless. Any complaint about the weather is useless. No one can do anything about it. Observation about the weather, sure. Want to start up some conversation with a random stranger at the bus stop or in the elevator? Talk about the weather. But, complaining about the weather to your friends and family? Don’t you have anything else to talk about? And if not, then why do you bother with them? Find a movie to watch or a game to play or something else that will occupy your time so you don’t have to speak.
And with some people, complaining is what you do, because that’s what the two of you do when you’re together. Do you really need a friend like that? You can get other friends. What if the two of you got together and didn’t complain? What if you talked about the good things that happened to you that week? What if you just expressed some thanks for being alive? Could you do that? Could your friend?
Complaining can be a habit, which means it can be broken. You don’t need negativity in your life. Your life and your Future are better off without it.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Pessimism
If we can recognize that change and uncertainty are basic principles, we can greet the future and the transformation we are undergoing with the understanding that we do not know enough to be pessimistic. - Hazel Henderson
According to this quote, pessimism is rather egotistical. You believe that there will be a particular outcome, something in the future is set in stone. But you can’t know that. You may be right. There may be things that happen just as you thought they would, but you aren’t right 100% of the time. “The country is going to hell in a handbasket.” Really? Are you sure? We have survived a great deal throughout our history, and we can survive this. “Morality is going downhill.” Perhaps, perhaps not. There are still many people helping others. Mainstream media certain has more swearing and nudity than it used to, but does that mean that we as a society are less moral than we were 50 years ago? And whose morals are we talking about? Yours? Why do you get to judge the entire country?
Pessimism means that you believe you know, that you out of everybody on this planet have knowledge of the future. Not just that, not only do you have knowledge, but you have the right to judge that future as bad. Sorry to break it to you, but you don’t. You have your rights to have opinions on things, but you don’t get to judge the future or me or anyone else. You simply don’t know. So why not hope for the best? It costs the same amount of energy, and it certainly makes life more fun.
According to this quote, pessimism is rather egotistical. You believe that there will be a particular outcome, something in the future is set in stone. But you can’t know that. You may be right. There may be things that happen just as you thought they would, but you aren’t right 100% of the time. “The country is going to hell in a handbasket.” Really? Are you sure? We have survived a great deal throughout our history, and we can survive this. “Morality is going downhill.” Perhaps, perhaps not. There are still many people helping others. Mainstream media certain has more swearing and nudity than it used to, but does that mean that we as a society are less moral than we were 50 years ago? And whose morals are we talking about? Yours? Why do you get to judge the entire country?
Pessimism means that you believe you know, that you out of everybody on this planet have knowledge of the future. Not just that, not only do you have knowledge, but you have the right to judge that future as bad. Sorry to break it to you, but you don’t. You have your rights to have opinions on things, but you don’t get to judge the future or me or anyone else. You simply don’t know. So why not hope for the best? It costs the same amount of energy, and it certainly makes life more fun.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Be the Change
You must be the change you wish to see in the world. - Mahatma Gandhi
This quote has been on numerous posters and bumper stickers, so it’s probably familiar to people who read this blog. It’s still valid, no matter how many times or in how many places you’ve seen it. People who complain about things but do nothing to make changes are negative for no reason, and they should have no place in your life. You deserve better than negativity. People who make changes in the world are worth knowing. Some people go overboard and recruit everyone they can get their hands on for their cause. There are many worthwhile causes. Don’t let them drag into something that doesn’t meet your personal goals or would take more time than you can afford.
What if you don’t have time for anything? What if you’re booked solid for your entire life? First, declutter your life. Check out flylady or numerous other places and sources for decluttering advice. Second, check out your priorities. If you are placing a high priority on something about which you’re doing nothing, you’re either lying to yourself about its importance, or you’re not living your life in congruence to your beliefs. Neither of those things will help you get what you truly want out of life.
You don’t have to make huge changes in order to begin or to make a change. You want the world to be a cleaner place? Recycle a little more. Pick up a little trash you see in the park. Clean up your own messes. If everyone did that, the world would be so much cleaner. You want to see more money donated to worthy causes? Donate a dollar a week – figure out what you can do without, something little. Talk about worthy causes with friends and coworkers, see what they think about different charities; bring it to their attention. See if your employer has a matching program; if you make a donation, will they make one of the same amount. You want to see more love in the world? Be more loving. Give more hugs. Give more praise, but only if its sincere. Smile more often, and complain and criticize less.
You can make small changes that add up to big changes, when you keep doing them. You can be that change you want to see in the world.
This quote has been on numerous posters and bumper stickers, so it’s probably familiar to people who read this blog. It’s still valid, no matter how many times or in how many places you’ve seen it. People who complain about things but do nothing to make changes are negative for no reason, and they should have no place in your life. You deserve better than negativity. People who make changes in the world are worth knowing. Some people go overboard and recruit everyone they can get their hands on for their cause. There are many worthwhile causes. Don’t let them drag into something that doesn’t meet your personal goals or would take more time than you can afford.
What if you don’t have time for anything? What if you’re booked solid for your entire life? First, declutter your life. Check out flylady or numerous other places and sources for decluttering advice. Second, check out your priorities. If you are placing a high priority on something about which you’re doing nothing, you’re either lying to yourself about its importance, or you’re not living your life in congruence to your beliefs. Neither of those things will help you get what you truly want out of life.
You don’t have to make huge changes in order to begin or to make a change. You want the world to be a cleaner place? Recycle a little more. Pick up a little trash you see in the park. Clean up your own messes. If everyone did that, the world would be so much cleaner. You want to see more money donated to worthy causes? Donate a dollar a week – figure out what you can do without, something little. Talk about worthy causes with friends and coworkers, see what they think about different charities; bring it to their attention. See if your employer has a matching program; if you make a donation, will they make one of the same amount. You want to see more love in the world? Be more loving. Give more hugs. Give more praise, but only if its sincere. Smile more often, and complain and criticize less.
You can make small changes that add up to big changes, when you keep doing them. You can be that change you want to see in the world.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Change Can Be Scary
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. - Anatole France
We are constantly changing people, mostly. There are some people who have stubbornly insisted on remaining the same day after day, year after year. But most of us grow and change. We aren’t the same people we were a decade ago, and acknowledging that can be a scary thing. One of the worst accusations a friend can make is “You’re changed”. You may try to deny it, but it’s probably true, even without you thinking about it.
It’s the unconscious changes that are the scariest, in my opinion, once you realize them, that is. So long they remain unknown, then how can you be scared? But once you’ve woken up to the fact that your life and your actions are now what you would have expected from who you were “back then”, the change is scary. “How did this happen?” “When did this happen?” “Why did this happen?” Why? Because you weren’t changing intentionally, so you changed as life wanted to shape you.
You’re going to change. It’s inevitable. You can spend a ton of time and energy in never changing, and that’s you’re choice, but things will just change around you instead. The question is, are you going to direct your change, manage it, make certain that you come out on the other side where you want to be? Or are you just going to let the winds of fate take you?
The second choice isn’t so bad, so long as you have enough inner strength to withstand the bad times, but most people who resign themselves to fate do so because they lack the inner strength to bother taking control of their own lives. Either option can be taken to extremes, of course. But are you now where you want to be? And if not, what are you going to do about it?
What’s scarier to you – the effort of making a change where you don’t know the outcome, or the thought of you being exactly like you are 5 or 10 years from now? Change can be scary, but being out of control of yourself can be scarier still.
We are constantly changing people, mostly. There are some people who have stubbornly insisted on remaining the same day after day, year after year. But most of us grow and change. We aren’t the same people we were a decade ago, and acknowledging that can be a scary thing. One of the worst accusations a friend can make is “You’re changed”. You may try to deny it, but it’s probably true, even without you thinking about it.
It’s the unconscious changes that are the scariest, in my opinion, once you realize them, that is. So long they remain unknown, then how can you be scared? But once you’ve woken up to the fact that your life and your actions are now what you would have expected from who you were “back then”, the change is scary. “How did this happen?” “When did this happen?” “Why did this happen?” Why? Because you weren’t changing intentionally, so you changed as life wanted to shape you.
You’re going to change. It’s inevitable. You can spend a ton of time and energy in never changing, and that’s you’re choice, but things will just change around you instead. The question is, are you going to direct your change, manage it, make certain that you come out on the other side where you want to be? Or are you just going to let the winds of fate take you?
The second choice isn’t so bad, so long as you have enough inner strength to withstand the bad times, but most people who resign themselves to fate do so because they lack the inner strength to bother taking control of their own lives. Either option can be taken to extremes, of course. But are you now where you want to be? And if not, what are you going to do about it?
What’s scarier to you – the effort of making a change where you don’t know the outcome, or the thought of you being exactly like you are 5 or 10 years from now? Change can be scary, but being out of control of yourself can be scarier still.
Friday, April 17, 2009
The Point
I would rather work with five people who really believe in what they are doing rather than five hundred who can't see the point. - Patrick Dixon in Building a Better Business
Ability, efficiency, and passion. Those three things can make something work. It’s tough to get by with only two of them, but of the three, passion may be the most important. When you’re missing passion, no amount of ability or efficiency will get you it. If you’ve got passion, though, you’ll get the ability and efficiency, if you have to, because it’s important to you to do so. This is true in many, many places. Who’s going to practice football plays for hours on end? The one with the ability or the one with the passion? Who’s going to spend their nights learning and relearning business strategies? The one who’s efficient or the one who’s passionate? Ability can be learned. Innate talent cannot, but ability can be. Efficiency can be learned, usually at a high cost if you’re not careful, but it can be learned. Passion cannot be learned.
If you can’t see the point in what you’re doing, do something else. In my opinion, a Future without passion about something, isn’t worth living.
Ability, efficiency, and passion. Those three things can make something work. It’s tough to get by with only two of them, but of the three, passion may be the most important. When you’re missing passion, no amount of ability or efficiency will get you it. If you’ve got passion, though, you’ll get the ability and efficiency, if you have to, because it’s important to you to do so. This is true in many, many places. Who’s going to practice football plays for hours on end? The one with the ability or the one with the passion? Who’s going to spend their nights learning and relearning business strategies? The one who’s efficient or the one who’s passionate? Ability can be learned. Innate talent cannot, but ability can be. Efficiency can be learned, usually at a high cost if you’re not careful, but it can be learned. Passion cannot be learned.
If you can’t see the point in what you’re doing, do something else. In my opinion, a Future without passion about something, isn’t worth living.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Starting Place
To become different from what we are, we must have some awareness of what we are. - Eric Hoffer
When someone asks you for directions, what’s the first thing you need to know? Where they are. Unless you know where they are, how can you tell them how to get someplace else? You can do vague things like “take this highway south”, but if you don’t know if they’re anywhere near the highway, that doesn’t help. If they’re in Alaska, and you’re in New York, you’re going to tell them different things than if they were in Florida. You need a starting point.
And when you create your Future, you need a starting point, too. If you want to build your Future on today, which is the only way you can build something lasting, you have to know what kind of foundation you’ve got. The way to do that is to know about your life and about yourself. Do you really want X, or is that something you’re going for to please someone else? How important is money to you, really? Any answer is acceptable, so long as it’s the truth. If money is very important to you, then don’t take a job that pays you very little. If money is not important to you, then don’t take the good-paying job that sucks your soul out of your body 60 hours a week. How healthy are you? Can you handle a high stress job? Do you need to move somewhere for your health, or will you in a few years? If you’re going to need to move, starting a business in your current location isn’t such a good idea. Then there’s the people aspect. If you can’t stand Dave, don’t go into business with him, no matter what kind of excellent ideas he has. And definitely don’t date him, even if he “looks good on paper”. Do you dream of going to Tibet for a year? What are you doing about it now? What can you do about it now? How are you arranging your life so that you can accomplish it? You can’t rearrange your life until you know all the pieces, or at the very least some of the pieces, and yet people do it constantly. They want something different, but they don’t realize what they’ve already got.
Before you go changing, find out what is true about you and your Life right now. It’s the best way to create your Future.
When someone asks you for directions, what’s the first thing you need to know? Where they are. Unless you know where they are, how can you tell them how to get someplace else? You can do vague things like “take this highway south”, but if you don’t know if they’re anywhere near the highway, that doesn’t help. If they’re in Alaska, and you’re in New York, you’re going to tell them different things than if they were in Florida. You need a starting point.
And when you create your Future, you need a starting point, too. If you want to build your Future on today, which is the only way you can build something lasting, you have to know what kind of foundation you’ve got. The way to do that is to know about your life and about yourself. Do you really want X, or is that something you’re going for to please someone else? How important is money to you, really? Any answer is acceptable, so long as it’s the truth. If money is very important to you, then don’t take a job that pays you very little. If money is not important to you, then don’t take the good-paying job that sucks your soul out of your body 60 hours a week. How healthy are you? Can you handle a high stress job? Do you need to move somewhere for your health, or will you in a few years? If you’re going to need to move, starting a business in your current location isn’t such a good idea. Then there’s the people aspect. If you can’t stand Dave, don’t go into business with him, no matter what kind of excellent ideas he has. And definitely don’t date him, even if he “looks good on paper”. Do you dream of going to Tibet for a year? What are you doing about it now? What can you do about it now? How are you arranging your life so that you can accomplish it? You can’t rearrange your life until you know all the pieces, or at the very least some of the pieces, and yet people do it constantly. They want something different, but they don’t realize what they’ve already got.
Before you go changing, find out what is true about you and your Life right now. It’s the best way to create your Future.
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