You must once and for all give up being worried about successes and failures. Don't let that concern you. It's your duty to go on working steadily day by day, quite steadily, to be prepared for mistakes, which are inevitable, and for failures.- Anton Chekhov
Consistency is key in making non-drastic changes. Not perfection, but consistency. If you are trying to improve your body by working out several times a week, don’t beat yourself up if you miss one of your times. If you continue on with your plan and pick up where you left off, then you are being consistent. Not perfect, but consistent. And consistent will get you where you want to go. Perfect is too hard to keep up, if not impossible to achieve in the first place. To change your Future, you need to make changes consistently. It may feel like you need to do something huge in order to get any change, but that’s your perfectionism talking. We all have it. “If I can’t have it perfect right now, then there’s no point.” “There’s no point in doing just a little. What does a little do? Let’s do it big!” But big isn’t always possible, and if you do make a big change, will you be able to keep it up? Or deal with the consequences? Sometimes, you need to lay a solid foundation of consistent steps before you make a large change. Weight gain is a good example. Let’s say there’s and overweight woman. She did not go out and consume an entire buffet or a whole cow’s worth of beef or thirty-seven pies at once. She did not gain weight overnight. It took years of consistently putting in more calories than she took out in order for her to gain the weight, and that is true whether she weights 5 pounds more than she’d like or 100 pounds more. It was consistent steps that put the weight on, and it is consistent steps that will take the weight off. Homework is another good example. The person who studies a little bit of a text book every school night will have an easier time of the final exam than the one who tries to read it all in a single night. Also, a person doesn’t get their high school diploma or their general equivalency degree in a single day’s time. It takes work done consistently over a period of time. Work steadily towards your goal. It may seem like your goal is impossibly large, that you can only do it all at once, but that’s doubtful. Take a look at it again. Perhaps there are small steps you can take to prepare.
A novel? A novel is written one word at a time. Even the people who participate in National Novel Writing Month still have daily word counts and small goals to reach the 50,000 word mark. The majority of the people who succeed in reaching the goal are the ones who work a little every single day, not the people who decide three days before the deadline that now is the time to start.
A business of your own? Do you have the money you need to support yourself while your business starts up? Do you have the room for your business, wherever you decide to put your office? Have you thought up a name? Have you taken small business courses or seminars to help prepare yourself for what’s coming up? There is a lot of preparation that goes into “an overnight success”.
Leaving your spouse? Do you have a checking account of your own? Your own money? A means of supporting yourself? Do you know where your important papers are – birth certificate, social security card, marriage license, will, etc.? Do you have a place to go? Are you mentally prepared to do this? Have you looked up divorce laws to see what you need to know? Have you looked into divorce lawyers, perhaps even selected one already?
Leaving your abusive spouse? Get out as quickly as possible. Do the things I listed above, if you can (get your important papers first), and leave. You are worth more than that. There is no excuse for you to be abused, and you shouldn’t abuse yourself by putting up with it.
Even huge, important things can be accomplished with slow and steady steps. You will make mistakes. You will not be perfect. But you can be consistent and steady, and you can succeed. You can make your Future as you want.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Surgery
I had surgery a week and a day ago. It was one of the most frightening things in my life. I have cancer, and they may or may not have gotten it all. What was frightening to me, though, wasn’t the thought of cancer. I knew I could beat that. It was still early, the cancer was still small, and if that surgery didn’t get it all, a second one would. What frightened me was the lack of control I felt over the entire thing, particularly when I was in the operating room. I got in, was undressed mostly by another person while there were about seven other people in the room, very few of whom I knew, all of whom had masks. They positioned me above a hole on the operating table, spread out my arms, and strapped me down. They caused me pain – with good intent, but with little regard to the fact that I was in pain. It was “necessary” and thus my discomfort didn’t mean anything to them. I am a spiritual person, and I pray nearly every day, but I doubt I’ve prayed harder than I did that day. Afterwards, I was disoriented, separated from my family, and the doctor was gone. The doctor told my family what happened and how things were, but didn’t stick around to tell me. I heard it second hand from my family, who are not in the medical profession and thus may or may not have gotten it right. I got a phone call from my doctor almost a week later – I didn’t even get to meet with her in person. I will get to meet with her in a few weeks – almost four weeks after the surgery. I know she’s a busy person, but it angers me that I, the patient, am held in so little regard when it comes to my surgery.
I was told by my doctor on that phone call that took place a day after it was supposed to with no apologies for the delay that the type of cancer I have is more caused by lifestyle choices than by genetics or environmental concerns. Other than through smoking, I didn’t know a person could cause their own cancer. I am angry that I didn’t know this. I am angry that my doctor never told me this. I knew that being overweight can cause problems with one’s circulatory system and that one’s diet can cause problems with one’s arteries. I am exercising, and I have changed my diet. What I didn’t know was that I could cause myself cancer. Heart attacks, diabetes, hypertension – these I knew, but I didn’t know that I could cause myself cancer.
But that’s what I apparently did. And I’m angry at myself.
My doctor didn’t tell me during the phone call what I was doing that was causing the cancer, and I didn’t ask. And I’m angry at both of us for that.
My vision of the Future includes my body whole and healthy, not ravaged by either disease or surgery. I choose, today and every day forward, to birth the Future with choices that respect my body, that put my health in the forefront. I won’t have a future if I don’t continue to live, and I won’t have a full range of choices if I don’t have my health. Choices, that is what is important – options. To make the full use of what you have at the time that you have it. Without my full health, I will not have as many options. I will still have options, but not as many. But I have options today, and I make choices today, and today I choose to birth a Future with my body whole and healthy.
May your Future hold you similarly, in whatever form whole and healthy is for you.
I was told by my doctor on that phone call that took place a day after it was supposed to with no apologies for the delay that the type of cancer I have is more caused by lifestyle choices than by genetics or environmental concerns. Other than through smoking, I didn’t know a person could cause their own cancer. I am angry that I didn’t know this. I am angry that my doctor never told me this. I knew that being overweight can cause problems with one’s circulatory system and that one’s diet can cause problems with one’s arteries. I am exercising, and I have changed my diet. What I didn’t know was that I could cause myself cancer. Heart attacks, diabetes, hypertension – these I knew, but I didn’t know that I could cause myself cancer.
But that’s what I apparently did. And I’m angry at myself.
My doctor didn’t tell me during the phone call what I was doing that was causing the cancer, and I didn’t ask. And I’m angry at both of us for that.
My vision of the Future includes my body whole and healthy, not ravaged by either disease or surgery. I choose, today and every day forward, to birth the Future with choices that respect my body, that put my health in the forefront. I won’t have a future if I don’t continue to live, and I won’t have a full range of choices if I don’t have my health. Choices, that is what is important – options. To make the full use of what you have at the time that you have it. Without my full health, I will not have as many options. I will still have options, but not as many. But I have options today, and I make choices today, and today I choose to birth a Future with my body whole and healthy.
May your Future hold you similarly, in whatever form whole and healthy is for you.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Book Review – You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought
I’ll be doing book reviews now and again, for books I think you should avoid or ones that I think you could benefit from reading – ones that would help us create a future we want, help us focus our energies on the Future to birth it as we intend.
You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought by John-Roger and Peter McWilliams is a great book. It’s in the Life 101 series of books, which includes Life 101 and Do It Now, both of which I also recommend. You Can’t… is about how our thoughts affect our life, how our focus in life increases, no matter what that is. Have you ever known anyone who constantly was negative? Focused on the clouds instead of the sky? Always thought about the five minutes of turbulence on a plane ride instead of the three other hours of easy flight? And how did their lives go? Were they all fluffiness and sunshine? Or did they have a miserable life? (and perhaps seemed the happier for it, ironically)
Where you place your focus, your thoughts, your energy, is what increases in your life. If you focus on the negative, negative will increase, or at the very least it will seem so, because that’s all you’ll think about. If you forget to be grateful for your blessings, they’ll go find someplace where they’re welcome.
This book can help you rearrange your thoughts until they are in line with the life you want, with the Future you want. It’s an easy read. Don’t be intimidated by the size. Half the pages have a single quote on them. Let me know what you think, and if you have any books that you would suggest to those who would give Birth to the Future.
You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought by John-Roger and Peter McWilliams is a great book. It’s in the Life 101 series of books, which includes Life 101 and Do It Now, both of which I also recommend. You Can’t… is about how our thoughts affect our life, how our focus in life increases, no matter what that is. Have you ever known anyone who constantly was negative? Focused on the clouds instead of the sky? Always thought about the five minutes of turbulence on a plane ride instead of the three other hours of easy flight? And how did their lives go? Were they all fluffiness and sunshine? Or did they have a miserable life? (and perhaps seemed the happier for it, ironically)
Where you place your focus, your thoughts, your energy, is what increases in your life. If you focus on the negative, negative will increase, or at the very least it will seem so, because that’s all you’ll think about. If you forget to be grateful for your blessings, they’ll go find someplace where they’re welcome.
This book can help you rearrange your thoughts until they are in line with the life you want, with the Future you want. It’s an easy read. Don’t be intimidated by the size. Half the pages have a single quote on them. Let me know what you think, and if you have any books that you would suggest to those who would give Birth to the Future.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Why Me?
I’ve been wrestling with this essay for about a week and a half, not really wanting to write it because I know that it’s aimed at me as much as it is any of you. But, the basis of this post is “if this is a blog about changing the future, why do all of the posts seem to be about changing me?”
Why me? Why do I have to change? I want to bring about world peace. I want wars to end, for hunger to be wiped out, for racism to stop, and for everyone to live in harmony. I want everyone else to change. I’m fine, or at the very least doing the best that I can. I donate money (and perhaps time). I recycle. I am polite to meter maids and small children. What’s so wrong with me that we have to talk about how I have to change? Why can’t we talk about them? They’re the ones that have to change.
I’ll tell you why we aren’t talking about them – the ones who don’t bother picking up after themselves, the bosses who make racist jokes, the police officers who let off pretty women with just a warning while others get tickets, the anti-gay protestors, the vandals and desecrators. We aren’t talking about how to change them because we can’t change them. We simply can’t.
There are a lot of things we can do, but we can’t change other people. We can change their actions for a short amount of time. We can hold a gun to their heads and say “do this or die” and most will do what we want. We can withhold sex or allowances or invitations to our house or our good will. We can nag and threaten and bully. But what does that get us? A temporary change in their behavior, which they will change back once we stop actively forcing them to alter their ways. We wouldn’t have changed the people themselves.
People do change, and people do influence other people to change, but not against the other’s will. And it’s a whole lot easier to change by example than by force or coercion.
If a celebrity did a commercial on TV against smoking and you saw her later in the news smoking away, would you listen to her?
If your aunt Mabel gained 100 pounds of weight over the past year and then yelled at you for having a second piece of cake, would you listen to her?
If your sister told you not to go out with rough men and don’t let them treat you like dirt while she’s covering up her latest bruise from the fourth boyfriend she’s had in six months, would you listen to her?
No, most likely not. Because the integrity of a hypocrite is low. Because we don’t listen to hypocrites unless they’re telling us something we were already prepared to hear, whether it came from a hypocrite, a sincere person, or a fortune cookie. But someone who’s sincere, someone who also doesn’t smoke, doesn’t overeat, and doesn’t let men smack them around – that’s someone that we’re more likely to listen to.
There’s a story about Ghandi where a woman asked him to tell her son not to eat sugar. She went to him, because her son would listen to a wise man like Ghandi. Ghandi told her to come to him in two weeks with her son. In two weeks, they came back, and Ghandi told the boy to stop eating sugar. The mother asked him, if that’s all he was going to do, why couldn’t he do that two weeks ago? Ghandi replied that two weeks ago, he was still eating sugar himself.
This is why we’re looking at ourselves. This is why we are improving our own lives and our own futures. It is because the only way to get others to decide to change or at least to prepare them for change later, is by example.
And that can suck. Because it’s easier to try to change others than to change yourself. At least at first. But change is also contagious. As you change the small things, the big things become easier. And as you change yourself, you’ll find that others around you change – or you’ll discover that they won’t change and you no longer want to be the type of person who enjoys their company.
That last part is one of the more difficult things about change, and one of the big reasons why some people don’t change. They don’t want to face the big problems of their lives, so they keep around the smaller problems to focus on. They distract themselves from their spouses’ cheating (or just apathy) by concentrating on their dirty house, and they keep it dirty so that they don’t have the time or energy to “see” the cheating. They say they want a clean house, but deep down, they want their marriage more, and to not have to face the problems in their marriage, they have other problems instead.
Change yourself first, and others will follow. Perhaps not the ones that you are currently with, but others. It is, unfortunately, the only effective way. But you’re not alone. You can trust me on that.
Why me? Why do I have to change? I want to bring about world peace. I want wars to end, for hunger to be wiped out, for racism to stop, and for everyone to live in harmony. I want everyone else to change. I’m fine, or at the very least doing the best that I can. I donate money (and perhaps time). I recycle. I am polite to meter maids and small children. What’s so wrong with me that we have to talk about how I have to change? Why can’t we talk about them? They’re the ones that have to change.
I’ll tell you why we aren’t talking about them – the ones who don’t bother picking up after themselves, the bosses who make racist jokes, the police officers who let off pretty women with just a warning while others get tickets, the anti-gay protestors, the vandals and desecrators. We aren’t talking about how to change them because we can’t change them. We simply can’t.
There are a lot of things we can do, but we can’t change other people. We can change their actions for a short amount of time. We can hold a gun to their heads and say “do this or die” and most will do what we want. We can withhold sex or allowances or invitations to our house or our good will. We can nag and threaten and bully. But what does that get us? A temporary change in their behavior, which they will change back once we stop actively forcing them to alter their ways. We wouldn’t have changed the people themselves.
People do change, and people do influence other people to change, but not against the other’s will. And it’s a whole lot easier to change by example than by force or coercion.
If a celebrity did a commercial on TV against smoking and you saw her later in the news smoking away, would you listen to her?
If your aunt Mabel gained 100 pounds of weight over the past year and then yelled at you for having a second piece of cake, would you listen to her?
If your sister told you not to go out with rough men and don’t let them treat you like dirt while she’s covering up her latest bruise from the fourth boyfriend she’s had in six months, would you listen to her?
No, most likely not. Because the integrity of a hypocrite is low. Because we don’t listen to hypocrites unless they’re telling us something we were already prepared to hear, whether it came from a hypocrite, a sincere person, or a fortune cookie. But someone who’s sincere, someone who also doesn’t smoke, doesn’t overeat, and doesn’t let men smack them around – that’s someone that we’re more likely to listen to.
There’s a story about Ghandi where a woman asked him to tell her son not to eat sugar. She went to him, because her son would listen to a wise man like Ghandi. Ghandi told her to come to him in two weeks with her son. In two weeks, they came back, and Ghandi told the boy to stop eating sugar. The mother asked him, if that’s all he was going to do, why couldn’t he do that two weeks ago? Ghandi replied that two weeks ago, he was still eating sugar himself.
This is why we’re looking at ourselves. This is why we are improving our own lives and our own futures. It is because the only way to get others to decide to change or at least to prepare them for change later, is by example.
And that can suck. Because it’s easier to try to change others than to change yourself. At least at first. But change is also contagious. As you change the small things, the big things become easier. And as you change yourself, you’ll find that others around you change – or you’ll discover that they won’t change and you no longer want to be the type of person who enjoys their company.
That last part is one of the more difficult things about change, and one of the big reasons why some people don’t change. They don’t want to face the big problems of their lives, so they keep around the smaller problems to focus on. They distract themselves from their spouses’ cheating (or just apathy) by concentrating on their dirty house, and they keep it dirty so that they don’t have the time or energy to “see” the cheating. They say they want a clean house, but deep down, they want their marriage more, and to not have to face the problems in their marriage, they have other problems instead.
Change yourself first, and others will follow. Perhaps not the ones that you are currently with, but others. It is, unfortunately, the only effective way. But you’re not alone. You can trust me on that.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Fail Better
Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
- Samuel Beckett
“Fail better”. I like that. It appeals to me. That portion of the quote is the part that got me to keep it in my quotes list. It gets to the heart of the matter, really. That there is no true failure other than to give up. You go off a diet? Get back on (or make a lifestyle change, which is better, but people have been arguing about that for a while). Next time you fall off the wagon, eat one bag of potato chips instead of two. Or eat just the potato chips, forget the dip. Or drink down a glass of lemonade with your binge instead of the soda. When you fall off the wagon this time, make it better than last time.
Are you trying to quit smoking? Did you have a cigarette today anyway? Okay. You smoked a cigarette. That does not change that you are trying to quit smoking unless you let it. Don’t let it. Let it be a small failure, a stumbling block along the way to being a non-smoker. It doesn’t have to be the end of your journey to being a non-smoker, just a flat tire. Change the flat tire and continue on the journey. Don’t let a single flat tire stop you in achieving your goal. Don’t let a hundred flat tires stop you. It isn’t important that you become a non-smoker this month versus three years from now. What’s important is that you become a non-smoker at all.
Don’t give up. Use each time as a way of making your change better.
Smoking – why did you smoke that cigarette? Were you hanging around with Joan again, and she took you to that bar where they still allow people to smoke indoors and it all just looked so good? Don’t go there. Find a different bar that doesn’t allow people to smoke. And if Joan insists that you go to that bar, do something else with Joan. Let Joan smoke on her own time, and when she’s with you, do something else. It could be that Joan’s a huge amount of fun when she’s at a bar, and you really really enjoy the adventures and hijinks you guys get into when the two of you are at a bar. Do you enjoy it more than you enjoy the benefits of not smoking? Maybe you’ll need to find a compromise. Maybe there are other adventures – non-smoking adventures – to be had. Perhaps there are adventures with other people to be had. Maybe you’ll have to figure out how not to smoke when you’re in that bar (you can practice without Joan, that way you can leave when the craving becomes overwhelming). Or maybe you’ll decide that you can smoke, but only with Joan, and only at that bar. It’s up to you. Use this “failure” as a lesson in what causes you to smoke, and avoid those triggers, or figure out a different way to satisfy whatever gets satisfied by smoking. Then, next time, you can fail better.
Eating – why did you eat the two bags of potato chips with dip and a soda? Perhaps it was dinner time, and you didn’t feel like cooking? Or you would have cooked if there had been any food in the house and clean dishes with which to cook? Maybe you were feeling bad and needed some comfort food. Maybe you were watching a movie on TV, and you always eat potato chips when you watch a movie on TV. There are ways to change these “problems”. They aren’t really problems afterall, just excuse-riddled issues that can be resolved. Invest in some frozen dinners, and you’ll always have something to cook for dinner. Check out Flylady (see links to the right) and her link to Saving Dinner, which will teach you how to shop for food and cook easy meals. Or if you don’t like their system, find another one. Type in “menu planning” into Yahoo or Google or whatever you use, and you’ll find plenty of options. Some of them will even include shopping lists for their menus, so you’ll always have the right food on hand (if you go shopping, that is). If you don’t have the money, check out their free samples and supplement it with a trip to the library for some of the books. No clean dishes? Flylady can help with that, too (unless, like in my household, dishes are someone else’s chore, in which case, you’ll just have to suck it up). Or, make doing dishes more interesting. Get a mini TV and put it into your kitchen so you can watch it while you do dishes. Invest in some chocolate covered cherries (or some other small, delicious treat), and you can have one (just one!) if and only if you do a load of dishes – from putting in the dirty ones to setting up the dishwasher to drying and putting away the clean ones. Or use some non-food reward if it’d work better for you. Comfort food is tougher. There aren’t a whole lot of substitutes, food-wise, for comfort food. You can find healthier alternatives, of course. The internet can help you there. Or perhaps you can find something else that’s comforting. A walk. A phone call to a good friend. Hand-writing a letter to someone who cares. A good cry. A pet. If you always eat when you’re watching a movie, change what you eat. The experts suggest raw vegetables. I have to tell you, I don’t like celery raw. It’s one of the most frequently heard vegetables, one of the most common for me, that you ought to eat. It’s good for you and you can add peanut butter on it and it has next to no calories (or something like that). Yay. I don’t care. I don’t like the stringiness of it, and I don’t find the taste worth the investment of time to de-string the celery. It’s taken me a long time to realize this. But you know what I do like? Radishes. Particularly when they’re cut into halves and quarters, because then you can eat just part of a radish, if you want. Some of the radishes I get at the grocery store are huge, and I don’t want to eat a whole one. But, if I take five minutes, I can wash and cut up an entire bag of radishes and have it ready to eat over the next several days (which is about how long it’d take me to eat a small bag of radishes). Maybe it’s neither radishes nor celery for you. Perhaps you prefer beets or turnips or cucumbers or any of a number of other things. Just find something you will eat (not just can, but will), and eat that instead of potato chips, or eat half vegetables and half potato chips, or something. Just so you eat healthier now than you were eating a year ago. That’s all you have to do. Some experts say eat 4-6 servings of fruit a day. Some experts say eat 1-2 servings of fruit a day because of the sugar content. I say, if it takes fruit to keep you from eating a candy bar, then eat fruit. Because fruit will be better for you. And raw fruit that isn’t in a can or in syrup. Preferably with the skin on. But if not, so be it. If the only way you eat fruit is out of a can with heavy syrup, better that than some of the junk you could be eating. And you can modify that as you want. Light syrup. Experimenting with other fruits that are easier to eat raw. Whatever it takes for you to eat healthier today than you did a year ago, because who you are today is the only competition you need.
As for everything else, the theory’s the same. Figure out why you’re doing the “bad habit”, and then stop or alter the “why”. Do you go out to have sex with miscellaneous stranger Q the day after you talk on the phone with your controlling parents, every time you talk with your parents? Stop talking with your parents. Write them a letter instead, and if they call, say you have someone coming over. Don’t let them control you. You are wonderful and amazing, and you are in control of yourself, not them. Does Bob buy you a drink whenever you see him down by the bar and he refuses to buy you any of the “pansy stuff” as he refers to the non-alcoholic knock-offs? Tell him no. Or if he’s one of those overly-sensitive types who can’t take no for an answer, make a deal with the bartender sometime when Bob’s not around – when Bob buys you a drink, make it a non-alcoholic one that just looks like alcohol. What Bob doesn’t know won’t hurt you (though are you sure you want to hang around someone who wants to control your drinking habits in that manner?). Do hours fly by whenever you’re on the computer to the extent that you forget to clean the house or do the dishes or pick up your husband from the airport or sleep and other things like that? Don’t get on the computer until you’ve done “enough” for the day, and then reward yourself with computer time. Or get one of those electronic plug-in timers where it’ll turn something on or off at a particular time (like people get for lights when they go away on vacation). Attach it to your computer and set it for a time you definitely need to be off the computer by. If you want to save your work, you’ll have to get off the computer by that time, or at least pause long enough to hit ctrl-S or press the “save game” button in the menu. That’s a bit drastic, though, and it could be damaging to your computer if you space out again and the computer suddenly gets “unplugged”. Better to set a timer like an egg-timer next to you on the computer desk and stop when it goes off. Or within 5 minutes of when it goes off so that you have time to save your game or your work or whatever. The temptation to just reset the timer because “it’s still early” or “traffic should be light, I’ll have enough time” or “I’ll do it tomorrow” will be very strong. But you can be stronger. And if not, take some even more drastic measures and uninstall that piece of software that is eating up your life. Just as the sex-addict shouldn’t let her parents control her, you don’t need to have the computer controlling you. You deserve a full and happy life, and there is more to life than computer.
Find out why you are “failing” and use that to fail better next time. If you do that, then you have no failures, just lessons. Good luck.
- Samuel Beckett
“Fail better”. I like that. It appeals to me. That portion of the quote is the part that got me to keep it in my quotes list. It gets to the heart of the matter, really. That there is no true failure other than to give up. You go off a diet? Get back on (or make a lifestyle change, which is better, but people have been arguing about that for a while). Next time you fall off the wagon, eat one bag of potato chips instead of two. Or eat just the potato chips, forget the dip. Or drink down a glass of lemonade with your binge instead of the soda. When you fall off the wagon this time, make it better than last time.
Are you trying to quit smoking? Did you have a cigarette today anyway? Okay. You smoked a cigarette. That does not change that you are trying to quit smoking unless you let it. Don’t let it. Let it be a small failure, a stumbling block along the way to being a non-smoker. It doesn’t have to be the end of your journey to being a non-smoker, just a flat tire. Change the flat tire and continue on the journey. Don’t let a single flat tire stop you in achieving your goal. Don’t let a hundred flat tires stop you. It isn’t important that you become a non-smoker this month versus three years from now. What’s important is that you become a non-smoker at all.
Don’t give up. Use each time as a way of making your change better.
Smoking – why did you smoke that cigarette? Were you hanging around with Joan again, and she took you to that bar where they still allow people to smoke indoors and it all just looked so good? Don’t go there. Find a different bar that doesn’t allow people to smoke. And if Joan insists that you go to that bar, do something else with Joan. Let Joan smoke on her own time, and when she’s with you, do something else. It could be that Joan’s a huge amount of fun when she’s at a bar, and you really really enjoy the adventures and hijinks you guys get into when the two of you are at a bar. Do you enjoy it more than you enjoy the benefits of not smoking? Maybe you’ll need to find a compromise. Maybe there are other adventures – non-smoking adventures – to be had. Perhaps there are adventures with other people to be had. Maybe you’ll have to figure out how not to smoke when you’re in that bar (you can practice without Joan, that way you can leave when the craving becomes overwhelming). Or maybe you’ll decide that you can smoke, but only with Joan, and only at that bar. It’s up to you. Use this “failure” as a lesson in what causes you to smoke, and avoid those triggers, or figure out a different way to satisfy whatever gets satisfied by smoking. Then, next time, you can fail better.
Eating – why did you eat the two bags of potato chips with dip and a soda? Perhaps it was dinner time, and you didn’t feel like cooking? Or you would have cooked if there had been any food in the house and clean dishes with which to cook? Maybe you were feeling bad and needed some comfort food. Maybe you were watching a movie on TV, and you always eat potato chips when you watch a movie on TV. There are ways to change these “problems”. They aren’t really problems afterall, just excuse-riddled issues that can be resolved. Invest in some frozen dinners, and you’ll always have something to cook for dinner. Check out Flylady (see links to the right) and her link to Saving Dinner, which will teach you how to shop for food and cook easy meals. Or if you don’t like their system, find another one. Type in “menu planning” into Yahoo or Google or whatever you use, and you’ll find plenty of options. Some of them will even include shopping lists for their menus, so you’ll always have the right food on hand (if you go shopping, that is). If you don’t have the money, check out their free samples and supplement it with a trip to the library for some of the books. No clean dishes? Flylady can help with that, too (unless, like in my household, dishes are someone else’s chore, in which case, you’ll just have to suck it up). Or, make doing dishes more interesting. Get a mini TV and put it into your kitchen so you can watch it while you do dishes. Invest in some chocolate covered cherries (or some other small, delicious treat), and you can have one (just one!) if and only if you do a load of dishes – from putting in the dirty ones to setting up the dishwasher to drying and putting away the clean ones. Or use some non-food reward if it’d work better for you. Comfort food is tougher. There aren’t a whole lot of substitutes, food-wise, for comfort food. You can find healthier alternatives, of course. The internet can help you there. Or perhaps you can find something else that’s comforting. A walk. A phone call to a good friend. Hand-writing a letter to someone who cares. A good cry. A pet. If you always eat when you’re watching a movie, change what you eat. The experts suggest raw vegetables. I have to tell you, I don’t like celery raw. It’s one of the most frequently heard vegetables, one of the most common for me, that you ought to eat. It’s good for you and you can add peanut butter on it and it has next to no calories (or something like that). Yay. I don’t care. I don’t like the stringiness of it, and I don’t find the taste worth the investment of time to de-string the celery. It’s taken me a long time to realize this. But you know what I do like? Radishes. Particularly when they’re cut into halves and quarters, because then you can eat just part of a radish, if you want. Some of the radishes I get at the grocery store are huge, and I don’t want to eat a whole one. But, if I take five minutes, I can wash and cut up an entire bag of radishes and have it ready to eat over the next several days (which is about how long it’d take me to eat a small bag of radishes). Maybe it’s neither radishes nor celery for you. Perhaps you prefer beets or turnips or cucumbers or any of a number of other things. Just find something you will eat (not just can, but will), and eat that instead of potato chips, or eat half vegetables and half potato chips, or something. Just so you eat healthier now than you were eating a year ago. That’s all you have to do. Some experts say eat 4-6 servings of fruit a day. Some experts say eat 1-2 servings of fruit a day because of the sugar content. I say, if it takes fruit to keep you from eating a candy bar, then eat fruit. Because fruit will be better for you. And raw fruit that isn’t in a can or in syrup. Preferably with the skin on. But if not, so be it. If the only way you eat fruit is out of a can with heavy syrup, better that than some of the junk you could be eating. And you can modify that as you want. Light syrup. Experimenting with other fruits that are easier to eat raw. Whatever it takes for you to eat healthier today than you did a year ago, because who you are today is the only competition you need.
As for everything else, the theory’s the same. Figure out why you’re doing the “bad habit”, and then stop or alter the “why”. Do you go out to have sex with miscellaneous stranger Q the day after you talk on the phone with your controlling parents, every time you talk with your parents? Stop talking with your parents. Write them a letter instead, and if they call, say you have someone coming over. Don’t let them control you. You are wonderful and amazing, and you are in control of yourself, not them. Does Bob buy you a drink whenever you see him down by the bar and he refuses to buy you any of the “pansy stuff” as he refers to the non-alcoholic knock-offs? Tell him no. Or if he’s one of those overly-sensitive types who can’t take no for an answer, make a deal with the bartender sometime when Bob’s not around – when Bob buys you a drink, make it a non-alcoholic one that just looks like alcohol. What Bob doesn’t know won’t hurt you (though are you sure you want to hang around someone who wants to control your drinking habits in that manner?). Do hours fly by whenever you’re on the computer to the extent that you forget to clean the house or do the dishes or pick up your husband from the airport or sleep and other things like that? Don’t get on the computer until you’ve done “enough” for the day, and then reward yourself with computer time. Or get one of those electronic plug-in timers where it’ll turn something on or off at a particular time (like people get for lights when they go away on vacation). Attach it to your computer and set it for a time you definitely need to be off the computer by. If you want to save your work, you’ll have to get off the computer by that time, or at least pause long enough to hit ctrl-S or press the “save game” button in the menu. That’s a bit drastic, though, and it could be damaging to your computer if you space out again and the computer suddenly gets “unplugged”. Better to set a timer like an egg-timer next to you on the computer desk and stop when it goes off. Or within 5 minutes of when it goes off so that you have time to save your game or your work or whatever. The temptation to just reset the timer because “it’s still early” or “traffic should be light, I’ll have enough time” or “I’ll do it tomorrow” will be very strong. But you can be stronger. And if not, take some even more drastic measures and uninstall that piece of software that is eating up your life. Just as the sex-addict shouldn’t let her parents control her, you don’t need to have the computer controlling you. You deserve a full and happy life, and there is more to life than computer.
Find out why you are “failing” and use that to fail better next time. If you do that, then you have no failures, just lessons. Good luck.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Junk Food for the Soul
Each of us is a unique, creative individual. But we often blur that uniqueness with sugar, alcohol, drugs, overwork, underplay, bad relations, toxic sex, underexercise, over-TV, undersleep – many and varied forms of junk food for the soul.
-Julia Cameron
Did you see yourself in that quote? I certainly do. I don’t do drugs, and I don’t drink alcohol, but most of the rest of them apply to me. And I agree, they are junk food for the soul. They are the greasy potato chips of time. If you’re hungry, you may decide to snack on some greasy potato chips. They taste good, at the time. They don’t satisfy your nutritional needs. They add unhealthy things to your body and increase the amount of calories you’ll have to burn off. In the long run, and sometimes in the short run, they don’t do you any good. But they taste good for a moment. And the above activities may distract you from your life, from your misery, from what you don’t want to think about, but only for the moment, and in the long run, they do you more harm than good.
If there is one thing that you should take away from this blog it is this: You are good enough. So many of the problems in this world are caused by people having low self esteem and doing nothing about it or trying to put others down to make themselves feel better. “I may suck, but at least I’m not as bad as him!” It doesn’t change the fact that you think you suck (which you don’t), but you don’t have to have it at the front of your mind.
You are good enough, and you deserve a good life, and you deserve a good future, and you can affect the Future. You can change it, you can give birth to it, and you are an active part of it, whether you are active or not. What you do or don’t do affects your life and the lives around you, and that is what gives birth to the Future.
You are good enough, and you deserve better than the junk food for the soul. It isn’t easy to wean yourself away from these things, that is true. It will take time, practice, and patience. And you will have minor stumbling blocks along the way. As long as you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and continue on, you will do fine. No one does a diet perfectly, not a food diet or a junk food for the soul diet. There will be days that you need “just a little something”, but take it from someone who has been there. The longer you go without your “fix” and the more you are aware of your desire and the results of the “fix” (and you can choose to be aware), the less you’ll find that the “fix” will give you what you desire - distraction. Now, some people will take that to mean that you just have to increase the intensity of the “fix”. If one drink no longer does it, then have two. If going out partying two nights a week isn’t enough, go out five. If several hours in front of the TV isn’t fixing your life, then there must be a talk show on channel 57 that will address just that topic. But it doesn’t work. Because it doesn’t give you what you want. What you want is the pain to stop. What you want is for your life to improve. But what you’re getting is just a rest stop on this trip called life. You’re just getting a small break. The pain and the quality of your life will still be there when you get back, if they haven’t gotten worse. A drug addict can’t improve his life with more drugs. A TV addict can’t improve his life with more TV. A sex addict can’t improve his life with more sex. All it will do is provide a short period of time when you think that you aren’t thinking about it. But are you really not thinking about it? With any part of your brain? Or is it always at the back of your head, waiting to speak to you if you don’t drown it first in whatever your choice of addictions is?
You deserve better than junk food. It may seem comforting and the only thing that understands you and can bring you pleasure, but it doesn’t really bring you pleasure. It numbs the pain, and that is all. Compare to the pain you feel, numbness is a blessing at times, but you deserve better. You deserve real pleasure. You deserve to feel good. You deserve to feel great. And you can’t get that from anyone or anything but yourself.
Doing what needs to be done in order to get to the pleasure, in order to eliminate the pain in your life, is a scary thing, but you can do it. You are strong enough to take the next step. That step may be the teeniest, tiniest baby step of all times. It may be a millimeter or a nanometer or perhaps just a hair’s breadth, but you can do it. You can do what you need to do next.
Is sugar your fix? Is that what you use to numb the pain, to distract you from what is wrong in your life? It was for me for a long time. I got a wake-up call from my doctor just about a year ago, and I’ve been changing my life since. That which used to taste incredible to me is now too sweet, and I welcome the change even as I mourn it. I miss enjoying the sweet candies I used to love, but I’m glad my body is healthier and is looking for healthier things to eat. (Red grapes, by the way, can be incredibly sweet and are much healthier for you than candy bars.) It took the wake up call from my doctor, though. I thought about getting back to a healthier weight for years, but I didn’t do it until I had to. It may be true for you, too. But, you can prepare yourself for the “have to” event, just as I did. You can prepare yourself with thoughts. You can think about what kind of changes you’ll make if you have to. You can think about what the “have to” even will be. For me, it was weighing 60 pounds more than I’d like to. All the way up to that point, I didn’t have to in my opinion. But that weight combined with my doctor’s warnings were enough. I had to at that point. What will it be for you? When you weigh a certain amount? Or your pants or dress size is a certain number? Or you get winded walking up a flight of stairs? What will be your “have to” event? Whatever it is, however far off into the future it may be, be sure to have one. People have literally died from not having a “have to” event. They just let it keep going and going until it was too late.
Perhaps it’s alcohol, a very insidious thing. It physically addicts you just as its effects mentally addict you. But you are stronger than it. The big leap would be to cut yourself off cold turkey, but that’s not the only step you can take. Maybe you can limit the amount of money you spend on alcohol or the number of drinks you have in a day or the time of day you begin drinking. Maybe that’s too much for you, too. Maybe you need to start with your thoughts, also. Don’t tell yourself “I will stop after this drink” if you know you won’t. Don’t make promises to yourself that you won’t keep. It’ll just make you feel worse later, and you don’t need that. Instead, before each drink, think. Think, “I choose to drink this.” Do just that. Make yourself mindful of your drinking. Don’t just pour yourself another beer or grab another wine cooler or order another scotch. Think. Just for half a second. It won’t delay your drink enough to matter to your addictions, but it will matter tremendously for your strength to stop. You can be insidious, too. You don’t want not to remember how many drinks you had the previous night. Don’t let the alcohol control you. It’s your life, your body, your money, your time. You get to do with it what you want, and don’t let alcohol change that. Just think. Even just once in a night. Let that be your next step. It doesn’t seem like it’ll do anything, but thoughts are insidious, too. It’s amazing what you can do with them.
And that works for everything else, too. That’s one of the reasons why people who go on diets are encouraged to write down everything they eat in a day, because they don’t realize it. Their actions bypass their thoughts. By writing it down, the dieters realize how much they eat and when and what. It brings food to their consciousness.
You may ask “But how does that apply to sex or bad relationships? Certainly people know when they’re having sex!” That’s a very good point. But have you ever known anyone who couldn’t tell you how many lovers they’ve had? Or someone who wouldn’t be able to tell you the first and last names of everyone they’ve had sex with? They were there, of course. This was a part of their lives. They should be able to remember. But they don’t, because the actions weren’t important enough for them to think about, or rather their actions were too important for them to think about. If they thought about what they were doing, then they might stop, and they didn’t want to stop, because stopping meant feeling the pain, and that was the point – avoiding the pain. Or someone who is always forgiving their spouse or significant other? Who couldn’t tell you really what the fight was about the previous night that you heard through their walls? Who wouldn’t be able to tell you the number of times that the other person insulted them or broke a promise or whatever form of abuse they choose? Because they don’t want to think about it. If they thought about it, they’d have to do something about it – even if that something is to choose not to do anything. If they don’t think about it, they don’t have to make that choice, and the choice is painful. Acknowledging the truth about their relationship is not something they want to do. If they thought, they’d have to feel the pain, and they don’t want to do that.
But that’s the sneaky thing about pain. It’ll stay with you until you feel it. Until you acknowledge it, it will stay with you either in your mind or your body. How can it stay in your body, you ask? Ulcers. High blood pressure. Weakened immune system due to stress. Others have theories about how the body stores memories, and some of the stuff is rather fascinating. Pain is sneaky, and it demands attention, and the only attention it will accept is for you to feel it, either directly or through problems you have. Have you ever had a memory that will not go away? And it’s something you don’t like? Pain is making you remember it. It wants the attention. Unfortunately, when you give it attention, that memory doesn’t always go away. If that’s the case, then it’s usually a sign of something deeper, something more problematic, something even worse that you don’t want to face. Is that memory part of a pattern? Did someone break their word to you in the memory, and it keeps coming up because you aren’t seeing that this is an isolated incident? Did you break your word to someone in the memory, and it keeps coming up because you’re afraid that your integrity is crumbling and the memory is a warning sign? Sometimes, the same memory or the same pain or the same thought will keep coming up because it’s the tip of the iceberg, and that’s a scary thought, but just as you don’t have to take all the steps at the same time, you also don’t have to tackle the iceberg all at once. You can chip away at it until its icecubes that melt in the sun. Icebergs take a long time to make, and they can take a long time to dissolve, but how much better will your life be at the end of the iceberg? How much worse off than you are now will you be if you ignore the iceberg?
If you cannot quit or cannot reduce what you’re addicted to, then think about quitting and reducing. And if you cannot think about that, then think about thinking about it. Make a date with yourself. “Next Tuesday at 6:30, I will think about going on a diet/not having sex with strangers/not watching so much TV/etc. for five minutes.” Remind yourself of this date every so often. Keep the date, as best you can. Maybe you can’t make the full five minutes. Maybe you’ll only make one, and that’s with your mind wandering to other things frequently. That’s okay. You’re thinking about it more than you had previously. Make another date. Make it for another five minutes. See if you can last the entire time this time.
And if thinking about quitting or reducing is too much and if thinking about thinking about it seems too weird, then choose. When you turn on the TV, at the start of each program, think to yourself, “I choose to watch this next program.” “I choose to spend the next hour watching TV.” When you grab the ice cream from the freezer, think, “I choose to eat this ice cream.” When you get dressed up to go out and nail yourself some tail, think, “I choose to have sex tonight.” Make your actions conscious choices, not unconscious addictions. Choose to do these things, because you want to, not because you need to. Regain your power. Even that hair’s breadth of a step is still a step. You can do it. You are worth it.
You are an amazing person. You just need to un-bury yourself from beneath the junk food in your soul.
-Julia Cameron
Did you see yourself in that quote? I certainly do. I don’t do drugs, and I don’t drink alcohol, but most of the rest of them apply to me. And I agree, they are junk food for the soul. They are the greasy potato chips of time. If you’re hungry, you may decide to snack on some greasy potato chips. They taste good, at the time. They don’t satisfy your nutritional needs. They add unhealthy things to your body and increase the amount of calories you’ll have to burn off. In the long run, and sometimes in the short run, they don’t do you any good. But they taste good for a moment. And the above activities may distract you from your life, from your misery, from what you don’t want to think about, but only for the moment, and in the long run, they do you more harm than good.
If there is one thing that you should take away from this blog it is this: You are good enough. So many of the problems in this world are caused by people having low self esteem and doing nothing about it or trying to put others down to make themselves feel better. “I may suck, but at least I’m not as bad as him!” It doesn’t change the fact that you think you suck (which you don’t), but you don’t have to have it at the front of your mind.
You are good enough, and you deserve a good life, and you deserve a good future, and you can affect the Future. You can change it, you can give birth to it, and you are an active part of it, whether you are active or not. What you do or don’t do affects your life and the lives around you, and that is what gives birth to the Future.
You are good enough, and you deserve better than the junk food for the soul. It isn’t easy to wean yourself away from these things, that is true. It will take time, practice, and patience. And you will have minor stumbling blocks along the way. As long as you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and continue on, you will do fine. No one does a diet perfectly, not a food diet or a junk food for the soul diet. There will be days that you need “just a little something”, but take it from someone who has been there. The longer you go without your “fix” and the more you are aware of your desire and the results of the “fix” (and you can choose to be aware), the less you’ll find that the “fix” will give you what you desire - distraction. Now, some people will take that to mean that you just have to increase the intensity of the “fix”. If one drink no longer does it, then have two. If going out partying two nights a week isn’t enough, go out five. If several hours in front of the TV isn’t fixing your life, then there must be a talk show on channel 57 that will address just that topic. But it doesn’t work. Because it doesn’t give you what you want. What you want is the pain to stop. What you want is for your life to improve. But what you’re getting is just a rest stop on this trip called life. You’re just getting a small break. The pain and the quality of your life will still be there when you get back, if they haven’t gotten worse. A drug addict can’t improve his life with more drugs. A TV addict can’t improve his life with more TV. A sex addict can’t improve his life with more sex. All it will do is provide a short period of time when you think that you aren’t thinking about it. But are you really not thinking about it? With any part of your brain? Or is it always at the back of your head, waiting to speak to you if you don’t drown it first in whatever your choice of addictions is?
You deserve better than junk food. It may seem comforting and the only thing that understands you and can bring you pleasure, but it doesn’t really bring you pleasure. It numbs the pain, and that is all. Compare to the pain you feel, numbness is a blessing at times, but you deserve better. You deserve real pleasure. You deserve to feel good. You deserve to feel great. And you can’t get that from anyone or anything but yourself.
Doing what needs to be done in order to get to the pleasure, in order to eliminate the pain in your life, is a scary thing, but you can do it. You are strong enough to take the next step. That step may be the teeniest, tiniest baby step of all times. It may be a millimeter or a nanometer or perhaps just a hair’s breadth, but you can do it. You can do what you need to do next.
Is sugar your fix? Is that what you use to numb the pain, to distract you from what is wrong in your life? It was for me for a long time. I got a wake-up call from my doctor just about a year ago, and I’ve been changing my life since. That which used to taste incredible to me is now too sweet, and I welcome the change even as I mourn it. I miss enjoying the sweet candies I used to love, but I’m glad my body is healthier and is looking for healthier things to eat. (Red grapes, by the way, can be incredibly sweet and are much healthier for you than candy bars.) It took the wake up call from my doctor, though. I thought about getting back to a healthier weight for years, but I didn’t do it until I had to. It may be true for you, too. But, you can prepare yourself for the “have to” event, just as I did. You can prepare yourself with thoughts. You can think about what kind of changes you’ll make if you have to. You can think about what the “have to” even will be. For me, it was weighing 60 pounds more than I’d like to. All the way up to that point, I didn’t have to in my opinion. But that weight combined with my doctor’s warnings were enough. I had to at that point. What will it be for you? When you weigh a certain amount? Or your pants or dress size is a certain number? Or you get winded walking up a flight of stairs? What will be your “have to” event? Whatever it is, however far off into the future it may be, be sure to have one. People have literally died from not having a “have to” event. They just let it keep going and going until it was too late.
Perhaps it’s alcohol, a very insidious thing. It physically addicts you just as its effects mentally addict you. But you are stronger than it. The big leap would be to cut yourself off cold turkey, but that’s not the only step you can take. Maybe you can limit the amount of money you spend on alcohol or the number of drinks you have in a day or the time of day you begin drinking. Maybe that’s too much for you, too. Maybe you need to start with your thoughts, also. Don’t tell yourself “I will stop after this drink” if you know you won’t. Don’t make promises to yourself that you won’t keep. It’ll just make you feel worse later, and you don’t need that. Instead, before each drink, think. Think, “I choose to drink this.” Do just that. Make yourself mindful of your drinking. Don’t just pour yourself another beer or grab another wine cooler or order another scotch. Think. Just for half a second. It won’t delay your drink enough to matter to your addictions, but it will matter tremendously for your strength to stop. You can be insidious, too. You don’t want not to remember how many drinks you had the previous night. Don’t let the alcohol control you. It’s your life, your body, your money, your time. You get to do with it what you want, and don’t let alcohol change that. Just think. Even just once in a night. Let that be your next step. It doesn’t seem like it’ll do anything, but thoughts are insidious, too. It’s amazing what you can do with them.
And that works for everything else, too. That’s one of the reasons why people who go on diets are encouraged to write down everything they eat in a day, because they don’t realize it. Their actions bypass their thoughts. By writing it down, the dieters realize how much they eat and when and what. It brings food to their consciousness.
You may ask “But how does that apply to sex or bad relationships? Certainly people know when they’re having sex!” That’s a very good point. But have you ever known anyone who couldn’t tell you how many lovers they’ve had? Or someone who wouldn’t be able to tell you the first and last names of everyone they’ve had sex with? They were there, of course. This was a part of their lives. They should be able to remember. But they don’t, because the actions weren’t important enough for them to think about, or rather their actions were too important for them to think about. If they thought about what they were doing, then they might stop, and they didn’t want to stop, because stopping meant feeling the pain, and that was the point – avoiding the pain. Or someone who is always forgiving their spouse or significant other? Who couldn’t tell you really what the fight was about the previous night that you heard through their walls? Who wouldn’t be able to tell you the number of times that the other person insulted them or broke a promise or whatever form of abuse they choose? Because they don’t want to think about it. If they thought about it, they’d have to do something about it – even if that something is to choose not to do anything. If they don’t think about it, they don’t have to make that choice, and the choice is painful. Acknowledging the truth about their relationship is not something they want to do. If they thought, they’d have to feel the pain, and they don’t want to do that.
But that’s the sneaky thing about pain. It’ll stay with you until you feel it. Until you acknowledge it, it will stay with you either in your mind or your body. How can it stay in your body, you ask? Ulcers. High blood pressure. Weakened immune system due to stress. Others have theories about how the body stores memories, and some of the stuff is rather fascinating. Pain is sneaky, and it demands attention, and the only attention it will accept is for you to feel it, either directly or through problems you have. Have you ever had a memory that will not go away? And it’s something you don’t like? Pain is making you remember it. It wants the attention. Unfortunately, when you give it attention, that memory doesn’t always go away. If that’s the case, then it’s usually a sign of something deeper, something more problematic, something even worse that you don’t want to face. Is that memory part of a pattern? Did someone break their word to you in the memory, and it keeps coming up because you aren’t seeing that this is an isolated incident? Did you break your word to someone in the memory, and it keeps coming up because you’re afraid that your integrity is crumbling and the memory is a warning sign? Sometimes, the same memory or the same pain or the same thought will keep coming up because it’s the tip of the iceberg, and that’s a scary thought, but just as you don’t have to take all the steps at the same time, you also don’t have to tackle the iceberg all at once. You can chip away at it until its icecubes that melt in the sun. Icebergs take a long time to make, and they can take a long time to dissolve, but how much better will your life be at the end of the iceberg? How much worse off than you are now will you be if you ignore the iceberg?
If you cannot quit or cannot reduce what you’re addicted to, then think about quitting and reducing. And if you cannot think about that, then think about thinking about it. Make a date with yourself. “Next Tuesday at 6:30, I will think about going on a diet/not having sex with strangers/not watching so much TV/etc. for five minutes.” Remind yourself of this date every so often. Keep the date, as best you can. Maybe you can’t make the full five minutes. Maybe you’ll only make one, and that’s with your mind wandering to other things frequently. That’s okay. You’re thinking about it more than you had previously. Make another date. Make it for another five minutes. See if you can last the entire time this time.
And if thinking about quitting or reducing is too much and if thinking about thinking about it seems too weird, then choose. When you turn on the TV, at the start of each program, think to yourself, “I choose to watch this next program.” “I choose to spend the next hour watching TV.” When you grab the ice cream from the freezer, think, “I choose to eat this ice cream.” When you get dressed up to go out and nail yourself some tail, think, “I choose to have sex tonight.” Make your actions conscious choices, not unconscious addictions. Choose to do these things, because you want to, not because you need to. Regain your power. Even that hair’s breadth of a step is still a step. You can do it. You are worth it.
You are an amazing person. You just need to un-bury yourself from beneath the junk food in your soul.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Hatred
Hatred is a cancer that eats you from inside. More like a fire that consumes what it burns but merely heats what is outside of it. If you think that your hatred or your anger punishes someone else, then you are blind to how much it is consuming you, warping you, destroying you. If you hate someone and the person doesn’t know it, how are they affected? Perhaps they detect a distance between you, perhaps a coldness. But it’s like a fire within you that they cannot feel. And if they do know that you hate them? Then they are merely observers around the fire, feeling its warmth, its heat, but not being consumed. Not like you are. Fire will turn wood to ash, into something dead. Fire will warp metal until its original purpose is not longer known, until it is twisted and misshapen, and that’s what anger and hatred will do to you. The person you hate merely feels the effects of the hatred, like a person sitting near a fire feels its warmth. But you are like the wood, the kindling, the paper that started the fire. You are being consumed and destroyed by the anger and hatred. You are worth more than that.
But it is easy to say the words “stop hating”. It’s something else entirely to actually do it.
You can start with distraction. The more time and energy you put into your hatred – through brooding or venting or acting out – the more you feed the fire within you, the more of yourself you put into the flames to become destroyed. You have a limited amount of time on this earth. Do not waste it on this hatred. Distract yourself from it. Find something you can be passionate about. You are a passionate person. Hate and anger are passionate emotions. Take your passion and apply it to something else. It may take you a while, and it may be that this something will distract you only momentarily, but that’s better than nothing. You keep at it, over and over again. Bit by bit, you take back your time from the hatred, from the anger, in little bits at a time. You take back your heart and your passion and your mind away from the things that are crippling you. You put them to more sustaining, giving things. In time, you will hate less and you will be angry less. It may take you a long while. Perhaps the first thing you try is not something that will help. Perhaps ballroom dancing or working on cars or working in the garden or volunteering at the hospital does not distract your mind or your heart. Then try something else. You are a passionate person. There is something else out there in the world that you can be passionate about.
This is for hatred and anger over things you can do nothing, or at least nothing moral. But if you’re in a horrendous situation, get out. Put your passion and time into creating a life that does not include whatever it is that is destroying you. If you are living with someone who abuses you, and you are angry over that, get out first. If you lived with someone who abused you and that was ten years ago and you haven’t seen that person since nor will you, and you’re still angry, then you need to figure out a way to put your passion into something else, something worth your time.
You are worth your time. If you are in a bad situation, put your passion into getting out. If you are in a great situation but cannot get over the past, distract yourself, perhaps get therapy, perhaps enter a sweat lodge or go on a retreat to recenter yourself and purge yourself. But you are worth more than hatred and anger will ever give you. You are an amazing person, and you deserve better. Hatred and anger are abusers, and they are abusing you. Throw them out of your life. You deserve a life of peace and positive passion.
But it is easy to say the words “stop hating”. It’s something else entirely to actually do it.
You can start with distraction. The more time and energy you put into your hatred – through brooding or venting or acting out – the more you feed the fire within you, the more of yourself you put into the flames to become destroyed. You have a limited amount of time on this earth. Do not waste it on this hatred. Distract yourself from it. Find something you can be passionate about. You are a passionate person. Hate and anger are passionate emotions. Take your passion and apply it to something else. It may take you a while, and it may be that this something will distract you only momentarily, but that’s better than nothing. You keep at it, over and over again. Bit by bit, you take back your time from the hatred, from the anger, in little bits at a time. You take back your heart and your passion and your mind away from the things that are crippling you. You put them to more sustaining, giving things. In time, you will hate less and you will be angry less. It may take you a long while. Perhaps the first thing you try is not something that will help. Perhaps ballroom dancing or working on cars or working in the garden or volunteering at the hospital does not distract your mind or your heart. Then try something else. You are a passionate person. There is something else out there in the world that you can be passionate about.
This is for hatred and anger over things you can do nothing, or at least nothing moral. But if you’re in a horrendous situation, get out. Put your passion and time into creating a life that does not include whatever it is that is destroying you. If you are living with someone who abuses you, and you are angry over that, get out first. If you lived with someone who abused you and that was ten years ago and you haven’t seen that person since nor will you, and you’re still angry, then you need to figure out a way to put your passion into something else, something worth your time.
You are worth your time. If you are in a bad situation, put your passion into getting out. If you are in a great situation but cannot get over the past, distract yourself, perhaps get therapy, perhaps enter a sweat lodge or go on a retreat to recenter yourself and purge yourself. But you are worth more than hatred and anger will ever give you. You are an amazing person, and you deserve better. Hatred and anger are abusers, and they are abusing you. Throw them out of your life. You deserve a life of peace and positive passion.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
It's Easier Than You Think
It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. -Seneca
It’s easier than you think to do what needs to be done. Anticipation and worry are terrible and usually make this thing to be worse than what it actually will be like.
Perhaps you want to tell your father that you love him. Perhaps it’s been a very long time since you have. Perhaps you’ve had a fight and haven’t spoken in a while, but you want to put that behind you. What’s the worst that could happen? He won’t say it back? He’ll mock you for being such a sissy as to say such a thing? He’ll say he loves you, too? Sometimes this last is scariest of all for some people. You can go and see him face to face and tell him then. But that may be too difficult for you. You can call him up and say it to him over the phone. But that may be too difficult for you. Then you can write him and say it to him in a letter. You won’t have to deal with him directly, and the response from him will be delayed. Perhaps that’s too difficult, too, and so you don’t do anything. You feel like it’s important for you to tell your father that you love him, that he doesn’t have much longer to live, to hear you say the words or read them off the page. But you feel it’s too difficult. It’ll be easier than you think. It’s the worry that keeps you from doing what needs to be done. It’s the negative anticipation that is barring you from making this supposedly-huge leap. But once you get it over with, once you sit down and do it, you’ll be amazed that you thought it so difficult later. It’s the worry that is beating you down.
Get out a piece of paper and put a pen next to it. That’s it. Just do that. You’re done for now. Tomorrow, address an envelope to your father. That’s it. The next day, put your own address as the return address and add a stamp. You’ve done this to hundreds if not thousands of envelopes in your life. You can do this. It’s not that difficult a thing. It’s only when you tie it up with the emotions, the worry, the anticipation, the dread of telling your father you love him that you find yourself paralyzed and unable to put a stamp on an envelope. So separate it. Tell your father you love him later, not the same day. Take this simple task that you’ve done countless times and do it. Just that. Separate out what is to come, and what you fear will come after that, away from this one task that you can do. The next day, write “Dear Dad” on the paper and leave it alone. The next day, write “I love you” on the same piece of paper and leave it alone. You’ve written “Dear Dad” before, just as you’ve put a stamp on an envelope before. You’ve (probably) written “I love you” on a piece of paper before, and you’re doing it again one more time. Don’t let your worry and fear and dread prevent you from doing the simple task of putting 8 letters onto paper. The next day, sign it. How many things have you signed in the past week? Checks, birthday cards, credit card receipts, and so on. You can sign a piece of paper, even if it does have “Dear Dad, I love you” on it. The next day, fold up the paper and seal it in your envelope. The next day, mail it. Now, this last step is incredibly hard. After actually starting with the piece of paper and pen, this is the second hardest step, but don’t be discouraged. You’ve mailed things before. You can mail this, too. And if you can’t, give it to someone else to mail. Or ask them to mail it and tell them where it is – you don’t even have to physically hand it to them. Just be sure it gets mailed.
There, in one week, you’ve managed to do something that you’ve been dreading for years. You’ve told your father that you loved him. Congratulations. That is less worry and fear within you to hold you back, to tie up your energy and life force in something that doesn’t serve you. And that’s how you birth the Future into something you want. You free up your energy, time, and life force from the things that are holding you back so that you can intentionally shape the Future.
If you are like most people I know, you have many regrets and wishes and “ought to”’s and “should have”’s. And they’re taking up too much of your time and energy. Even if you only think about them once in a while, that’s too often. Clean up each of them that you can. Do what you can that doesn’t hurt others and do what you can for yourself about the rest. Release the things that are holding you back, holding you down, tying up your life. You can be free of all that. You can direct your Future. You can direct the Future of the world, when you have the room in your life to look around and see where you want to go. Free yourself and birth the Future. You can do it. You are amazing, and you’ll be stunned what your life will be like when you free your heart and mind. You can do it. You’re too worth it not to.
It’s easier than you think to do what needs to be done. Anticipation and worry are terrible and usually make this thing to be worse than what it actually will be like.
Perhaps you want to tell your father that you love him. Perhaps it’s been a very long time since you have. Perhaps you’ve had a fight and haven’t spoken in a while, but you want to put that behind you. What’s the worst that could happen? He won’t say it back? He’ll mock you for being such a sissy as to say such a thing? He’ll say he loves you, too? Sometimes this last is scariest of all for some people. You can go and see him face to face and tell him then. But that may be too difficult for you. You can call him up and say it to him over the phone. But that may be too difficult for you. Then you can write him and say it to him in a letter. You won’t have to deal with him directly, and the response from him will be delayed. Perhaps that’s too difficult, too, and so you don’t do anything. You feel like it’s important for you to tell your father that you love him, that he doesn’t have much longer to live, to hear you say the words or read them off the page. But you feel it’s too difficult. It’ll be easier than you think. It’s the worry that keeps you from doing what needs to be done. It’s the negative anticipation that is barring you from making this supposedly-huge leap. But once you get it over with, once you sit down and do it, you’ll be amazed that you thought it so difficult later. It’s the worry that is beating you down.
Get out a piece of paper and put a pen next to it. That’s it. Just do that. You’re done for now. Tomorrow, address an envelope to your father. That’s it. The next day, put your own address as the return address and add a stamp. You’ve done this to hundreds if not thousands of envelopes in your life. You can do this. It’s not that difficult a thing. It’s only when you tie it up with the emotions, the worry, the anticipation, the dread of telling your father you love him that you find yourself paralyzed and unable to put a stamp on an envelope. So separate it. Tell your father you love him later, not the same day. Take this simple task that you’ve done countless times and do it. Just that. Separate out what is to come, and what you fear will come after that, away from this one task that you can do. The next day, write “Dear Dad” on the paper and leave it alone. The next day, write “I love you” on the same piece of paper and leave it alone. You’ve written “Dear Dad” before, just as you’ve put a stamp on an envelope before. You’ve (probably) written “I love you” on a piece of paper before, and you’re doing it again one more time. Don’t let your worry and fear and dread prevent you from doing the simple task of putting 8 letters onto paper. The next day, sign it. How many things have you signed in the past week? Checks, birthday cards, credit card receipts, and so on. You can sign a piece of paper, even if it does have “Dear Dad, I love you” on it. The next day, fold up the paper and seal it in your envelope. The next day, mail it. Now, this last step is incredibly hard. After actually starting with the piece of paper and pen, this is the second hardest step, but don’t be discouraged. You’ve mailed things before. You can mail this, too. And if you can’t, give it to someone else to mail. Or ask them to mail it and tell them where it is – you don’t even have to physically hand it to them. Just be sure it gets mailed.
There, in one week, you’ve managed to do something that you’ve been dreading for years. You’ve told your father that you loved him. Congratulations. That is less worry and fear within you to hold you back, to tie up your energy and life force in something that doesn’t serve you. And that’s how you birth the Future into something you want. You free up your energy, time, and life force from the things that are holding you back so that you can intentionally shape the Future.
If you are like most people I know, you have many regrets and wishes and “ought to”’s and “should have”’s. And they’re taking up too much of your time and energy. Even if you only think about them once in a while, that’s too often. Clean up each of them that you can. Do what you can that doesn’t hurt others and do what you can for yourself about the rest. Release the things that are holding you back, holding you down, tying up your life. You can be free of all that. You can direct your Future. You can direct the Future of the world, when you have the room in your life to look around and see where you want to go. Free yourself and birth the Future. You can do it. You are amazing, and you’ll be stunned what your life will be like when you free your heart and mind. You can do it. You’re too worth it not to.
Be the first
After “It’s too late”, “no one else is doing it” is one of the lousiest excuses ever. At one point in time, everyone ate their meat raw. Someone was the first one to cook meat. There had to have been a first person. And now most people eat it that way. At one point in time, everyone lived in caves rather than in man-made structures. Someone was the first person to create a home. There had to be a first person. And now most people live that way.
There is always a first person. There is always somebody who decides that this has to change, that it should change, that it shall change, and the change will start with them.
Be the first person. I assure you, in many cases, you just don’t see the others already doing their part. You don’t know how many people are volunteering at the food pantry until you volunteer there yourself. You don’t know how many people are cleaning up the trash along the road until you’re out there doing it yourself and you meet someone else doing the exact same thing.
Or perhaps you will be the first person. But there will soon enough be a second. And a third. You will not be alone for long. But do. What you can, where you can. Just do. Because it needs to be done and because you can. Good luck.
There is always a first person. There is always somebody who decides that this has to change, that it should change, that it shall change, and the change will start with them.
Be the first person. I assure you, in many cases, you just don’t see the others already doing their part. You don’t know how many people are volunteering at the food pantry until you volunteer there yourself. You don’t know how many people are cleaning up the trash along the road until you’re out there doing it yourself and you meet someone else doing the exact same thing.
Or perhaps you will be the first person. But there will soon enough be a second. And a third. You will not be alone for long. But do. What you can, where you can. Just do. Because it needs to be done and because you can. Good luck.
It's Never Too Late
It is never too late to be what you might have been.-George Eliot
Of all the excuses for not doing what you can, this is one of the worst. “It’s too late.” It may be too late to have the full effect, but having any effect is better than having an unintended negative effect. Because that’s what it is. You don’t do anything because you’re too old or it’s too late because you should have done it months ago if you wanted it to have any effect or it’s been so long since the “perfect time”. And then others see no one else doing anything, and they use that as their excuse. “Well, no one else was doing anything.” Good golly, I dislike that excuse, too.
There are few things which are permanent, for which there is a certain point of time when you can no longer be of help. Death is one of those things. Once a person is dead, you cannot bring them back to life. Bandages, antidotes to poisons, and pushing them out of the way of the speeding car will do them no good once they’re dead. Neither will telling them that you love them or want to read them the story or write them that letter. Death is one of the things for which there is a “too late”.
But there are so many other things for which there is no “too late”. Telling the survivors that the dearly departed was a wonderful person is something that you can do after death. It helps the survivors, not the dead, but it helps someone. It can help you, as well.
You can write that letter, you can apologize, you can tell someone you love them, and you can forgive, even for things that happened years ago or are years past what you may have thought was “too late”. Sometimes, when it’s too late for someone else, making the effort is right in time for you.
You can donate the money or food or clothing or time to the charity that needs it, even if you haven’t done so in the past several years. Even one-time donations can help quite a bit. You can go back to school and get the degree you’ve regretted never getting, even if you are 30, 40, 50, 75, whatever. Perhaps your degree won’t net you a fabulous job (since you’re past retirement age, or will be once you graduate), but you can still make use of the knowledge and serve as inspiration to others. You can learn that foreign language, take that trip, end the miserable relationship, mend the family rift that’s been going on since you were in diapers. You can do all that, or at the very least you can try. Because this excuse “It’s too late” is more about you not wanting to do something or being embarrassed about waiting, and it’ll eat inside you, the regret and the resentment and the anger and the fear of what you haven’t done. And it’ll keep you from being the whole and magnificent person you can be.
You can still be the magnificent person you were planning on being when you were a kid. You can still have the magnificent life you’ve always felt was your right, your destiny. Even if you cannot make it to its completion, your life will be better just for having started.
So many cancer victims and others who learn they have a death sentence health-wise go out and do things that they’ve always wanted to do, that they’d always planned on doing but had never gotten around to it. They realized that you can’t put off till tomorrow when you don’t have a tomorrow. Don’t make Life give you an ultimatum before you do what you need to do, what you want to do. Be who you can be, and be it now.
You are amazing, and it’s not too late to be even more magnificent still. It’s not too late. Start today.
Of all the excuses for not doing what you can, this is one of the worst. “It’s too late.” It may be too late to have the full effect, but having any effect is better than having an unintended negative effect. Because that’s what it is. You don’t do anything because you’re too old or it’s too late because you should have done it months ago if you wanted it to have any effect or it’s been so long since the “perfect time”. And then others see no one else doing anything, and they use that as their excuse. “Well, no one else was doing anything.” Good golly, I dislike that excuse, too.
There are few things which are permanent, for which there is a certain point of time when you can no longer be of help. Death is one of those things. Once a person is dead, you cannot bring them back to life. Bandages, antidotes to poisons, and pushing them out of the way of the speeding car will do them no good once they’re dead. Neither will telling them that you love them or want to read them the story or write them that letter. Death is one of the things for which there is a “too late”.
But there are so many other things for which there is no “too late”. Telling the survivors that the dearly departed was a wonderful person is something that you can do after death. It helps the survivors, not the dead, but it helps someone. It can help you, as well.
You can write that letter, you can apologize, you can tell someone you love them, and you can forgive, even for things that happened years ago or are years past what you may have thought was “too late”. Sometimes, when it’s too late for someone else, making the effort is right in time for you.
You can donate the money or food or clothing or time to the charity that needs it, even if you haven’t done so in the past several years. Even one-time donations can help quite a bit. You can go back to school and get the degree you’ve regretted never getting, even if you are 30, 40, 50, 75, whatever. Perhaps your degree won’t net you a fabulous job (since you’re past retirement age, or will be once you graduate), but you can still make use of the knowledge and serve as inspiration to others. You can learn that foreign language, take that trip, end the miserable relationship, mend the family rift that’s been going on since you were in diapers. You can do all that, or at the very least you can try. Because this excuse “It’s too late” is more about you not wanting to do something or being embarrassed about waiting, and it’ll eat inside you, the regret and the resentment and the anger and the fear of what you haven’t done. And it’ll keep you from being the whole and magnificent person you can be.
You can still be the magnificent person you were planning on being when you were a kid. You can still have the magnificent life you’ve always felt was your right, your destiny. Even if you cannot make it to its completion, your life will be better just for having started.
So many cancer victims and others who learn they have a death sentence health-wise go out and do things that they’ve always wanted to do, that they’d always planned on doing but had never gotten around to it. They realized that you can’t put off till tomorrow when you don’t have a tomorrow. Don’t make Life give you an ultimatum before you do what you need to do, what you want to do. Be who you can be, and be it now.
You are amazing, and it’s not too late to be even more magnificent still. It’s not too late. Start today.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
What Kind of Future?
What kind of future are you looking for? What kind of future do you want to create? Is it one of peace? Is it one without wars or crime or hate? What is in the future you are birthing?
My future is one of love. The future, as I shape it, will be more filled with love than the present. It will be more about love than the present. Love of the Deities, love of the earth, love of humanity, and love of self. These are the things that I will be using to shape the future. I also want contentment, peace, no wars, no crimes, but moreso than all of those things, I want the Future to be filled with love.
Love is the basis of so many things. It is difficult to be content if you do not have love. It is difficult to have peace if you do not have love. Love is the opposite of hate and will eradicate it. Crimes and wars are born from hate and desperation, both of which can be softened or eliminated by love. Love is the basis of all that I want for the Future. Without love, the Future would be hollow and allow too many of the evils into it.
Love of the Deities
Do you believe in a Higher Power? However you see him, her, or it, do you love the Higher Power(s)? Are you loved by the Higher Power? Strengthen your love, and allow his/her/its love to fill you.
Do you see the Higher Power as vengeful and condemning? Why? When there is so much good in this world, I cannot believe in a Higher Power that wishes me evil. But your religious beliefs are you own, and I will not dictate to you what you should believe.
Do you not believe in a Higher Power? That’s fine, too. You can love the universe, if you wish. There are forces that permeate throughout our earth, our lives, our universe – electromagnetic forces, gravity, among others.
Love of the Earth
Some people believe that when we use up the Earth, we’ll have enough advancement in technology that we can simply move on to the next planet. I find that a horrible and horrifying thought. To find the Earth so disposable is disgusting and disturbing to me. The Earth sustains us. It gave humankind life long ago and sustains the life now. I did not discard my parents when I was done with them. I do not eat from a plate and then toss it into the trash. I do not buy a new car each time I drive one. I understand that most people do not believe that the Earth is a living being, a spiritual being, or even a being at all. Many people see the Earth as minerals and a factory for reprocessing waste into usable components. I do not see that, and I dislike that thought. To turn the Earth into just a chemical process is similar to turning conception into just a chemical process. Many people still consider it a miracle that sperm meets egg, that life is sustained within the womb for nine months, and that a human being is born at the end, usually healthy and whole. I still consider it a miracle. But these same people - who see the mother turning food and drink into sustenance for the child, removing its waste and giving it warmth and protection – see the Earth doing the same thing as merely a bunch of molecules being put to different use. I don’t know if the Earth is a spiritual being, a living being, or even a being at all. But I respect what it has given us throughout these millions of years, and I love it for that. I want to take care of it, and I do so with recycling, reducing, and reusing as much as possible. I birth the Future so that we can choose to leave the Earth if we wish, but so we won’t have to leave it.
Love of humanity
I do love my fellow humans. As a whole. There are a lot of individuals that I have issue with. But as a whole, humanity is a good thing. And it is for those people that are good, kind, loving, or at least not malicious, that I do good things for humanity, that I love humanity with my actions. I donate to charities when I can. I compliment people when they deserve it. I vote for people who have humanity at the forefront of their thoughts and actions. I am not in a position to do much for humanity as a whole, but I can affect individuals and have a ripple effect that will spread throughout humanity. If I affect three people positively tomorrow, and they each affect three more positively, and so on, then within a week over 2,000 people will have a slightly better life because of the ripples that I started. If that continues for an entire month, all of humanity will be affected (over 200 billion). I can affect all of humanity by my actions towards individuals, because I can affect individuals and make the Future better for them and give them the freedom to make the Future better for others. Hate, fear, and anger tie us down and constrict us. Love can free us. And if I can give a little bit of love and positive energy to others, free them a little from their constrictions, then they will be free to pass along the love and energy to others, and free them a bit more. Love is like information. You can pass it along without diminishing it any within yourself. Your store of love can diminish only if you allow it.
Love of self
I love myself. I’m not talking about masturbation. I’m talking about feeling love for myself and treating myself with the love and respect I deserve. No matter what others say to me or treat me as, I have the knowledge within me that I am a worthwhile human being, that I deserve respect and love, and that I am wonderful, and I have this knowledge because I love myself. Love is an emotion, but it is also a verb. It is an action. And if you do not love yourself now, you may need to act as if you love yourself before you will feel it. Treat yourself with respect. Wear clothes that flatter you. Hang around people that also respect you or at least do not actively disrespect you. Limit the phone conversations you have with people who berate you. Treat your body with respect. Say no when you mean no. Say yes when you mean yes. See the doctor, if you need to. See the dentist, if you need to. Buy yourself shoes that do not hurt and get rid of the ones that do. If you have trouble falling asleep, try repeating the phrase “I love myself” over and over to yourself instead of the negative voices that try to cloud into your thoughts. Give negativity no room in your life. Give yourself the life and love you deserve.
Love is an amazing thing. You don’t even have to tell people that you feel love for them to recognize it. They don’t even have to realize that they recognize it for them to do so at some level. When you love, amazing things happen. My Future will have love in it. Will yours?
My future is one of love. The future, as I shape it, will be more filled with love than the present. It will be more about love than the present. Love of the Deities, love of the earth, love of humanity, and love of self. These are the things that I will be using to shape the future. I also want contentment, peace, no wars, no crimes, but moreso than all of those things, I want the Future to be filled with love.
Love is the basis of so many things. It is difficult to be content if you do not have love. It is difficult to have peace if you do not have love. Love is the opposite of hate and will eradicate it. Crimes and wars are born from hate and desperation, both of which can be softened or eliminated by love. Love is the basis of all that I want for the Future. Without love, the Future would be hollow and allow too many of the evils into it.
Love of the Deities
Do you believe in a Higher Power? However you see him, her, or it, do you love the Higher Power(s)? Are you loved by the Higher Power? Strengthen your love, and allow his/her/its love to fill you.
Do you see the Higher Power as vengeful and condemning? Why? When there is so much good in this world, I cannot believe in a Higher Power that wishes me evil. But your religious beliefs are you own, and I will not dictate to you what you should believe.
Do you not believe in a Higher Power? That’s fine, too. You can love the universe, if you wish. There are forces that permeate throughout our earth, our lives, our universe – electromagnetic forces, gravity, among others.
Love of the Earth
Some people believe that when we use up the Earth, we’ll have enough advancement in technology that we can simply move on to the next planet. I find that a horrible and horrifying thought. To find the Earth so disposable is disgusting and disturbing to me. The Earth sustains us. It gave humankind life long ago and sustains the life now. I did not discard my parents when I was done with them. I do not eat from a plate and then toss it into the trash. I do not buy a new car each time I drive one. I understand that most people do not believe that the Earth is a living being, a spiritual being, or even a being at all. Many people see the Earth as minerals and a factory for reprocessing waste into usable components. I do not see that, and I dislike that thought. To turn the Earth into just a chemical process is similar to turning conception into just a chemical process. Many people still consider it a miracle that sperm meets egg, that life is sustained within the womb for nine months, and that a human being is born at the end, usually healthy and whole. I still consider it a miracle. But these same people - who see the mother turning food and drink into sustenance for the child, removing its waste and giving it warmth and protection – see the Earth doing the same thing as merely a bunch of molecules being put to different use. I don’t know if the Earth is a spiritual being, a living being, or even a being at all. But I respect what it has given us throughout these millions of years, and I love it for that. I want to take care of it, and I do so with recycling, reducing, and reusing as much as possible. I birth the Future so that we can choose to leave the Earth if we wish, but so we won’t have to leave it.
Love of humanity
I do love my fellow humans. As a whole. There are a lot of individuals that I have issue with. But as a whole, humanity is a good thing. And it is for those people that are good, kind, loving, or at least not malicious, that I do good things for humanity, that I love humanity with my actions. I donate to charities when I can. I compliment people when they deserve it. I vote for people who have humanity at the forefront of their thoughts and actions. I am not in a position to do much for humanity as a whole, but I can affect individuals and have a ripple effect that will spread throughout humanity. If I affect three people positively tomorrow, and they each affect three more positively, and so on, then within a week over 2,000 people will have a slightly better life because of the ripples that I started. If that continues for an entire month, all of humanity will be affected (over 200 billion). I can affect all of humanity by my actions towards individuals, because I can affect individuals and make the Future better for them and give them the freedom to make the Future better for others. Hate, fear, and anger tie us down and constrict us. Love can free us. And if I can give a little bit of love and positive energy to others, free them a little from their constrictions, then they will be free to pass along the love and energy to others, and free them a bit more. Love is like information. You can pass it along without diminishing it any within yourself. Your store of love can diminish only if you allow it.
Love of self
I love myself. I’m not talking about masturbation. I’m talking about feeling love for myself and treating myself with the love and respect I deserve. No matter what others say to me or treat me as, I have the knowledge within me that I am a worthwhile human being, that I deserve respect and love, and that I am wonderful, and I have this knowledge because I love myself. Love is an emotion, but it is also a verb. It is an action. And if you do not love yourself now, you may need to act as if you love yourself before you will feel it. Treat yourself with respect. Wear clothes that flatter you. Hang around people that also respect you or at least do not actively disrespect you. Limit the phone conversations you have with people who berate you. Treat your body with respect. Say no when you mean no. Say yes when you mean yes. See the doctor, if you need to. See the dentist, if you need to. Buy yourself shoes that do not hurt and get rid of the ones that do. If you have trouble falling asleep, try repeating the phrase “I love myself” over and over to yourself instead of the negative voices that try to cloud into your thoughts. Give negativity no room in your life. Give yourself the life and love you deserve.
Love is an amazing thing. You don’t even have to tell people that you feel love for them to recognize it. They don’t even have to realize that they recognize it for them to do so at some level. When you love, amazing things happen. My Future will have love in it. Will yours?
Sunday, October 15, 2006
You are amazing
You are enough. There's no need to waste your energy, in trying to be someone else. No one is better than you. And what you do best, is being you. Wishing or pretending you're something that you're not, robs precious time and energy from being the best you can be. There's plenty of cause for joy, in the person that you are. To be your best, be yourself. No one sees the world, in quite the same way as you. No one cares, or loves, or gives, like you. You have something very special to offer. There are things you were meant to do. Be the best that you can be, by finding and mastering the art of being you.-Ralph Marston
You are amazing, quite simply incredible. If you're lucky or blessed, you've been told this. You grew up in a home where this was an acknowledged fact, or perhaps not acknowledged but simply known and felt. Keep that in your heart.
If you were not lucky or blessed enough to be told this as a child, then hear me now. You are amazing and incredible. There is no one like you. Even if you are an identical twin, there are still differences between you enough for you to be a unique individual.
Too many people compare themselves to others. "I couldn't be as good a writer as Stephen King." "I couldn't paint nearly as well as Georgia O'Keefe." "I can't bake as well as Mary down the street." "I'm not as good a salesperson as Bob." Or any of a number of other statements, comparisons. And what usually follows those statements is "so I may as well not try."
BULL!
No, you might not sell as many books as Stephen King, but you will not write the same books as Stephen King. You have something else to say, something different from what he is writing. There are many horror writers throughout time, none of which are exactly alike, but all very good. Do you think that the existence of H.P. Lovecraft stopped Stephen King from writing? Do you think he said, "Oh, there's already been an excellent horror writer. I won't bother trying."? NO! He obviously didn't. And you shouldn't either.
So you can't paint as well as Georgia O'Keefe. So what? Can Georgia O'Keefe paint as well as Picasso? Can Picasso paint as well as Rembrandt? And how do the three of them compare to Andy Warhol? There is so much for the human heart to say that it will never all be said. Paint, create, write, be amazing, and bring into the world some of the most wonderful stuff that ever has been - your perspective, unique and wonderful.
Perhaps Mary is the better baker. So what? She is not you. Do not try to be her. There is more to you than your baking. There is your attitude, there is your actions, there is your relationships with others. Was there a dish that your mother or aunt or uncle or neighbor made that was nothing like anyone else ever made? Perhaps a stew or brownies or some special something that made the pot roast so completely unique that you never found it anywhere else? Have you found better stews, brownies, or roasts elsewhere? Are you going to stop eating your loved one's food? There is room enough in this world for more than one excellent bakers, cooks, salespersons, mothers, radicals, etc. There is room enough for more than one excellent one, but you will forever be compared to the "better" one if you are constantly trying to be/act/sell like that person. Be yourself. There will be no need for comparison if you are yourself, because you are unique, and you bring something to this world that no one else ever has and no one else ever will. Be yourself. You are amazing, and the world needs you.
You are amazing, quite simply incredible. If you're lucky or blessed, you've been told this. You grew up in a home where this was an acknowledged fact, or perhaps not acknowledged but simply known and felt. Keep that in your heart.
If you were not lucky or blessed enough to be told this as a child, then hear me now. You are amazing and incredible. There is no one like you. Even if you are an identical twin, there are still differences between you enough for you to be a unique individual.
Too many people compare themselves to others. "I couldn't be as good a writer as Stephen King." "I couldn't paint nearly as well as Georgia O'Keefe." "I can't bake as well as Mary down the street." "I'm not as good a salesperson as Bob." Or any of a number of other statements, comparisons. And what usually follows those statements is "so I may as well not try."
BULL!
No, you might not sell as many books as Stephen King, but you will not write the same books as Stephen King. You have something else to say, something different from what he is writing. There are many horror writers throughout time, none of which are exactly alike, but all very good. Do you think that the existence of H.P. Lovecraft stopped Stephen King from writing? Do you think he said, "Oh, there's already been an excellent horror writer. I won't bother trying."? NO! He obviously didn't. And you shouldn't either.
So you can't paint as well as Georgia O'Keefe. So what? Can Georgia O'Keefe paint as well as Picasso? Can Picasso paint as well as Rembrandt? And how do the three of them compare to Andy Warhol? There is so much for the human heart to say that it will never all be said. Paint, create, write, be amazing, and bring into the world some of the most wonderful stuff that ever has been - your perspective, unique and wonderful.
Perhaps Mary is the better baker. So what? She is not you. Do not try to be her. There is more to you than your baking. There is your attitude, there is your actions, there is your relationships with others. Was there a dish that your mother or aunt or uncle or neighbor made that was nothing like anyone else ever made? Perhaps a stew or brownies or some special something that made the pot roast so completely unique that you never found it anywhere else? Have you found better stews, brownies, or roasts elsewhere? Are you going to stop eating your loved one's food? There is room enough in this world for more than one excellent bakers, cooks, salespersons, mothers, radicals, etc. There is room enough for more than one excellent one, but you will forever be compared to the "better" one if you are constantly trying to be/act/sell like that person. Be yourself. There will be no need for comparison if you are yourself, because you are unique, and you bring something to this world that no one else ever has and no one else ever will. Be yourself. You are amazing, and the world needs you.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Fear
Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile...initially scared me to death. -Betty Bender
I'm scared of change. I admit it. I've been accused of it. I've seen it at work in my own life. At this time, I have told one person that I've started a blog, and I haven't even told him what it's about. It was a big step for me to start this blog, and to change the anonymity, the secrecy that I have with it is difficult. I will do it today, but I started this blog two weeks ago, and today is when I am making the change in my life of exposing this blog to others.
You can try to comfort me by saying that it's a part of blogger.com and thus it's out there, but I've checked blogger.com, and I am well aware that my blog can easily be overlooked in the mass of blogs that are on that website. But I'm going to tell one e-mail list I'm on, and I'm going to tell them today. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what they will say, of the criticisms that they will make, of the taunts that may come from them. But I'm going to do it anyway.
Is there something in your life that you'd like to do or change, but you're afraid? That's okay. In time, you'll do it anyway. But, you're going to have to change something first - your attitude. You will have to care more about making this change than about what others will say about it. You can do this. You have to, in fact, if you're going to life a life free from fear, and don't you want a life, a Future, free from fear? We all do. Fear can seem very comforting compared to change, but you can change that. Change your attitude a little at a time. Ask yourself what is the worst that could happen. And make plans to deal with it. Will someone no longer be your friend? Do you want to be friends with someone who wants to control your life so much that if you do this thing they will leave you for it? Are you afraid of the comments people will make? Would they echo the tapes in your head, the tapes that we all have that tell us what we should and shouldn't do, what kind of person we are or are not? Get rid of the tapes first, and then the comments of the others will no longer hurt you, because they will not have friends inside you, and you will have your own belief and confidence as armor around your heart from the nastiness others try to give you. Change yourself to become strong enough to make the change you want in your life, to try the thing you want to try. You are strong enough inside, there are just many things weighing you down. Change yourself, change your life. Become an example for others, and change the world. You can do this.
I'm scared of change. I admit it. I've been accused of it. I've seen it at work in my own life. At this time, I have told one person that I've started a blog, and I haven't even told him what it's about. It was a big step for me to start this blog, and to change the anonymity, the secrecy that I have with it is difficult. I will do it today, but I started this blog two weeks ago, and today is when I am making the change in my life of exposing this blog to others.
You can try to comfort me by saying that it's a part of blogger.com and thus it's out there, but I've checked blogger.com, and I am well aware that my blog can easily be overlooked in the mass of blogs that are on that website. But I'm going to tell one e-mail list I'm on, and I'm going to tell them today. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what they will say, of the criticisms that they will make, of the taunts that may come from them. But I'm going to do it anyway.
Is there something in your life that you'd like to do or change, but you're afraid? That's okay. In time, you'll do it anyway. But, you're going to have to change something first - your attitude. You will have to care more about making this change than about what others will say about it. You can do this. You have to, in fact, if you're going to life a life free from fear, and don't you want a life, a Future, free from fear? We all do. Fear can seem very comforting compared to change, but you can change that. Change your attitude a little at a time. Ask yourself what is the worst that could happen. And make plans to deal with it. Will someone no longer be your friend? Do you want to be friends with someone who wants to control your life so much that if you do this thing they will leave you for it? Are you afraid of the comments people will make? Would they echo the tapes in your head, the tapes that we all have that tell us what we should and shouldn't do, what kind of person we are or are not? Get rid of the tapes first, and then the comments of the others will no longer hurt you, because they will not have friends inside you, and you will have your own belief and confidence as armor around your heart from the nastiness others try to give you. Change yourself to become strong enough to make the change you want in your life, to try the thing you want to try. You are strong enough inside, there are just many things weighing you down. Change yourself, change your life. Become an example for others, and change the world. You can do this.
Growing slowly
Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still. -Chinese Proverb
Too many people in my society want it all now. They don't want to have to wait, to work for what they want. They want to buy now and pay later. They want to go on a crash diet and lose the weight in two months that took them ten years to build up. They want the lifestyle that goes with the jobs that they want and are very upset when they have to "demean" themselves by taking the steps necessary to get where they want to go. Don't be like that. Don't be afraid to change slowly. Don't be afraid to work at what you want.
Lasting change can take time. With the exception of sudden tragedies, change takes time. It takes nine months to give birth to a baby, and it takes a lifetime to give birth to the future. But you are doing it constantly. Just as a pregnant woman is pregnant for those entire nine months, so, too, are you birthing the Future throughout your entire life. You make the choices that shape the Future at all times. Not actions, choices. For choosing not to act is still a choice. It still affects the future.
Some people don't want to change. They think that they and their lives are fine just as they are and they want to keep them that way. Will they never lose a loved one? A family member or friend? Will they never change jobs, move to a new home, have a child, take on a pet, become ill, or recover their health? Will nothing ever change in their lives? Change will happen to them, whether they want it or not. Change is inevitable.
Some people are so afraid of change, despite how horrible their lives are, that they spend a great deal of energy making certain nothing ever changes, and in doing so they sacrifice themselves. Change will happen to them, too. In time, others around them will change, and they will have to deal with it. In time, they will run out of energy or patience, and they will have to deal with it. Change will also happen to them, and it will also happen to you.
Radical change can be scary, and the fear may push you back to how things were before. Radical change is also difficult at times to maintain. To change the time you awake to an hour before your current waking time is a very large change and will be very difficult at first. If you have the time, change your waking time by five minutes each day. Gradually and slowly change, and it will be more lasting.
It's not just you who would be afraid of radical change. Others in your life are also afraid of change, and they may sabotage you, though they do not realize that they are doing so. A hurt expression combined with "You've changed. You're no longer the person I knew." can do amazingly damaging things to you, if you let it. And if the change was rushed, if you made a large change, then if you take a step back, you will step very far back. If the change was gradual, if you took small steps to get where you were when they noticed, then if you take a step back, you will not go very far. You will still have changed greatly, and you will have learned about yourself and the person who said that to you. You will have to decide if you're going to continue your changes in that manner or if you will change elsewhere or if you will let yourself stagnate. Do not let yourself stagnate. You are too wonderful, too much an amazing person, to deny the world the being you are, the being you can be. You are amazing, and you can become even more amazing, and you deserve to be, and we - the rest of the world - deserve to have this even-more-amazing person in our midst. Slow change is less threatening and longer lasting, and it does get the job done.
I have a change jar. Each day that I pay for something in cash, I take the coins I get in change, and I put it in the jar. I don't touch the jar otherwise, except for once a year. At that time, I take it into the bank, and I have them count it up, so I can use it for something special. I usually have more than $50 in the jar. Every time I add to it, I add less than $1. A good number of days, I don't add to it at all. But every little bit of "change" adds up, and I have a nice sum at the end of the year. If I went into the jar now and again for money for a pizza or a new book, then I wouldn't have the money saved up. I would be sabotaging myself by undoing the change I made. But I don't. I save a little at a time, and I do so consistently. And if something comes up where I desperately need the change for some reason, then I use a little bit of it and go right back to my consistent saving. I pick myself up and dust myself off. No recriminations, no bad mouthing, no negative voices in my head. I get back on track, and continue the change. If I tried to save more each day, if I put in a $5 bill in the jar, then I would feel it. It would be $5 less that I would not have to buy groceries or gasoline. I would feel that. But the coins, the less than $1, that is easy, and that I can do. The small changes done consistently make a world of difference.
The same is true of many changes, of many things in your life that you would like to alter, improve, remove. Do not rush yourself, trying to get everything right now, for it works for a very few people. You do not need to have your entire life "fixed" right now. You do not need to completely change your life right now. Giving birth to the Future will take time, and you want to have the energy to enjoy it when it happens. Do not rush, but do not stand still. Change slowly, so that the change will last.
Too many people in my society want it all now. They don't want to have to wait, to work for what they want. They want to buy now and pay later. They want to go on a crash diet and lose the weight in two months that took them ten years to build up. They want the lifestyle that goes with the jobs that they want and are very upset when they have to "demean" themselves by taking the steps necessary to get where they want to go. Don't be like that. Don't be afraid to change slowly. Don't be afraid to work at what you want.
Lasting change can take time. With the exception of sudden tragedies, change takes time. It takes nine months to give birth to a baby, and it takes a lifetime to give birth to the future. But you are doing it constantly. Just as a pregnant woman is pregnant for those entire nine months, so, too, are you birthing the Future throughout your entire life. You make the choices that shape the Future at all times. Not actions, choices. For choosing not to act is still a choice. It still affects the future.
Some people don't want to change. They think that they and their lives are fine just as they are and they want to keep them that way. Will they never lose a loved one? A family member or friend? Will they never change jobs, move to a new home, have a child, take on a pet, become ill, or recover their health? Will nothing ever change in their lives? Change will happen to them, whether they want it or not. Change is inevitable.
Some people are so afraid of change, despite how horrible their lives are, that they spend a great deal of energy making certain nothing ever changes, and in doing so they sacrifice themselves. Change will happen to them, too. In time, others around them will change, and they will have to deal with it. In time, they will run out of energy or patience, and they will have to deal with it. Change will also happen to them, and it will also happen to you.
Radical change can be scary, and the fear may push you back to how things were before. Radical change is also difficult at times to maintain. To change the time you awake to an hour before your current waking time is a very large change and will be very difficult at first. If you have the time, change your waking time by five minutes each day. Gradually and slowly change, and it will be more lasting.
It's not just you who would be afraid of radical change. Others in your life are also afraid of change, and they may sabotage you, though they do not realize that they are doing so. A hurt expression combined with "You've changed. You're no longer the person I knew." can do amazingly damaging things to you, if you let it. And if the change was rushed, if you made a large change, then if you take a step back, you will step very far back. If the change was gradual, if you took small steps to get where you were when they noticed, then if you take a step back, you will not go very far. You will still have changed greatly, and you will have learned about yourself and the person who said that to you. You will have to decide if you're going to continue your changes in that manner or if you will change elsewhere or if you will let yourself stagnate. Do not let yourself stagnate. You are too wonderful, too much an amazing person, to deny the world the being you are, the being you can be. You are amazing, and you can become even more amazing, and you deserve to be, and we - the rest of the world - deserve to have this even-more-amazing person in our midst. Slow change is less threatening and longer lasting, and it does get the job done.
I have a change jar. Each day that I pay for something in cash, I take the coins I get in change, and I put it in the jar. I don't touch the jar otherwise, except for once a year. At that time, I take it into the bank, and I have them count it up, so I can use it for something special. I usually have more than $50 in the jar. Every time I add to it, I add less than $1. A good number of days, I don't add to it at all. But every little bit of "change" adds up, and I have a nice sum at the end of the year. If I went into the jar now and again for money for a pizza or a new book, then I wouldn't have the money saved up. I would be sabotaging myself by undoing the change I made. But I don't. I save a little at a time, and I do so consistently. And if something comes up where I desperately need the change for some reason, then I use a little bit of it and go right back to my consistent saving. I pick myself up and dust myself off. No recriminations, no bad mouthing, no negative voices in my head. I get back on track, and continue the change. If I tried to save more each day, if I put in a $5 bill in the jar, then I would feel it. It would be $5 less that I would not have to buy groceries or gasoline. I would feel that. But the coins, the less than $1, that is easy, and that I can do. The small changes done consistently make a world of difference.
The same is true of many changes, of many things in your life that you would like to alter, improve, remove. Do not rush yourself, trying to get everything right now, for it works for a very few people. You do not need to have your entire life "fixed" right now. You do not need to completely change your life right now. Giving birth to the Future will take time, and you want to have the energy to enjoy it when it happens. Do not rush, but do not stand still. Change slowly, so that the change will last.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Heroes
"I believe it is the nature of people to be heroes given a chance." James A. Autry
I also believe this is true, and I believe that we are all heroes inside. There are many different heroes. There are firefighters, policemen, shelter volunteers, emergency room personnel, people who dive in after a drowning person, but there are other heroes, too. There is the person who provides a kind word to someone who has given up hope that anyone cares. There is the person who takes their extra blankets and gives them to a shelter so that those who have nothing can at least be warmer in the winter. There are those who teach not just subjects but children. Heroes shape the Future and give birth to a Future where people are kinder, where hurts are eased, where there is enough for everyone. And you can be a hero. You are a hero inside yourself, whether you want to believe it or not. You may think that you're not strong enough or that you don't have enough time or enough money to make a difference, but you're wrong. We are all enough, as we are, right now.
Have you ever known someone you just don't want to be around? You can't put your finger on it (or perhaps you can), but there's something about that person that bugs you, and you'd rather not spend time with them. It irritates you when you're forced to be with them for whatever reason. It lessens the fun you have. It dampens your mood. You'd just rather they not be in your life. Almost everyone has known someone like this.
On the flip side, have you ever known someone you enjoy being around? Seeing them brightens your day, makes you smile no matter what else is going on? They lift your mood just with their presence. They lighten your burden by giving you a reprieve from all the negativity and problems in your life. These people are heroes. They make the world a better place through their actions, through their words, and sometimes merely by their presence. But how? How do they do this? And how can you become one of these people?
You do want to become one of the people, right? A person that others enjoy being around? A person that someone will cross the street to say hi to rather than a person they'll cross the street to avoid? A person that brings smiles to others' faces? A person that inspires? You can be that person. That person exists, right now, inside you, whether you believe it or not.
These are not people who have no problems. There are no people who have no problems. Everyone has problems, but not everyone handles them in the same way. There are people who will complain to you about how they stubbed their toe and the light was against them when they tried to cross the street and their toast was soggy at breakfast this morning. This is not the sort of person people enjoy being around.
Then, there are other people who may have had soggy toast and stubbed toes and waits at the crosswalks, but they'd rather talk about how beautiful their flower beds looked this morning and how they're looking forward to the weekend because then they get to see their grandkids and how wonderful the weather is (because it's sunny, because it's rainy and the farmers need it, because it's windy and the breeze feels good after the oppresive heat lately, or whatever). These are people who enjoy life. These are people who make your life better because they are in it. These are heroes because they are improving the world.
There is another type of heroes who improve your life, too. They are fewer in number, but no less in impact. They are quiet, but they are content, and their inner peace radiates from them and seeps into you. They are the people you'd like to sit next to and enjoy a quiet afternoon, watch a sunset, or listen to the birds and children playing down the street. They spread peace.
You can be one of these heroes. You are one of these heroes, inside, and you can help shape the future by bringing the hero inside you to the surface, by birthing your heroic nature and affecting others as they affect you. You can do this. It may be tough. After a lifetime of complaining and whining, it's easier to continue. And perhaps you do have a very harsh life. There may be many things that are hurting you, causing you pain, destroying your life and your peace, but that is also true for some of the heroes, both the bright ones and the quiet ones. It is not what goes on in your life but how you face it. You don't have to be happy all the time. You don't have to pretend that everything is all right. You do get to complain now and again. You have that right. But you can complain less. You can whine less. You can improve your own mood. Your attitude affects nearly everything in your life, including the people around you.
Just start small. It takes a long time to birth a Future, but it is going on constantly. You are giving birth to the Future now, whether you like it or not, and you may as well make the conscious choice of how you want that Future to appear. Choose, this week, just once, to not complain when you normally would. Just once. Will others notice? Not right away. But in time. Choose, next week, to not complain just one less time than you do this week. Just once. That's all it takes. And if you cannot give up every single instance of your complaining, then increase the amount of times you smile or compliment or comment on the beauty of the day. Reduce your negative. Increase your positive. Slowly, but surely, you will bring your hero to the surface, and you will shape the Future into a happier place. You are a hero.
I also believe this is true, and I believe that we are all heroes inside. There are many different heroes. There are firefighters, policemen, shelter volunteers, emergency room personnel, people who dive in after a drowning person, but there are other heroes, too. There is the person who provides a kind word to someone who has given up hope that anyone cares. There is the person who takes their extra blankets and gives them to a shelter so that those who have nothing can at least be warmer in the winter. There are those who teach not just subjects but children. Heroes shape the Future and give birth to a Future where people are kinder, where hurts are eased, where there is enough for everyone. And you can be a hero. You are a hero inside yourself, whether you want to believe it or not. You may think that you're not strong enough or that you don't have enough time or enough money to make a difference, but you're wrong. We are all enough, as we are, right now.
Have you ever known someone you just don't want to be around? You can't put your finger on it (or perhaps you can), but there's something about that person that bugs you, and you'd rather not spend time with them. It irritates you when you're forced to be with them for whatever reason. It lessens the fun you have. It dampens your mood. You'd just rather they not be in your life. Almost everyone has known someone like this.
On the flip side, have you ever known someone you enjoy being around? Seeing them brightens your day, makes you smile no matter what else is going on? They lift your mood just with their presence. They lighten your burden by giving you a reprieve from all the negativity and problems in your life. These people are heroes. They make the world a better place through their actions, through their words, and sometimes merely by their presence. But how? How do they do this? And how can you become one of these people?
You do want to become one of the people, right? A person that others enjoy being around? A person that someone will cross the street to say hi to rather than a person they'll cross the street to avoid? A person that brings smiles to others' faces? A person that inspires? You can be that person. That person exists, right now, inside you, whether you believe it or not.
These are not people who have no problems. There are no people who have no problems. Everyone has problems, but not everyone handles them in the same way. There are people who will complain to you about how they stubbed their toe and the light was against them when they tried to cross the street and their toast was soggy at breakfast this morning. This is not the sort of person people enjoy being around.
Then, there are other people who may have had soggy toast and stubbed toes and waits at the crosswalks, but they'd rather talk about how beautiful their flower beds looked this morning and how they're looking forward to the weekend because then they get to see their grandkids and how wonderful the weather is (because it's sunny, because it's rainy and the farmers need it, because it's windy and the breeze feels good after the oppresive heat lately, or whatever). These are people who enjoy life. These are people who make your life better because they are in it. These are heroes because they are improving the world.
There is another type of heroes who improve your life, too. They are fewer in number, but no less in impact. They are quiet, but they are content, and their inner peace radiates from them and seeps into you. They are the people you'd like to sit next to and enjoy a quiet afternoon, watch a sunset, or listen to the birds and children playing down the street. They spread peace.
You can be one of these heroes. You are one of these heroes, inside, and you can help shape the future by bringing the hero inside you to the surface, by birthing your heroic nature and affecting others as they affect you. You can do this. It may be tough. After a lifetime of complaining and whining, it's easier to continue. And perhaps you do have a very harsh life. There may be many things that are hurting you, causing you pain, destroying your life and your peace, but that is also true for some of the heroes, both the bright ones and the quiet ones. It is not what goes on in your life but how you face it. You don't have to be happy all the time. You don't have to pretend that everything is all right. You do get to complain now and again. You have that right. But you can complain less. You can whine less. You can improve your own mood. Your attitude affects nearly everything in your life, including the people around you.
Just start small. It takes a long time to birth a Future, but it is going on constantly. You are giving birth to the Future now, whether you like it or not, and you may as well make the conscious choice of how you want that Future to appear. Choose, this week, just once, to not complain when you normally would. Just once. Will others notice? Not right away. But in time. Choose, next week, to not complain just one less time than you do this week. Just once. That's all it takes. And if you cannot give up every single instance of your complaining, then increase the amount of times you smile or compliment or comment on the beauty of the day. Reduce your negative. Increase your positive. Slowly, but surely, you will bring your hero to the surface, and you will shape the Future into a happier place. You are a hero.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Quotes to help us give birth
Here are some quotes to help us birth the Future. If you have others you'd like to add, please let me know. When this post goes off my front page, I will put a link to it on the front page, because these are wise words that can help us, and between you and me, we will be updating this post often.
I believe it is the nature of people to be heroes given a chance.
- James A. Autry
Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
-Chinese Proverb
Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile...initially scared me to death.
-Betty Bender
You are enough. There's no need to waste your energy, in trying to be someone else. No one is better than you. And what you do best, is being you. Wishing or pretending you're something that you're not, robs precious time and energy from being the best you can be. There's plenty of cause for joy, in the person that you are. To be your best, be yourself. No one sees the world, in quite the same way as you. No one cares, or loves, or gives, like you. You have something very special to offer. There are things you were meant to do. Be the best that you can be, by finding and mastering the art of being you.
-Ralph Marston
It is never too late to be what you might have been.
-George Eliot
It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.
-Seneca
Each of us is a unique, creative individual. But we often blur that uniqueness with sugar, alcohol, drugs, overwork, underplay, bad relations, toxic sex, underexercise, over-TV, undersleep – many and varied forms of junk food for the soul.
-Julia Cameron
Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
- Samuel Beckett
Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it;
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
- Johann Wolfgang Goethe
You must once and for all give up being worried about successes and failures. Don't let that concern you. It's your duty to go on working steadily day by day, quite steadily, to be prepared for mistakes, which are inevitable, and for failures.
- Anton Chekhov
Did you ever consider that God puts longings in our hearts in order that we execute them?
- Anonymous
God has promised forgiveness to your repentence; but He has not promised tomorrow to your procrastination.
- St. Augustine
When you come to the edge of all that you know, you must believe one of two things: There will be earth to stand on , or you will be given wings to fly.
- Unknown
Sometimes the only thing we do to avoid success is refuse to be energetic on our own behalf.
- Barbara Sher
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence.
Talent will not; nothing is more commonplace than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education alone will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and Determination alone are omnipotent.
- Calvin Coolidge
Writing is like driving at night. You cannot see beyond your headlights…but you can make the whole trip that way.
- E.L. Doctorow
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
- Helen Keller
Why be content to crawl, when we were born with wings. It's time we learn to fly.
- Daniel Whiteside
Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasure.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
It does not matter if today's results do not show. They will in time.
- Tracy from Flylady
Added November 18, 2006
I realize that making myself a better, strong, more aware person will affect those around me and perhaps others through them.
- Rebecca Latimer
I learned this at least by my experiment that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
- Henry David Thoreau
Added December 2, 2006:
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. - Anais Nin
We are, perhaps, uniquely among the earth's creatures, the worrying animal. We worry away our lives, fearing the future, discontent with the present, unable to take in the idea of dying, unable to sit still. - Lewis Thomas
The mind is its own place, and in itself can make heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven. - Milton
Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. - Bertrand Russell
Prayer indeed is good, but while calling on the gods a man should himself lend a hand. - Hippocrates
Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. – William Jennings Bryan
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: That the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets: “Whatever you can do, or dream you can begin it. Boldness has genus, power and magic in it.” – W. H. Murray, the Scottish Himalayan Expedition
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. – Nietzsche
Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. – Will Rogers
I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do, provided he keeps doing them until he gets a record of successful experiences behind him. – Eleanor Roosevelt
Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can. – John Wesley
I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor. – Thoreau
Perseverance is more prevailing than violence; and many things which cannot be overcome when they are together, yield themselves up when taken little by little. – Putarch
People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them. – George Bernard Shaw
Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp, or what’s a heaven for? – Robert Browning
The tendency of man’s nature to good is like the tendency of water to flow downwards. – Mencius
Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much. – Oscar Wilde
I believe it is the nature of people to be heroes given a chance.
- James A. Autry
Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
-Chinese Proverb
Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile...initially scared me to death.
-Betty Bender
You are enough. There's no need to waste your energy, in trying to be someone else. No one is better than you. And what you do best, is being you. Wishing or pretending you're something that you're not, robs precious time and energy from being the best you can be. There's plenty of cause for joy, in the person that you are. To be your best, be yourself. No one sees the world, in quite the same way as you. No one cares, or loves, or gives, like you. You have something very special to offer. There are things you were meant to do. Be the best that you can be, by finding and mastering the art of being you.
-Ralph Marston
It is never too late to be what you might have been.
-George Eliot
It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.
-Seneca
Each of us is a unique, creative individual. But we often blur that uniqueness with sugar, alcohol, drugs, overwork, underplay, bad relations, toxic sex, underexercise, over-TV, undersleep – many and varied forms of junk food for the soul.
-Julia Cameron
Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
- Samuel Beckett
Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it;
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
- Johann Wolfgang Goethe
You must once and for all give up being worried about successes and failures. Don't let that concern you. It's your duty to go on working steadily day by day, quite steadily, to be prepared for mistakes, which are inevitable, and for failures.
- Anton Chekhov
Did you ever consider that God puts longings in our hearts in order that we execute them?
- Anonymous
God has promised forgiveness to your repentence; but He has not promised tomorrow to your procrastination.
- St. Augustine
When you come to the edge of all that you know, you must believe one of two things: There will be earth to stand on , or you will be given wings to fly.
- Unknown
Sometimes the only thing we do to avoid success is refuse to be energetic on our own behalf.
- Barbara Sher
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence.
Talent will not; nothing is more commonplace than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education alone will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and Determination alone are omnipotent.
- Calvin Coolidge
Writing is like driving at night. You cannot see beyond your headlights…but you can make the whole trip that way.
- E.L. Doctorow
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
- Helen Keller
Why be content to crawl, when we were born with wings. It's time we learn to fly.
- Daniel Whiteside
Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasure.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
It does not matter if today's results do not show. They will in time.
- Tracy from Flylady
Added November 18, 2006
I realize that making myself a better, strong, more aware person will affect those around me and perhaps others through them.
- Rebecca Latimer
I learned this at least by my experiment that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
- Henry David Thoreau
Added December 2, 2006:
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. - Anais Nin
We are, perhaps, uniquely among the earth's creatures, the worrying animal. We worry away our lives, fearing the future, discontent with the present, unable to take in the idea of dying, unable to sit still. - Lewis Thomas
The mind is its own place, and in itself can make heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven. - Milton
Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. - Bertrand Russell
Prayer indeed is good, but while calling on the gods a man should himself lend a hand. - Hippocrates
Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. – William Jennings Bryan
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: That the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets: “Whatever you can do, or dream you can begin it. Boldness has genus, power and magic in it.” – W. H. Murray, the Scottish Himalayan Expedition
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. – Nietzsche
Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. – Will Rogers
I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do, provided he keeps doing them until he gets a record of successful experiences behind him. – Eleanor Roosevelt
Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can. – John Wesley
I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor. – Thoreau
Perseverance is more prevailing than violence; and many things which cannot be overcome when they are together, yield themselves up when taken little by little. – Putarch
People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them. – George Bernard Shaw
Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp, or what’s a heaven for? – Robert Browning
The tendency of man’s nature to good is like the tendency of water to flow downwards. – Mencius
Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much. – Oscar Wilde
Sunday, October 01, 2006
How to stop racism
The Future I want is free from racism. Is that true for you as well? But it seems so overwhelming, to end racism. How could one possibly do it?
I have learned from Flylady that you don't need to see the entire staircase in order to take the first step. What does that mean? It means you don't need to know everything in order to do anything. Take me, for example. I don't know everything about how to create a blog. I don't know how to get readers, how to add a side list of links to places I find of interest, how to do many of the cool and nifty things that I see on other blogs. But that hasn't stopped me. I started up a blog anyway. Is my blog the way I want it to be? Not completely, but that hasn't stopped me. Does my blog look the way I want it to look? No, but that hasn't stopped me. Have I gotten any readers or any comments yet? No, but that hasn't stopped me. And it shouldn't stop you, either. You don't need to know everything to do anything. You just need to take a step in the right direction.
But how? What is that step? How do you take the step towards ending racism? Do you go out and start dating someone of a different race? Do you join the protest marches and the militant groups? Do you lay into your father, your coworkers, your spouse about their racist jokes? Eventually, perhaps. Or perhaps not. Perhaps those particular steps are not on your journey, not on your staircase. But I do know one that is.
To end racism in the world, you must end it in yourself first. To give birth to the Future free from racism, you must free yourself of it. Politics, society, and the people you know are not your first step. You are.
It's even easier than that. It has to be, for changing yourself completely is a difficult and daunting task.
I have learned from Flylady that you don't need to see the entire staircase in order to take the first step. What does that mean? It means you don't need to know everything in order to do anything. Take me, for example. I don't know everything about how to create a blog. I don't know how to get readers, how to add a side list of links to places I find of interest, how to do many of the cool and nifty things that I see on other blogs. But that hasn't stopped me. I started up a blog anyway. Is my blog the way I want it to be? Not completely, but that hasn't stopped me. Does my blog look the way I want it to look? No, but that hasn't stopped me. Have I gotten any readers or any comments yet? No, but that hasn't stopped me. And it shouldn't stop you, either. You don't need to know everything to do anything. You just need to take a step in the right direction.
But how? What is that step? How do you take the step towards ending racism? Do you go out and start dating someone of a different race? Do you join the protest marches and the militant groups? Do you lay into your father, your coworkers, your spouse about their racist jokes? Eventually, perhaps. Or perhaps not. Perhaps those particular steps are not on your journey, not on your staircase. But I do know one that is.
To end racism in the world, you must end it in yourself first. To give birth to the Future free from racism, you must free yourself of it. Politics, society, and the people you know are not your first step. You are.
It's even easier than that. It has to be, for changing yourself completely is a difficult and daunting task.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
How much time does it take?
How much time does it take to create a new future?
Not as much as you may think. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and single steps do not take up much time. You must believe that you are a child of the Divinity. You are a child of the Goddess and God, just as much as Jesus was, as Mother Theresa was, as I am, as we all are. And as such, no one has a right to put you down, not even and most especially not yourself! So many people walk around with voices in their heads - their mothers, their fathers, their teachers, their brothers and sisters, the neighborhood bullies, and many others, all telling them that they are no good or that they aren't good enough or that they have to do this or that in order to gain approval, to be worth anything. Tell them this:
SHUT UP!!!!
That's all it takes. That is your first step. When you have a thought about how unworthy or bad or whatever you are, tell that thought to shut up! Tell it that you are a child of the Divinity, that you were put here on this Earth to do great things, that you are instrumental and vital to the creation of the new Future. Tell it that, and tell it that every time the thought comes up and any other time you wish to tell yourself it. That is what you need to do first. And it doesn't take up much time. Tell your thought to shut up and then remind yourself of what you once knew so very long ago - that you are wonderful, that you are here for a reason, that you are unique and special and have divine-given talents. Tell yourself the truths that you have not heard in much too long. Put the truths back into your head and silence the lies. Do this today. Do this tomorrow. Do this again and again. Each of these steps will take you closer to your potential, your ability, the self that you are deep within. Take these steps. It doesn't take much time at all. It's as swift as thought.
That's how much time it takes.
Not as much as you may think. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and single steps do not take up much time. You must believe that you are a child of the Divinity. You are a child of the Goddess and God, just as much as Jesus was, as Mother Theresa was, as I am, as we all are. And as such, no one has a right to put you down, not even and most especially not yourself! So many people walk around with voices in their heads - their mothers, their fathers, their teachers, their brothers and sisters, the neighborhood bullies, and many others, all telling them that they are no good or that they aren't good enough or that they have to do this or that in order to gain approval, to be worth anything. Tell them this:
SHUT UP!!!!
That's all it takes. That is your first step. When you have a thought about how unworthy or bad or whatever you are, tell that thought to shut up! Tell it that you are a child of the Divinity, that you were put here on this Earth to do great things, that you are instrumental and vital to the creation of the new Future. Tell it that, and tell it that every time the thought comes up and any other time you wish to tell yourself it. That is what you need to do first. And it doesn't take up much time. Tell your thought to shut up and then remind yourself of what you once knew so very long ago - that you are wonderful, that you are here for a reason, that you are unique and special and have divine-given talents. Tell yourself the truths that you have not heard in much too long. Put the truths back into your head and silence the lies. Do this today. Do this tomorrow. Do this again and again. Each of these steps will take you closer to your potential, your ability, the self that you are deep within. Take these steps. It doesn't take much time at all. It's as swift as thought.
That's how much time it takes.
Friday, September 29, 2006
The Future, being born
I am Wiccan, bisexual, daughter of the Goddess and daughter of the God. Society, as it stands now, outrages me. We, my friends, are the Future. We create it, and we become it. The Future is being born now, by us. There are things that I need to make change so the Future is not one that will outrage or oppress us.
I have recently read She Lives by Judith Laura, which has rituals to celebrate the sacred milestones in people's lives. After the Bible, it's one of the more sexist books I've ever read, and I realized, after reading it, that a good number of the other Goddess-religion books are sexist as well. They want to bring back the Goddess-worshipping religion of 5,000 years ago. But everything that they tell me says that it's just as sexist as the predominant religions of now. Women were the priestesses, and men could know the Goddess only through the women. Sound familiar? Sure, there were men who served in the temples, but are there not nuns? In this book, there are three rituals for women - first menarche (period), first orgasm, and menopause. There are two rituals for men - first nocturnal emission and first time he has sex. First menarche and first nocturnal emission are the same - the person's body is ready for mating and creation of new life. After that, the women are glorified and deified, and the men are put into second place. There is no ritual for the first time the man orgasms. Does that not matter? There is no ritual for the first time that a woman has sex. Does that not matter? The ritual for the first time a man has sex actually includes in it the congratulations that he finally is able to know the Goddess through the woman since he has now had sex with that woman, and in the future, he will be able to communicate with the Goddess, but only when he has sex with a woman! Incredibly sexist. And at no point does it say anything about the man becoming wiser. And this is typical of the books and movements I see about revitalizing the old religion.
To hell with that, I say! I say we look to the future, not the past. The past is important. It teaches us many things. But in this case, it teaches us that women can be oppressors just as men can. I say don't bring back the old Goddess religion, and don't perpetuate the current God religion (whichever one you want to see). Create a new religion, here and now, one that celebrates women and men, one that makes us both equal, one that allows both women and men communicate with the divine. To hell with sexism! Men are not better than women. Women are not better than men. We are different in many ways, but we are the same in so many, many more. We are both people, and we are all children of the Divine. All of us, women and men.
I have recently read She Lives by Judith Laura, which has rituals to celebrate the sacred milestones in people's lives. After the Bible, it's one of the more sexist books I've ever read, and I realized, after reading it, that a good number of the other Goddess-religion books are sexist as well. They want to bring back the Goddess-worshipping religion of 5,000 years ago. But everything that they tell me says that it's just as sexist as the predominant religions of now. Women were the priestesses, and men could know the Goddess only through the women. Sound familiar? Sure, there were men who served in the temples, but are there not nuns? In this book, there are three rituals for women - first menarche (period), first orgasm, and menopause. There are two rituals for men - first nocturnal emission and first time he has sex. First menarche and first nocturnal emission are the same - the person's body is ready for mating and creation of new life. After that, the women are glorified and deified, and the men are put into second place. There is no ritual for the first time the man orgasms. Does that not matter? There is no ritual for the first time that a woman has sex. Does that not matter? The ritual for the first time a man has sex actually includes in it the congratulations that he finally is able to know the Goddess through the woman since he has now had sex with that woman, and in the future, he will be able to communicate with the Goddess, but only when he has sex with a woman! Incredibly sexist. And at no point does it say anything about the man becoming wiser. And this is typical of the books and movements I see about revitalizing the old religion.
To hell with that, I say! I say we look to the future, not the past. The past is important. It teaches us many things. But in this case, it teaches us that women can be oppressors just as men can. I say don't bring back the old Goddess religion, and don't perpetuate the current God religion (whichever one you want to see). Create a new religion, here and now, one that celebrates women and men, one that makes us both equal, one that allows both women and men communicate with the divine. To hell with sexism! Men are not better than women. Women are not better than men. We are different in many ways, but we are the same in so many, many more. We are both people, and we are all children of the Divine. All of us, women and men.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)