Saturday, August 25, 2007
Book Review: When Food Is Love
When Food Is Love: Exploring the Relationship Between Eating and Intimacy by Geneen Roth is an excellent book. While some people may think it is a self help book, there are no exercises or suggestions in this book. It is about her journey with food and intimacy problems and the journeys of her friends. It is amazing. It isn’t just applicable to eating problems but to any addictions and intimacy problems. And it’s an easy read. Because it isn’t a self help book, it isn’t in the usual format. It’s a bunch of stories which tell about what did and didn't work for her or people she knew, about the reasons why behind addictions. Some of it may resonate with you. Probably not all, but what there is in the book that is for you could be of great help in realizing your fullest, best life, in creating the Present you need in order to birth The Future. I highly recommend it.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Opportunities for Money
My friend has a 14-year-old daughter who is looking for a job, however most of the places around her will not hire a 14-year-old. But she keeps looking for a job, even though what she really wants is money. A job through an established business that is owned by someone else is not the only way to make money. If you’re in a similar situation – need money but can’t find a job that you can take – here are some suggestions.
(How does this apply? When you’re worried about money, you don’t have the energy to do what needs to be done to birth your Future. Also, some situations that need to be resolved are more easily taken care of with some money.)
1. Mow lawns
2. Pull weeds
3. Start a lawn care service. Employ not only yourself, but also others. Not only will you be able to handle a larger customer base, but you’ll also be gaining supervisor and managerial experience, which will look great on a resume and help you in future work.
4. Shovel snow
5. Wash cars. Include vacuuming and rug-spot removal to make you stand out from the others. Dust the dashboard and wash the insides of the windows, too.
6. Make jewelry to sell. If you know how to weave, use your talent. If you prefer beading, then do that. For cheap jewelry pieces, go to a thrift shop or second-hand store and pick up their old, discounted jewelry, especially the costume pieces or the children’s dress-up pieces. Those should be cheap. Cut up the jewelry to get the individual beads and metalwork to include in your creations.
7. Make jewelry kits. Same as number 6, only instead of creating the jewelry yourself, package up the pieces that make up a nice-looking necklace or bracelet, type up some instructions, and put them in a bag. Sell them to people for their kids.
8. Create webpages for people and their families. You can get how-to books from the library, and as long as your customer pays for the website, it won’t cost you anything. If you don’t have internet connection at home anyway (for a different reason than just this), check for places that you can get connected – the library, your school, your kids’ school, your workplace (if you have a job, if they allow personal use of the web, and only on your break). People use webpages for many things, even temporary items like posting information about family reunions or similar events. If you do the first few for free as practice, then you have websites that you can show future customers.
9. Knit scarves, mittens, sweaters, etc. Cheap yarn and knitting needles can be found at second-hand stores or rummage sales. Instructions can be found in books at the library. Even if you can only make rectangles (like myself), you can still make baby blankets, hot pads, scarves, and afghans. Crocheting works as well. Use the cheap yarn to make premade items for sale. When you have the money, you can get custom orders and buy specifically-requested yarn.
10. Babysit. This doesn’t have to be at night and only when the parent wants to go out for a while. Parents also need time to go shopping or just have a break. Take the kids out to the park in the middle of the day, or come over and watch the kids in the middle of the week when the parent has to work late or has to make dinner. Or be the afternoon-place for kids after school but before their parents get home when they’re too young to be left alone.
11. Paint. While painting the outside of houses can be difficult, painting a single room should be within the capabilities of most adults and teens. Again, this is a case where your customer makes all the purchases, so it won’t cost you any money. It’ll just cost you time and effort. As always, be sure to do a good job so that they’ll recommend you to their friends and give you their own business again. And if you have a talent for painting designs or pictures, if people want something special like flowers or clowns or something on their walls, all the better.
12. Help people move. If you’re not very strong, you probably won’t be able to help with the heavy stuff, but most people’s stuff is not heavy. Think about all the clothes, books, and dishes you have, none of which are heavy by themselves. You can help with the packing, the cleaning, the carrying, the transporting, and the unpacking. There are more people than you think that still have boxes packed up from three moves ago or a move three years ago. They just never got around to unpacking them. You can help them with unpacking right away.
13. Manage rummage sales. This works very well with number 12. People who are moving usually have stuff that they don’t want to move but don’t feel right about throwing out. However, most people don’t have the time or energy to conduct a rummage sale, and others just don’t want to. They pay for any advertising and the change in the cash box, and you conduct the rummage sale for them.
14. Bake. Just make certain that what you charge for your baked goods costs more than the ingredients. That includes the eggs, milk, oil, and the mix, not just the mix.
15. Sell used books. People who put on rummage sales frequently don’t want to keep the left overs. If you go on the last day, you can usually pick up the remaining books for very cheap and then sell them to your local second-hand book store. If there are any books that the store won’t give you any money for, keep them and give them to your local library. Get a receipt for a tax-deductible donation. Pay attention to what the store will buy and what it will not, so you’ll be able to pick up those books that will make you money and leave the ones that will cost you time and gas to carry around.
16. Manage people’s eBay accounts. eBay isn’t available to people of all ages, just most ages. Plenty of people would love to make money off eBay, but they don’t want to go through the hassle of actually doing it. If you do it, using their account if you’re too young for your own, then you can charge them a percentage fee. There are books at the library for this, too. If you are old enough, then you could start your own eBay business with whatever you have around the house, the things you can make, or the things you pick up at rummage sales that you believe are underpriced. Second-hand stores usually price their items at the same rate that eBay would sell them for, however if you have patience, you could pick up an item here and an item there that when put together make a collection. This rummage sale may have one beanie baby, and that second-hand store may have another, and each one by itself is no big deal, but the two together are just too cute to resist. Or anything you fine interesting enough to collect, because this stuff will be hanging around your house until you find that last piece, and you may as well collect stuff you like looking at.
17. Clean houses. There are services for this, sure, but few people want to go to a service, unless they have enough money to afford someone to clean for them on a regular basis. However, others who don’t have regular cleaning people still have parties, reunions, sick people, visiting relatives, and the occasional time when they’ve just been too busy to deal with housework, too. That’s when you come in. You do a clean up whatever they need most. Most people won’t use this more than once or twice a year, but most people could use this. Even if you know only twenty people who use this twice a year, you’ll be busier most weeks of the year. Clean up before a party is good, but so is clean up after a party. If it is a party that they’re cleaning for, check to see if they’ll need any help afterwards. This also goes along with number 12, helping people move. Most people want their security deposit back on their apartments and townhomes, so they want to leave the place clean when they leave.
18. Cut hair.
19. Run errands. Do the grocery shopping, pick up the dry cleaning, take the cat to the vet, and if you have a few customers, you could double up on the errands. You can pick up Mary’s dry cleaning at the same time you pick up Gil’s, and that’ll save you gas. If someone wants a pound of oranges and another person wants two pounds, you can pick up a four pound bag and split it up at home. If you do go shopping for more than one person at the same time, get a cooler for your trunk, and keep the frozen and refrigerated stuff in there while you’re dropping off other people’s groceries.
20. Start a reminder service. Some people constantly forget birthdays and anniversaries. If you give them a call a week in advance, though, they’ll have time to do something.
21. Walk dogs, or whatever other pet they have that needs walking. Add in brushing or washing, if you want.
In addition to all of these, check with your library for books on jobs for kids or homemakers.
(How does this apply? When you’re worried about money, you don’t have the energy to do what needs to be done to birth your Future. Also, some situations that need to be resolved are more easily taken care of with some money.)
1. Mow lawns
2. Pull weeds
3. Start a lawn care service. Employ not only yourself, but also others. Not only will you be able to handle a larger customer base, but you’ll also be gaining supervisor and managerial experience, which will look great on a resume and help you in future work.
4. Shovel snow
5. Wash cars. Include vacuuming and rug-spot removal to make you stand out from the others. Dust the dashboard and wash the insides of the windows, too.
6. Make jewelry to sell. If you know how to weave, use your talent. If you prefer beading, then do that. For cheap jewelry pieces, go to a thrift shop or second-hand store and pick up their old, discounted jewelry, especially the costume pieces or the children’s dress-up pieces. Those should be cheap. Cut up the jewelry to get the individual beads and metalwork to include in your creations.
7. Make jewelry kits. Same as number 6, only instead of creating the jewelry yourself, package up the pieces that make up a nice-looking necklace or bracelet, type up some instructions, and put them in a bag. Sell them to people for their kids.
8. Create webpages for people and their families. You can get how-to books from the library, and as long as your customer pays for the website, it won’t cost you anything. If you don’t have internet connection at home anyway (for a different reason than just this), check for places that you can get connected – the library, your school, your kids’ school, your workplace (if you have a job, if they allow personal use of the web, and only on your break). People use webpages for many things, even temporary items like posting information about family reunions or similar events. If you do the first few for free as practice, then you have websites that you can show future customers.
9. Knit scarves, mittens, sweaters, etc. Cheap yarn and knitting needles can be found at second-hand stores or rummage sales. Instructions can be found in books at the library. Even if you can only make rectangles (like myself), you can still make baby blankets, hot pads, scarves, and afghans. Crocheting works as well. Use the cheap yarn to make premade items for sale. When you have the money, you can get custom orders and buy specifically-requested yarn.
10. Babysit. This doesn’t have to be at night and only when the parent wants to go out for a while. Parents also need time to go shopping or just have a break. Take the kids out to the park in the middle of the day, or come over and watch the kids in the middle of the week when the parent has to work late or has to make dinner. Or be the afternoon-place for kids after school but before their parents get home when they’re too young to be left alone.
11. Paint. While painting the outside of houses can be difficult, painting a single room should be within the capabilities of most adults and teens. Again, this is a case where your customer makes all the purchases, so it won’t cost you any money. It’ll just cost you time and effort. As always, be sure to do a good job so that they’ll recommend you to their friends and give you their own business again. And if you have a talent for painting designs or pictures, if people want something special like flowers or clowns or something on their walls, all the better.
12. Help people move. If you’re not very strong, you probably won’t be able to help with the heavy stuff, but most people’s stuff is not heavy. Think about all the clothes, books, and dishes you have, none of which are heavy by themselves. You can help with the packing, the cleaning, the carrying, the transporting, and the unpacking. There are more people than you think that still have boxes packed up from three moves ago or a move three years ago. They just never got around to unpacking them. You can help them with unpacking right away.
13. Manage rummage sales. This works very well with number 12. People who are moving usually have stuff that they don’t want to move but don’t feel right about throwing out. However, most people don’t have the time or energy to conduct a rummage sale, and others just don’t want to. They pay for any advertising and the change in the cash box, and you conduct the rummage sale for them.
14. Bake. Just make certain that what you charge for your baked goods costs more than the ingredients. That includes the eggs, milk, oil, and the mix, not just the mix.
15. Sell used books. People who put on rummage sales frequently don’t want to keep the left overs. If you go on the last day, you can usually pick up the remaining books for very cheap and then sell them to your local second-hand book store. If there are any books that the store won’t give you any money for, keep them and give them to your local library. Get a receipt for a tax-deductible donation. Pay attention to what the store will buy and what it will not, so you’ll be able to pick up those books that will make you money and leave the ones that will cost you time and gas to carry around.
16. Manage people’s eBay accounts. eBay isn’t available to people of all ages, just most ages. Plenty of people would love to make money off eBay, but they don’t want to go through the hassle of actually doing it. If you do it, using their account if you’re too young for your own, then you can charge them a percentage fee. There are books at the library for this, too. If you are old enough, then you could start your own eBay business with whatever you have around the house, the things you can make, or the things you pick up at rummage sales that you believe are underpriced. Second-hand stores usually price their items at the same rate that eBay would sell them for, however if you have patience, you could pick up an item here and an item there that when put together make a collection. This rummage sale may have one beanie baby, and that second-hand store may have another, and each one by itself is no big deal, but the two together are just too cute to resist. Or anything you fine interesting enough to collect, because this stuff will be hanging around your house until you find that last piece, and you may as well collect stuff you like looking at.
17. Clean houses. There are services for this, sure, but few people want to go to a service, unless they have enough money to afford someone to clean for them on a regular basis. However, others who don’t have regular cleaning people still have parties, reunions, sick people, visiting relatives, and the occasional time when they’ve just been too busy to deal with housework, too. That’s when you come in. You do a clean up whatever they need most. Most people won’t use this more than once or twice a year, but most people could use this. Even if you know only twenty people who use this twice a year, you’ll be busier most weeks of the year. Clean up before a party is good, but so is clean up after a party. If it is a party that they’re cleaning for, check to see if they’ll need any help afterwards. This also goes along with number 12, helping people move. Most people want their security deposit back on their apartments and townhomes, so they want to leave the place clean when they leave.
18. Cut hair.
19. Run errands. Do the grocery shopping, pick up the dry cleaning, take the cat to the vet, and if you have a few customers, you could double up on the errands. You can pick up Mary’s dry cleaning at the same time you pick up Gil’s, and that’ll save you gas. If someone wants a pound of oranges and another person wants two pounds, you can pick up a four pound bag and split it up at home. If you do go shopping for more than one person at the same time, get a cooler for your trunk, and keep the frozen and refrigerated stuff in there while you’re dropping off other people’s groceries.
20. Start a reminder service. Some people constantly forget birthdays and anniversaries. If you give them a call a week in advance, though, they’ll have time to do something.
21. Walk dogs, or whatever other pet they have that needs walking. Add in brushing or washing, if you want.
In addition to all of these, check with your library for books on jobs for kids or homemakers.
Monday, August 06, 2007
Responsibility
“We are not to blame for what happened to us as children, but we are responsible for what we do with our pain as adults.” – Geneen Roth
Too many people believe that how they were brought up is the deciding factor of their lives. If they were beaten or abused, they will always behave as people who were beaten or abused, but that isn’t so. Or at least it doesn’t have to be so, not if you don’t want it to be. There are a lot of people out there who have been beaten or abused, but you don’t know it. They live productive, happy lives, things that some victims believe is impossible for them to obtain. I call them victims, not because they were abused or beaten, but because they still allow those abusers to run their life.
I was physically and emotionally abused, but I haven’t gone into drugs or hooked up with someone who beats me. Yet, there are people who say “my father beat me” as a justification for their doing drugs or beating on their own kids. As if they were not in charge of their own lives but still dancing to the tune of the abusers of their childhoods. How long do they get to claim this? How long do they get to get of scott-free in their own minds because of what was done to them ten, twenty, thirty years ago?
Am I blaming them? Yes. Being beaten sucks, whether it be with a belt, a hand, a stick, what have you. Being emotionally abused, used, blackmailed, etc., also sucks. But it doesn’t have to be a prison, unless that’s what you want to see. And I know that you’re screaming, “I don’t want it! How dare you suggest that I do!” I dare because there are ways out. The ways out are just scarier and harder than staying in your prison. I know that’s been true in my life.
And I can hear some of you saying, “It was easier for you. You weren’t sexually abused / raped / nearly killed / beaten as bad as I was / treated the way I was.” Pick one or make up one of your own. What does it matter? Maybe it was easier for me when I was a kid than when you were a kid. Maybe it was harder. This isn’t a competition, no matter what some of your friends think. This life is not a game of “one-down-manship”, where you don’t keep up with the Jones but rather insist that you’re the biggest victim. Sorry, but I just don’t care who out-victims who. I think it sucks that someone hurt you. I think that what happened to you was awful, but you do not get the right to do what you want because of what they did, and you do not get to blame them for your life right now. I care about you and your life, but what others have done to you when you were a child does not matter a much in your life as what you are doing right now. I would rather hear about how you are building your life than about how someone else tore it down.
Is the abuse still going on? Get out. Leave the situation. If you’re living with the abuser, leave. If they won’t let you leave, that’s kidnapping and call the police. If they say they’ll kill you if you try to leave, leave and disappear. It’s possible. Find someone who can help. It may take desperate measures, but if you don’t think you’re worth it, it’s not likely anyone else will either.
Do the memories still haunt you? Find a way to get them out without destroying yourself. Alcohol and drugs only stamp the memories and pain down. They don’t get rid of them. Ditto for eating, gambling, and shopping, when they’re used as therapy. They’re just distractions, not true help. Get the memories and the pain and the hurt and the words and music and sights out of your head. Write. Dance. Pull weeds and destroy them, putting your abuser’s face on them as you tear them to pieces. Volunteer. Go to therapy. Share your story with researchers, with other volunteers who are trying to help young people, who are in the situation you once faced. Draw. Somehow, get the memory, the feeling, the everything out of your head, out of your body, and make it real. Make it tangible. Create it in this world out side of your body so that you don’t have to carry this by yourself.
I care more about your future than about your past, and I care more about your present than I do about either of those. Start where you are and make tomorrow better than today, and make the rest of your life the best part of your life. It is up to you to do so, no matter what happened in the past, the present and the future are up to you.
Too many people believe that how they were brought up is the deciding factor of their lives. If they were beaten or abused, they will always behave as people who were beaten or abused, but that isn’t so. Or at least it doesn’t have to be so, not if you don’t want it to be. There are a lot of people out there who have been beaten or abused, but you don’t know it. They live productive, happy lives, things that some victims believe is impossible for them to obtain. I call them victims, not because they were abused or beaten, but because they still allow those abusers to run their life.
I was physically and emotionally abused, but I haven’t gone into drugs or hooked up with someone who beats me. Yet, there are people who say “my father beat me” as a justification for their doing drugs or beating on their own kids. As if they were not in charge of their own lives but still dancing to the tune of the abusers of their childhoods. How long do they get to claim this? How long do they get to get of scott-free in their own minds because of what was done to them ten, twenty, thirty years ago?
Am I blaming them? Yes. Being beaten sucks, whether it be with a belt, a hand, a stick, what have you. Being emotionally abused, used, blackmailed, etc., also sucks. But it doesn’t have to be a prison, unless that’s what you want to see. And I know that you’re screaming, “I don’t want it! How dare you suggest that I do!” I dare because there are ways out. The ways out are just scarier and harder than staying in your prison. I know that’s been true in my life.
And I can hear some of you saying, “It was easier for you. You weren’t sexually abused / raped / nearly killed / beaten as bad as I was / treated the way I was.” Pick one or make up one of your own. What does it matter? Maybe it was easier for me when I was a kid than when you were a kid. Maybe it was harder. This isn’t a competition, no matter what some of your friends think. This life is not a game of “one-down-manship”, where you don’t keep up with the Jones but rather insist that you’re the biggest victim. Sorry, but I just don’t care who out-victims who. I think it sucks that someone hurt you. I think that what happened to you was awful, but you do not get the right to do what you want because of what they did, and you do not get to blame them for your life right now. I care about you and your life, but what others have done to you when you were a child does not matter a much in your life as what you are doing right now. I would rather hear about how you are building your life than about how someone else tore it down.
Is the abuse still going on? Get out. Leave the situation. If you’re living with the abuser, leave. If they won’t let you leave, that’s kidnapping and call the police. If they say they’ll kill you if you try to leave, leave and disappear. It’s possible. Find someone who can help. It may take desperate measures, but if you don’t think you’re worth it, it’s not likely anyone else will either.
Do the memories still haunt you? Find a way to get them out without destroying yourself. Alcohol and drugs only stamp the memories and pain down. They don’t get rid of them. Ditto for eating, gambling, and shopping, when they’re used as therapy. They’re just distractions, not true help. Get the memories and the pain and the hurt and the words and music and sights out of your head. Write. Dance. Pull weeds and destroy them, putting your abuser’s face on them as you tear them to pieces. Volunteer. Go to therapy. Share your story with researchers, with other volunteers who are trying to help young people, who are in the situation you once faced. Draw. Somehow, get the memory, the feeling, the everything out of your head, out of your body, and make it real. Make it tangible. Create it in this world out side of your body so that you don’t have to carry this by yourself.
I care more about your future than about your past, and I care more about your present than I do about either of those. Start where you are and make tomorrow better than today, and make the rest of your life the best part of your life. It is up to you to do so, no matter what happened in the past, the present and the future are up to you.
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