Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Birds of a Feather

People seldom improve when they have no other model but themselves to copy after. - Oliver Goldsmith The Bee no. II 13 October 1759 On Our Theatres

If you want to become a more positive person, hang around positive people. If you want to have more honor and integrity, hang around people with honor and integrity. Take a look at your friends and your family. Who you are with the most will have a profound effect on you. If you want to improve yourself, figure out in what way, and then find an environment to do it in. Part of it will rub off on you, whether you want it to or not. Unfortunately, the same is true when you spend a lot of time with people who have characteristics you’d rather not share. It’s easier to be honest when you hang around honest people. It’s easier to build dreams when you hang around dream-builders. It’s easier to be alive when you hang around the living as opposed to the merely surviving. You can build your Future no matter where you are right now, but there are places that it will be easier. You can find them.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Forgotten Dreams

So yeah, dreams are important. And I think there are more dreamers today than ever before in the history of anything... but... they're so afraid, so many of them. Afraid to lose all their 'manageable misery.' It's all just so... so... pathetic. Pathetic... and selfish. Are you seriously telling me... that you would deny the world an exquisite painting just because the cardboard firm from down the street is hiring? That you'd stay out of politics because your mates would think you a twat? That the greatest secrets of quantum physics would go forever unearthed... because Dad thinks girls are fit only for babymaking? Does that really sound good enough for you? Really? Maddening! And don't you dare tell me I'm unrealistic. I know a body's chance of sinking their claws into a dream are fairly grim. But... not to try? To settle into the gray doldrums with nary a peep? - Aaron A., Serenity Rose

When we were kids, we dreamed. We wanted to be things, do things when we grew up, even if for some of us the only dream was to be alive and somewhere other than “home”. But, we dreamed. Some of those dreams no longer fit. Now that we’re adults, we have different opinions and desires than when we were kids. But, we dust off the dreams now and again to have our cotton candy. Some of those dreams we’ve accomplished, and we look around at our life and we see this and feel full and satisfied. But there are other dreams, dreams that could complete us, dreams that still have a corner of our hearts, though we scarcely acknowledge them to ourselves much less bring them out into the bright of day. These dreams may not fit our lives as they are now, but they could fit our lives as we wish that they were. Search yourself and see if there are any hidden dreams.

I have always wanted to be a writer. I wrote my first book in kindergarten. It was stapled together for the binding, and I drew the pictures. I wish I still had it. Throughout my life, I’ve gone from poems to short stories to journals to novels back to short stories and so on and so on, but it wasn’t until recently that I acknowledged that writing was a part of me rather than just an expression of creativity like role-playing or painting. Deep in my soul, my dream of writing has always been there, and I’ve dusted it off, and this blog is part of the result. I have not published anything except a blurb in the senior yearbook, but that’s not what’s important. I’m not writing to publish. I’m not writing for other people. I’m writing for me. Even this blog, as much as I love helping others, as much as I know that there are other people who need to hear what I have to say, I write it because I have to say it. Because I write. I will almost assuredly never turn this into a career. But I don’t have to. That’s not part of my dream. My dream is to write, and I do.

Do you have dreams you could take a look at, maybe add just a dab of into your life? Do you love to paint but have nowhere to do it? Why would you need somewhere big? A little paint, a small brush, a piece of 8.5”x11” paper – that’s enough. Do you dream of dancing? Then do it, in your living room, blinds shut or open, people there or not. Do you dream of living in Paris? Learn French. Why? Just because. Get books of paintings by French painters. Read books set in Paris. You can add a little bit of Paris to your life right now as you figure out how to bring your dream into reality.

There are dreams inside you that will never die. Breathe a little more life into them and see how much life they breathe into you.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

What Should I Do With My Life?

What Should I Do With My Life? by Po Bronson is a good book, and I recommend reading it. The author interviewed hundreds of people who either have found their “calling” or who were still searching for it and has put a lot of their stories in this book. Along with their stories, he includes the wisdom and guidance he’s gleaned from it all. It doesn’t answer the question for you, but it offers a lot of help in answering the question yourself.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Just Dreamers

It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. - Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling)

Last post, I told you to dream first, and this quote reminds us of the “first” part of that. Dream, and then do. For dreams are worth very little if you don’t take steps to make them come true. They’re like mental cotton candy, entertaining and sweet, but they do nothing to satisfy your hunger. Realities are pot roast, hearty and filling, when done right. Use your dreams to create your reality, and you will have the best of both worlds.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Dreamers

Yes, I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can find his way by moonlight, and see the dawn before the rest of the world. - Oscar Wilde

Recently in American culture, being called a dreamer was an insult. The esteemed people were the ones with their feet on the ground. Well, the best ones, the movers and the shakers, the changers and the doers, are the people who dream big and then make their dreams come true. People who don’t dream don’t change the world, and most of them don’t get to create their Future. If you want to build your Future was you want it, you must first dream.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Bowlines

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Frequently misattributed to Mark Twain

Throwing off your bowlines can be a scary thing. The harbor is safe, but as one adage says, that’s not what a boat is for. Some people try to sail around, but keep one rope tied securely to the harbor. This is why you have maps. You will be able to find your way back to safety or find your way to a new safe harbor. Perhaps the person who you have waiting for you in the harbor won’t wait. Perhaps there will be repercussions for doing what you want to do instead of what others want you to do. But, would you rather live the half life they insist upon or a whole life without a safety net? And if you cannot decide upon that, then create your own safety net, the safe harbor that you carry around in your heart. Rely upon yourself for your pats on the back and your support until you can find other sailors with whom to go around the world.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Bitter Tears

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone. - Harriet Beecher Stowe

I get why people don’t say or do things that, on their deathbed, they wish they had. I have a few of those floating around in my life myself. It’s because you don’t want to deal with the consequences. I wish I’d gone on that second honeymoon with my lovely wife. Ah, but then you would have had to pay all those bills and perhaps put your job at risk because you took time off. I wish I’d told that handsome fellow that I loved him. Ah, but then you would have risked rejection, perhaps brief, but perhaps humiliating and frequent, depending on who witnessed it. I wish I’d finished my schooling or had kids or things like that. But those things take time, and you make choices each day that determine how you spend your time.

A relationship can be the best thing that ever happened to you, or it could turn out disastrous and ruin a friendship. Starting your own business could be a grand adventure, or you could end up bankrupt, or both. You could have spent hundreds of hours writing your novel that no one would publish. There are a lot of “what if”’s in the world.

There’s a lot of living you could be doing right now, if you just gave it a chance. You will fail, repeatedly, and you will succeed, repeatedly, but you will be living. You will be shaping your Future as you wish it to be. Good luck to you. Tomorrow is a grand adventure.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Living versus Surviving

Every man dies. Not every man really lives. - William Wallace, in Braveheart

I have a friend who’s always full of life, who’s up for anything, and who frequently leaves me feeling energized and upbeat. I have another friend who is full of misery, who doesn’t want to do anything, and who frequently drains my energy whenever we’re together. I’m sure you guys have similar experiences. I’d much rather be with my upbeat friend.

Life is about more than just not dying. That’s mere survival. But a lot of people don’t get that. And then they do get it for a little bit and try to stuff a bunch of life into their weekends, hunting it down in art galleries, truck rallies, and romantic getaways that give you brief memories but typically do nothing to actually help your relationship. You can live all the time, and it’s not an exhausting thing like it may sound. Living life is not exhausting. Pretending to live life is.

You can live on your job. No matter how miserable your job is, you can be alive in your heart. You can feel your breath enter your body and leave it again having sustained you for another while longer. You can feel your pulse attesting to your living nature. You can feel the love of the Deities within you, for it is always within you, no matter what is happening outside of you.

You can live at night while you’re resting from your job. It’s a little harder with the TV, but some things are very funny, and laughter is living. So’s sitting back and resting your eyes, feeling your muscles unwind from their day. So are a lot of other things.

Life does not have to be intense to be enjoyed. It just seems that way because you aren’t living the rest of the week and need to pack it all in at once. But, you can live, and you can enjoy, all the time. May there be more than just surviving in your Future.

Monday, July 13, 2009

The Challenge and My Job

I’m dissatisfied with my job. It’s an okay job with really good benefits and a decent salary, but it’s boring. I am typing this at my job because I ran out of work over an hour ago, and that’s after I took a day off during the middle of fiscal year end. I’d be surprised if they fired me, because I’m not the last hired, but I wouldn’t be shocked. The most surprising part would be that they finally realized that I have this much free time. I’ve told them. I’m not keeping it a secret or anything, and I’ve asked, practically begged, for more work to do, but there isn’t any. So, I sit at my desk, waiting for someone to need something from me. It’s been wearing on my work ethics and my morale.

I’d like something that’s more challenging, something that uses my talents, something that makes me go to work with a smile on my face. And I’ve wanted this for some time. I’ve been spinning my wheels trying to figure out what I should do next, because I’ve been jumping to and from jobs like this for over a decade now. I have no expectation that the next job will be anything different unless I figure out what it is I want. So, no jumping until I figure it out.

But, I was still trying frantically to figure it out. I was reading job books like mad, looking online at job databases, taking quizzes and questionnaires, and none of it made any difference because I was too busy hopping to the next source of information to bother really taking a look at the options I had already uncovered.

Since I’m not going to make any decisions for 6 months about my job, unless the perfect job falls into my lap, then I don’t need to get books or search databases or take quizzes. I can sit back and breathe for a while. And I can research the options that I’ve already uncovered without the pressing “how soon can I do this”, but instead with the more relaxed “does this sound perfect for me?” Because if it’s not perfect, then I don’t have to worry about it. I can simply enjoy gaining more knowledge, and maybe figure it out anyway.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Living Wicca

Living Wicca: A Further Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham is worth reading if you’re Wiccan. If you’re not, skip it. I don’t agree with everything he says, but as he says, take what you want and leave the rest. He goes much further into depth on how to be a solitary practitioner of Wicca than he did in his previous book. He includes a section on how to define your own tradition, giving guidelines on what you should think about when creating a tradition that you may be able to teach others some day. It certainly gave me plenty to think about. How do I see the Deities? How are the Goddess and the God different? What do I believe their place is in human life? It also has an extensive bibliography in back with comments on what he recommends and what simply is out there.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

The Challenge and Dating

Before the challenge, I had been looking for dates and for friends. Every dating-eligible person I met I assessed first as a potential date, and then I would look at them as a friend. This doesn’t get you a whole lot of friends.

It’s also exhausting, and it causes your outlook to skew a bit on life. Looks and actions are analyzed and frequently over analyzed in the context of “how did he mean that?” Things that are meant in a perfectly friendly manner are taken in the wrong way, in hopes that this person is “the one” or, for us polyamorous types, “another match”.

But it doesn’t work that way, and I have been amazed at how much I’d been doing that, looking, hunting, searching, instead of living and enjoying the friendships I have. I still do it now and again, but I’ve caught myself and taken a real look. It’s much more relaxing to simply enjoy someone’s company than analyzing them.

Monday, July 06, 2009

The Challenge and House Hunting

I’ve been looking for a house. I’ve always wanted a house of my own. Not a condo or a duplex, but a house with a small bit of land that is mine and no neighbors touching my walls. I started looking for houses shortly after I left my last living situation. I’m still looking, but with the challenge, there’s a twist. In America this year, you get a tax break if you buy a home before December 1, with certain restrictions. Add to that my desire for new, new, new, without appreciating the current, and I was looking with more vigor than I was sure I wanted to. But, with the challenge and its caveat, I’ve changed my attitude.

I’m still looking, but if it’s not right, that’s just fine. I don’t have to find something in time for the tax break. I don’t have to scrutinize and worry about every listing the realtor sends me. If I find the perfect house (the X in this case), great. I’ll try to buy it. But if I don’t, that’s fine, too. I’m getting a great education out of it. I’m learning a lot about what kind of house I’m looking for, what I’d be willing to accept in a home in terms of improvements I’d have to make in order to get it right for me, and what I really feel good about financially. Since the challenge, my attitude has shifted from hunting for a home to enjoying the learning experience. Fortunately for me, my realtor is fine with that, and she enjoys showing homes, even if I don’t buy just yet.

Buying the home became less important, so looking for a home became more enjoyable.

How about you? Is there anything in your life where the importance of the goal is making the journey painful or unpleasant? I like it best when both the goal and the journey can be enjoyed. In my Future, I’m going to have more journeys.

Friday, July 03, 2009

The 6 Month Challenge

It’s been less than 2 weeks since I decided to take up this challenge, and already my perspective is shifting. So many things that had been interesting before are not interesting now. Because I’m not spending a ton of energy on spinning my wheels or my head, I am fidgety a lot more often, having “nothing” to do. There is plenty I could do, without it making a change to my life. I’ve thought of several that are actually appealing. But the main focus of this challenge is to relax and give myself a chance to rest. That doesn’t mean I can’t multitask.

One thing I’m thinking about doing is clearing out some old projects. I have a blanket that I’ve been crocheting (allegedly) for several years now. Sure, I’ve got plenty of excuses, but it’s been sitting in various spots in my various homes, not getting done. Well, if I’m not going to introduce something new in my life, how about taking care of something old? I have about half a shelf of books that I mean to read but haven’t gotten to. I have a few novels I’ve written that could do with another re-drafting, rather than writing yet another new one. Cleaning up these bits of stuck energy will give me more time and space for other things once I am ready to introduce more new things in my life.

Another thing I’m going to do is not worry about my exercise routine. The week before I took up the challenge, I just started a new exercise routine. It isn’t optimal. It’s not ideal, and it’s much too young for me to notice whether or not it’s doing any good yet. But, I’m not going to worry about it, and I’m not going to berate myself about it. This is what it is for the next six months, and that’s that. I’m going to apply the same thinking to my home decorating, with (again) the decision I made shortly before taking the challenge. I had a major life change recently, and as a result, I’d like to make severe alterations to my décor, but I’m just going to chill, let myself work through the turbulent emotions, and see what I come out with on the other side.

Another thing I’m going to do is enjoy my job and its benefits and not worry about fulfilling my destiny just yet. At the same time, I’m going to take that list of 20+ career ideas that I’ve made and actually do some research on them. Before, I was so busy looking for the right thing and trying to find something that sounded good, that I was too busy to actually take a realistic look at these ideas and see whether the substance of the job was as pretty as the package.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m still working on my Future. I’m not stopping anything I’ve got going that’s beneficial to me and my Future. I’m still writing. I’m still taking care of my health. I’m still improving my relationships with my friends and family. I’m still doing all kinds of things. But, I’m now working on those things I’m doing rather than juggling too many things at the same time.

Of course, this is two weeks in. In another month, I could be going stir crazy. But, if so, I’ll take care of that then.

If you decide to try this yourself, if you’ve just come out the other side of a whirlwind of change, I advise you to add in the caveat that my friend did. If the perfect X drops in your lap, go ahead and take it. Don’t go looking for it, but if it’s offered up to you on a silver platter, then grab it.

Good luck to you, and good luck to me.