“Or take off the plugs so that it’s that much harder to get power back to it and gives you a little bit more time to think ‘Do I really want to spend the next part of my life on the computer rather than live my dream?’ Quite frankly, sometimes the answer is yes, and that’s okay. It’s when the answer is always yes that you’ve got a problem. That’s a topic for another time.”
The quote is from the previous post. The time is now for that topic. What if the answer is always, yes, I would rather do something else than live my dream? Then you need to do something.
First, check to see if this is really your dream. Do you really want this? Or is this something that:
your parents convinced you you should do?
something someone else has always wanted to do but couldn’t and is living their dream through you?
something that seems like the right thing to do?
something that seems small enough or possible enough for you to do?
Is it really your parents’ dream for you? Someone else’s dream? Not really a dream at all? It is easy to get confused by these things, at first, if you’ve been convinced by others or yourself that what is false is actually true.
You are taught to believe your parents, and for the most part you should when you are a kid. But, if they taught you that this was your dream when it really wasn’t, then don’t listen to them. It could be that they wanted to protect you from the “harsh realities” of that dream. Or that they never liked “those kind of people” and didn’t want their son/daughter to become one of “them”. If your parents have tried to tailor your dream, know that they barely scratched the surface. Within you still lies your true dream, the Future that you want made. Toss aside the fake dreams, give them back to your parents, and make room in your life for your dreams.
It could be that your parents or someone else always had a dream that they never could fulfill. Did your mom always want to be a dancer? Did your dad always want to be a pro athlete? Or the other way around? Did your grandmother always want to sail around the world and made you promise that you would do it and send her post cards from everywhere? Or a teacher saw great potential in you but declared that it could be fulfilled in only one way (the way that the teacher wants it fulfilled)? Again, give back their dreams. They are their dreams, and take hold of your own.
How can you tell if something is your dream or someone else’s that you picked up somewhere along the way? Think about it. Does it fill you with energy or dread? When you take your dream through the next several years, do your thoughts fill with color and sound, or are they a stale bit of gray and facts? When you think to yourself “I’m a painter”, “I’m a gymnast”, “I’m a motivational speaker”, “I’m an incredibly rich person”, whose voice says it? Yours? Someone else’s? Your dreams will energize you, make your thoughts fill with light, and resonate in your head in your own voice. Will they also make you run screaming because they have so much hard work attached to them? Sometimes, but the screams will be part of the rid rather than the entire dream itself.
Option 3 is the problem for many people. Life seems hard, and they don’t really have time to dream. They can’t possibly become an artist. They have rent to pay. So, they’ll pretend what they really dream is to become an accountant, because that’s what they’re good at. (Accounting, by the way, is a perfectly legitimate dream for some people. Just not for people who actually want to be something else.) And they’ll become good at being an accountant, or not, and the rent will get paid, and they’ll convince themselves that they’re doing the right thing, when really their dreams are suffocating inside and they just can’t understand why it feels so awful to be alive. Yes, you will probably have rent to pay. Yes, you will probably have to have a job that pays you money. But that doesn’t mean that paying the rent has to become your dream. Too often, “toys” come into play in that case. Who is more likely to have a 3 foot wide plasma screen TV – the painter who paints on the weekends and gives away their creations as gifts, or the painter who pays the bills by being an accountant and refuses to think about how much they enjoyed painting when they were younger? The person who has an unpublished novel sitting on their desk or one sitting one their soul? Dreams are the best toys of all, the best joy-givers, and The Future needs more joy. Dream your dreams and find a way to live them in order to make the Future brighter, to make your life brighter.
Option 4 is the problem for a whole bunch of other people, and is sometimes tied in with option 3. Option 4 is for people who settle, because they just can’t see themselves as making it big. They think that they aren’t large enough, that their souls aren’t large enough, to handle a big dream, so they make a small dream. That’s just bull. Our souls are infinite. Our talent is immense. Our creativity is phenomenal. And we can handle our dreams if we just trust ourselves to do it. Sometimes, you need to babystep your way into a big dream. You don’t just hop into a gallery showing when you haven’t painted your first picture or try out for the Olympics before you begin a training program. But make certain that you know it’s just a babystep and not the end.
Now, before I get more things thrown at the screen, I do understand that sometimes some dreams are unattainable to a degree. It is entirely possible that if you start out when you are 30 that you will not become an Olympic gold medalist. But, is the gold medal the only part of that dream that is important? Or is it national or world-wide recognition? Or is it having an incredible body? Or is it showing up your brother who got a silver medal at the Olympics? What is truly important? Can you get it some other way? Also know that some dreams may need to be set aside for a while in order to become attained. Perhaps there isn’t a method of presentation for your dream (like someone who thought of a great TV show before there was TV) or a proper medium (like someone who needed plastic before it was invented). What’s important is the heart of the dream, that it never dies.
Now, all that is just the first step – making certain that your dream is really your dream. If it is truly your dream and it is in the form that you have dreamt it, then what do you do if you never want to work on it?
Is the first step small enough? Is there any way you can make it smaller?
Is the next step exciting enough? Perhaps you have to do some of the bookkeeping or other uninteresting task, like cleaning the brushes or making space in the garage, and the dreariness of the next step is just overwhelming. Break down that step into small bits, remind yourself of what amazing dreaming you will be doing on the other side of that step, and reward yourself when you get the dreary bit done.
Will you be punished for taking the next step? Now, this may be a shock to some people, but there are not only dream-stealers out there, there are also dream-killers. There are people who will hurt others if they dare to dream. Will you be ridiculed? Bullied? Ignored? Or will the dream-killer be even worse? Will your products get destroyed? Or will you yourself get hurt? Please, get away from these people. Make that your first dream. You are too precious and too important to have your Future be limited by these people, and you never deserve to be beaten. Find Freedom, because it is in Freedom that the Future will be born. Without Freedom, the Future will be killed. If you are being punished, work with the people to make them stop if you can, leave if you cannot. If you cannot make them stop and have an extremely good reason for not leaving, then dream in private. Keep your dreams safe from them, but keep them alive. Do your work in private, or at a friend’s place. And if you are allowed no privacy? There is practically no good reason for you to stay, then. There are good reasons, yes (protection of others being the main and possibly only one), but hardly any.
Is this the right dream for right now? Me, I have several different dreams, and not all of them are feasible right now. So, I work on the ones that I can achieve or at least do something about at this point in my life, and I have put the other ones on hold for the moment. Is that true for you, as well? Is the dream you’re working on not the right one for right now? Can you find the one that is?
Are you afraid of what will happen when you achieve your dream? Will there be negative consequences. I have known plenty of people who would have bad things happen to them if their dreams were achieved. Family members would start expecting money. Family members would start shunning them for outdoing their own achievements. People would start digging into their past and find out things that are really none of their business. Spouses would leave them for no longer being “the person I married”. Or perhaps most common of all, once a dream has been achieved, it would have to be admitted that it will not bring the happiness that you seek. Sometimes, a dream is a distraction from what is truly wrong in your life, and as long as you have an unfinished dream, you don’t have to think about (much less do anything about) the true problems in your life. So, it’s better (you think) to keep the unfinished dream around as blinders or rose-colored glasses when you look at the rest of your life. Some tough questions come after this. You may want the Future to be better than the present, but are you willing to look at the problems that are in the present? I’m not saying you have to fix them, but are you willing to at least see them? If you truly cannot face those things in your life that you are hiding behind your dream, then find a second dream. Create your first dream, make it real, make it true, birth the Future that includes the wonderful things you will bring to it, and then immediately go on to the second dream so that you never have to see whatever it is that you’re afraid of. It’s the coward’s way out, but it is one of two. The first is the one you’re using right now. This way, at least your dreams come true and the Future becomes better. Not as good as if you worked on those problems you don’t want to face, but better than it is now. Don’t worry, there are an infinite number of dreams and distractions out there. Just keep bringing wonder to the Future, no matter what.
When you bring your dreams to life, when you share them with others, you make the world a better place, one with more creativity and life. You birth the Future that you want – one where your dreams are alive and well. You deserve amazing dreams, and you deserve an amazing life, and we all deserve and amazing Future, and we make it happen. Continue to dream, both in thought and in deed.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
What You Don’t Want To Do
It’s easy to get motivated to want to do something. It’s tougher to get motivated to want to do something enough that you actually do it. And it’s not necessarily that you don’t want to do it, it’s just that there’s something else you’d rather do more. Or, in many cases, the parts of you that don’t want to perform this action outnumber the parts of you that do. Sometimes it’s just plain inertia. You’re already doing nothing productive and would prefer to stay that way for right now. But you can get yourself out of it.
One method is compromise. Promise yourself that you get to go back to the nothing productive as soon as you do this little, itty bit of the thing you want to do. You’ll have to make it small enough to convince your grumpy/unmotivated/scared parts. If you still don’t want to do it, make it smaller. Don’t suggest that you write a page of your novel. Write a sentence. Don’t call your mother. Write her a note. Or a postcard. Don’t phone for a job interview. Revamp your resume for 5 minutes. Or, if you’ve done that already, print out ten copies. Don’t paint one picture. Hold a paintbrush in your hand. All of these are small things, pieces of a bigger dream (getting on the best seller’s list, improving your relationship with your mother, getting a new job, having a gallery showing). But with big dreams (and you deserve big dreams), there can be big worries and fears. So, you sidestep these worries and fears (when you can’t plow right through them) by going small. Smaller than your worries and fears, which can seem huge, but which burn out when you don’t feed them big bits of dream.
Even if what isn’t getting done isn’t a part of a dream, you can still do these little bits to “trick” your grumpiness, fear, worry, sloth. Need to clean the house top to bottom? That’s a heck of a thing. Can you load the dishwasher instead? Even at a little bit, your kitchen will look and smell cleaner than it had before you did it. And perhaps those grumpy, etc., bits will be a little quieter as you look for something else small to do.
Another method is plowing right through your grumpy bits. Feel them, but do it any way by brute force. I will spend six hours at the computer writing this novel if it kills me! It works, sometimes, depending on your mood, your health, your willpower, and your grumpiness. Sometimes your grumpiness is more powerful than your willpower. This does not mean you’re weak! This means that you need to cut down the grumpy bits to a more manageable size. This method works very rarely for me. I use compromise a whole lot more often.
A third method is reward, another method I use more often than brute force. If I do three things on my to do list, I get a reward. If I exercise, I get a reward (not food). If I do X, then I get to play for 15 minutes or read a book I picked up from the library or whatever else I’m in the mood for. Pick something that does not sabotage you as a reward, and then “bribe” yourself into doing what needs to be done. If you have issues with weight or sugar, do not use food as a reward. If you do not have the money to spend, do not use a shopping spree as a reward. If you know that you always spend at least an hour on that website and you don’t have an hour right now, do not use that as a reward. Pick something that is healthy for you that you want – time reading or biking, a new hat (from the thrift store, if your wallet isn’t fat), a ripe plum, or the night off from worrying and berating yourself about this thing. Or whatever works for you. Figure out something that feels good and isn’t bad for you and wham! You have a reward.
One last method is more drastic than the others. Not much more drastic than sheer brute force, but close. You take away all of your distractions, until there is nothing left but the thing you’re avoiding but want to do and other things you’ve been avoiding. I have deleted a game from my computer because I played it too much. It freed up a good bit of time. I now play other computer games rather than do my work sometimes, but not as much as that game drew me in. I have also gotten my bathrooms cleaned and the floors swept on more than one occasion just because I wouldn’t allow myself to do anything fun and yet my grumpy bits still didn’t do that other thing, whatever it happened to be. I have been very amused at myself and the lengths I will go to in order to avoid the thing I’ve been avoiding. Typically it’s writing, but not always.
So how do you do this anti-distraction thing? This could be tough. First, what qualifies as a distraction for you? Do you talk a lot on the phone? Do you garden to the exclusion of everything else? Do you, too, play computer games? Or perhaps you, too, read a book until it’s finished no matter how long it takes? Is there a TV show that you just can’t miss? Are you a web surfer extraordinaire? Figure out what you do when you aren’t doing what you don’t want to do (or, rather, what you want to do, but your grumpy bits don’t). Then eliminate it, at least temporarily. Unplug your phone and turn on the answering machine. Check it once an hour in case of emergency. Lock your gardening gloves and other things into the shed or garage or trunk and give someone else the key. Turn off your computer and don’t turn it back on. Or take off the plugs so that it’s that much harder to get power back to it and gives you a little bit more time to think “Do I really want to spend the next part of my life on the computer rather than live my dream?” Quite frankly, sometimes the answer is yes, and that’s okay. It’s when the answer is always yes that you’ve got a problem. That’s a topic for another time.
Don’t get the book or loan it to a friend. Set up your VCR and put a giant piece of paper over your TV screen. And when all that doesn’t work, when you simply have to have a treat or have to clean the bathroom rather than look at your scrapbooking materials one more time, then do it. For the next fifteen minutes, do something else. Then try again. Are your grumpy bits more willing to do 5 minutes of dream now? Or 1 minute? If not, another 15 minutes somewhere else, something else, and try again. And you keep trying. If you use this as a good excuse to get other undesirable chores done, that’s wonderful. At least the cat box is clean and your lawn is mowed and the car is washed. And you’ve been thinking about your dream, because it’s the reason you’re cleaning the cat box, mowing the lawn, or washing the car. It’s tough to keep every bit of your mind off the thing you’re avoiding.
I can hear some of you yelling (mentally) at your computer screen and throwing popcorn at it or other such things. “One minute won’t make a bit of difference!” Wrong. One minute can make a huge difference, when there’s enough of them. One sit up does not a washboard stomach make, but one sit up done numerous times does. All your bits of dreams and dream-doing will add up into something amazing, something wonderful. A novel is written one sentence at a time, and if those five sentences in that paragraph were written in a flurry of motion one day or over five different weeks, they won’t know it when they read it. Did you exercise ten minutes today or twenty? Or three? Will it matter to anyone but you when you finish your marathon? If it takes you ten years to find a new job instead of ten months, does that mean you don’t get your dream job at all? Nope, it just means that you have that much more life experience to bring to your dream job. The important part is for you to do something that brings you closer to the accomplishment of your dream, to the birth of The Future that you want. Do one little bit. Large enough that you actually do something, small enough to bypass your grumpy bits.
Your dreams are amazing, and so are you. Live them, and create the Life you want.
One method is compromise. Promise yourself that you get to go back to the nothing productive as soon as you do this little, itty bit of the thing you want to do. You’ll have to make it small enough to convince your grumpy/unmotivated/scared parts. If you still don’t want to do it, make it smaller. Don’t suggest that you write a page of your novel. Write a sentence. Don’t call your mother. Write her a note. Or a postcard. Don’t phone for a job interview. Revamp your resume for 5 minutes. Or, if you’ve done that already, print out ten copies. Don’t paint one picture. Hold a paintbrush in your hand. All of these are small things, pieces of a bigger dream (getting on the best seller’s list, improving your relationship with your mother, getting a new job, having a gallery showing). But with big dreams (and you deserve big dreams), there can be big worries and fears. So, you sidestep these worries and fears (when you can’t plow right through them) by going small. Smaller than your worries and fears, which can seem huge, but which burn out when you don’t feed them big bits of dream.
Even if what isn’t getting done isn’t a part of a dream, you can still do these little bits to “trick” your grumpiness, fear, worry, sloth. Need to clean the house top to bottom? That’s a heck of a thing. Can you load the dishwasher instead? Even at a little bit, your kitchen will look and smell cleaner than it had before you did it. And perhaps those grumpy, etc., bits will be a little quieter as you look for something else small to do.
Another method is plowing right through your grumpy bits. Feel them, but do it any way by brute force. I will spend six hours at the computer writing this novel if it kills me! It works, sometimes, depending on your mood, your health, your willpower, and your grumpiness. Sometimes your grumpiness is more powerful than your willpower. This does not mean you’re weak! This means that you need to cut down the grumpy bits to a more manageable size. This method works very rarely for me. I use compromise a whole lot more often.
A third method is reward, another method I use more often than brute force. If I do three things on my to do list, I get a reward. If I exercise, I get a reward (not food). If I do X, then I get to play for 15 minutes or read a book I picked up from the library or whatever else I’m in the mood for. Pick something that does not sabotage you as a reward, and then “bribe” yourself into doing what needs to be done. If you have issues with weight or sugar, do not use food as a reward. If you do not have the money to spend, do not use a shopping spree as a reward. If you know that you always spend at least an hour on that website and you don’t have an hour right now, do not use that as a reward. Pick something that is healthy for you that you want – time reading or biking, a new hat (from the thrift store, if your wallet isn’t fat), a ripe plum, or the night off from worrying and berating yourself about this thing. Or whatever works for you. Figure out something that feels good and isn’t bad for you and wham! You have a reward.
One last method is more drastic than the others. Not much more drastic than sheer brute force, but close. You take away all of your distractions, until there is nothing left but the thing you’re avoiding but want to do and other things you’ve been avoiding. I have deleted a game from my computer because I played it too much. It freed up a good bit of time. I now play other computer games rather than do my work sometimes, but not as much as that game drew me in. I have also gotten my bathrooms cleaned and the floors swept on more than one occasion just because I wouldn’t allow myself to do anything fun and yet my grumpy bits still didn’t do that other thing, whatever it happened to be. I have been very amused at myself and the lengths I will go to in order to avoid the thing I’ve been avoiding. Typically it’s writing, but not always.
So how do you do this anti-distraction thing? This could be tough. First, what qualifies as a distraction for you? Do you talk a lot on the phone? Do you garden to the exclusion of everything else? Do you, too, play computer games? Or perhaps you, too, read a book until it’s finished no matter how long it takes? Is there a TV show that you just can’t miss? Are you a web surfer extraordinaire? Figure out what you do when you aren’t doing what you don’t want to do (or, rather, what you want to do, but your grumpy bits don’t). Then eliminate it, at least temporarily. Unplug your phone and turn on the answering machine. Check it once an hour in case of emergency. Lock your gardening gloves and other things into the shed or garage or trunk and give someone else the key. Turn off your computer and don’t turn it back on. Or take off the plugs so that it’s that much harder to get power back to it and gives you a little bit more time to think “Do I really want to spend the next part of my life on the computer rather than live my dream?” Quite frankly, sometimes the answer is yes, and that’s okay. It’s when the answer is always yes that you’ve got a problem. That’s a topic for another time.
Don’t get the book or loan it to a friend. Set up your VCR and put a giant piece of paper over your TV screen. And when all that doesn’t work, when you simply have to have a treat or have to clean the bathroom rather than look at your scrapbooking materials one more time, then do it. For the next fifteen minutes, do something else. Then try again. Are your grumpy bits more willing to do 5 minutes of dream now? Or 1 minute? If not, another 15 minutes somewhere else, something else, and try again. And you keep trying. If you use this as a good excuse to get other undesirable chores done, that’s wonderful. At least the cat box is clean and your lawn is mowed and the car is washed. And you’ve been thinking about your dream, because it’s the reason you’re cleaning the cat box, mowing the lawn, or washing the car. It’s tough to keep every bit of your mind off the thing you’re avoiding.
I can hear some of you yelling (mentally) at your computer screen and throwing popcorn at it or other such things. “One minute won’t make a bit of difference!” Wrong. One minute can make a huge difference, when there’s enough of them. One sit up does not a washboard stomach make, but one sit up done numerous times does. All your bits of dreams and dream-doing will add up into something amazing, something wonderful. A novel is written one sentence at a time, and if those five sentences in that paragraph were written in a flurry of motion one day or over five different weeks, they won’t know it when they read it. Did you exercise ten minutes today or twenty? Or three? Will it matter to anyone but you when you finish your marathon? If it takes you ten years to find a new job instead of ten months, does that mean you don’t get your dream job at all? Nope, it just means that you have that much more life experience to bring to your dream job. The important part is for you to do something that brings you closer to the accomplishment of your dream, to the birth of The Future that you want. Do one little bit. Large enough that you actually do something, small enough to bypass your grumpy bits.
Your dreams are amazing, and so are you. Live them, and create the Life you want.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Worry
Worry is useless. Next to useless, at least. Worrying about something that hasn’t happened and might not happen is simply creating heartache where none needs exist. Putting your energy into worrying is like tossing your money into a fire. It may make a pretty spark, but it doesn’t do a whole lot of good and it costs you quite a bit.
The only use that worry has is helping to pinpoint something that is bothering you. If you’re worried about how someone will behave at a party, then figure out why you’re worried about that. If you think that the person will behave poorly, why did you invite the person? Was it a sense of obligation? Did you feel you had to? Why didn’t you just not invite the person and see him/her some other time, some other place? If you’re worried about getting into a car accident, why? Focusing your energy on the possibility of a car accident takes it away from driving more safely. Don’t tell me that the worry helps to hone your observational skills, that you’re more cautious when you worry about getting into an accident. That’s being more cautious. You don’t have to worry in order to be more cautious. You can realize that an accident is a possibility and not worry. You don’t have to worry in order to make that realization.
There are two truly insidious things about worrying. The first is that it saps your energy from doing anything productive. If you’re worried about not having enough insurance in case of a fire, you won’t have enough energy to do something about it. Rather than worry, realize that it’s a possibility and then do something productive about it. Call your insurance agent. Re-read your insurance policy. Change insurance companies if you have to. Take out more insurance if you have to. Take steps to make your home or business more fire resistant. Get some fire extinguishers and train everyone how to use them. Get some smoke detectors and install them. There are so many things you can do about this issue, but when you worry about it, you feel like you’re doing something when really you’re just burning energy without any product. It’s like idling your car when you don’t have to – it burns the gas without getting you anywhere.
The second insidious thing about worry is that it’s contagious. And there are carriers of worry. I’ve had to eject a few negative people out of my life because their constant negativity and worrying sapped not only their energy but my own. Do you know one of these people? (and congratulations to you if you don’t!) You ask them how they’re doing, and they respond with a laundry list of grievances and worries that plague their life. How do you feel afterwards? Awful? Or at the very least less chipper or happy than you had been before you spoke with them? It takes a strong person to listen to someone complain and moan and not pick up some of the negativity, and not let it affect their mood. I’m getting stronger in that way, but I haven’t quite hit it yet.
When the world has less energy, there’s less energy to make the changes necessary. There are fewer people willing to do what needs to be done to give birth to The Future that can be. When someone tries to steal your energy with worry and negativity, don’t let them. Do what you can to prevent it. And most importantly, don’t let that someone be you. See what you’re worrying over, and see what you can do to make it better. And if you can’t do anything about it, then focus on something else. Let go of the things you can’t do anything about, as much as you can. Focus your energy on something that needs your time and attention. Make The Future better, and let worry become a thing of the past.
The only use that worry has is helping to pinpoint something that is bothering you. If you’re worried about how someone will behave at a party, then figure out why you’re worried about that. If you think that the person will behave poorly, why did you invite the person? Was it a sense of obligation? Did you feel you had to? Why didn’t you just not invite the person and see him/her some other time, some other place? If you’re worried about getting into a car accident, why? Focusing your energy on the possibility of a car accident takes it away from driving more safely. Don’t tell me that the worry helps to hone your observational skills, that you’re more cautious when you worry about getting into an accident. That’s being more cautious. You don’t have to worry in order to be more cautious. You can realize that an accident is a possibility and not worry. You don’t have to worry in order to make that realization.
There are two truly insidious things about worrying. The first is that it saps your energy from doing anything productive. If you’re worried about not having enough insurance in case of a fire, you won’t have enough energy to do something about it. Rather than worry, realize that it’s a possibility and then do something productive about it. Call your insurance agent. Re-read your insurance policy. Change insurance companies if you have to. Take out more insurance if you have to. Take steps to make your home or business more fire resistant. Get some fire extinguishers and train everyone how to use them. Get some smoke detectors and install them. There are so many things you can do about this issue, but when you worry about it, you feel like you’re doing something when really you’re just burning energy without any product. It’s like idling your car when you don’t have to – it burns the gas without getting you anywhere.
The second insidious thing about worry is that it’s contagious. And there are carriers of worry. I’ve had to eject a few negative people out of my life because their constant negativity and worrying sapped not only their energy but my own. Do you know one of these people? (and congratulations to you if you don’t!) You ask them how they’re doing, and they respond with a laundry list of grievances and worries that plague their life. How do you feel afterwards? Awful? Or at the very least less chipper or happy than you had been before you spoke with them? It takes a strong person to listen to someone complain and moan and not pick up some of the negativity, and not let it affect their mood. I’m getting stronger in that way, but I haven’t quite hit it yet.
When the world has less energy, there’s less energy to make the changes necessary. There are fewer people willing to do what needs to be done to give birth to The Future that can be. When someone tries to steal your energy with worry and negativity, don’t let them. Do what you can to prevent it. And most importantly, don’t let that someone be you. See what you’re worrying over, and see what you can do to make it better. And if you can’t do anything about it, then focus on something else. Let go of the things you can’t do anything about, as much as you can. Focus your energy on something that needs your time and attention. Make The Future better, and let worry become a thing of the past.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
An Essay from 1996
With the gift of life comes purpose. No one was born without a purpose, a reason for being here. Life is too complicated, too impossible in odds for it to be simple chance or luck that a sperm and egg unite and exist and grow for nine months to be born into this world. So much can go wrong. Something must be guiding the process – making sure what can go wrong does not. With all our technology and medical “miracles”, children die before being born to this earth – as it has always been, and as it always will be.
There is a reason you are on this earth. There is a reason I am on this earth. Our reasons need not be the same. The origins of our reasons – what has guided our processes – need not be the same. In Christian terms, I may be “blest by God”. You may be “possessed by the Devil”. Or perhaps the other way around. Or there may be a host of other origins surrounding us, pressing their children, trying to have us do their will – with or without our realization.
Once upon a time I believed my role upon this earth was to be passive. I was to listen as my means of helping. Nothing more than a sounding board to others – inert, impassive, unimpressive. But slowly I swayed, my belief of my purpose alter. A counselor, a therapist – a listener with advice. This advice, I believed, was to be obtained from books and study. So silly. Life is not learned from books.
Life is not learned from books.
It is learned from living, from others, from dreams and spirituality. Years ago I would have laughed at or analyzed my spiritual trips. I soar above the land with Hawk. I hunt and sleep with Wolf. I bathe and sleep in a seclude glen, alone. I learn. I learn of myself and the world. I learn of what can be again and what I can do to cause it to be.
My role, my purpose, my reason and guidance are active. I will do and create. My reason and purpose are still being unfolded to my mind. I am still learning. But I will cause a change.
It’s already begun. I have changed myself. People are no longer to be feared or emulated. No! They are to be learned from and perhaps more. Unfortunately, some people are to be learned from by negativity. Do not do as they do, think as they think, use as they use, or fear as they fear.
But all this I haven’t found someone to share with. Too deep or too intimidating.
Some don’t know they have a purpose. It has been forgotten, and most don’t care to relearn. It is so sad. Perhaps that is why the Universe has allowed so many people to infest the earth, hurting it, causing pain before passing back into the etherworld. So few of us see the light – know there are things to be done. Know a purpose has brought us to this earth and it is time for a change. Perhaps the Universe is a gambler or a statistician – the more often you play, the more often you win. The more people you allow to be born, the more than will know, will remember, will live to their purpose, will help bring a change.
Some people aren’t that spiritual. They don’t like believing they are alive for some grand purpose. Too much weight, too much responsibility, too deep. The world of the five senses is enough for them. The rest of the Universe can be damned.
Others know of the rest of the Universe. Their minds can reach out or in to a realm beyond sight and touch, but still it is so odd to them, this concept of purpose and the need for change. To them, things are progressing well. There is a need for some changes, but it is not up to them to do them. I prefer to think these people are already fulfilling their purpose like some of those who are prisoners of their bodies and senses.
But still it would be nice if more knew. If more shared the passion. It can be lonely to have this overwhelming knowledge of possibilities and wonderments and no one to share it with. It strains against me, begging to be let forth through me into the world. But there is no one there to receive it. I can release it to the air or try to tell it to those who don’t share my passion, but it comes back to me, having no where else to go. And if I release it to someone, someone without the knowledge and fire, I become diminished in their eyes because they cannot understand.
I turned down a job I now wish I had taken – almost. It was ringing doorbells and talking to people. Not the most appealing of jobs, but my God the benefits! Speaking with fire, being around those who share a passion, expounding on the needs of the world and what we, personally, can do, and to be understood!
Even those whose passion is different from mine, their company would be extremely welcome, though it is never unwelcome. I am so lonely, and it has nothing to do with being with people.
People for thousands of years have been saying the world must change and a judgment day is not far away if we do not change. We are right. But others see the next hundred years as ending fine, so all things are fine. They do not understand that while a hundred years if long for a single human, it is nothing for humankind or for the Earth. The Earth is so old that five thousand years is not long for her, much less two. We have hurt and poisoned the Earth so much in the last two thousand years, I shudder to think what could happen in the next two millennia if humankind stays on this road. This is why I am here, to help the humankind change its ways and help the Earth heal.
Silly, shortsighted people see the task as daunting, too much for one person to do alone. They are half right. It is too much for one person to do alone. But it is not too much for many people to do. I am one of the many. I will not do it all. I will do my part and encourage others to do a little. Put a single can in the recycling bin instead of the garbage can. Walk once to the corner store on a nice day instead of taking the car. Turn off the living room light when leaving the house. These things can be done. People learn by imitation and habit. If every time I have friends over I have them put their soda cans in a recycling bin rather than the trash, they may do so in other places. If a friend’s child sees me turn off a light every time I cam the last person to leave a room, the child may do the same. If I tell a friend I am going to donate old clothing and toys and does she have anything she would like me to take, she may save her things to let me donate another time rather than throwing them away. And others, seeing my acquaintances act like this, may begin to imitate until it becomes a habit. And so the web continues, with me at the center of this particular section. I myself want to do big things, but I will influence the lives I touch in small ways. My life touches others, and theirs others yet. Long after I am gone from this Earth, my influence will still be here.
It took a lot of time for the Earth and humankind to progress to this point, and it will take a lot of time and work to undo it. Some people see the entire job and decide since they cannot do it all themselves in this lifetime, it cannot be done at all. Others see what an individual can do and decide it is so little compared to the whole job that it isn’t worth doing. They don’t understand the web, the interconnectedness among humans. Their doing a small part may influence others to do a small part who in turn influence others. Small parts added together make a big difference. Unfortunately, apathy, too, travels along the web.
Who do I connect with? people ask. I don’t have that kind of influence, they say. Your spouse, your significant other, your children are the easiest. If you care, you can suggest at work or your favorite hangout that they have recycling bins. Your friends, through your rules when they are at your house and your actions when you are at theirs. Other families on picnics who see you bring a separate bag for recyclables. Your favorite stores by requesting recyclable bags for your purchases. Your favorite grocery store by requesting they stock low-wattage bulbs and then buying them. National grocery brand companies are by buying only recyclable or reduced-waste containers. So much influence in a single person and so many blind to it. That is the greatest tragedy, the greatest waste.
So much to do, so much that can be done. The passion in me to help the Earth and humankind will never die. But now and again, it could use a kindred soul to help ease my loneliness.
There is a reason you are on this earth. There is a reason I am on this earth. Our reasons need not be the same. The origins of our reasons – what has guided our processes – need not be the same. In Christian terms, I may be “blest by God”. You may be “possessed by the Devil”. Or perhaps the other way around. Or there may be a host of other origins surrounding us, pressing their children, trying to have us do their will – with or without our realization.
Once upon a time I believed my role upon this earth was to be passive. I was to listen as my means of helping. Nothing more than a sounding board to others – inert, impassive, unimpressive. But slowly I swayed, my belief of my purpose alter. A counselor, a therapist – a listener with advice. This advice, I believed, was to be obtained from books and study. So silly. Life is not learned from books.
Life is not learned from books.
It is learned from living, from others, from dreams and spirituality. Years ago I would have laughed at or analyzed my spiritual trips. I soar above the land with Hawk. I hunt and sleep with Wolf. I bathe and sleep in a seclude glen, alone. I learn. I learn of myself and the world. I learn of what can be again and what I can do to cause it to be.
My role, my purpose, my reason and guidance are active. I will do and create. My reason and purpose are still being unfolded to my mind. I am still learning. But I will cause a change.
It’s already begun. I have changed myself. People are no longer to be feared or emulated. No! They are to be learned from and perhaps more. Unfortunately, some people are to be learned from by negativity. Do not do as they do, think as they think, use as they use, or fear as they fear.
But all this I haven’t found someone to share with. Too deep or too intimidating.
Some don’t know they have a purpose. It has been forgotten, and most don’t care to relearn. It is so sad. Perhaps that is why the Universe has allowed so many people to infest the earth, hurting it, causing pain before passing back into the etherworld. So few of us see the light – know there are things to be done. Know a purpose has brought us to this earth and it is time for a change. Perhaps the Universe is a gambler or a statistician – the more often you play, the more often you win. The more people you allow to be born, the more than will know, will remember, will live to their purpose, will help bring a change.
Some people aren’t that spiritual. They don’t like believing they are alive for some grand purpose. Too much weight, too much responsibility, too deep. The world of the five senses is enough for them. The rest of the Universe can be damned.
Others know of the rest of the Universe. Their minds can reach out or in to a realm beyond sight and touch, but still it is so odd to them, this concept of purpose and the need for change. To them, things are progressing well. There is a need for some changes, but it is not up to them to do them. I prefer to think these people are already fulfilling their purpose like some of those who are prisoners of their bodies and senses.
But still it would be nice if more knew. If more shared the passion. It can be lonely to have this overwhelming knowledge of possibilities and wonderments and no one to share it with. It strains against me, begging to be let forth through me into the world. But there is no one there to receive it. I can release it to the air or try to tell it to those who don’t share my passion, but it comes back to me, having no where else to go. And if I release it to someone, someone without the knowledge and fire, I become diminished in their eyes because they cannot understand.
I turned down a job I now wish I had taken – almost. It was ringing doorbells and talking to people. Not the most appealing of jobs, but my God the benefits! Speaking with fire, being around those who share a passion, expounding on the needs of the world and what we, personally, can do, and to be understood!
Even those whose passion is different from mine, their company would be extremely welcome, though it is never unwelcome. I am so lonely, and it has nothing to do with being with people.
People for thousands of years have been saying the world must change and a judgment day is not far away if we do not change. We are right. But others see the next hundred years as ending fine, so all things are fine. They do not understand that while a hundred years if long for a single human, it is nothing for humankind or for the Earth. The Earth is so old that five thousand years is not long for her, much less two. We have hurt and poisoned the Earth so much in the last two thousand years, I shudder to think what could happen in the next two millennia if humankind stays on this road. This is why I am here, to help the humankind change its ways and help the Earth heal.
Silly, shortsighted people see the task as daunting, too much for one person to do alone. They are half right. It is too much for one person to do alone. But it is not too much for many people to do. I am one of the many. I will not do it all. I will do my part and encourage others to do a little. Put a single can in the recycling bin instead of the garbage can. Walk once to the corner store on a nice day instead of taking the car. Turn off the living room light when leaving the house. These things can be done. People learn by imitation and habit. If every time I have friends over I have them put their soda cans in a recycling bin rather than the trash, they may do so in other places. If a friend’s child sees me turn off a light every time I cam the last person to leave a room, the child may do the same. If I tell a friend I am going to donate old clothing and toys and does she have anything she would like me to take, she may save her things to let me donate another time rather than throwing them away. And others, seeing my acquaintances act like this, may begin to imitate until it becomes a habit. And so the web continues, with me at the center of this particular section. I myself want to do big things, but I will influence the lives I touch in small ways. My life touches others, and theirs others yet. Long after I am gone from this Earth, my influence will still be here.
It took a lot of time for the Earth and humankind to progress to this point, and it will take a lot of time and work to undo it. Some people see the entire job and decide since they cannot do it all themselves in this lifetime, it cannot be done at all. Others see what an individual can do and decide it is so little compared to the whole job that it isn’t worth doing. They don’t understand the web, the interconnectedness among humans. Their doing a small part may influence others to do a small part who in turn influence others. Small parts added together make a big difference. Unfortunately, apathy, too, travels along the web.
Who do I connect with? people ask. I don’t have that kind of influence, they say. Your spouse, your significant other, your children are the easiest. If you care, you can suggest at work or your favorite hangout that they have recycling bins. Your friends, through your rules when they are at your house and your actions when you are at theirs. Other families on picnics who see you bring a separate bag for recyclables. Your favorite stores by requesting recyclable bags for your purchases. Your favorite grocery store by requesting they stock low-wattage bulbs and then buying them. National grocery brand companies are by buying only recyclable or reduced-waste containers. So much influence in a single person and so many blind to it. That is the greatest tragedy, the greatest waste.
So much to do, so much that can be done. The passion in me to help the Earth and humankind will never die. But now and again, it could use a kindred soul to help ease my loneliness.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Attitudes
There are a lot of things in life you can’t control. Your actions and your attitudes are two things you can. Actions, it would seem, are a lot easier to control than attitudes, but it doesn’t have to be so. You can change your attitude about things, even other people’s actions or attitudes, but first you must be aware of them. How do you truly feel about some things?
Say you have a physical difference – your height, your skin, your weight, your shape, or any of a number of things. If someone teases or criticizes you about it, if you’re like most people, you’ll probably get angry or defensive. But I’ve found that those who are most angry or defensive agree with the criticism. They may not even know it. If you ask them, “Why do you let it get to you?”, they may respond, “(S)He shouldn’t make fun of people like that” or “It’s just plain mean”. Yet others who have the same physical difference react differently, shrug it off, make a joke, calmly tell the person to stop. Why the difference? It’s about attitude. Perhaps you agree. Perhaps you don’t even know it. Perhaps you’ve heard the comment so often that it’s gotten into your skull. That’s why some people can still “hear” their mother or father criticizing them long after they’ve passed away. But do you agree? Do you think you’re too short, fat, tall, dark, freckled, plain, and so on? You could be reacting not only to others’ criticism but your own. Once you figure out who and what you’re responding to, you can choose your actions more clearly.
And if you do feel critical of yourself? If you discover to your dismay that you do think of yourself the same thing everyone else has been saying? Then you can change it. You can’t change what you don’t know exists. But how? I’ll get to that in a minute.
What if you don’t agree? What if your anger and defensiveness stem from something else entirely? Are you angry over the criticism? Then either try to change the person’s actions (criticizing you), the object of the criticism (but how do you change your height), or your attitude. You can ask someone to stop, but you cannot control if he/she does. You cannot control your height, freckles, or shape, though you can in some cases influence it through your actions, which you can control. Or change your attitude.
If it’s the person (rather than the criticism) that is upsetting you, try to change their actions, change your own (avoid them, tune them out), or change your attitude.
Or maybe it’s a bad day or you’re tired or you’re angry over something else. But back to attitudes.
How do you change your attitude? First, you change your thoughts. Entirely possible. Even if you’ve been called stupid your entire life, so much so that you can hear it still in your head, you can still change your thoughts. Put bluntly, you brainwash yourself. The phrase “stupid”, “fat”, “plain”, whatever, is in your head because you’ve heard it before and it stuck. Or “it’s okay to lash out at people who criticize”, “any comments must be critical or threatening”, “that was meant mean-spirited and demeaning” even if it was meant helpfully. These things may not be things you heard specifically but saw in action.
So you put a different though, a different memory into your head, and you do that repeatedly. And you make yourself pause so that your (re)action is the one you want rather than the older one.
Your attitudes are, after all, made up of your thoughts and your actions. The attitude you see – that you think you portray – is more about your thoughts. The attitude others see is more about your actions (including your facial expressions, which are most often dictated by your thoughts). Will you ever get rid of that thought? Maybe not. But you can drown it out, weaken it so that it’s nothing but an occasional twinge of an old injury rather than an obstacle you need to overcome.
Repeat the thought to yourself whenever you have nothing else to use your mind. Folding laundry, driving when nothing’s on the radio, when you can’t fall asleep. Repeat the actions when and where you can. Don’t lash out, don’t tense up, don’t cry over someone else’s problem. Stop your tongue. Bite back a comment before it’s out of your mouth or as soon as you can. Take a deep breath and will your shoulders to relax and lower. Remind yourself of the beauty and light in this life rather than the other person’s hatred and ugliness.
This will take practice. Your brain/heart/soul have had years to teach you this old way. Many repetitions have gone into it. You will need to repeat the new way – the way you are choosing – many times to strengthen it and defeat the old way. It’s like a muscle. If you want your arm to get stronger, you must repeat arm exercises. If you want your new attitude to get stronger, you must repeat your “attitude exercises” – repeat the new thought, practice the new action, pay attention to how you think and feel so that you can take advantage of every opportunity to practice. You can change your attitudes, your thoughts, and your actions. The first attitude to create is that you can change.
So what’s this all about? More changing of me? What the hey?
When you free yourself from attitudes you don’t like, you have more time and energy to do what you need to do. When you are rid of other-imposed views and beliefs, you have the freedom to change your life into anything you want, to change yourself into anything you want, including a crusader for the Future Being Born.
If you are exhausted from work, it’s hard to be up for working at home. If you’re too busy fighting the injustices and tyrannies in your own mind, you won’t have the time to fight the injustices and tyrannies “out there”.
Say you have a physical difference – your height, your skin, your weight, your shape, or any of a number of things. If someone teases or criticizes you about it, if you’re like most people, you’ll probably get angry or defensive. But I’ve found that those who are most angry or defensive agree with the criticism. They may not even know it. If you ask them, “Why do you let it get to you?”, they may respond, “(S)He shouldn’t make fun of people like that” or “It’s just plain mean”. Yet others who have the same physical difference react differently, shrug it off, make a joke, calmly tell the person to stop. Why the difference? It’s about attitude. Perhaps you agree. Perhaps you don’t even know it. Perhaps you’ve heard the comment so often that it’s gotten into your skull. That’s why some people can still “hear” their mother or father criticizing them long after they’ve passed away. But do you agree? Do you think you’re too short, fat, tall, dark, freckled, plain, and so on? You could be reacting not only to others’ criticism but your own. Once you figure out who and what you’re responding to, you can choose your actions more clearly.
And if you do feel critical of yourself? If you discover to your dismay that you do think of yourself the same thing everyone else has been saying? Then you can change it. You can’t change what you don’t know exists. But how? I’ll get to that in a minute.
What if you don’t agree? What if your anger and defensiveness stem from something else entirely? Are you angry over the criticism? Then either try to change the person’s actions (criticizing you), the object of the criticism (but how do you change your height), or your attitude. You can ask someone to stop, but you cannot control if he/she does. You cannot control your height, freckles, or shape, though you can in some cases influence it through your actions, which you can control. Or change your attitude.
If it’s the person (rather than the criticism) that is upsetting you, try to change their actions, change your own (avoid them, tune them out), or change your attitude.
Or maybe it’s a bad day or you’re tired or you’re angry over something else. But back to attitudes.
How do you change your attitude? First, you change your thoughts. Entirely possible. Even if you’ve been called stupid your entire life, so much so that you can hear it still in your head, you can still change your thoughts. Put bluntly, you brainwash yourself. The phrase “stupid”, “fat”, “plain”, whatever, is in your head because you’ve heard it before and it stuck. Or “it’s okay to lash out at people who criticize”, “any comments must be critical or threatening”, “that was meant mean-spirited and demeaning” even if it was meant helpfully. These things may not be things you heard specifically but saw in action.
So you put a different though, a different memory into your head, and you do that repeatedly. And you make yourself pause so that your (re)action is the one you want rather than the older one.
Your attitudes are, after all, made up of your thoughts and your actions. The attitude you see – that you think you portray – is more about your thoughts. The attitude others see is more about your actions (including your facial expressions, which are most often dictated by your thoughts). Will you ever get rid of that thought? Maybe not. But you can drown it out, weaken it so that it’s nothing but an occasional twinge of an old injury rather than an obstacle you need to overcome.
Repeat the thought to yourself whenever you have nothing else to use your mind. Folding laundry, driving when nothing’s on the radio, when you can’t fall asleep. Repeat the actions when and where you can. Don’t lash out, don’t tense up, don’t cry over someone else’s problem. Stop your tongue. Bite back a comment before it’s out of your mouth or as soon as you can. Take a deep breath and will your shoulders to relax and lower. Remind yourself of the beauty and light in this life rather than the other person’s hatred and ugliness.
This will take practice. Your brain/heart/soul have had years to teach you this old way. Many repetitions have gone into it. You will need to repeat the new way – the way you are choosing – many times to strengthen it and defeat the old way. It’s like a muscle. If you want your arm to get stronger, you must repeat arm exercises. If you want your new attitude to get stronger, you must repeat your “attitude exercises” – repeat the new thought, practice the new action, pay attention to how you think and feel so that you can take advantage of every opportunity to practice. You can change your attitudes, your thoughts, and your actions. The first attitude to create is that you can change.
So what’s this all about? More changing of me? What the hey?
When you free yourself from attitudes you don’t like, you have more time and energy to do what you need to do. When you are rid of other-imposed views and beliefs, you have the freedom to change your life into anything you want, to change yourself into anything you want, including a crusader for the Future Being Born.
If you are exhausted from work, it’s hard to be up for working at home. If you’re too busy fighting the injustices and tyrannies in your own mind, you won’t have the time to fight the injustices and tyrannies “out there”.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)