An Essay from 1996

With the gift of life comes purpose. No one was born without a purpose, a reason for being here. Life is too complicated, too impossible in odds for it to be simple chance or luck that a sperm and egg unite and exist and grow for nine months to be born into this world. So much can go wrong. Something must be guiding the process – making sure what can go wrong does not. With all our technology and medical “miracles”, children die before being born to this earth – as it has always been, and as it always will be.

There is a reason you are on this earth. There is a reason I am on this earth. Our reasons need not be the same. The origins of our reasons – what has guided our processes – need not be the same. In Christian terms, I may be “blest by God”. You may be “possessed by the Devil”. Or perhaps the other way around. Or there may be a host of other origins surrounding us, pressing their children, trying to have us do their will – with or without our realization.

Once upon a time I believed my role upon this earth was to be passive. I was to listen as my means of helping. Nothing more than a sounding board to others – inert, impassive, unimpressive. But slowly I swayed, my belief of my purpose alter. A counselor, a therapist – a listener with advice. This advice, I believed, was to be obtained from books and study. So silly. Life is not learned from books.

Life is not learned from books.

It is learned from living, from others, from dreams and spirituality. Years ago I would have laughed at or analyzed my spiritual trips. I soar above the land with Hawk. I hunt and sleep with Wolf. I bathe and sleep in a seclude glen, alone. I learn. I learn of myself and the world. I learn of what can be again and what I can do to cause it to be.

My role, my purpose, my reason and guidance are active. I will do and create. My reason and purpose are still being unfolded to my mind. I am still learning. But I will cause a change.

It’s already begun. I have changed myself. People are no longer to be feared or emulated. No! They are to be learned from and perhaps more. Unfortunately, some people are to be learned from by negativity. Do not do as they do, think as they think, use as they use, or fear as they fear.

But all this I haven’t found someone to share with. Too deep or too intimidating.

Some don’t know they have a purpose. It has been forgotten, and most don’t care to relearn. It is so sad. Perhaps that is why the Universe has allowed so many people to infest the earth, hurting it, causing pain before passing back into the etherworld. So few of us see the light – know there are things to be done. Know a purpose has brought us to this earth and it is time for a change. Perhaps the Universe is a gambler or a statistician – the more often you play, the more often you win. The more people you allow to be born, the more than will know, will remember, will live to their purpose, will help bring a change.

Some people aren’t that spiritual. They don’t like believing they are alive for some grand purpose. Too much weight, too much responsibility, too deep. The world of the five senses is enough for them. The rest of the Universe can be damned.

Others know of the rest of the Universe. Their minds can reach out or in to a realm beyond sight and touch, but still it is so odd to them, this concept of purpose and the need for change. To them, things are progressing well. There is a need for some changes, but it is not up to them to do them. I prefer to think these people are already fulfilling their purpose like some of those who are prisoners of their bodies and senses.

But still it would be nice if more knew. If more shared the passion. It can be lonely to have this overwhelming knowledge of possibilities and wonderments and no one to share it with. It strains against me, begging to be let forth through me into the world. But there is no one there to receive it. I can release it to the air or try to tell it to those who don’t share my passion, but it comes back to me, having no where else to go. And if I release it to someone, someone without the knowledge and fire, I become diminished in their eyes because they cannot understand.

I turned down a job I now wish I had taken – almost. It was ringing doorbells and talking to people. Not the most appealing of jobs, but my God the benefits! Speaking with fire, being around those who share a passion, expounding on the needs of the world and what we, personally, can do, and to be understood!

Even those whose passion is different from mine, their company would be extremely welcome, though it is never unwelcome. I am so lonely, and it has nothing to do with being with people.

People for thousands of years have been saying the world must change and a judgment day is not far away if we do not change. We are right. But others see the next hundred years as ending fine, so all things are fine. They do not understand that while a hundred years if long for a single human, it is nothing for humankind or for the Earth. The Earth is so old that five thousand years is not long for her, much less two. We have hurt and poisoned the Earth so much in the last two thousand years, I shudder to think what could happen in the next two millennia if humankind stays on this road. This is why I am here, to help the humankind change its ways and help the Earth heal.

Silly, shortsighted people see the task as daunting, too much for one person to do alone. They are half right. It is too much for one person to do alone. But it is not too much for many people to do. I am one of the many. I will not do it all. I will do my part and encourage others to do a little. Put a single can in the recycling bin instead of the garbage can. Walk once to the corner store on a nice day instead of taking the car. Turn off the living room light when leaving the house. These things can be done. People learn by imitation and habit. If every time I have friends over I have them put their soda cans in a recycling bin rather than the trash, they may do so in other places. If a friend’s child sees me turn off a light every time I cam the last person to leave a room, the child may do the same. If I tell a friend I am going to donate old clothing and toys and does she have anything she would like me to take, she may save her things to let me donate another time rather than throwing them away. And others, seeing my acquaintances act like this, may begin to imitate until it becomes a habit. And so the web continues, with me at the center of this particular section. I myself want to do big things, but I will influence the lives I touch in small ways. My life touches others, and theirs others yet. Long after I am gone from this Earth, my influence will still be here.

It took a lot of time for the Earth and humankind to progress to this point, and it will take a lot of time and work to undo it. Some people see the entire job and decide since they cannot do it all themselves in this lifetime, it cannot be done at all. Others see what an individual can do and decide it is so little compared to the whole job that it isn’t worth doing. They don’t understand the web, the interconnectedness among humans. Their doing a small part may influence others to do a small part who in turn influence others. Small parts added together make a big difference. Unfortunately, apathy, too, travels along the web.

Who do I connect with? people ask. I don’t have that kind of influence, they say. Your spouse, your significant other, your children are the easiest. If you care, you can suggest at work or your favorite hangout that they have recycling bins. Your friends, through your rules when they are at your house and your actions when you are at theirs. Other families on picnics who see you bring a separate bag for recyclables. Your favorite stores by requesting recyclable bags for your purchases. Your favorite grocery store by requesting they stock low-wattage bulbs and then buying them. National grocery brand companies are by buying only recyclable or reduced-waste containers. So much influence in a single person and so many blind to it. That is the greatest tragedy, the greatest waste.

So much to do, so much that can be done. The passion in me to help the Earth and humankind will never die. But now and again, it could use a kindred soul to help ease my loneliness.