What do you do with a woman/man/child/person with cancer?

What do you do with a woman with cancer? I am a cancer survivor, and I am a woman. Those are not all that I am, though. I am many, many other things. I am a blogger, a novelist, a wife, a college graduate. I am also fortunate that most of the people I know don’t see me as a woman with cancer or a cancer survivor. They see me as me and that’s all, but not all women are as lucky. If you are one of those people who looks at a woman in your life and sees a cancer victim/survivor/patient first, then this is what you should do.

You love her. Someone once said – I don’t remember who, but obviously he was very wise – that love is a verb. That love is an action word and that you don’t just feel love but you act it out. And that is what you must do with this woman with cancer. You verb her.

You treat her in a loving way. You do loving things for her. You demonstrate your love for her through your words and actions. Another good verb – respect. Respect is also an attitude, but it is a verb first. You respect that woman. You treat her with respect; you hold a respectful attitude towards her. You verb her, and that verb is respect.

What other verbs do you do? You give. You laugh with her. You help her. You allow her to help you. You listen to her. You leave her alone when she wants to be alone. You be with her when she wants company. (You do not become a slave to her or her whims. You have a life, too, but when you are helping her, when you are giving to her, this is what you do.) You go shopping with her. You plan for the future together. If she is willing and you are willing, you have sex with her and all the wonderful verbs that go along with it. You anticipate, enjoy, swim, and most importantly live with her.

You do not put her in her grave before she is ready. You do not treat her like a delicate porcelain doll that must be put on a shelf and not touched. You do not treat her like she’s in the hospital with an IV and oxygen tube, not on her good days when she’s walking down the street with a bounce in her step and a twinkle in her eye. Save those “treat her like an invalid” days for when she really is one.

Instead, you verb her. You verb her and verb her and verb her some more. And the most important of those verbs is LIVE. You live with her, and you let her live, too. As a woman, not just as a host for cancer.

What do you do with a man with cancer? Same thing. What do you do with a child with cancer? Same thing (minus the sex). What do you do with a person with cancer? Same thing. Love, respect, live, verb.