All or nothing? Why?

Why does it have to be all or nothing with some people? For some people, it’s a way of life. For most, it’s an occasional thing. But, just about everyone, at some point or another, will insist that some event or some characteristic or some something be all or nothing. But it doesn’t have to be.

There are a few situations in which all or nothing makes sense. Drug use, for example, and other addictions where a single slip can start a dangerous cycle. Fidelity in a relationship, if that is something you agree upon (there are some who are in a polygamous relationship). Honesty, for some (though others will allow white lies and times of privacy to intrude on the honesty between two people). Allergies, especially the more lethal ones. But all or nothing doesn’t belong in a lot of areas of life.

Diets, for example. To tell yourself that you are never allowed to have a cookie or an ice cream cone is ridiculous. To tell yourself that because you had one cookie, you may as well have a dozen is also ridiculous. Moderation in your diet will work better both for your metabolism and your will power. If you get a cookie now and again, it won’t hold so much power over you.

Anything that you are trying to control in your life, make it easier on yourself, if you can. Don’t have “just one drink”, especially not with that cute guy from accounting that you “haven’t really” been flirting with. Those are a couple of areas that you should keep as all or nothing. But there are plenty of other areas where you can lose the “all or nothing” mentality.

One big area that this affects is changes that you’d like to make in your life. A lot of people crash and burn because they try to make too many changes at once, or they make one change, but it’s radically different from their life as it was. Need to change your social life? Make one change until it sticks. Join one group? Go to one night out? Try one different place to go? Pick one thing and try it. If it’s good, keep it. If it’s not, get rid of it. It’s easier to figure out what isn’t working and what is when there’s only one difference you need to keep track of.

Need to change your diet? Go one dish at a time, one snack at a time, one food at a time. Need to change your job? Go in small changes – scout out the jab market and brush up on your resume. Increase your contacts within the field you choose. Do you want to change fields? Take one course, start reading one journal, attend one seminar. Make one change and stick with it.

If you feel like your entire life needs an overhaul, you still need to go slow. If you change your diet along with your job and your relationships, and suddenly you have headaches and you feel unsettled and unsure of yourself, how will you know what change is affecting you?

Very few people have a perfect life. Most people need or at least want some change. But you don’t have to make all of the changes at the same time. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You are allowed to change slowly and create the Future you want and need.