Things have an energy about them. Why else do people keep mementoes? “To remind us” people so. And what’s a memory except energy? Not everyone gets the same feeling from an object as other people do. That’s why there are Elvis commemorative plates and baby angel statuettes and music boxes and many, many other things – because different people get positive feelings from different objects.
However, there are some objects that give you a negative feeling. Again, they are reminders of something that you don’t like. Get rid of them. Seriously. Toss them, burn them, tear them up, give them to charity, hand them over to the neighborhood rummage sale. Just get those reminders of bad times and bad things out of your house and out of your head. And if you say, “But so-and-so will be so upset if I get rid of it, so hurt!”, then you’re going to have to ask yourself why so-and-so’s opinion is more important than yours on what should be in your house.
Some examples – not all of these are negative for everyone, but they can be for others:
An unflattering picture of you. If you have a picture of you that makes you look fat or ugly, why do you keep it? Get rid of it and get some pictures that flatter you.
A postcard from Hawaii. You had a miserable time. You caught pneumonia while you were there and stayed indoors the entire two weeks. Every time you see that postcard, you remember the misery of being ill. Toss the thing.
The lamp. Your ex-mother-in-law gave it to you. You have never liked it, and for some reason your ex-husband didn’t take it with him when he left. The only reason you still have it is because it’s exquisite, beautiful, and expensive-looking. So what? Get rid of it. Give it to someone who’ll remember you for giving it and won’t know its “deep dark” past.
The sweater. Your late wife wore that sweater whenever it was cold. Every time you see it, you cry and wish she was still here. Find something else to remember her by. Something that makes you smile, not cry. Your memories of her shouldn’t be tainted by sorrow.
Your wedding dress from two marriages ago.
Clothes three sizes too small that claim that you’re fat.
Clothes three sizes too big that remind you you used to be fat.
Three dozen porcelain pigs that you don’t like but that friends gave you because you have a pig collection.
You get the point. Make your home your haven, your base of operations, your launch pad for your Future. Get rid of the negative stuff. You don’t need it any more. Fill your home with positive things that make you happy so you can fill your Future with happiness.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Way of the Peaceful Warrior
Way of the Peaceful Warrior: A Book That Changes Lives by Dan Millman. This book comes in three parts. I wish you could skip part one and just go straight to part two, but I think that the contrast between the whiny, annoying, self-conceited guy the narrator is in part one and the guy he becomes in parts two and three is part of the lesson. Which is too bad. I almost stopped reading the book after part one, and I was impressed with myself for having made it that far. But, I had nothing else to read and I was bored, so I continued with the rest of the book. I am almost glad I did, but really, if I hadn’t, it would have been no big loss in my life. I got out of it only a couple of things, things I’ve gotten elsewhere. I believe that if others haven’t read the dozens of self-help and self-actualization books that I have, there would be plenty of interesting, fascinating, and helpful things in this book. But, if you’re like me, and you’ve already read plenty, there’s not going to be much new for you. The story’s pretty good. If you like fantasy novels, give it a shot. It is an easy read. From the title, I was really hoping for more, but I didn’t get it.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Determining Your Future
The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. – Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
I’m willing to bet that you know some real sour pusses. Grumpy, Mr. Negativity, never has anything pleasant to say, whiner – you know someone like this, right? And if you don’t, I don’t know how you do it, but keep it up!
There are some people who refuse to be happy. The glass is always half full and rather than seeing all the good in their life, their eyes are strictly on the places that suck. I wouldn’t want to be able to hear their thoughts. I imagine their minds are dark morasses of dank and stinking muck and vapor, a miserable place that nothing can bloom and no one would want to live.
Well, screw them. If they want to be sour pusses, let them. But don’t let them drag you down with them. Because, if you let them, their negativity will poison your mind and through your mind your life.
When you see nothing but the bad, you miss out on the good, and you miss out on opportunities because you’re always certain that it’ll fail or worse. You don’t improve anything because what’s the point? You don’t try because what’s the point? You don’t bother smiling or being happy because it’ll be over in just a moment, and it takes just too much energy to bother being happy. Man, that is a sucky way to live.
Life is wonderful. Are there bad parts? Of course. Nothing’s perfect. But don’t dwell on them. Fix them where you can. Accept them where you can’t. Concentrate instead on the great parts. You’re alive. You have at least some health, otherwise how are you getting my blog? You have opportunities to change your life, and obviously (since you’re reading this), you have enough gumption to be willing to change. Perhaps not your life as a whole, not yet, but your thinking, your attitude, your hope, a little at a time.
If you are a sour puss and want to change, don’t expect to do it overnight. Maybe you will, if you have a week to live and need to make the most of these last few days. But, without such a drastic motivator, most people will change slowly instead of quickly. Do one of the following. Then, each week (or month if you have a really bad case), add another one to your life. Say “please” whenever you make a request. Say “thank you” whenever someone does something for you, even if it’s just respond to you about how they can’t help you right now. Say hello to people you know. Smile for a couple of minutes for no reason other than to keep in practice. Give thanks to the Higher Power (or circumstance, if you are an atheist) for one thing every day. Watch an uplifting movie. Read an uplifting book. Toss out one negative book/movie/knick-knack/etc. from your home. Yes, knick-knacks can be negative, but I’ll deal with that next time. Give someone a compliment on their clothes or work or attitude. There are plenty of other ways you can emphasize the positive in your life, but these will do quite nicely as a start.
You can think your way into a brighter, more positive Future, or a darker and angrier one. It’s your choice.
I’m willing to bet that you know some real sour pusses. Grumpy, Mr. Negativity, never has anything pleasant to say, whiner – you know someone like this, right? And if you don’t, I don’t know how you do it, but keep it up!
There are some people who refuse to be happy. The glass is always half full and rather than seeing all the good in their life, their eyes are strictly on the places that suck. I wouldn’t want to be able to hear their thoughts. I imagine their minds are dark morasses of dank and stinking muck and vapor, a miserable place that nothing can bloom and no one would want to live.
Well, screw them. If they want to be sour pusses, let them. But don’t let them drag you down with them. Because, if you let them, their negativity will poison your mind and through your mind your life.
When you see nothing but the bad, you miss out on the good, and you miss out on opportunities because you’re always certain that it’ll fail or worse. You don’t improve anything because what’s the point? You don’t try because what’s the point? You don’t bother smiling or being happy because it’ll be over in just a moment, and it takes just too much energy to bother being happy. Man, that is a sucky way to live.
Life is wonderful. Are there bad parts? Of course. Nothing’s perfect. But don’t dwell on them. Fix them where you can. Accept them where you can’t. Concentrate instead on the great parts. You’re alive. You have at least some health, otherwise how are you getting my blog? You have opportunities to change your life, and obviously (since you’re reading this), you have enough gumption to be willing to change. Perhaps not your life as a whole, not yet, but your thinking, your attitude, your hope, a little at a time.
If you are a sour puss and want to change, don’t expect to do it overnight. Maybe you will, if you have a week to live and need to make the most of these last few days. But, without such a drastic motivator, most people will change slowly instead of quickly. Do one of the following. Then, each week (or month if you have a really bad case), add another one to your life. Say “please” whenever you make a request. Say “thank you” whenever someone does something for you, even if it’s just respond to you about how they can’t help you right now. Say hello to people you know. Smile for a couple of minutes for no reason other than to keep in practice. Give thanks to the Higher Power (or circumstance, if you are an atheist) for one thing every day. Watch an uplifting movie. Read an uplifting book. Toss out one negative book/movie/knick-knack/etc. from your home. Yes, knick-knacks can be negative, but I’ll deal with that next time. Give someone a compliment on their clothes or work or attitude. There are plenty of other ways you can emphasize the positive in your life, but these will do quite nicely as a start.
You can think your way into a brighter, more positive Future, or a darker and angrier one. It’s your choice.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Parenting Yourself
Parents can be wonderful things. Not always, but sometimes. Like with everything in life, take what you can use and toss the rest. Here are a couple of things that a parent would do that you can probably use.
Enforce your own bedtime. Even if you aren’t tired, go to bed at a reasonable hour. Only you can decide what a reasonable hour is. A good rule of thumb is if you wake up feeling dead tired, your bedtime is too late. Make it earlier. If you’re waking up right around the same time the alarm clock would normally go off, that’s the right bed time. Either that or you get woken up partially too often while you sleep. Eliminate the distractions, noises, and lights that make your sleep restless instead of restful.
Eat your vegetables. Not all vegetables are bad. There are some I won’t eat. I just don’t eat them. I eat other vegetables. There is no one food that is the sole source of anything essential. There is also no one food that is a source of everything essential. You need a variety of things. Try out different vegetables, and eat the ones you like. Here’s a big hint: salads are not the only way to get vegetables. I fought against that knowledge for a long time, insisting that I would have to eat salads. But I wouldn’t. And the lettuce would turn brown and the carrots would decay and the celery would become limp and leaky. That did not endear me to vegetables. Once I stopped trying to force myself to eat salads, things got a lot better. Vegetables are also good in soups, stews, in tacos, steamed and on the side, mixed with rice, chopped up and put into a Hamburger Helper, or eaten raw, with or without dip, depending on what it takes for you to eat them. Fruit is also good for you, but higher in sugar. They can also provide a different portion of the “variety” you’re supposed to eat. They’re also easier to eat raw in most cases.
Make your bed. I’m very tired when I go to bed, and the last thing I want to do is straighten out the covers so that I can crawl into them. I take about 30 seconds in the morning to flip the covers back into their “made” position and straighten them at the foot of the bed, and voila, I have a made bed for me to fall into that night. Or, if I get sick in the middle of the day, a great place to nap. I don’t want to make my bed when I’m tired and sick, either.
Wash your hands. Some people will tell you “well, I don’t pee on my fingers” as an excuse for not washing their hands after using the bathroom. There is a really good biological reason for washing your hands, whether or not you pee on your fingers. It’s a little disgusting, so I won’t go into here. Google it or just trust me. It’s the same thing as not eating your boogers. Your body is working really hard to get these things out of your body, why are you intentionally putting them back in?
Maybe your parents taught you these things, maybe they didn’t. But you can teach yourself these things. They’re excellent habits that will make your body and mind healthier and better prepared to do whatever you need to create your Future.
Enforce your own bedtime. Even if you aren’t tired, go to bed at a reasonable hour. Only you can decide what a reasonable hour is. A good rule of thumb is if you wake up feeling dead tired, your bedtime is too late. Make it earlier. If you’re waking up right around the same time the alarm clock would normally go off, that’s the right bed time. Either that or you get woken up partially too often while you sleep. Eliminate the distractions, noises, and lights that make your sleep restless instead of restful.
Eat your vegetables. Not all vegetables are bad. There are some I won’t eat. I just don’t eat them. I eat other vegetables. There is no one food that is the sole source of anything essential. There is also no one food that is a source of everything essential. You need a variety of things. Try out different vegetables, and eat the ones you like. Here’s a big hint: salads are not the only way to get vegetables. I fought against that knowledge for a long time, insisting that I would have to eat salads. But I wouldn’t. And the lettuce would turn brown and the carrots would decay and the celery would become limp and leaky. That did not endear me to vegetables. Once I stopped trying to force myself to eat salads, things got a lot better. Vegetables are also good in soups, stews, in tacos, steamed and on the side, mixed with rice, chopped up and put into a Hamburger Helper, or eaten raw, with or without dip, depending on what it takes for you to eat them. Fruit is also good for you, but higher in sugar. They can also provide a different portion of the “variety” you’re supposed to eat. They’re also easier to eat raw in most cases.
Make your bed. I’m very tired when I go to bed, and the last thing I want to do is straighten out the covers so that I can crawl into them. I take about 30 seconds in the morning to flip the covers back into their “made” position and straighten them at the foot of the bed, and voila, I have a made bed for me to fall into that night. Or, if I get sick in the middle of the day, a great place to nap. I don’t want to make my bed when I’m tired and sick, either.
Wash your hands. Some people will tell you “well, I don’t pee on my fingers” as an excuse for not washing their hands after using the bathroom. There is a really good biological reason for washing your hands, whether or not you pee on your fingers. It’s a little disgusting, so I won’t go into here. Google it or just trust me. It’s the same thing as not eating your boogers. Your body is working really hard to get these things out of your body, why are you intentionally putting them back in?
Maybe your parents taught you these things, maybe they didn’t. But you can teach yourself these things. They’re excellent habits that will make your body and mind healthier and better prepared to do whatever you need to create your Future.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Beneficial Illness
Three posts are being made today, one to make up for the lack of post on Friday, one to make up for the lack of a book review this weekend, and one for today's regular post.
A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses. – Hippocrates, Father of Medicine
That sounds like one of the stupidest things ever, right? What could possibly be beneficial about being sick? Oh, you’d be surprised.
I’m willing to bet that a lot of you know someone like this: They’d love to help out, but they’re not feeling well. They had every intention of helping you move that weekend, but they suddenly came down with a cold. They would have done a better job on this project, but they’ve had the worst headache. And on, and on, and on, and on. Being sick is one of the “great” excuses. You can’t prove that they aren’t sick, and if you yell at them, you’re the bad guy for yelling at someone who’s sick. Unreliable people are unreliable in all kinds of ways, the person who’s constantly sick is one of those people.
Being legitimately sick can help you as well. Maybe you needed the sleep. Maybe your body decided “enough!” and gave you a cold so you didn’t get pneumonia. Maybe your body is warning you about something. You’re going to have to listen. What is your body telling you?
Sometimes it’s not about your body, though. Sometimes it’s stress. You work and work and work and work and work because it has to get done and no one else is going to do it, but blam! You’re suddenly flat on your back or crippled with a migraine the size of Montana. Your mind has decided it needs a break, and if you aren’t going to give it willingly, it’s going to take it whether you like it or not.
In either of these cases, if you listen to your body, to your mind, you can find out what’s wrong with your situation.
On the flip side, the illness might not be a symptom or a sign from anything or anyone. You just got sick, got cancer, got into a car accident, through no fault of yours, for no reason in your life. That doesn’t mean that this illness/lack of health is a waste. There are things you can learn from even these “out of the blue” health problems, if you’re willing.
You may find out: that people are willing to help you out that you never expected, that some of your friends are great and some of your friends aren’t really friends, that you have trouble asking for or accepting help, that you have trouble thinking of yourself as flawed or imperfect, that you cannot stand relaxing enough to let your body heal, that you have a need to be in constant motion because you are trying to outrun your thoughts, that you actually enjoy a slower pace, that you finally have time to read all those things you thought you wanted to or do those projects that have taken over a corner of your living room but you don’t want to. You can learn a lot from a time of forced lesser activity. If you’re willing.
That’s the big key. If you’re willing, you can learn. You can find out more, and you can take what you learn and improve your life and better your Future. And you can do that for everything, not just illness. There’s a lot of wonderful opportunities for knowledge out there, if you open your ears, heart, and mind.
A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses. – Hippocrates, Father of Medicine
That sounds like one of the stupidest things ever, right? What could possibly be beneficial about being sick? Oh, you’d be surprised.
I’m willing to bet that a lot of you know someone like this: They’d love to help out, but they’re not feeling well. They had every intention of helping you move that weekend, but they suddenly came down with a cold. They would have done a better job on this project, but they’ve had the worst headache. And on, and on, and on, and on. Being sick is one of the “great” excuses. You can’t prove that they aren’t sick, and if you yell at them, you’re the bad guy for yelling at someone who’s sick. Unreliable people are unreliable in all kinds of ways, the person who’s constantly sick is one of those people.
Being legitimately sick can help you as well. Maybe you needed the sleep. Maybe your body decided “enough!” and gave you a cold so you didn’t get pneumonia. Maybe your body is warning you about something. You’re going to have to listen. What is your body telling you?
Sometimes it’s not about your body, though. Sometimes it’s stress. You work and work and work and work and work because it has to get done and no one else is going to do it, but blam! You’re suddenly flat on your back or crippled with a migraine the size of Montana. Your mind has decided it needs a break, and if you aren’t going to give it willingly, it’s going to take it whether you like it or not.
In either of these cases, if you listen to your body, to your mind, you can find out what’s wrong with your situation.
On the flip side, the illness might not be a symptom or a sign from anything or anyone. You just got sick, got cancer, got into a car accident, through no fault of yours, for no reason in your life. That doesn’t mean that this illness/lack of health is a waste. There are things you can learn from even these “out of the blue” health problems, if you’re willing.
You may find out: that people are willing to help you out that you never expected, that some of your friends are great and some of your friends aren’t really friends, that you have trouble asking for or accepting help, that you have trouble thinking of yourself as flawed or imperfect, that you cannot stand relaxing enough to let your body heal, that you have a need to be in constant motion because you are trying to outrun your thoughts, that you actually enjoy a slower pace, that you finally have time to read all those things you thought you wanted to or do those projects that have taken over a corner of your living room but you don’t want to. You can learn a lot from a time of forced lesser activity. If you’re willing.
That’s the big key. If you’re willing, you can learn. You can find out more, and you can take what you learn and improve your life and better your Future. And you can do that for everything, not just illness. There’s a lot of wonderful opportunities for knowledge out there, if you open your ears, heart, and mind.
The Wealth Barber
Most personal finance books are rather dry. I like personal finance books, and I love to read, and I still find some of them too boring to bother with. That is not the case with The Wealthy Barber by David Chilton. His book tells a story about three friends who are learning the secrets to financial success and security. There are jokes and comments made mixed in with the excellent advice, which makes it all much easier to read than some books. There are still some very long paragraphs, but this book is much better than a lot of others. I highly recommend it. It’s easier to concentrate on the rest of your Future if you don’t have to worry about your finances.
Creating and the Creative Muse
Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist does the better. – Andre Gide
Anne Rice said that she hadn’t intended to have Lestat be the main character of her series, but the character insisted. Another author, a friend of mine, has had voices in his head offering suggestions about interesting ways to take his story. Michelangelo (I believe) said that when you sculpt and elephant, the elephant is already there in the block, and you remove everything else.
God, Muse, Higher Power, Divine Inspiration, Inner Creator, whatever you want to call it, there is something within you or outside of you that creates, not just art and poetry, but new creations, new businesses, new ways of thinking and solving problems. The less you insist on editing and criticizing and trying to conform to what you think others would insist upon, the better.
Many great ideas have died with their originator because the person didn’t think anyone would listen. Or they took the idea and changed it so it would become “acceptable”. Or they saw it as wonderful but didn’t think of themselves as good enough to carry it out.
Not every idea that comes to you will be right for you and the world as it is. But most of them will be. Take your ideas, your creations, your wonderous thoughts, and make them real. Whether it’s a book, a painting, a business, or just a new way to live your life and treat those around you, be willing to listen to your creative muse and create something amazing.
Anne Rice said that she hadn’t intended to have Lestat be the main character of her series, but the character insisted. Another author, a friend of mine, has had voices in his head offering suggestions about interesting ways to take his story. Michelangelo (I believe) said that when you sculpt and elephant, the elephant is already there in the block, and you remove everything else.
God, Muse, Higher Power, Divine Inspiration, Inner Creator, whatever you want to call it, there is something within you or outside of you that creates, not just art and poetry, but new creations, new businesses, new ways of thinking and solving problems. The less you insist on editing and criticizing and trying to conform to what you think others would insist upon, the better.
Many great ideas have died with their originator because the person didn’t think anyone would listen. Or they took the idea and changed it so it would become “acceptable”. Or they saw it as wonderful but didn’t think of themselves as good enough to carry it out.
Not every idea that comes to you will be right for you and the world as it is. But most of them will be. Take your ideas, your creations, your wonderous thoughts, and make them real. Whether it’s a book, a painting, a business, or just a new way to live your life and treat those around you, be willing to listen to your creative muse and create something amazing.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Materialism
When we worship that “strange god” of materialism – getting things simply because there are things to be gotten – we leave the course of our heart’s desire. – John-Roger & Peter McWilliams
When is enough stuff enough? How many pairs of shoes are enough? I am an American female. I own 2 pairs of shoes. That’s it. I don’t mean that I have 2 pairs of shoes and x number of sandals and y number of half boots. I mean I have 2 pairs of footwear of any type or sort. I don’t understand other women’s need for a different pair of shoes for any different type of situation. But, then, I doubt if a good number of women would understand why I have over 30 dice. Or, over 50. I haven’t bothered to count.
Is there something in your life that you must have more of? A collection that you keep going just because you have the collection? It used to be that you loved the Wizard of Oz, and that’s why you picked the stuff up. But now, you have a Wizard of Oz collection, and you get the stuff to make it grow. Not because you love the stuff, but because there’s one more thing in that category that you don’t have.
Or it’s a new car every three years. Or a bigger house than you really need. Or another leather jacket. Or designer clothes when regular clothes would do. Or every tool made by Sears.
A lot of people are materialistic to some degree. The trouble comes in when you pay more for something that you get back. An old friend had a guideline. For every hour of enjoyment you get from something, multiply it by 2. If you pay more than that for it, it’s too much. That is too strict for some people and for a lot of situations, but it is something to consider. Are you buying to enjoy or are you buying to have?
When you take your focus off increasing your things and back onto everything else, it’s amazing what you can do with your life.
When is enough stuff enough? How many pairs of shoes are enough? I am an American female. I own 2 pairs of shoes. That’s it. I don’t mean that I have 2 pairs of shoes and x number of sandals and y number of half boots. I mean I have 2 pairs of footwear of any type or sort. I don’t understand other women’s need for a different pair of shoes for any different type of situation. But, then, I doubt if a good number of women would understand why I have over 30 dice. Or, over 50. I haven’t bothered to count.
Is there something in your life that you must have more of? A collection that you keep going just because you have the collection? It used to be that you loved the Wizard of Oz, and that’s why you picked the stuff up. But now, you have a Wizard of Oz collection, and you get the stuff to make it grow. Not because you love the stuff, but because there’s one more thing in that category that you don’t have.
Or it’s a new car every three years. Or a bigger house than you really need. Or another leather jacket. Or designer clothes when regular clothes would do. Or every tool made by Sears.
A lot of people are materialistic to some degree. The trouble comes in when you pay more for something that you get back. An old friend had a guideline. For every hour of enjoyment you get from something, multiply it by 2. If you pay more than that for it, it’s too much. That is too strict for some people and for a lot of situations, but it is something to consider. Are you buying to enjoy or are you buying to have?
When you take your focus off increasing your things and back onto everything else, it’s amazing what you can do with your life.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Opportunity and Regret
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. – Helen Keller
Take time to mourn the things that leave your life, the changes that happen both with and without your permission. And then stop. Don’t let the past become your obsession. Your present will fly by and your Future will unfold without you if you continue to see only the past.
Denial is one of the five stages of grief, and grief is not just for death of a loved one. It’s for all kinds of losses. Denial isn’t just a “I can’t believe he’s dead” type of thing. It’s also denying your own reactions, your own feelings, and the changes that are happening in your life. It’s also about denying what this loss means to you.
Some people will lose their high paying jobs and deny that they won’t find something as high paying again. They’ll cling to the illusion that they can find a job that pays just as well, despite the fact that they don’t have as much seniority in a new company. In some cases, they’re in even worse shape because their type of job no longer exists. Middle managers are a good example of a high paying job that suddenly didn’t exist any longer, or at least not in the numbers that had been before. But some people refused to believe that they would have to take a pay cut.
What did that do to them? Well, if you think you’re going to be paid just as much and in a short while, why change any of your spending habits? You can still afford two houses and a boat. And if it takes a little longer, take out a loan. You’ll be able to pay it back no problem. But they can’t. But they’re so busy looking at the “closed door” that they don’t even see other opportunities. The opportunities are not exactly what they want, exactly what they used to have, so they just don’t exist for these people.
Denying that you hate your ex does not mean you don’t hate your ex. You still hate. You just don’t get past it, and the hate solidifies and rolls up into a ball that sits in between your chest and your stomach. Denying you’re upset about a death means you won’t notice that you’re easy to set off, irritable beyond what a situation calls for, or being rather rude and mean to other people. You refuse to accept that you’re upset, so you refuse to see that you are, and you refuse to see the effects you have.
Grieve. Get past the denial as quickly as possible, though be careful you aren’t denying that you’re still in denial. And then look for the other open doors, the other opportunities that surround you. The Future can be bright and brilliant, if you dare to take a look.
Take time to mourn the things that leave your life, the changes that happen both with and without your permission. And then stop. Don’t let the past become your obsession. Your present will fly by and your Future will unfold without you if you continue to see only the past.
Denial is one of the five stages of grief, and grief is not just for death of a loved one. It’s for all kinds of losses. Denial isn’t just a “I can’t believe he’s dead” type of thing. It’s also denying your own reactions, your own feelings, and the changes that are happening in your life. It’s also about denying what this loss means to you.
Some people will lose their high paying jobs and deny that they won’t find something as high paying again. They’ll cling to the illusion that they can find a job that pays just as well, despite the fact that they don’t have as much seniority in a new company. In some cases, they’re in even worse shape because their type of job no longer exists. Middle managers are a good example of a high paying job that suddenly didn’t exist any longer, or at least not in the numbers that had been before. But some people refused to believe that they would have to take a pay cut.
What did that do to them? Well, if you think you’re going to be paid just as much and in a short while, why change any of your spending habits? You can still afford two houses and a boat. And if it takes a little longer, take out a loan. You’ll be able to pay it back no problem. But they can’t. But they’re so busy looking at the “closed door” that they don’t even see other opportunities. The opportunities are not exactly what they want, exactly what they used to have, so they just don’t exist for these people.
Denying that you hate your ex does not mean you don’t hate your ex. You still hate. You just don’t get past it, and the hate solidifies and rolls up into a ball that sits in between your chest and your stomach. Denying you’re upset about a death means you won’t notice that you’re easy to set off, irritable beyond what a situation calls for, or being rather rude and mean to other people. You refuse to accept that you’re upset, so you refuse to see that you are, and you refuse to see the effects you have.
Grieve. Get past the denial as quickly as possible, though be careful you aren’t denying that you’re still in denial. And then look for the other open doors, the other opportunities that surround you. The Future can be bright and brilliant, if you dare to take a look.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Chicken Soup for the Soul
Chicken Soup for the Soul is the first in a series of books by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen. Each of them have 101 short stories, most true, that are incredibly touching, moving, and funny. They’re about people, real people, who face the worst and the best of life. I recommend these books. Not all of the stories touch me, but many, many, many of them do. When I needed to cry but couldn’t find it in me to do it, these books helped. When I needed to laugh, these books made me do it. When I needed a bit of inspiration, these books provided it. When I needed to feel and take my mind off myself and put it onto something, anything else to gain a little time and a little perspective, these books helped. There are 6 core, generic books, and plenty of specialty books – for women, for teens, for mothers, for sisters, for country lovers, for golfers, for senior citizens, and much more. Try them out. You won’t be sorry.
Friday, March 14, 2008
The First Wealth
The first wealth is health. – Emerson
There are a lot of different kinds of health. There’s physical health, emotional health, mental health, healthy relationships, healthy environments, and healthy attitudes. All of these are important. Do you need to be perfect in your health? No, you don’t. Eat a piece of cake once in a while. Have a nasty thought about your neighbor’s dog. It’s okay. It’s your habits that make more difference than your “every once in a while” actions.
Being unhealthy is very distracting. Your energy is focused on getting well, and that leaves you with little energy for anything else. Everyone knows how it feels to drag when you’ve got a cold. But, perhaps you haven’t noticed the same sort of lack of energy when you have an unhealthy attitude. If your thoughts are constantly on how everything sucks, do you feel alive and frisky and ready to take on the world? What if you’re in an abusive relationship? How is your energy level then?
The first wealth is the energy that being healthy gives you. Having abundant energy is great. You can accomplish so much or enjoy relaxing that much more. What feels better, after all – laying on the couch because you can’t get up, or laying on the couch because you want to?
But you don’t have to be perfect. Eat healthy, drink healthy, think healthy thoughts, have healthy relationships. And if you’re not doing one or more of those things, then change them. Slowly, if you have to, but do change them so your personal health will sky rocket. What you start now will affect and improve your Future.
There are a lot of different kinds of health. There’s physical health, emotional health, mental health, healthy relationships, healthy environments, and healthy attitudes. All of these are important. Do you need to be perfect in your health? No, you don’t. Eat a piece of cake once in a while. Have a nasty thought about your neighbor’s dog. It’s okay. It’s your habits that make more difference than your “every once in a while” actions.
Being unhealthy is very distracting. Your energy is focused on getting well, and that leaves you with little energy for anything else. Everyone knows how it feels to drag when you’ve got a cold. But, perhaps you haven’t noticed the same sort of lack of energy when you have an unhealthy attitude. If your thoughts are constantly on how everything sucks, do you feel alive and frisky and ready to take on the world? What if you’re in an abusive relationship? How is your energy level then?
The first wealth is the energy that being healthy gives you. Having abundant energy is great. You can accomplish so much or enjoy relaxing that much more. What feels better, after all – laying on the couch because you can’t get up, or laying on the couch because you want to?
But you don’t have to be perfect. Eat healthy, drink healthy, think healthy thoughts, have healthy relationships. And if you’re not doing one or more of those things, then change them. Slowly, if you have to, but do change them so your personal health will sky rocket. What you start now will affect and improve your Future.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Your Enemies
Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much. – Oscar Wilde
Do you have enemies? Perhaps enemy is a strong word. People who dislike you or are jealous of you, or people of whom you are jealous. People you would like to see trip and fall or would like the same of you. People with whom you have a negative relationship.
It’s hard to go through life without being annoyed by someone. That’s the bigger portion of this. The part where someone is annoyed by you – that’s too bad. That’s their emotion, their problem. Unless they make it your problem, then you have to do something about it. But, you don’t need everyone to like you. Really. That may seem to be a crazy notion, not wanting everyone to like you, but it is true. You don’t have to take it to its extreme of “screw everyone else”, but you don’t have to be a doormat. Doormats are, unfortunately, the only type of people some people like. And you deserve better than that.
The most important person to have like you is yourself. The most important person to have as a friend instead of your enemy is yourself. Sounds like New Age Clap-Trap ™ to some of you, I’m sure. But it’s true. You can be your own worst enemy and your own best friend. You can support and encourage yourself or sabotage your every effort. You have to figure out which you’re doing at what times. Because you’re probably doing both – maybe even at the same time.
Figure out how you are sabotaging or discouraging yourself and figure out a way to stop it. That means taking a look at yourself and your behavior, a mirror that some people don’t want to see. But, if you’re going to have the best of all possible Futures for yourself, you’re going to need to get out of your own way. You’ll have to do this unpleasant piece of business in order to get the very best for yourself.
Be your own friend. Support and encourage yourself. Do all those things for yourself as you would do for your best friend. You deserve no less.
Do you have enemies? Perhaps enemy is a strong word. People who dislike you or are jealous of you, or people of whom you are jealous. People you would like to see trip and fall or would like the same of you. People with whom you have a negative relationship.
It’s hard to go through life without being annoyed by someone. That’s the bigger portion of this. The part where someone is annoyed by you – that’s too bad. That’s their emotion, their problem. Unless they make it your problem, then you have to do something about it. But, you don’t need everyone to like you. Really. That may seem to be a crazy notion, not wanting everyone to like you, but it is true. You don’t have to take it to its extreme of “screw everyone else”, but you don’t have to be a doormat. Doormats are, unfortunately, the only type of people some people like. And you deserve better than that.
The most important person to have like you is yourself. The most important person to have as a friend instead of your enemy is yourself. Sounds like New Age Clap-Trap ™ to some of you, I’m sure. But it’s true. You can be your own worst enemy and your own best friend. You can support and encourage yourself or sabotage your every effort. You have to figure out which you’re doing at what times. Because you’re probably doing both – maybe even at the same time.
Figure out how you are sabotaging or discouraging yourself and figure out a way to stop it. That means taking a look at yourself and your behavior, a mirror that some people don’t want to see. But, if you’re going to have the best of all possible Futures for yourself, you’re going to need to get out of your own way. You’ll have to do this unpleasant piece of business in order to get the very best for yourself.
Be your own friend. Support and encourage yourself. Do all those things for yourself as you would do for your best friend. You deserve no less.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Moving
At the beginning of this month, I moved out of my old home and into a new apartment. That is why I didn’t have any new posts. I’d like to offer a few tips to those of you who are going to move or help someone else move, and if you want to do a little clearing up of your life, these could work for you, too.
Start early. This is good advice for any major project you undertake. Whatever you can do ahead of time, do it. This will make the actual move a lot easier on you.
Clean your old place ahead of time. You won’t be able to reach all the nooks and crannies that you’ll need to get to in order to get your security deposit back, but you can clean your tub. You can clean your oven. You can clean your stove top. Just one a day for the week ahead of the move will make it a whole lot easier. When you do things in bits like this, it’s easier to do.
Pack up the things you don’t need as soon as you don’t need them till after you move. While you’re doing this, decide if it is something that you want to move. Is this object something that you are willing to clean off, wrap up, put in a box, seal the box, move, open the box, unwrap, and put away? If you are willing to take each and every step for that object, then move it. If not, then perhaps you should get rid of it. There’s no point in moving something you don’t love or need. The same is true for “keeping”. There’s no pointing keeping something you don’t love or need. Use the “would I move it?” test on your household items when you feel you don’t have enough room in your current place. It could be that you have enough room, just too much stuff.
Arrange for transportation ahead of time. Do not try to rent a van on the day you are moving. Do not count on your unreliable friends or family to provide you with a truck. Make certain that your van/truck/whatever is from a reliable source and will be available on that day. Again, in “real life”, this is a good idea. Do not rely on unreliable people, no matter what they promise. You deserve better.
Take breaks. When moving, when living, at any time. Take breaks when you need them.
Eat something healthy. It’s tempting to go for the quick boost of energy from a candy bar, but you’ll crash. This is good for moving, for living, for being healthy for the rest of your life.
Give yourself enough time. Again, good advice for anything in your life. Don’t try to rush yourself. If you know you can’t do it or can only do it if everything goes perfectly, then get more time. Things do not go perfectly. Ask for more time or do more things ahead of time or ask for more help or a combination of all three.
You deserve to have things go well in any part of your life, whether that is moving, working, relationships, or anything else. Make your present as good as it can be to provide a solid base for a fantastic Future.
Start early. This is good advice for any major project you undertake. Whatever you can do ahead of time, do it. This will make the actual move a lot easier on you.
Clean your old place ahead of time. You won’t be able to reach all the nooks and crannies that you’ll need to get to in order to get your security deposit back, but you can clean your tub. You can clean your oven. You can clean your stove top. Just one a day for the week ahead of the move will make it a whole lot easier. When you do things in bits like this, it’s easier to do.
Pack up the things you don’t need as soon as you don’t need them till after you move. While you’re doing this, decide if it is something that you want to move. Is this object something that you are willing to clean off, wrap up, put in a box, seal the box, move, open the box, unwrap, and put away? If you are willing to take each and every step for that object, then move it. If not, then perhaps you should get rid of it. There’s no point in moving something you don’t love or need. The same is true for “keeping”. There’s no pointing keeping something you don’t love or need. Use the “would I move it?” test on your household items when you feel you don’t have enough room in your current place. It could be that you have enough room, just too much stuff.
Arrange for transportation ahead of time. Do not try to rent a van on the day you are moving. Do not count on your unreliable friends or family to provide you with a truck. Make certain that your van/truck/whatever is from a reliable source and will be available on that day. Again, in “real life”, this is a good idea. Do not rely on unreliable people, no matter what they promise. You deserve better.
Take breaks. When moving, when living, at any time. Take breaks when you need them.
Eat something healthy. It’s tempting to go for the quick boost of energy from a candy bar, but you’ll crash. This is good for moving, for living, for being healthy for the rest of your life.
Give yourself enough time. Again, good advice for anything in your life. Don’t try to rush yourself. If you know you can’t do it or can only do it if everything goes perfectly, then get more time. Things do not go perfectly. Ask for more time or do more things ahead of time or ask for more help or a combination of all three.
You deserve to have things go well in any part of your life, whether that is moving, working, relationships, or anything else. Make your present as good as it can be to provide a solid base for a fantastic Future.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
SARK
This weekend, instead of reviewing a book, I’m reviewing an author. SARK is an incredible author, and I recommend her to everyone. Her books are vibrant and colorful, and her messages are all about how to live to your fullest, how to have a wonderful life, and how to be happy. She talks about her own life and manages to make it accessible to everyone. Everyone feels similarly at different times, and she shows us how we’re all human, all connected, all alike, even when we’re different. In addition to her own work, she provides suggestions at the end of each chapter – books, websites, quotes. I have found so many wonderful books because of SARK that I would read any book of hers just for these suggestions. But I’d read her books even without the suggestions, they’re just that good. I highly recommend them.
Friday, March 07, 2008
March Appreciation Day
For appreciation day this month, I have sent a note to my hospital praising my surgeon and nurse who took care of me last year when I had cancer and who are still providing excellent care now. If you want to compliment someone who has done a great job for you, you can tell them or their boss, or both.
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