Abusive Spouse or Lonely Spinster

“Nothing is worse than being alone” is the rallying cry of every spouse who stays with someone who belittles, hits, rapes, ignores, or otherwise abuses them. Really? Some people believe so for a variety of reasons, but one of the biggest is that the person just doesn’t like the company they keep when they’re alone.

Dump the loser. Dump him, dump her, dump them, just toss the trash out into the street. If you feel you cannot live without them, if they tell you you cannot live without them, if they threaten to kill you if you leave, dump them, dump them, dump them. But I believe I’ve already talked about that in a previous post.

This post is about the middle ground. “I don’t want to be one of those old ladies with 35 cats.” Then don’t be. I know two ladies in their seventies, neither of whom ever married. They live together not for financial reasons but because they enjoy the company. They don’t date (to my knowledge), but they do travel extensively. They’ve been to more continents since they turned 50 than I’ve been to in my entire life. If you want to know about what you can do when you’re old other than knit blankets and pet your cats, contact the AARP or the Red Hat Society. They’ll be happy to help you find something fun and social to do, so you won’t be lonely. And if you want to find a little romance, then you won’t need to be a spinster either.

Some people feel more complete when they’re in a relationship than they do on their own. Which is sad. I’ve been there, and I know that in my case at least (and for too many of my friends), it’s because of a dislike of one’s self, a lack of self confidence, a need for someone else to take care of you, even if that someone else depends on you more than you do on them. But you don’t have to stay with an abusive loser just to have a relationship.

The problem is, too many people who grew up in abusive homes became adrenaline junkies. They just don’t know how live without that constant crisis mode. Nice, stable people who don’t do drugs or drink or hit or whatever just aren’t “exciting” enough, because they don’t give that surge of adrenaline whenever they walk through the door – because you already know whether or not you’ll finish the night in the emergency room.

Contrary to what a lot of bar patrons say, especially around midnight, one in the morning, there are decent guys out there. There are decent women out there. And these decent people are single and looking for a relationship. They might not be at the bar at one in the morning, but they are somewhere.

You don’t need to stay with a loser to have a relationship. You don’t need a relationship to have fun. There are other options.