Charity organizations and you

Volunteering at a charity is a wonderful thing, when you don’t overdo it. Unfortunately, there are some charities and volunteer coordinators who won’t say “that’s enough, you need a break”. You’ll have to do it yourself. And those people may even try to manipulate you into staying longer than you agreed to, longer than you can, on days you had other plans, and so on and so on. They’ll give you more and more to do until you say “enough”, and even then they might not listen.

Obviously this doesn’t apply to all or even most charities or volunteer organizations. But it does apply to some. How can you tell? They ask you to stay longer or say that you have to because someone else cancelled. You’re their first and sometimes only call in a crisis. They give you very little notice about something they need. They expect you on certain days, even when you haven’t agreed to it. They demand to know what you’re doing with your time when you’re not there, so that they can judge whether or not that’s a “good enough” reason for you to not be working for them. They try to talk you out of your plans in order to do things for them. They yell at you, argue with you, call you insensitive to the needs of the people their helping, call you selfish. If they do any of these things, they are manipulating you. Guilting, cajoling, coercing, convincing, demanding, call it whatever you want. They are manipulating you. And you don’t have to stand for it.

Is the cause worthwhile? Yes. Does it need volunteers? Yes. Does that volunteer need to be you? NO. And that’s what you need to say to them – no. If they want to know what else you’re doing, don’t tell them. If they try to pressure you, leave or hang up. You don’t deserve this. It’ll be tough. Some of these manipulators are amazingly difficult to say no to. But you’re worth it. You and your Future are worth the time to yourself or doing other things.

If you’re caught in that trap, take a look at what’s going on. How are you being manipulated? If they’re calling you at the last minute, screen your phone calls. Get caller ID or an answering machine and don’t answer if it’s them. If when you get there they ask you to stay late, have someone else pick you up, and tell the charity coordinator that you can’t stay because your ride is here. Or stop going to the charity and just do things at special events or from afar. If they keep giving you things to do, say no. If you’ve said no in the past and they’ve ignored it, ignore their ignoring it. You’ve said no, and if they don’t want to believe it, that’s tough. It is their responsibility, not yours once you’ve said no. What if they walk away before you get a chance to say no? Or talk so much that you can’t get a word in edgewise. Leave it on the desk with a note saying “I’m sorry, but you didn’t give me a chance to tell you that I can’t do this right now.” That’s all the explanation you need to give. Leave a message on their voicemail, too, and perhaps their e-mail, to make certain they get that note in time.

There are thousands of worthy causes out there, if not hundreds of thousands, and you cannot help them all. Worst case scenario, if you absolutely cannot set boundaries with someone at that charity, leave. There are other worthy causes, other charities, other committees. Give your time to someone who will appreciate it, who will appreciate you. There are even ways to volunteer vitually, for an organization tens or hundreds of miles away. Some of you are in small towns or small communities where all of the worthy causes are presided over by one or two very bossy people, and to give your time at all is to subject yourself to one of them. Don’t do it. While the causes are worthwhile, so are you.

It’s not selfish to take time for yourself. You need the time as well as the charity. You might not know why you are on this earth or what you are capable of if you gave it a shot. You may write the world’s most inspirational novel or raise the next Martin Luther King, Jr., or start a ripple effect of peace and harmony starting with you, your home, your neighborhood, and beyond. You need some time to find out what is your best purpose, the best way you can create the Future you want. You need to go where your heart and soul pull you, not where someone else pushes you.

Give of yourself, but don’t give away yourself, and if you don’t know the difference, you’re probably in the latter. You are meant for great things, to create a wondrous Future. Don’t give that away, no matter how good the cause.