Extremes – Bar Slut or Convent

In my previous post “You Can’t Get Enough of What You Don’t Want”, I talked about four different extremes that people frequently believe are the only choices in these subjects. I’d like to go into those today and over the next three posts.

Bar slut or convent. You don’t have to have sex with every available man, and you don’t have to abstain from sex. You can be picky about who you have sex with and still get to have sex.

Some people believe that if they don’t take this guy home, then no one else will come along that night. Or at least no one better. That just might be true. But you don’t have to go home with someone tonight. Life can get very lonely late at night when you’re all alone. Having someone there to help distract you from … well, everything quite frankly, can be very comforting. But it’s not the only way to distract yourself. If you need a warm body in your bed, get a dog. If you need orgasms, get a vibrator. If you need someone to talk to, get a roommate or a great internet connection. If you need something to fill up your time until you’re so tired, you’ll fall asleep when your head hits the pillow, clean, sew, knit, bake, watch old movies, watch new movies, watch reruns of TV shows on TV or on the internet, find an online game that people half-way around the world are playing when you ought to be sleeping and kick their pansy butts at it. It doesn’t have to be sex.

Some people believe that they won’t be able to find their soul mate unless they have sex with people, because no one’s going to find them interesting without sex. You are an incredible person. You don’t need some hound in heat slavering at your crotch in order to find someone to spend your life with. If they aren’t willing to wait until they’ve known a full and entire 24 hours before getting into your pants, they probably aren’t worth your time. Better you figure that out now rather than 4 years from now when you’ll get stuck with the kids because your partner’s too busy boinking someone else to bother taking custody. Go ahead and have sex, wonderful sex, mind (and other body part) blowing sex. Just don’t expect more than that from someone about whom you know next to nothing. So, how do you find your soulmate if not through sex? Want ads, internet dating services, friends of friends, blind dates, social circles, volunteer groups, special interest groups (clubs, organizations, etc.). And since you’re getting your sex on the side, you don’t have to worry about seeming desperate.

We’ll look at the flip side next.