5 Things We Feel

Failure – I was rather proud of the fact that I hadn’t had any major surgery. Out of my entire family, I was the only one who still had my tonsils and appendix. Well, that went out the window.

Anxiety – I didn’t know what would happen after the surgery. I hoped things would just go back to normal, but I knew it would take time, and I wasn’t sure how things would go. I felt especially anxious because some of my personal relationships weren’t working out, and I’m wasn’t sure that they’d survive my having cancer.

Loneliness – My husband and friends tried to understand, but I still felt lonely. I knew I wasn’t the only one who had had cancer. I knew that people I knew had had cancer. But, I was still stuck in my bedroom usually by myself, wondering how to get back to the “real world”. I enjoyed my healing nest, my cocoon, but it was a lonely place.

Sorrow and Sadness – There were tears on occasion, more of fear and loss than of sorrow. I was already doubting my worth as a woman and my attractiveness to have gynecologic cancer do too much more damage as it did with other women. I was already depressed and sad. These two emotions didn’t leap out as much as others did.

Confusion – Why was this happening to me? What’s going to happen in the future? Why are people acting the way they are? I’m the one with cancer, after all.

I felt all of these things and more, both during the time I was diagnosed and in treatment and in a lot of other times in my life. None of these will kill you, but they can make your life miserable for a while. It does get better. Just remember your Future and continue on your way.