Elation

This one I’m putting by itself because it’s one of those things that people don’t expect, but I understand it, though I didn’t go through this quite as much as some of the women I know.

Cancer, like divorce, getting fired, or other major changes in your life, gives you an out to a certain degree. Society has all of these expectations of you and how you’re supposed to act and react, and it’s stifling. But, when you’re faced with a possible death sentence, you just don’t care any more. Or you care, but you realize that it doesn’t matter any more. You can be who you want to be, and society, your family, your so-called friends can all go to hell. You are free, finally and at last, to be and do anything. You no longer have to play by the restrictions that society insists upon. You still have to play by the rules – no murder, no thieving, etc. But, you can dump the guy that your mother loves. You can get rid of the high-paying but incredibly-stressful job. You can take the trip to New Zealand that you’ve always wanted to take rather than putting it off until next year. You might not have a next year. You get to live, and no one gets to give you grief over it. Or if they do, you get to blow them off.

Another source of elation for some people is that they finally know what’s wrong. I’ve heard tales from other women with gynecologic cancer that they were sick or tired or achy for months if not years, and the doctors didn’t think anything was wrong or if they did they thought it was X, but the treatment for X wasn’t working. Now, at long last, there is an answer. The answer sucks, but there is an answer.

You don’t have to wait until you’re dying to start living, and you don’t have to rely upon the experts’ opinions if you know in your heart and in your gut that they’re wrong. You can do that now. If you need permission to do so, you have mine. I give you permission to trust yourself and to live fully. Good luck.