Oh, yeah. These are big. Resignation came after disbelief and betrayal for me. I’m not sure when I hit it, but I’m pretty sure I got at least some of it as I was being prepped for surgery. There was no reprieve. They were going to cut me open and remove pieces of my body. But, once I was resigned to that, I could change it in my head. They were curing me, healing me, helping my body to heal by taking away the parts that weren’t allowing my body to work right. But first, I had to accept, which is the sister emotion to resignation.
Some women felt very detached from their bodies. What was happening to them was happening “over there” while their souls and their “real selves” were “over here”. I had that a few times, though not as often.
Helplessness? Dependency? Yep. I wasn’t allowed to lift anything heavier than 10 pounds, which meant I couldn’t help shovel snow, I couldn’t help unbury my car which received a ticket for being buried by the snow plow. I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t do that. I had to depend on others to do it for me, and that’s not something I’ve ever enjoyed doing. I fought it, and I paid for it.
As negative as these seem, they’re just emotions, and you’re allowed to feel them. Denying them will only make them stronger, as you push them beneath the surface. Feel and then move on. I won’t tell you to let go or anything like that (though that’s a good idea). Sometimes you can’t. But you do have to move on into the Future.
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