Traumas and changes in your life don’t just bring out the bad or the negative in you, your life, and those around you. There are some benefits, if you let yourself see them.
Reflective – This is a big change. Some people see it as a time to take a good look at their lives, themselves, their relationships both with other people and with their Higher Power. This can be the proverbial kick in the pants that you need to make a few alterations that you wouldn’t otherwise notice.
Anticipation – Like I said in a previous post, major change can give you an out, and some people are eager to get that started. Other women I’ve met have quite jobs, sold businesses, started new careers, taken trips, begun new passions, or other things. Their life has changed and they are eager for it.
Joy – What was wrong is being made right in your body, and you can do the same for your life.
Gratefulness – When you have this huge problem in your life, you start to feel grateful for all the things that are going right. Friendships that are supportive and loving, days you can breathe easily, a warm cup of tea, and so many other things take on new meaning when contrasted with cancer.
Hopeful – This treatment will get my health back on track. This doctor knows what she’s doing. A year from now, I will be on that vacation I’ve always planned but never took. You see a life beyond cancer, and you feel hopeful.
Sisterhood – Some things you simply have to share with someone who’s been there, and that means other women who’ve been through gynecologic cancer. I’ve found some fantastic, wonderful women that I wouldn’t have met if it hadn’t been for getting cancer.
Not everything that you feel during a crisis or a change is negative. Some of it can be wonderful. You can wrap up these wonderful emotions and bring them with you into your Future.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
5 More Things We Feel
Impatience – For crying out loud, we just want to get this over with and get on with our lives. But, something this big doesn’t really leave, not all at once. It lingers for a while, and it’ll pop up at unexpected moments. But it does fade away, and life does become wonderful again.
Guilt – Did I cause this? Am I being a burden on other people? Could I have done something different? If you feel guilty, then remember you’re not alone, and remember, would you be willing to help your friends if they were in the same situation? As for the cause, well, that’s in the past. If you think you may have caused it, then change whatever it is you were doing. And all this applies to so many other things in your life as well.
Fatigue – Fighting cancer is tiring. It’s tiring physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Let yourself be tired and give yourself plenty of rest. You are not weak for needing to rest. You’re just human.
Weak – Like I said, you’re going through a major trauma. Needing to rely on others more is not weakness, just a necessary part of your recovery.
Disappointment – Oh, I could go on for pages about this. There are so many things to be disappointed in, but you have to remember that there are so many things to be grateful for, too.
After any upheaval in your life, these things will come up. You can deal with them. You are strong enough to deal with them. You’re even strong enough to deal with being weak, as ironic as it sounds. You can get through this and continue on into your Future.
Guilt – Did I cause this? Am I being a burden on other people? Could I have done something different? If you feel guilty, then remember you’re not alone, and remember, would you be willing to help your friends if they were in the same situation? As for the cause, well, that’s in the past. If you think you may have caused it, then change whatever it is you were doing. And all this applies to so many other things in your life as well.
Fatigue – Fighting cancer is tiring. It’s tiring physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Let yourself be tired and give yourself plenty of rest. You are not weak for needing to rest. You’re just human.
Weak – Like I said, you’re going through a major trauma. Needing to rely on others more is not weakness, just a necessary part of your recovery.
Disappointment – Oh, I could go on for pages about this. There are so many things to be disappointed in, but you have to remember that there are so many things to be grateful for, too.
After any upheaval in your life, these things will come up. You can deal with them. You are strong enough to deal with them. You’re even strong enough to deal with being weak, as ironic as it sounds. You can get through this and continue on into your Future.
Friday, October 09, 2009
5 Things We Feel
Failure – I was rather proud of the fact that I hadn’t had any major surgery. Out of my entire family, I was the only one who still had my tonsils and appendix. Well, that went out the window.
Anxiety – I didn’t know what would happen after the surgery. I hoped things would just go back to normal, but I knew it would take time, and I wasn’t sure how things would go. I felt especially anxious because some of my personal relationships weren’t working out, and I’m wasn’t sure that they’d survive my having cancer.
Loneliness – My husband and friends tried to understand, but I still felt lonely. I knew I wasn’t the only one who had had cancer. I knew that people I knew had had cancer. But, I was still stuck in my bedroom usually by myself, wondering how to get back to the “real world”. I enjoyed my healing nest, my cocoon, but it was a lonely place.
Sorrow and Sadness – There were tears on occasion, more of fear and loss than of sorrow. I was already doubting my worth as a woman and my attractiveness to have gynecologic cancer do too much more damage as it did with other women. I was already depressed and sad. These two emotions didn’t leap out as much as others did.
Confusion – Why was this happening to me? What’s going to happen in the future? Why are people acting the way they are? I’m the one with cancer, after all.
I felt all of these things and more, both during the time I was diagnosed and in treatment and in a lot of other times in my life. None of these will kill you, but they can make your life miserable for a while. It does get better. Just remember your Future and continue on your way.
Anxiety – I didn’t know what would happen after the surgery. I hoped things would just go back to normal, but I knew it would take time, and I wasn’t sure how things would go. I felt especially anxious because some of my personal relationships weren’t working out, and I’m wasn’t sure that they’d survive my having cancer.
Loneliness – My husband and friends tried to understand, but I still felt lonely. I knew I wasn’t the only one who had had cancer. I knew that people I knew had had cancer. But, I was still stuck in my bedroom usually by myself, wondering how to get back to the “real world”. I enjoyed my healing nest, my cocoon, but it was a lonely place.
Sorrow and Sadness – There were tears on occasion, more of fear and loss than of sorrow. I was already doubting my worth as a woman and my attractiveness to have gynecologic cancer do too much more damage as it did with other women. I was already depressed and sad. These two emotions didn’t leap out as much as others did.
Confusion – Why was this happening to me? What’s going to happen in the future? Why are people acting the way they are? I’m the one with cancer, after all.
I felt all of these things and more, both during the time I was diagnosed and in treatment and in a lot of other times in my life. None of these will kill you, but they can make your life miserable for a while. It does get better. Just remember your Future and continue on your way.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Strong, Curiosity
Anything that tests you, any adversity you face whether you overcome it or not, can strengthen you. You can become stronger than ever, if you let yourself, and sometimes even if you don’t. You may become strong despite yourself.
I learned what I could about gynecologic cancer to a point. After a while, all the books just kept saying the same things, so I stopped. For others, it becomes a lifelong passion. One woman I know became an advocate who has done amazing things since her diagnosis. She has learned so much about ovarian cancer. It’s been said that people fear what they don’t understand. If there’s something you fear, learn more about it. It may help.
I learned what I could about gynecologic cancer to a point. After a while, all the books just kept saying the same things, so I stopped. For others, it becomes a lifelong passion. One woman I know became an advocate who has done amazing things since her diagnosis. She has learned so much about ovarian cancer. It’s been said that people fear what they don’t understand. If there’s something you fear, learn more about it. It may help.
Monday, October 05, 2009
Resignation, Detached, Helplessness, Dependent
Oh, yeah. These are big. Resignation came after disbelief and betrayal for me. I’m not sure when I hit it, but I’m pretty sure I got at least some of it as I was being prepped for surgery. There was no reprieve. They were going to cut me open and remove pieces of my body. But, once I was resigned to that, I could change it in my head. They were curing me, healing me, helping my body to heal by taking away the parts that weren’t allowing my body to work right. But first, I had to accept, which is the sister emotion to resignation.
Some women felt very detached from their bodies. What was happening to them was happening “over there” while their souls and their “real selves” were “over here”. I had that a few times, though not as often.
Helplessness? Dependency? Yep. I wasn’t allowed to lift anything heavier than 10 pounds, which meant I couldn’t help shovel snow, I couldn’t help unbury my car which received a ticket for being buried by the snow plow. I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t do that. I had to depend on others to do it for me, and that’s not something I’ve ever enjoyed doing. I fought it, and I paid for it.
As negative as these seem, they’re just emotions, and you’re allowed to feel them. Denying them will only make them stronger, as you push them beneath the surface. Feel and then move on. I won’t tell you to let go or anything like that (though that’s a good idea). Sometimes you can’t. But you do have to move on into the Future.
Some women felt very detached from their bodies. What was happening to them was happening “over there” while their souls and their “real selves” were “over here”. I had that a few times, though not as often.
Helplessness? Dependency? Yep. I wasn’t allowed to lift anything heavier than 10 pounds, which meant I couldn’t help shovel snow, I couldn’t help unbury my car which received a ticket for being buried by the snow plow. I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t do that. I had to depend on others to do it for me, and that’s not something I’ve ever enjoyed doing. I fought it, and I paid for it.
As negative as these seem, they’re just emotions, and you’re allowed to feel them. Denying them will only make them stronger, as you push them beneath the surface. Feel and then move on. I won’t tell you to let go or anything like that (though that’s a good idea). Sometimes you can’t. But you do have to move on into the Future.
Friday, October 02, 2009
Elation
This one I’m putting by itself because it’s one of those things that people don’t expect, but I understand it, though I didn’t go through this quite as much as some of the women I know.
Cancer, like divorce, getting fired, or other major changes in your life, gives you an out to a certain degree. Society has all of these expectations of you and how you’re supposed to act and react, and it’s stifling. But, when you’re faced with a possible death sentence, you just don’t care any more. Or you care, but you realize that it doesn’t matter any more. You can be who you want to be, and society, your family, your so-called friends can all go to hell. You are free, finally and at last, to be and do anything. You no longer have to play by the restrictions that society insists upon. You still have to play by the rules – no murder, no thieving, etc. But, you can dump the guy that your mother loves. You can get rid of the high-paying but incredibly-stressful job. You can take the trip to New Zealand that you’ve always wanted to take rather than putting it off until next year. You might not have a next year. You get to live, and no one gets to give you grief over it. Or if they do, you get to blow them off.
Another source of elation for some people is that they finally know what’s wrong. I’ve heard tales from other women with gynecologic cancer that they were sick or tired or achy for months if not years, and the doctors didn’t think anything was wrong or if they did they thought it was X, but the treatment for X wasn’t working. Now, at long last, there is an answer. The answer sucks, but there is an answer.
You don’t have to wait until you’re dying to start living, and you don’t have to rely upon the experts’ opinions if you know in your heart and in your gut that they’re wrong. You can do that now. If you need permission to do so, you have mine. I give you permission to trust yourself and to live fully. Good luck.
Cancer, like divorce, getting fired, or other major changes in your life, gives you an out to a certain degree. Society has all of these expectations of you and how you’re supposed to act and react, and it’s stifling. But, when you’re faced with a possible death sentence, you just don’t care any more. Or you care, but you realize that it doesn’t matter any more. You can be who you want to be, and society, your family, your so-called friends can all go to hell. You are free, finally and at last, to be and do anything. You no longer have to play by the restrictions that society insists upon. You still have to play by the rules – no murder, no thieving, etc. But, you can dump the guy that your mother loves. You can get rid of the high-paying but incredibly-stressful job. You can take the trip to New Zealand that you’ve always wanted to take rather than putting it off until next year. You might not have a next year. You get to live, and no one gets to give you grief over it. Or if they do, you get to blow them off.
Another source of elation for some people is that they finally know what’s wrong. I’ve heard tales from other women with gynecologic cancer that they were sick or tired or achy for months if not years, and the doctors didn’t think anything was wrong or if they did they thought it was X, but the treatment for X wasn’t working. Now, at long last, there is an answer. The answer sucks, but there is an answer.
You don’t have to wait until you’re dying to start living, and you don’t have to rely upon the experts’ opinions if you know in your heart and in your gut that they’re wrong. You can do that now. If you need permission to do so, you have mine. I give you permission to trust yourself and to live fully. Good luck.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Frustration, Shock, Anger
Frustration? Sure. I actually tore a muscle because I was so frustrated with my inability to get back to my usual routine that I overdid the exercising. Shock? Oh, yeah. Like I said in the previous post, I couldn’t believe that it had happened to me. I had had normal pap smears for years, and suddenly this. Anger? Yep, for so many reasons.
Other times I’ve felt frustration, shock and anger? When someone has broken up with me. I distinctly remember one time the summer after I graduated college. Very nice guy, let me rant and rave for hours after he dumped me. I’m still not sure why, but I think it was guilt. First time I got fired, that was a big one. I walked for an hour or so just trying to make sense of it. Pretty much any time that there was an abrupt change in my life that I didn’t make and that I didn’t like. But, like a lot of other things, I had to work through it and past it in order to get on with my life and create my Future instead of dwelling in the past. It can be done, and you can do it, too.
Other times I’ve felt frustration, shock and anger? When someone has broken up with me. I distinctly remember one time the summer after I graduated college. Very nice guy, let me rant and rave for hours after he dumped me. I’m still not sure why, but I think it was guilt. First time I got fired, that was a big one. I walked for an hour or so just trying to make sense of it. Pretty much any time that there was an abrupt change in my life that I didn’t make and that I didn’t like. But, like a lot of other things, I had to work through it and past it in order to get on with my life and create my Future instead of dwelling in the past. It can be done, and you can do it, too.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Disbelief, Betrayal
I couldn’t believe at first that I had cancer. I kept expecting it to be a wrong diagnosis. I thought that for about a month and a half. I worked at a place where doctors read pap smears all the time. A lot of time they would get a not-normal diagnosis and the advice would be to get retested in three to six months. That’s what I expected. But, that rug got pulled out from under me, and within 2 months, I was in surgery, my first major surgery of my life.
I felt betrayed, a little by my body, but more by the medical community and a bit by my family. I knew that my mother had gynecological problems when she was around 40, but she refused to talk about it with my sisters, and everything I heard was from my sisters until my diagnosis. Once I was diagnosed, I got my family history. My mother had gynecological problems. So did my aunt, my other aunt, my grandmother, and my other grandmother. All the women of my family for two generations and on both sides had gynecological problems, but I didn’t know this until after I got cancer. First thing I did after getting that information was tell my sisters so that they could tell their doctors. It’s now in my medical file. I wish it had been years ago. As I read up on my cancer, I learned that one of the possible contributing factors was long-term birth control pill use. Well, gee, I’d been using birth control pills for years, and no one mentioned that to me. No my primary care physician, not anyone I saw back in college, not the gynecologist I saw, not the gynecologist-oncologist I saw, none of the nurses. I had to learn that on my own. You think that maybe, just maybe, someone would have mentioned that after reviewing my multi-year history of birth control pill use. But, no. Had I known, I would have switched to a different method long before I got diagnosed.
But, no matter how much I didn’t want to believe, and no matter who I wanted to blame, I had to face the fact that I had cancer. And nothing that anyone else had done or that I thought would change that. I had to accept that before I could move forward. Where you are now, what reality is right now, is something you’ll have to face in order to create your Future.
I felt betrayed, a little by my body, but more by the medical community and a bit by my family. I knew that my mother had gynecological problems when she was around 40, but she refused to talk about it with my sisters, and everything I heard was from my sisters until my diagnosis. Once I was diagnosed, I got my family history. My mother had gynecological problems. So did my aunt, my other aunt, my grandmother, and my other grandmother. All the women of my family for two generations and on both sides had gynecological problems, but I didn’t know this until after I got cancer. First thing I did after getting that information was tell my sisters so that they could tell their doctors. It’s now in my medical file. I wish it had been years ago. As I read up on my cancer, I learned that one of the possible contributing factors was long-term birth control pill use. Well, gee, I’d been using birth control pills for years, and no one mentioned that to me. No my primary care physician, not anyone I saw back in college, not the gynecologist I saw, not the gynecologist-oncologist I saw, none of the nurses. I had to learn that on my own. You think that maybe, just maybe, someone would have mentioned that after reviewing my multi-year history of birth control pill use. But, no. Had I known, I would have switched to a different method long before I got diagnosed.
But, no matter how much I didn’t want to believe, and no matter who I wanted to blame, I had to face the fact that I had cancer. And nothing that anyone else had done or that I thought would change that. I had to accept that before I could move forward. Where you are now, what reality is right now, is something you’ll have to face in order to create your Future.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Fear
Fear is probably the emotion that’s first mentioned when talking about cancer. Will I die? Will I be scarred? How long do I have to live? What will my life be like from here forward? The truth is, yes, you will die. Eventually. Whether that’s by cancer, old age, a bus, or saving orphans from a fire, eventually you will die. But we don’t think about it. Getting the news that we are mortal is a jolt. Sure we know it, but it’s one of those things we don’t really think about. How long do I have to live? No one knows, not even the doctors. With the type of cancer I had and how long it’s been since my surgery, I have a less than 5% chance of recurrence. I could live to be in my 80s. But, I do have a 5% chance. I also have a chance to be struck by lightning, of falling down the stairs and breaking my neck, or this or that or whatever. No one knows how long they have, and neither do you. What will my life be like? Well, that’s a tougher one. Will you be lucky like me and have your surgery be curative? Will you need radiation treatment or chemotherapy? Will you have to visit doctors every month for the rest of your life? Or will you decide “screw this”, cash in your 401k and your IRA and take a trip around the world? It’s all scary, but then all change is scary. You have more choices than you think.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Feelings Associated with Cancer
Recently I attended a retreat for cancer survivors and patients. One of the things we talked about was all of the different feelings associated with cancer. We didn’t talk just about the expected ones or the “acceptable” ones. We mentioned all of the ones we were feelings, even the ones that people who haven’t been through cancer would find unusual or scandalous. For the next several posts, I’m going to be going over these feelings and talking about my viewpoint on them, not just for cancer but for life in general.
We also talked about things we lost when we had cancer, perhaps because of cancer, perhaps because of our reactions to cancer. I’ll go over some of those as well, because it’s not just cancer that can cause us loss.
There will be no more book reviews in my blog. Thank you to everyone who has commented on them before.
We also talked about things we lost when we had cancer, perhaps because of cancer, perhaps because of our reactions to cancer. I’ll go over some of those as well, because it’s not just cancer that can cause us loss.
There will be no more book reviews in my blog. Thank you to everyone who has commented on them before.
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
In Pursuit
I am still in pursuit of my dream, but I'm getting pressured to do it on another's agenda and timeline. That's not right for me. Perhaps I do need to do more than what I am doing right now, but that's for me to decide, not for another. Don't let someone else dictate to you what's right for you. Learn to trust your gut and your mind, and if this is too big and you don't yet trust, work on that first, because trusting yourself is more important than almost anything you're doing.
Saturday, September 05, 2009
Why We Want You To Be Rich
Why We Want You To Be Rich: Two Men, One Message by Donald J. Trumb, Robert T. Kiyosaki, Meredith McIver, and Sharon Lechter. According to this book, the middle class will soon be a thing of the past, at least in America. It offers ideas and inspiration of how to get out of the middle class and become rich. It’s a fantastic book, easy to read. Most non-fiction books I read, I might mark two or three pages with a quote or a reference I want to note down. I had 20-30 pages marked. The only other author that beats that is Sark, who is just too great for words. I highly recommend it.
Friday, September 04, 2009
Everyone is Free
One of my favorite songs is "Everyone Is Free". One of the lines in it is "Do one thing every day that scares you". So much of my new business (ad)venture is outside my comfort zone, that a lot of it scares me. So, I've been getting practice at that. I just finished a draft of a letter, and that scared me. It was just a draft. I didn't send it to any one. It didn't have to be perfect, since it was probably going to be revised. No one was going to read it, not in that form, anyway. But, it was a step on the path, a path that's leading me places I've never been but that I very much want to go to. Fear can prevent you from doing stupid things, but it can also prevent you from doing some pretty wonderful things, too. Find one wonderful, scary thing and think about it. Or if thinking about it isn't scary for you, pretend you're doing it. Or read a book about it. Or ask someone questions. Or something, something that brings that wonderful, scary thing closer into your life. It's an amazing feeling when you're done.
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Lack of posting lately
Remember how I told you that the challenge was not to change anything major in my life unless the perfect thing fell into my lap? The perfect thing fell into my lap, and now I am putting my money where my mouth is. I am building my Future and have gotten caught up in the whirlwind of new beginnings. As things settle down, I will post again.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
The Dance of Anger
The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner is an easy to read book, rather insightful, and has decent advice. It doesn’t go too much into depth into any one kind of relationship, but it does offer strategies you can use in a broad number of them. Unless all your relationships are perfect, it’s worth a read.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Ostrich
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. - Aldous Huxley
The ostrich buries its head in the sand (metaphorically, not actually, but go with me on this). However, that doesn’t change anything. You can pretend that he doesn’t drink or she doesn’t lie or he doesn’t cheat or you’re not angry or everything’s fine, but it doesn’t make it so. There is a codependent-recovery saying, “Fake it till you make it”, but that’s regarding your own behavior and your own beliefs, not about someone else. And you never, ever, fake it about money.
The difference, and the problem, comes in with the prequel to the saying. You see, you have to fake it intentionally, and you can’t do that until you know it’s false. And you can’t do that until you’re honest with yourself and see the facts as they really are.
Build your Future on truths, not preferences.
The ostrich buries its head in the sand (metaphorically, not actually, but go with me on this). However, that doesn’t change anything. You can pretend that he doesn’t drink or she doesn’t lie or he doesn’t cheat or you’re not angry or everything’s fine, but it doesn’t make it so. There is a codependent-recovery saying, “Fake it till you make it”, but that’s regarding your own behavior and your own beliefs, not about someone else. And you never, ever, fake it about money.
The difference, and the problem, comes in with the prequel to the saying. You see, you have to fake it intentionally, and you can’t do that until you know it’s false. And you can’t do that until you’re honest with yourself and see the facts as they really are.
Build your Future on truths, not preferences.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Making Mistakes
Experience can be merely the repetition of same error often enough. - John G. Azzopardi
Sometimes you have to make your own mistakes. Sometimes you can learn from someone else’s, and you don’t have to make your own. Sometimes you have to make the same mistake repeatedly before you learn. Why? Because somewhere along the line, you learned something else, and before you can learn new, you have to unlearn old.
I was taught a lot of wrong things when I was a kid, including a lot of sexist and racist ideas that I’ve worked hard to eliminate from my thoughts. I’ve had a lot of unlearning to do, and I had to clear out the wrong in order to make room for the right.
Making the same mistake over and over can be a similar thing, if you learn from it. Somewhere you learned that this was the right thing, and it’ll take you a while to figure out, deep inside yourself, that no, it isn’t. But do try to learn. Too many people don’t bother to learn from their mistakes at all, much less unlearn something from their past.
With mistakes comes experience, and with experience comes knowledge and the ability to better shape your Future. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, so long as you learn.
Sometimes you have to make your own mistakes. Sometimes you can learn from someone else’s, and you don’t have to make your own. Sometimes you have to make the same mistake repeatedly before you learn. Why? Because somewhere along the line, you learned something else, and before you can learn new, you have to unlearn old.
I was taught a lot of wrong things when I was a kid, including a lot of sexist and racist ideas that I’ve worked hard to eliminate from my thoughts. I’ve had a lot of unlearning to do, and I had to clear out the wrong in order to make room for the right.
Making the same mistake over and over can be a similar thing, if you learn from it. Somewhere you learned that this was the right thing, and it’ll take you a while to figure out, deep inside yourself, that no, it isn’t. But do try to learn. Too many people don’t bother to learn from their mistakes at all, much less unlearn something from their past.
With mistakes comes experience, and with experience comes knowledge and the ability to better shape your Future. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, so long as you learn.
Friday, August 14, 2009
More Birds of a Feather
Example is contagious behavior. - Charles Reade
Birds of a feather flock together. Monkey see, monkey do. Herd mentality. The thing is, example is contagious behavior. Who you hang around with, what you watch on TV, what you read are the examples that you put into your brain, and your brain will reply in kind. If you don’t like what you’re doing, find people who are doing what you like and start hanging around them. If you want to think a different way, find others who think a different way.
And if you think, “Oh, that won’t happen to me,” I assure that it might. There have been times that I’ve thought, “At least I’m not as bad as X.” Whatever habit or situation I’ve been in, as long as there was someone worse, I thought it was tolerable. Even when it wasn’t. Especially when it wasn’t, because sometimes that “I’m not as bad as that” was all that kept me from doing something to change my life.
You can life and build your Future without any like-minded people around, but it’s a whole lot easier with them than without them.
Birds of a feather flock together. Monkey see, monkey do. Herd mentality. The thing is, example is contagious behavior. Who you hang around with, what you watch on TV, what you read are the examples that you put into your brain, and your brain will reply in kind. If you don’t like what you’re doing, find people who are doing what you like and start hanging around them. If you want to think a different way, find others who think a different way.
And if you think, “Oh, that won’t happen to me,” I assure that it might. There have been times that I’ve thought, “At least I’m not as bad as X.” Whatever habit or situation I’ve been in, as long as there was someone worse, I thought it was tolerable. Even when it wasn’t. Especially when it wasn’t, because sometimes that “I’m not as bad as that” was all that kept me from doing something to change my life.
You can life and build your Future without any like-minded people around, but it’s a whole lot easier with them than without them.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Examples
Advice may be wrong, but examples prove themselves. - H. W. Shaw
This quote is right, for the most part, but there are exceptions to every rule. Some people will choose an example that they think fits, or they’ll see an example but refuse to believe it, discounting it as not really applying. While an example may prove itself, it does not necessarily change people’s minds. I could give you examples, but that’d be defeating the purpose.
Don’t take tips on success from unsuccessful people. Don’t take advice on how to be happy from people who are miserable. Be aware of where the advice comes from. Examples are very good at letting you know what kind of source it is.
This quote is right, for the most part, but there are exceptions to every rule. Some people will choose an example that they think fits, or they’ll see an example but refuse to believe it, discounting it as not really applying. While an example may prove itself, it does not necessarily change people’s minds. I could give you examples, but that’d be defeating the purpose.
Don’t take tips on success from unsuccessful people. Don’t take advice on how to be happy from people who are miserable. Be aware of where the advice comes from. Examples are very good at letting you know what kind of source it is.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
The Obsession
The Obsession: Reflections on the Tyranny of Slenderness by Kim Chernin is a very interesting book, and I do recommend reading it. Written over 20 years ago, it still is very relevant to women today. It is about dieting, eating, anorexia, and the power of women. Why is anorexia found almost exclusively among women? Why was it being found in almost epidemic numbers at that particular time? Why are women the ones who diet, to whom the diet books, magazines, and groups are marketed? Kim Chernin answers these questions and many more on an interesting journey into the culture and eventually the soul of current life. I don’t agree with everything she said, but some of her observations are simply amazing and well worth it.
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