Sometimes, you just have to make your own luck and your own opportunities. Opportunities will present themselves to you, but sometimes, they wait around for someone to stumble over them or to dig them up. And sometimes, you just have to make them.
Was there really a lack of burgers in the pre-McDonald’s world? Was there a craving, a need, for a quarter pounder with cheese? Probably not. That didn’t stop McDonald’s from growing into an international fast food chain currently worth no one knows how much money.
Weren’t there enough books to read, enough authors already published, before Stephen King came around? Was there a hole in the universe the precise size and shape of a rabid St. Bernard? Or a man-eating car? Or a recurring killer who took the form of a demonic clown that prowled around in the sewers? I doubt it. But how many of you recognize all three of those things?
Sometimes, there’s a niche in the world just for you, a place or action that only you can fulfill. And sometimes, there’s not. Sometimes, you make that niche anyway. The world is big and beautiful place, and there’s room enough for all of us and all of our dreams. Make some of yours come true.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
One Year Anniversary
Today is the one year anniversary of when I became cancer-free. January 30, 2007, I had surgery that removed the portions of my body that were or perhaps were infected, and they all came back benign. This was wonderful news.
Over the past year, I spent 6 weeks off work, recuperating. I had numerous set backs and phone calls to the hospital, and even one trip in an ambulance to the emergency room. I still have problems sometimes with my scar.
But I’m alive.
My life is different now than it was then. I dumped the secure but lousy job. I reached out to other women, including family members that I had allowed to become estranged. I learned I was very strong and that I could reveal weaknesses without being weak. I learned a lot about humility and about allowing others to do what they need to do to take care of themselves. I learned that a healthy friend was worth more than my pride. A lot of things are worth more than my pride.
I also learned that taking care of my health is an ongoing process, that it’s never “over”, much like dishes or cooking. I have learned a lot about my body and how everything is interconnected. I learned how lucky I was to have caught it as early as I did.
I also have a lot more to learn. How to relax, how to take the time for myself I need, how to fill my life with things that nurture me rather than pass the time or merely entertain me, how to stand up for myself and my needs. I’m still learning those things, but I am learning, and I am living, and that’s what’s important.
Happy anniversary to me. Thank you for sharing it with me.
Over the past year, I spent 6 weeks off work, recuperating. I had numerous set backs and phone calls to the hospital, and even one trip in an ambulance to the emergency room. I still have problems sometimes with my scar.
But I’m alive.
My life is different now than it was then. I dumped the secure but lousy job. I reached out to other women, including family members that I had allowed to become estranged. I learned I was very strong and that I could reveal weaknesses without being weak. I learned a lot about humility and about allowing others to do what they need to do to take care of themselves. I learned that a healthy friend was worth more than my pride. A lot of things are worth more than my pride.
I also learned that taking care of my health is an ongoing process, that it’s never “over”, much like dishes or cooking. I have learned a lot about my body and how everything is interconnected. I learned how lucky I was to have caught it as early as I did.
I also have a lot more to learn. How to relax, how to take the time for myself I need, how to fill my life with things that nurture me rather than pass the time or merely entertain me, how to stand up for myself and my needs. I’m still learning those things, but I am learning, and I am living, and that’s what’s important.
Happy anniversary to me. Thank you for sharing it with me.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Inertia
Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. – Will Rogers
Dictionary.com defines inertia as the property of matter by which it retains its state of rest or its velocity along a straight line so long as it is not acted upon by an external force, also known as one of the three big laws of physics – an object in motion tends to stay in motion, an object at rest tends to stay at rest. It’s also, human-ly speaking, the force that makes you want to keep your butt in your chair once you got it there. It’s why it’s that much more difficult to get up and do the dishes after you’ve sat down. “I’ll do them later” is a whole lot tougher than “Let’s get it done now”.
There’s a way to beat inertia at its own game, though. You get started. And once you’re started, you are now “in motion”. And it feels good, and you figure “I may as well wipe off the counter tops since I just did the dishes. It won’t take long.” Getting out of the chair and away from the TV or computer to wipe down the counter tops is difficult. Wiping off the counter tops when you’re standing there having just finished the dishes is much easier.
And it works for dreams, too. You can stall on a dream and let it stagnate, and the longer you go without making a move, the harder it is to take the next step. But, if you work on it, even a little, every day, then it’s weird, even hard, to go a day without doing something about your dream. Exercising is the same way. It’s a lot harder to exercise the first day of your routine than it is the second.
The big thing about the “every day” things is that you don’t bite off more than you can chew. Don’t swear to jog three miles every day when you know that you’re going to Grandma’s on Saturday and won’t have the time. Better that you promise yourself you’re going to walk or jog every day, three miles when you have the time and the weather cooperates, around the block if you don’t. Or if you can’t go outside, find some inside thing you can do to keep up the habit of exercising every day. That’s the key – don’t make the habit “jog three miles”; make the habit “exercise”. That way, you keep the habit going.
And if you do skip a day, don’t beat yourself up. Just pick yourself back up and get back to the habit. One cigarette after three months smoke-free doesn’t mean that you can never quit. It means you had a cigarette. Go back to being a non-smoker as soon as you stub it out. One piece of cake does not break a diet. Throwing out all your healthy eating habits because of one piece of cake will break a diet. And why are you on a diet that doesn’t allow cake? Moderation over deprivation.
Put yourself in motion towards your dream, and make it a habit to move in that direction every day, even if it’s just a little bit, even if it’s just thinking very hard about it for five minutes. Make inertia work for you, and you will create your Future.
Dictionary.com defines inertia as the property of matter by which it retains its state of rest or its velocity along a straight line so long as it is not acted upon by an external force, also known as one of the three big laws of physics – an object in motion tends to stay in motion, an object at rest tends to stay at rest. It’s also, human-ly speaking, the force that makes you want to keep your butt in your chair once you got it there. It’s why it’s that much more difficult to get up and do the dishes after you’ve sat down. “I’ll do them later” is a whole lot tougher than “Let’s get it done now”.
There’s a way to beat inertia at its own game, though. You get started. And once you’re started, you are now “in motion”. And it feels good, and you figure “I may as well wipe off the counter tops since I just did the dishes. It won’t take long.” Getting out of the chair and away from the TV or computer to wipe down the counter tops is difficult. Wiping off the counter tops when you’re standing there having just finished the dishes is much easier.
And it works for dreams, too. You can stall on a dream and let it stagnate, and the longer you go without making a move, the harder it is to take the next step. But, if you work on it, even a little, every day, then it’s weird, even hard, to go a day without doing something about your dream. Exercising is the same way. It’s a lot harder to exercise the first day of your routine than it is the second.
The big thing about the “every day” things is that you don’t bite off more than you can chew. Don’t swear to jog three miles every day when you know that you’re going to Grandma’s on Saturday and won’t have the time. Better that you promise yourself you’re going to walk or jog every day, three miles when you have the time and the weather cooperates, around the block if you don’t. Or if you can’t go outside, find some inside thing you can do to keep up the habit of exercising every day. That’s the key – don’t make the habit “jog three miles”; make the habit “exercise”. That way, you keep the habit going.
And if you do skip a day, don’t beat yourself up. Just pick yourself back up and get back to the habit. One cigarette after three months smoke-free doesn’t mean that you can never quit. It means you had a cigarette. Go back to being a non-smoker as soon as you stub it out. One piece of cake does not break a diet. Throwing out all your healthy eating habits because of one piece of cake will break a diet. And why are you on a diet that doesn’t allow cake? Moderation over deprivation.
Put yourself in motion towards your dream, and make it a habit to move in that direction every day, even if it’s just a little bit, even if it’s just thinking very hard about it for five minutes. Make inertia work for you, and you will create your Future.
Monday, January 14, 2008
How not to commit suicide
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. – Nietzsche
I used to be suicidal, when I was a kid. Home life was hell. School life was hell. I lived in the middle of nowhere with no friends around, so my entire life was encompassed by home and school. I thought about it a lot, tried to figure out a way to do it that was guaranteed. I didn’t want to just injure myself. I didn’t want to end up a vegetable or dependent on my family for the rest of my life. I couldn’t figure out a way. So I lived. In time, home life became better. I changed schools. I made friends who didn’t betray me. Life improved.
My “why” to live went from not wanting to only injure myself to getting out of grade school so that at least half of my life would get better. I have a lot more “why”s to live now. I love my life. I believe I can make a positive difference in this world. I love to create, and I really don’t know if I’ll be able to on the other side of death. I have the “why” to live now, ones that are positive and energizing.
If you’re suicidal or depressed or just can’t bear to live like you do any longer and yet you don’t know how to change your circumstances, you need a “why” to live. Not just exist, but to live. Existing and living are two different things, though it’s difficult to live without existing. Though some people do “live on” though the changes they made in the world.
Some people live “for others”. Their “why” is to serve those others or some cause. This can be a good start, but it’s rarely a good end. The best “why” I can think of is because you want to. Next best, because the world is a better place with you in it. Those are two of the best “why” reasons to live that I know. If you have other really good ones, feel free to comment.
If you don’t have a “why”, then get one. Start contributing to something. Volunteer, pick garbage off the street, say prayers for people. Give to someone else. Or create something that you refuse to leave unfinished. A masterpiece of some sort. If you have to, tell yourself that you can kill yourself later, but only after you finish this. Buy yourself a little time.
So many people kill themselves because they believe they have nothing to live for. Give yourself something to live for. Even a small something. It probably won’t be your destiny, your purpose in life, or even something that you’ll still want to be doing in five years. That’s okay. It’s a start. It’ll keep you living until you can work through what’s wrong and get to the other side of the problem – the side where even if it isn’t fixed, at least it’s resolved.
Give yourself a why to live, if you don’t have one right now. And if the one you have isn’t working, get a new one. You deserve to live.
I used to be suicidal, when I was a kid. Home life was hell. School life was hell. I lived in the middle of nowhere with no friends around, so my entire life was encompassed by home and school. I thought about it a lot, tried to figure out a way to do it that was guaranteed. I didn’t want to just injure myself. I didn’t want to end up a vegetable or dependent on my family for the rest of my life. I couldn’t figure out a way. So I lived. In time, home life became better. I changed schools. I made friends who didn’t betray me. Life improved.
My “why” to live went from not wanting to only injure myself to getting out of grade school so that at least half of my life would get better. I have a lot more “why”s to live now. I love my life. I believe I can make a positive difference in this world. I love to create, and I really don’t know if I’ll be able to on the other side of death. I have the “why” to live now, ones that are positive and energizing.
If you’re suicidal or depressed or just can’t bear to live like you do any longer and yet you don’t know how to change your circumstances, you need a “why” to live. Not just exist, but to live. Existing and living are two different things, though it’s difficult to live without existing. Though some people do “live on” though the changes they made in the world.
Some people live “for others”. Their “why” is to serve those others or some cause. This can be a good start, but it’s rarely a good end. The best “why” I can think of is because you want to. Next best, because the world is a better place with you in it. Those are two of the best “why” reasons to live that I know. If you have other really good ones, feel free to comment.
If you don’t have a “why”, then get one. Start contributing to something. Volunteer, pick garbage off the street, say prayers for people. Give to someone else. Or create something that you refuse to leave unfinished. A masterpiece of some sort. If you have to, tell yourself that you can kill yourself later, but only after you finish this. Buy yourself a little time.
So many people kill themselves because they believe they have nothing to live for. Give yourself something to live for. Even a small something. It probably won’t be your destiny, your purpose in life, or even something that you’ll still want to be doing in five years. That’s okay. It’s a start. It’ll keep you living until you can work through what’s wrong and get to the other side of the problem – the side where even if it isn’t fixed, at least it’s resolved.
Give yourself a why to live, if you don’t have one right now. And if the one you have isn’t working, get a new one. You deserve to live.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Commitment
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: That the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets: “Whatever you can do, or dream you can begin it. Boldness has genus, power and magic in it.” – W. H. Murray, the Scottish Himalayan Expedition
“Unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance” is exactly what you need to complete you destiny and create your Future. Someone once said that success is when opportunity meets preparation. Be prepared.
For those of you who do not believe in a Higher Power who will move Heaven and Earth in order to provide you with the opportunities to do what you want, think of it this way. There are opportunities around you constantly. There are people who are looking for skilled people, hard working people, people willling to do certain things. Are you the person they’re looking for? Maybe, but how will they find you unless you have the right connection? How do you get the right connection? By meeting people and knowing people and being the type of person who they would recommend.
For example, let’s say someone needs a band to fill in last minute for tonight at their bar. Are they going to ask you? Not if they don’t know you. However, if you’ve prepared enough – asked and gotten an audition, been good enough to be considered – then, they might ask you. You don’t even have to have played for the bar owner. They might ask one of their other usual bands or even the band that couldn’t make it. Do you know other bands? Do you know other bar owners or managers? Has anyone heard you play other than your other band members? Are you ready for the gig? Are you prepared enough?
If you are good enough and have gotten word out that you are a good band, then the opportunity could lead to success. If you aren’t good enough or if you haven’t bothered telling anyone that you’re in a band, then the opportunity will pass you by. Your preparation won’t lead to there being more opportunities in the world, but it will lead to there being more opportunities in your life.
Who would you rather hire, someone who’s thinking about changing careers or someone who’s been getting a degree in a new field? Someone who has written (though not published) many things and has been able to hone their skill, or someone who has been thinking about writing a novel someday? Someone you know is interested because that’s what they talk about and that’s what they’re doing with their life, or someone that you might not even know exists because they’re never at the business conventions or the free seminars or the open mike nights or anything else connected with the opportunity? Be the person they see, be the person they know about, be the person who’s good enough for the job.
Even if you don’t know what kind of Future you want to create, begin. Boldly. If you pick the wrong one and in five years you have to start over, that’s fine. If you hadn’t picked at all, in five years’ time you’d still be trying to figure out which path to take. If nothing else, you eliminate some of the clutter in your life and are able to focus more keenly on what you really want, what is really important.
Begin, and the universe will reward you.
“Unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance” is exactly what you need to complete you destiny and create your Future. Someone once said that success is when opportunity meets preparation. Be prepared.
For those of you who do not believe in a Higher Power who will move Heaven and Earth in order to provide you with the opportunities to do what you want, think of it this way. There are opportunities around you constantly. There are people who are looking for skilled people, hard working people, people willling to do certain things. Are you the person they’re looking for? Maybe, but how will they find you unless you have the right connection? How do you get the right connection? By meeting people and knowing people and being the type of person who they would recommend.
For example, let’s say someone needs a band to fill in last minute for tonight at their bar. Are they going to ask you? Not if they don’t know you. However, if you’ve prepared enough – asked and gotten an audition, been good enough to be considered – then, they might ask you. You don’t even have to have played for the bar owner. They might ask one of their other usual bands or even the band that couldn’t make it. Do you know other bands? Do you know other bar owners or managers? Has anyone heard you play other than your other band members? Are you ready for the gig? Are you prepared enough?
If you are good enough and have gotten word out that you are a good band, then the opportunity could lead to success. If you aren’t good enough or if you haven’t bothered telling anyone that you’re in a band, then the opportunity will pass you by. Your preparation won’t lead to there being more opportunities in the world, but it will lead to there being more opportunities in your life.
Who would you rather hire, someone who’s thinking about changing careers or someone who’s been getting a degree in a new field? Someone who has written (though not published) many things and has been able to hone their skill, or someone who has been thinking about writing a novel someday? Someone you know is interested because that’s what they talk about and that’s what they’re doing with their life, or someone that you might not even know exists because they’re never at the business conventions or the free seminars or the open mike nights or anything else connected with the opportunity? Be the person they see, be the person they know about, be the person who’s good enough for the job.
Even if you don’t know what kind of Future you want to create, begin. Boldly. If you pick the wrong one and in five years you have to start over, that’s fine. If you hadn’t picked at all, in five years’ time you’d still be trying to figure out which path to take. If nothing else, you eliminate some of the clutter in your life and are able to focus more keenly on what you really want, what is really important.
Begin, and the universe will reward you.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Destiny
Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. – William Jennings Bryan
A lot of people believe that they are destined for something greater than what they have in their lives, but few of them get off their butts and do anything about it. Don’t be one of these people.
They go through their lives, waiting, expecting something to happen to them or near them where they can be the hero – an accident where they pull the baby out of the burning car, a brilliant idea that launches them into the vice-presidency of their company, a song or band that gets them fame and fortune and plenty of roadies, something. But in the meantime, they wait. And life keeps ticking away.
So much of their focus is on what they’re going to do after this thing has happened. They think about how great it’s going to be, how they’ll blow all their money or not squander it like all the lottery winners you read about, how people will respect them and they’ll be able to do anything they want. They aren’t just tied up in the future; they’re tied up in the part of the future that happens after the event – just one portion of the future, over which they have decided they have no control. Inspiration will strike from outside. Or someone else will cause the accident. Or a recording agent will happen to be driving past their garage while they practice. Something. They don’t know when, but it will happen. Someday.
Don’t be one of these people. Don’t live in an uncertain future that hinges on something you don’t control, that will happen at a time that you can’t anticipate. Will things happen to you that you can’t control? You bet. But you don’t have to give up control to the whims of chance, expecting that destiny will do everything. If you do your part, you can shape your destiny and perhaps help it happen a little sooner to you.
Are you destined to come up with the brilliant solution at just the right time? Foster your creativity. There are plenty of ways to improve your creativity, help you think in new ways, see solutions that others do not.
Are you destined to be the roadside hero? Do you know CPR? Do you know the signs of shock? Do you know the numbers for the police and fire department? Can you swim? Can you swim well enough to help a drowning person? Are you nimble enough that you can dodge an out-of-control car? Can you fight well enough to scare off a mugger? Take a CPR class. Take a lifeguard class. Take a fighting class. Keep yourself in shape. Be prepared for the emergency in which you will be the hero.
Are you going to be the hottest musician since Elvis? Can you sing? Can you play an instrument? How many hours a day do you practice? How many songs have you written? Not just started, but completed? Even if that particular song is not the song that will make you a household name, it can be good practice. How many demo tapes have you sent out? How many have you made? How many people in the recording industry do you know? Practice your music. Practice your writing. Go to open mike nights and get used to playing in front of an audience. Even if they don’t deserve your talent or don’t recognize it, it’ll be good practice, and it’ll make for great stories when you do hit it big. Get to know people in the recording industry. Not just the big people, but the little ones. Little ones know small ones, know medium sized ones, know big ones, know the ones that can make you rich. And they also know the opportunities that you may otherwise miss, not being in the industry yourself.
There are a lot of things you can do to shape your destiny or at the very least be ready for it when it happens to you. You can shape your Future. Do the things that give it the shape you want.
A lot of people believe that they are destined for something greater than what they have in their lives, but few of them get off their butts and do anything about it. Don’t be one of these people.
They go through their lives, waiting, expecting something to happen to them or near them where they can be the hero – an accident where they pull the baby out of the burning car, a brilliant idea that launches them into the vice-presidency of their company, a song or band that gets them fame and fortune and plenty of roadies, something. But in the meantime, they wait. And life keeps ticking away.
So much of their focus is on what they’re going to do after this thing has happened. They think about how great it’s going to be, how they’ll blow all their money or not squander it like all the lottery winners you read about, how people will respect them and they’ll be able to do anything they want. They aren’t just tied up in the future; they’re tied up in the part of the future that happens after the event – just one portion of the future, over which they have decided they have no control. Inspiration will strike from outside. Or someone else will cause the accident. Or a recording agent will happen to be driving past their garage while they practice. Something. They don’t know when, but it will happen. Someday.
Don’t be one of these people. Don’t live in an uncertain future that hinges on something you don’t control, that will happen at a time that you can’t anticipate. Will things happen to you that you can’t control? You bet. But you don’t have to give up control to the whims of chance, expecting that destiny will do everything. If you do your part, you can shape your destiny and perhaps help it happen a little sooner to you.
Are you destined to come up with the brilliant solution at just the right time? Foster your creativity. There are plenty of ways to improve your creativity, help you think in new ways, see solutions that others do not.
Are you destined to be the roadside hero? Do you know CPR? Do you know the signs of shock? Do you know the numbers for the police and fire department? Can you swim? Can you swim well enough to help a drowning person? Are you nimble enough that you can dodge an out-of-control car? Can you fight well enough to scare off a mugger? Take a CPR class. Take a lifeguard class. Take a fighting class. Keep yourself in shape. Be prepared for the emergency in which you will be the hero.
Are you going to be the hottest musician since Elvis? Can you sing? Can you play an instrument? How many hours a day do you practice? How many songs have you written? Not just started, but completed? Even if that particular song is not the song that will make you a household name, it can be good practice. How many demo tapes have you sent out? How many have you made? How many people in the recording industry do you know? Practice your music. Practice your writing. Go to open mike nights and get used to playing in front of an audience. Even if they don’t deserve your talent or don’t recognize it, it’ll be good practice, and it’ll make for great stories when you do hit it big. Get to know people in the recording industry. Not just the big people, but the little ones. Little ones know small ones, know medium sized ones, know big ones, know the ones that can make you rich. And they also know the opportunities that you may otherwise miss, not being in the industry yourself.
There are a lot of things you can do to shape your destiny or at the very least be ready for it when it happens to you. You can shape your Future. Do the things that give it the shape you want.
Monday, January 07, 2008
Appreciation Day
One of the things I want more of in the Future is kindness, “thank you”’s, and appreciation. From here forward, I am going to have the 7th of the month be Appreciation Day on this blog.
There are many people that you can have appreciation for and show your appreciation to. Teachers, writers, actors, directors, cops, firefighters, librarians, coworkers, bosses, family, and many others. There most likely is someone in your life who has done good things for you either directly or as “just part of the job”. Was there a teacher that helped you? Is there a writer whose books bring you joy? An actor who moves you no matter what you see him (or her) in? A director whose every movie is on your book shelf? Cops and firefighters keep us safe. Librarians manage the source of wonderful free items. Perhaps you have a coworker who always has a kind word for someone, a boss who has helped you in your career, a family member who has always supported you, or someone else who has improved your life in some way.
If there is no one in your life, then think about history. There are many freedoms that I would not experience if it were not for numerous historical figures. What about in your country? Or researchers who have done great things for medicine – Louis Pasteur, Jonas Salk, and many others. There are also great organizations that have helped improve the world, if no individual captures your fancy.
Write this person or group your thanks. If you can and are willing to, send them a note. If not, then keep the note or toss it away, knowing that even if the other person doesn’t feel appreciated, you feel the appreciation. Sometimes, it’s difficult to express your thanks, but there are ways to feel appreciation without leaving yourself vulnerable.
To kick off this Appreciation Day, I have just written to a pair of authors whose joint works are some of the best I read. Virtually anonymous, yet sincere. Let me know who you thank. You could even thank them in the comments section, letting everyone know what they’ve done for your.
Happy Appreciation Day.
There are many people that you can have appreciation for and show your appreciation to. Teachers, writers, actors, directors, cops, firefighters, librarians, coworkers, bosses, family, and many others. There most likely is someone in your life who has done good things for you either directly or as “just part of the job”. Was there a teacher that helped you? Is there a writer whose books bring you joy? An actor who moves you no matter what you see him (or her) in? A director whose every movie is on your book shelf? Cops and firefighters keep us safe. Librarians manage the source of wonderful free items. Perhaps you have a coworker who always has a kind word for someone, a boss who has helped you in your career, a family member who has always supported you, or someone else who has improved your life in some way.
If there is no one in your life, then think about history. There are many freedoms that I would not experience if it were not for numerous historical figures. What about in your country? Or researchers who have done great things for medicine – Louis Pasteur, Jonas Salk, and many others. There are also great organizations that have helped improve the world, if no individual captures your fancy.
Write this person or group your thanks. If you can and are willing to, send them a note. If not, then keep the note or toss it away, knowing that even if the other person doesn’t feel appreciated, you feel the appreciation. Sometimes, it’s difficult to express your thanks, but there are ways to feel appreciation without leaving yourself vulnerable.
To kick off this Appreciation Day, I have just written to a pair of authors whose joint works are some of the best I read. Virtually anonymous, yet sincere. Let me know who you thank. You could even thank them in the comments section, letting everyone know what they’ve done for your.
Happy Appreciation Day.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Helping Yourself
Prayer indeed is good, but while calling on the gods a man should himself lend a hand. – Hippocrates
This goes along with the saying “God helps those who helps themselves”. Prayer, hoping, wishing, planning, and preparing all are good things, but without action, it doesn’t do a bit of good. It may make you feel better, it may bring you more opportunities, it may do something, but it will not make the changes that need to be made.
Let’s say you’re looking for a new job. You pray, you prepare your resume, and you plan exactly what kind of job you’re going to take. If you don’t send out your resume or agree to the job, you won’t get the job.
Let’s say you’re on a diet. You choose to use one of the many methods that requires you to buy special foods. You chose; that’s an action. However, you also need to buy the foods, prepare the foods, and eat the foods. If you don’t take that action, it’s not going to help. Likewise, you can pray or wish all you want for weight loss, but unless you take the action of changing your eating habits or activity choices, you aren’t going to see a difference.
I have nothing against prayer. I pray. I pray for guidance and opportunity, for peace and serenity. But I know that unless I take the opportunity, unless I follow through on the guidance, unless I make room in my life for the peace and serenity, even if I get what I pray for, I won’t keep it.
Prayer is an excellent tool, but do not let it be your only tool. The Future needs action to be born. Pray for what you need, then use what your Higher Power gives you to take the actions necessary to create your Future.
This goes along with the saying “God helps those who helps themselves”. Prayer, hoping, wishing, planning, and preparing all are good things, but without action, it doesn’t do a bit of good. It may make you feel better, it may bring you more opportunities, it may do something, but it will not make the changes that need to be made.
Let’s say you’re looking for a new job. You pray, you prepare your resume, and you plan exactly what kind of job you’re going to take. If you don’t send out your resume or agree to the job, you won’t get the job.
Let’s say you’re on a diet. You choose to use one of the many methods that requires you to buy special foods. You chose; that’s an action. However, you also need to buy the foods, prepare the foods, and eat the foods. If you don’t take that action, it’s not going to help. Likewise, you can pray or wish all you want for weight loss, but unless you take the action of changing your eating habits or activity choices, you aren’t going to see a difference.
I have nothing against prayer. I pray. I pray for guidance and opportunity, for peace and serenity. But I know that unless I take the opportunity, unless I follow through on the guidance, unless I make room in my life for the peace and serenity, even if I get what I pray for, I won’t keep it.
Prayer is an excellent tool, but do not let it be your only tool. The Future needs action to be born. Pray for what you need, then use what your Higher Power gives you to take the actions necessary to create your Future.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
What are you afraid of?
Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. - Bertrand Russell
The defeat of cruelty and the enhancement of wisdom – two things that I would love to have in the Future. To gain that, we need to reduce fear. So, how do we do that?
First, you have to know when you’re afraid. You have to be willing to admit to yourself that you feel fear and to recognize it later when you do feel it. Sometimes, when you are constantly afraid, fear can feel normal. It’s not feeling fear that is weird to you, that creeps you out. Like living next to an airport or highway that suddenly goes quiet. The quiet seems unnatural to you. To reduce fear, you have to admit it is there.
Once you know that you feel fear, you have to figure out what you fear. That’s not always easy. If you have someone with a gun in your face – it’s easy. If you’re two seconds away from crashing into a wall at a hundred miles an hour – it’s easy. If you’re sitting in a diner or a park and suddenly you feel afraid, it’s not so easy.
It may have been something you heard. Things that are a threat to you, like a car crash or a gun shot, can be identified as fearful things. It may be something else that your fear noticed, even if your conscious didn’t. If something has made you afraid in the past, especially if you refused to admit you were afraid and buried that fear under denial, then something that reminds you of that time could trigger the buried fear. A laugh, joyous now but menacing then. A scream, as part of child’s game now but in terror then. The sound of someone falling to the cement, a mere trip now but part of something much worse then. You hear everything that goes on around you. You just don’t pay attention to it, for the most part. But your fear may pay attention to more than you think. Sight, touch, taste, smell – all of these may also hold triggers to the past.
You have two choices in this case. You can figure out what’s causing this from the past and unbury that fear so that it leaves. Or you can force the fear farther down, lock it, so that it can never trigger you again. Whatever works for you, though I don’t have quite the control for the second one.
You know you feel fear. You know why you feel fear. Then you can change the way you feel about that situation. Behavioral modification works, whether it’s by a trained psychotherapist or a person who just knows that when you fall off that horse, you got to get right back in the saddle. Same thing, essentially. You turn a fearful situation into something less fearful through pleasure, triumph, or survival. Or a combination of all three.
You can reduce the fear in your life and enhance your Future with your efforts.
The defeat of cruelty and the enhancement of wisdom – two things that I would love to have in the Future. To gain that, we need to reduce fear. So, how do we do that?
First, you have to know when you’re afraid. You have to be willing to admit to yourself that you feel fear and to recognize it later when you do feel it. Sometimes, when you are constantly afraid, fear can feel normal. It’s not feeling fear that is weird to you, that creeps you out. Like living next to an airport or highway that suddenly goes quiet. The quiet seems unnatural to you. To reduce fear, you have to admit it is there.
Once you know that you feel fear, you have to figure out what you fear. That’s not always easy. If you have someone with a gun in your face – it’s easy. If you’re two seconds away from crashing into a wall at a hundred miles an hour – it’s easy. If you’re sitting in a diner or a park and suddenly you feel afraid, it’s not so easy.
It may have been something you heard. Things that are a threat to you, like a car crash or a gun shot, can be identified as fearful things. It may be something else that your fear noticed, even if your conscious didn’t. If something has made you afraid in the past, especially if you refused to admit you were afraid and buried that fear under denial, then something that reminds you of that time could trigger the buried fear. A laugh, joyous now but menacing then. A scream, as part of child’s game now but in terror then. The sound of someone falling to the cement, a mere trip now but part of something much worse then. You hear everything that goes on around you. You just don’t pay attention to it, for the most part. But your fear may pay attention to more than you think. Sight, touch, taste, smell – all of these may also hold triggers to the past.
You have two choices in this case. You can figure out what’s causing this from the past and unbury that fear so that it leaves. Or you can force the fear farther down, lock it, so that it can never trigger you again. Whatever works for you, though I don’t have quite the control for the second one.
You know you feel fear. You know why you feel fear. Then you can change the way you feel about that situation. Behavioral modification works, whether it’s by a trained psychotherapist or a person who just knows that when you fall off that horse, you got to get right back in the saddle. Same thing, essentially. You turn a fearful situation into something less fearful through pleasure, triumph, or survival. Or a combination of all three.
You can reduce the fear in your life and enhance your Future with your efforts.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Perceptions and Attitude
The mind is its own place, and in itself can make heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven. – Milton
You ever know anyone who seemed bound and determined to be miserable? It’s a beautiful day out, and they’ll talk about how much it’s going to rain that night. They get a raise at work, and they complain about how much more in taxes they’re going to have to pay. They could have a great day, except for the papercut, and that’s the part they’ll talk about. They prefer being miserable, no matter how good or lousy their lives are.
Then, there are their counterparts, their opposites. They’re the ones who will tell you that the rain is good weather for ducks or the lawns really needed it. If they get in a car accident and break a leg, they’ll thank god that no one else was hurt or that at least they’re alive. They see the silver lining in everything, or at the very least see a way to turn even the worst of times into an advantage.
Some people are born like this. Some people become this from a lifetime of habit. Some people choose to be like this. Your life is as good or as lousy as you want it to be, not just because of the way it really is but also because of the way you perceive it. If you want more heaven in your life, put it there. You can do it.
You ever know anyone who seemed bound and determined to be miserable? It’s a beautiful day out, and they’ll talk about how much it’s going to rain that night. They get a raise at work, and they complain about how much more in taxes they’re going to have to pay. They could have a great day, except for the papercut, and that’s the part they’ll talk about. They prefer being miserable, no matter how good or lousy their lives are.
Then, there are their counterparts, their opposites. They’re the ones who will tell you that the rain is good weather for ducks or the lawns really needed it. If they get in a car accident and break a leg, they’ll thank god that no one else was hurt or that at least they’re alive. They see the silver lining in everything, or at the very least see a way to turn even the worst of times into an advantage.
Some people are born like this. Some people become this from a lifetime of habit. Some people choose to be like this. Your life is as good or as lousy as you want it to be, not just because of the way it really is but also because of the way you perceive it. If you want more heaven in your life, put it there. You can do it.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Worrying (2)
We are, perhaps, uniquely among the earth's creatures, the worrying animal. We worry away our lives, fearing the future, discontent with the present, unable to take in the idea of dying, unable to sit still. - Lewis Thomas
Worry can be useful, if it prompts you into action. Worry as an action by itself is useless. Though the phrase “don’t worry” is common, it’s all but impossible to obey without action. You cannot will away worry. You must act or distract.
Take action against that which you are worrying. If you are worrying that your car will not make the long trip, have it checked by a mechanic. Get the oil changed before you go. Wash all the windows, headlights, and taillights so that nothing will impede your sight or others’ sight of you. Make certain that the air pressure in the tires is correct. Get rid of all the garbage or extra weight (unless you’re headed into snow or ice country, in which case extra weight may be exactly what you need). Take action to make the likelihood of what you fear as small as possible. That’s really what worry is – fear.
If you have taken all the action that you can, and you still worry, then do something else to distract yourself. Or, if you cannot distract yourself, find something you can do on autopilot. Dishes, sewing, weeding, vacuuming – none of these things really take any of brain power. If you do them while you’re worrying, you still worry, but your house is cleaner.
Animals live too much in the present to worry. We, as humans, are the ones who have part of ourselves in the past and part in the future. When those parts are in conflict or fear, then we worry.
Do you fear the Future? Why? Either you can change it – in which case take action – or you cannot – in which case turn to distraction. Worry is common in situations like getting a test back, sitting in for a performance review, or speaking in public. But, these things cannot be changed in the present time. You’ve already taken the test. You’ve already done your work for the past month, six months, year, however long since your last review. You cannot change these things. You have already practiced your speech, though some people worry about screwing up when they get on stage. That is in the future, and you really can’t do a whole lot about it, other than practice more (act) or calm yourself down so that you can do your best (distract).
Are you discontent with the present? Act. Don’t distract. Too many people distract themselves with TV, food, an affair, sports, and many other things. The funny things about the present, though, is that the problems in it follow you into the future. If you’re discontent about your small house, and you distract yourself instead of taking action to change it, you will still have a small house in the future. If you’re in a lousy marriage, same problem. There are times when these things will change for you. Your house may burn down or your spouse may leave you, but in most cases, what you have now is what you’ll have in the future, unless you act. Worry because you’re discontented with the present is like complaining about the weather – pointless. Act, or at the very least stop complaining so you stop annoying the rest of us.
Are you unable to take the idea of dying? Don’t blame you. Most people can’t. Most humans like to have a certain amount of control over their lives, and dying is a huge uncontrollable thing. Not even suicide is completely controllable. While you may think you have a foolproof plan to kill yourself, so did thousands and thousands of others throughout time who tried and failed. You may just end up even worse off than you are now. (Yes, that is possible.) You can’t know when or how you’re going to die, and unless you have unshakable faith, you don’t know what’s going to happen afterwards. It’s a scary thing. But you have no control over it, so it’s not something you should worry over. Fear it, sure, if you want. But put your fear on a shelf at the back of your brain or heart, because it’s not going to do you any good.
Are you unable to sit still? Act or distract until you’re in control of yourself again. What do I mean “in control”? You’re not out of control, are you? If you are unable to sit still, even when you try to sit still, then you are out of control. You cannot control yourself enough to force your body to sit still for an amount of time you determine. Act or distract until you can do what you want.
The Future will unfold in its time, no matter how much you worry. But, you can shape it, if you act. Don’t let worry prevent you from birthing your Future. Let it only guide you away from incorrect actions or towards correct ones.
Worry can be useful, if it prompts you into action. Worry as an action by itself is useless. Though the phrase “don’t worry” is common, it’s all but impossible to obey without action. You cannot will away worry. You must act or distract.
Take action against that which you are worrying. If you are worrying that your car will not make the long trip, have it checked by a mechanic. Get the oil changed before you go. Wash all the windows, headlights, and taillights so that nothing will impede your sight or others’ sight of you. Make certain that the air pressure in the tires is correct. Get rid of all the garbage or extra weight (unless you’re headed into snow or ice country, in which case extra weight may be exactly what you need). Take action to make the likelihood of what you fear as small as possible. That’s really what worry is – fear.
If you have taken all the action that you can, and you still worry, then do something else to distract yourself. Or, if you cannot distract yourself, find something you can do on autopilot. Dishes, sewing, weeding, vacuuming – none of these things really take any of brain power. If you do them while you’re worrying, you still worry, but your house is cleaner.
Animals live too much in the present to worry. We, as humans, are the ones who have part of ourselves in the past and part in the future. When those parts are in conflict or fear, then we worry.
Do you fear the Future? Why? Either you can change it – in which case take action – or you cannot – in which case turn to distraction. Worry is common in situations like getting a test back, sitting in for a performance review, or speaking in public. But, these things cannot be changed in the present time. You’ve already taken the test. You’ve already done your work for the past month, six months, year, however long since your last review. You cannot change these things. You have already practiced your speech, though some people worry about screwing up when they get on stage. That is in the future, and you really can’t do a whole lot about it, other than practice more (act) or calm yourself down so that you can do your best (distract).
Are you discontent with the present? Act. Don’t distract. Too many people distract themselves with TV, food, an affair, sports, and many other things. The funny things about the present, though, is that the problems in it follow you into the future. If you’re discontent about your small house, and you distract yourself instead of taking action to change it, you will still have a small house in the future. If you’re in a lousy marriage, same problem. There are times when these things will change for you. Your house may burn down or your spouse may leave you, but in most cases, what you have now is what you’ll have in the future, unless you act. Worry because you’re discontented with the present is like complaining about the weather – pointless. Act, or at the very least stop complaining so you stop annoying the rest of us.
Are you unable to take the idea of dying? Don’t blame you. Most people can’t. Most humans like to have a certain amount of control over their lives, and dying is a huge uncontrollable thing. Not even suicide is completely controllable. While you may think you have a foolproof plan to kill yourself, so did thousands and thousands of others throughout time who tried and failed. You may just end up even worse off than you are now. (Yes, that is possible.) You can’t know when or how you’re going to die, and unless you have unshakable faith, you don’t know what’s going to happen afterwards. It’s a scary thing. But you have no control over it, so it’s not something you should worry over. Fear it, sure, if you want. But put your fear on a shelf at the back of your brain or heart, because it’s not going to do you any good.
Are you unable to sit still? Act or distract until you’re in control of yourself again. What do I mean “in control”? You’re not out of control, are you? If you are unable to sit still, even when you try to sit still, then you are out of control. You cannot control yourself enough to force your body to sit still for an amount of time you determine. Act or distract until you can do what you want.
The Future will unfold in its time, no matter how much you worry. But, you can shape it, if you act. Don’t let worry prevent you from birthing your Future. Let it only guide you away from incorrect actions or towards correct ones.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Courage
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. - Anais Nin
Again, it’s about your comfort zone. There are people who never leave more than two miles around their parents’ home. They know their neighborhood, and they don’t need to leave it to find what they want. Or so they think. It’s hard to know what you want if you know very little. It’s like asking a paint store for blue paint. If they give you royal blue, then you’re happy. Unless, of course, you know of and perhaps wanted periwinkle, cornflower, baby blue, or aqua.
For others it’s not a matter of physical limitations. The limitations are mental or social. Some people know only accountants or people in their company or people in their club. They have a small group of people and situations they encounter, all very similar to one another. There’s not a whole lot of adventure in jetting off to Europe if you always go to the same hotel with your friends from back home.
What’s wrong with doing things you’re comfortable with? What’s wrong with staying in your comfort zone? Everything, if the Future you want is outside of it. If you want to be a world traveler, but you refuse to take a trip out of state, then there’s a problem. If you want to have a wide variety of friends with whom you can discuss all sorts of political and international issues, yet you won’t join any groups that have different people, not even a newsletter, then there’s a problem. If your Future is within your current comfort zone, congratulations and well done! But if it’s not…
Courage will expand your life. Even if you fail at first, try again and fail better. Or perhaps even succeed. If something is too scary for you, break it down into smaller pieces. Each piece you accomplish is another step towards your Future. Courage is doing what you don’t want to do, because you want what’s on the other side of it.
Two main ways of making things less scary and thus bumping up your courage to actually do them – breaking them down and familiarization. I’ve discussed breaking them down in other posts, so let’s take a look at familiarization.
Do you want to travel the world? Read a book – preferably a picture book – about the countries you want to see. Learn their languages. Get a pen pal from that country. In time, the country will seem more familiar to you, less scary, and you will be able to take that next step of a trip to one foreign country.
Do you want to be more assertive? Start saying hi to people you know but don’t normally say hi to. Join a discussion group (in real life or on line) and participate. Even a book club would work well. Write complaint letters to companies that give you bad service. Eventually, you’ll be able to tell the manager in person about the bad service rather than take it for now and vent later.
Do you want a new job? Audit a course (check with your university or college to see if they allow this) in the profession. Sign up for the newsletter of one of the profession’s organizations (most professions have one or more). Start talking to other people and see if anyone knows someone who is in that field. See if there are any library books about it or websites.
Learn more about what you want so that it becomes familiar to you. The familiar is less scary than the strange. Courage, and you will achieve your Future.
Again, it’s about your comfort zone. There are people who never leave more than two miles around their parents’ home. They know their neighborhood, and they don’t need to leave it to find what they want. Or so they think. It’s hard to know what you want if you know very little. It’s like asking a paint store for blue paint. If they give you royal blue, then you’re happy. Unless, of course, you know of and perhaps wanted periwinkle, cornflower, baby blue, or aqua.
For others it’s not a matter of physical limitations. The limitations are mental or social. Some people know only accountants or people in their company or people in their club. They have a small group of people and situations they encounter, all very similar to one another. There’s not a whole lot of adventure in jetting off to Europe if you always go to the same hotel with your friends from back home.
What’s wrong with doing things you’re comfortable with? What’s wrong with staying in your comfort zone? Everything, if the Future you want is outside of it. If you want to be a world traveler, but you refuse to take a trip out of state, then there’s a problem. If you want to have a wide variety of friends with whom you can discuss all sorts of political and international issues, yet you won’t join any groups that have different people, not even a newsletter, then there’s a problem. If your Future is within your current comfort zone, congratulations and well done! But if it’s not…
Courage will expand your life. Even if you fail at first, try again and fail better. Or perhaps even succeed. If something is too scary for you, break it down into smaller pieces. Each piece you accomplish is another step towards your Future. Courage is doing what you don’t want to do, because you want what’s on the other side of it.
Two main ways of making things less scary and thus bumping up your courage to actually do them – breaking them down and familiarization. I’ve discussed breaking them down in other posts, so let’s take a look at familiarization.
Do you want to travel the world? Read a book – preferably a picture book – about the countries you want to see. Learn their languages. Get a pen pal from that country. In time, the country will seem more familiar to you, less scary, and you will be able to take that next step of a trip to one foreign country.
Do you want to be more assertive? Start saying hi to people you know but don’t normally say hi to. Join a discussion group (in real life or on line) and participate. Even a book club would work well. Write complaint letters to companies that give you bad service. Eventually, you’ll be able to tell the manager in person about the bad service rather than take it for now and vent later.
Do you want a new job? Audit a course (check with your university or college to see if they allow this) in the profession. Sign up for the newsletter of one of the profession’s organizations (most professions have one or more). Start talking to other people and see if anyone knows someone who is in that field. See if there are any library books about it or websites.
Learn more about what you want so that it becomes familiar to you. The familiar is less scary than the strange. Courage, and you will achieve your Future.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Unexpected Success
I learned this at least by my experiment that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. - Henry David Thoreau
Have you ever had something go incredibly well? Better than you expected? Better than you even thought it might? Or have you ever had a great idea or a sudden need and discovered yourself right outside the correct store or a coworker whose brother was an expert in whatever you needed? There are all kinds of ways that the universe will give you what you want and what you need when you go after the life you want.
If you don’t believe in a Higher Power or if you believe that a coincidence is just a coincidence, then read this paragraph and no further. It’s a similar situation as when you (or someone you know) get pregnant, and you see all around you advertisements for baby clothes, pregnant women, or shelf upon shelf of baby food in the grocery store. Those things have always been there. You just didn’t notice them. But now that your life is affected by babies, the baby-related items stick out in your memory. Life and success can be a lot like that. You may never know that your coworker has a brother who owns an art gallery until you start to work at your dream of painting and casually mention it at work. If you hadn’t started up your dream, if you hadn’t been confident enough in your abilities, then you wouldn’t have mentioned it. So you wouldn’t have known. There are a lot of different connections that people have. A person’s life is varied and rich. But you might not know that until you say something. And you might not say something until you start creating your Future, working on your dream, living your Life. And thus, in the “common hours” before your created, worked, and lived, you didn’t know just how much help was only a person or two away. Your success would be “unexpected”.
Me, I believe in a Higher Power. I believe that this Higher Power helps those who help themselves. I believe everything I wrote in the previous paragraph, but I also believe that the Higher Power will help you out. This help may take the form of gifts, loans, contacts, opportunities, or troubles. Even your troubles may be a good thing. They might slow you down if you’re not ready, test your resolve until you are certain that this is what you want no matter what, discourage you from a bad opportunity that looks really good, or strengthen you by forcing you to learn skills that you just didn’t want to learn before. You can get something out of adversity, if you look hard enough (and if you’re willing to get something out of it).
Your Future most likely will be even more wonderful that you had imagined, but only if you advance in the direction of your dreams and keep confidence in yourself and your goals.
Have you ever had something go incredibly well? Better than you expected? Better than you even thought it might? Or have you ever had a great idea or a sudden need and discovered yourself right outside the correct store or a coworker whose brother was an expert in whatever you needed? There are all kinds of ways that the universe will give you what you want and what you need when you go after the life you want.
If you don’t believe in a Higher Power or if you believe that a coincidence is just a coincidence, then read this paragraph and no further. It’s a similar situation as when you (or someone you know) get pregnant, and you see all around you advertisements for baby clothes, pregnant women, or shelf upon shelf of baby food in the grocery store. Those things have always been there. You just didn’t notice them. But now that your life is affected by babies, the baby-related items stick out in your memory. Life and success can be a lot like that. You may never know that your coworker has a brother who owns an art gallery until you start to work at your dream of painting and casually mention it at work. If you hadn’t started up your dream, if you hadn’t been confident enough in your abilities, then you wouldn’t have mentioned it. So you wouldn’t have known. There are a lot of different connections that people have. A person’s life is varied and rich. But you might not know that until you say something. And you might not say something until you start creating your Future, working on your dream, living your Life. And thus, in the “common hours” before your created, worked, and lived, you didn’t know just how much help was only a person or two away. Your success would be “unexpected”.
Me, I believe in a Higher Power. I believe that this Higher Power helps those who help themselves. I believe everything I wrote in the previous paragraph, but I also believe that the Higher Power will help you out. This help may take the form of gifts, loans, contacts, opportunities, or troubles. Even your troubles may be a good thing. They might slow you down if you’re not ready, test your resolve until you are certain that this is what you want no matter what, discourage you from a bad opportunity that looks really good, or strengthen you by forcing you to learn skills that you just didn’t want to learn before. You can get something out of adversity, if you look hard enough (and if you’re willing to get something out of it).
Your Future most likely will be even more wonderful that you had imagined, but only if you advance in the direction of your dreams and keep confidence in yourself and your goals.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Affecting Others
I realize that making myself a better, strong, more aware person will affect those around me and perhaps others through them. - Rebecca Latimer
This is why we concentrate so much on ourselves, because it is through example that we best get others to change. It is by being loving that we encourage others to love. It is by being generous that we encourage others to give. We have all known people whose motto is “Do as I say, not as I do”. How effective is that? Did you really do what they said for longer than you were forced to?
I want the Future to be more loving, more creative, more giving, more peaceful, and I can do that by starting with me. I be more loving, more creative, more giving, and more peaceful, and I bring a little more of each into the world. I make that change, and even if no one else follows my example, at least that little bit is still in this world.
You never know who’s watching you, who is inspired by you, who may hear of your deeds or kindness or words and decide to make changes as well. You don’t know all of the effect you will have on the world, so be what you want to see, and others will follow your example.
This is why we concentrate so much on ourselves, because it is through example that we best get others to change. It is by being loving that we encourage others to love. It is by being generous that we encourage others to give. We have all known people whose motto is “Do as I say, not as I do”. How effective is that? Did you really do what they said for longer than you were forced to?
I want the Future to be more loving, more creative, more giving, more peaceful, and I can do that by starting with me. I be more loving, more creative, more giving, and more peaceful, and I bring a little more of each into the world. I make that change, and even if no one else follows my example, at least that little bit is still in this world.
You never know who’s watching you, who is inspired by you, who may hear of your deeds or kindness or words and decide to make changes as well. You don’t know all of the effect you will have on the world, so be what you want to see, and others will follow your example.
Friday, December 07, 2007
Results
It does not matter if today's results do not show. They will in time. - Tracy from Flylady
Everything is very rushed, according to the media. Everything is “buy now” and “for a limited time only” and “only two weeks to a new you”. It leaves us with the impression that unless something happens right now, it’s not going to happen. That’s not true. Unless you give up, of course. If you allow your impatience to convince you to give up, then what you’ve been working on, working towards, may never come to be.
I won’t go into how the Grand Canyon took eons to make. It took eons. We, as humans, don’t have eons. We have years, decades. But not eons. So, let’s go with some things that took less than a lifetime to create. Humans, first of all. A human takes nine months, roughly, from conception to birth in order to be created. Each day seems very much like the previous during this time, especially during the first 3 months, before the mother begins to show. However, this is when some of the quickest changes are taking place. They’re just small, compared to what we can see.
A beautiful building can take years to complete, especially if you have to get rid of the old building that was on the site before it. Again, each day doesn’t look a whole lot different from the day before, but it is. The small changes keep piling up and making a noticeable difference between then and now.
The last Harry Potter book was published two years after book number 6. It took some hard core fans less than a day to read it. But it took two years to write. I’m fairly confident that J.K. Rowling did not wait for 1 year and 11 months and then write her book in 30 days or less. In this case, the minor results show – another page written, one more piece of editing done, an entire chapter complete, but the whole and complete package took time.
If there is something you want, be prepared for it to take some time. Maybe this time is mental preparation. Perhaps there’s something you need to “psyche yourself up for”, and that can take weeks. These weeks are not wasted, because they were needed to get you ready for what you need to do.
Maybe this is physical preparation. Maybe you want to get a sculpted body with well defined muscles. Depending on where you start, you could have a long way to go before you get there. And if you’re very much overweight, it could be quite some time before you can see the results with your eyes. But the results are there, buried beneath your skin. Slowly, your body loses its layers of fat and your muscles grow a little bit more, until one day you can see the muscle definition when you flex. This is a great day, and if you keep at it through those times of “no results”, you will get there.
It could be spiritual preparation, something you have to pray over, discuss with your spiritual advisor, or reconcile ethically. You may have been brought up one way but now believe another (especially true if your parents were abusers of any kind), and you have a difficult time to align your actions with your new beliefs. Be kind to yourself and keep taking steps to the goal.
It could be emotional preparation. Perhaps the “psyching yourself up for it” isn’t just a mental process, but an emotional one. Do you need to tell someone you love them? Do you need to leave someone? Either one of those things can be emotionally difficult, and you could need some time to get yourself prepared. Just make certain you’re not using “preparation” when what you’re really doing is “procrastinating”.
Not every wonderful thing that will happen to you or because of you will be instantaneous. Not everything will happen right away or when you expect or as soon as you expect. But the small results will happen, and they will build up over time, and eventually, what you build will come true. You can birth the Future one step at a time.
Everything is very rushed, according to the media. Everything is “buy now” and “for a limited time only” and “only two weeks to a new you”. It leaves us with the impression that unless something happens right now, it’s not going to happen. That’s not true. Unless you give up, of course. If you allow your impatience to convince you to give up, then what you’ve been working on, working towards, may never come to be.
I won’t go into how the Grand Canyon took eons to make. It took eons. We, as humans, don’t have eons. We have years, decades. But not eons. So, let’s go with some things that took less than a lifetime to create. Humans, first of all. A human takes nine months, roughly, from conception to birth in order to be created. Each day seems very much like the previous during this time, especially during the first 3 months, before the mother begins to show. However, this is when some of the quickest changes are taking place. They’re just small, compared to what we can see.
A beautiful building can take years to complete, especially if you have to get rid of the old building that was on the site before it. Again, each day doesn’t look a whole lot different from the day before, but it is. The small changes keep piling up and making a noticeable difference between then and now.
The last Harry Potter book was published two years after book number 6. It took some hard core fans less than a day to read it. But it took two years to write. I’m fairly confident that J.K. Rowling did not wait for 1 year and 11 months and then write her book in 30 days or less. In this case, the minor results show – another page written, one more piece of editing done, an entire chapter complete, but the whole and complete package took time.
If there is something you want, be prepared for it to take some time. Maybe this time is mental preparation. Perhaps there’s something you need to “psyche yourself up for”, and that can take weeks. These weeks are not wasted, because they were needed to get you ready for what you need to do.
Maybe this is physical preparation. Maybe you want to get a sculpted body with well defined muscles. Depending on where you start, you could have a long way to go before you get there. And if you’re very much overweight, it could be quite some time before you can see the results with your eyes. But the results are there, buried beneath your skin. Slowly, your body loses its layers of fat and your muscles grow a little bit more, until one day you can see the muscle definition when you flex. This is a great day, and if you keep at it through those times of “no results”, you will get there.
It could be spiritual preparation, something you have to pray over, discuss with your spiritual advisor, or reconcile ethically. You may have been brought up one way but now believe another (especially true if your parents were abusers of any kind), and you have a difficult time to align your actions with your new beliefs. Be kind to yourself and keep taking steps to the goal.
It could be emotional preparation. Perhaps the “psyching yourself up for it” isn’t just a mental process, but an emotional one. Do you need to tell someone you love them? Do you need to leave someone? Either one of those things can be emotionally difficult, and you could need some time to get yourself prepared. Just make certain you’re not using “preparation” when what you’re really doing is “procrastinating”.
Not every wonderful thing that will happen to you or because of you will be instantaneous. Not everything will happen right away or when you expect or as soon as you expect. But the small results will happen, and they will build up over time, and eventually, what you build will come true. You can birth the Future one step at a time.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Anniversaries and Kindness
It’s been just over a year since I found out I had to have surgery. It seems both a lot longer and a lot shorter than that. That’s the way with a lot of “first-after”s in our life, a good number of them sad. The first Christmas after a loved one dies. The first spring after being forced to move. The first work day after you were fired from your last job. Life is full of “first-after”s, but they pass. And the “second-after” isn’t as hard. “This too shall pass” is an ancient saying, but it is still true. If you allow yourself to grieve and do not hold on to the pain but let it flow from you, the pain will pass with time. Will you ever be “all better”, “as good as new”, “just like before”. Probably not. Hopefully not. Because if you don’t change, then there was no reason for you to have gone through it. The Future is shaped by change and by inertia. The Future is created by change alone. Create your Future, and be kind to yourself during your “first-after”s.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Deepest Treasure
Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasure. - Rainer Maria Rilke
Some of the most wondrous things and times in our lives have come immediately after facing our fears and not backing away. Fear is what makes up the boundaries of our comfort zones. It’s like the maps of old where along the edges they would write “Here be dragons”, to let sailors know that no one knew what lay beyond the borders of the map. But the borders of the map blocked off the New World. The borders of your comfort zone can block off a New Life.
A lot of people live on the surface of life. They don’t bother with things that make them uncomfortable. They work at their safe jobs, drive home, turn on the distraction, and fall asleep mentally and emotionally long before their bodies do. And in the mornings, they do it all again. They back away from adversity or new things or change. Why? They think they have it all. And yet, these are the same people who are constantly trying to keep up with the Joneses. Why? Because the Joneses have more than they do. It’s amazing how a person can “have it all”, until their neighbor gets a new car. And then they want a new car. A new car is their dream. Or a new TV or lawn mower or whatever.
Even their dreams are small.
Their comfort zones are small, and their dreams are small. If they’re going to spend enough money to get a new car, why not go to France instead? They obviously have a perfectly good (if a few years old) car in their own garage. Why keep following in the footsteps of their neighbors? Why not live a little differently? Or if not France, what about dance lessons or music lessons or saving the money and joining a public speaking group? They want to be noticed and different and admired, but only in exactly the same way that they notice and admire other people. Different really doesn’t quite make it from their claims to their true wishes.
What about you?
Are your dreams small? Is your comfort zone small? Do you want them to be small? Are they are large as you want? Is fear stopping you? Fear is only an emotion, and not always a rational one at that. Fear has its place, but not as a dream stopper. Fear of black ice so you drive carefully, that’s a good fear. Fear of the snarling dog foaming at the mouth coming towards you, that’s a good fear. Fear of taking dance lessons? Not really a good fear. Fear of going to France? Not really a good fear. Could something awful happen in a foreign land where you don’t know anyone and you don’t speak the language? Why, yes, bad things could happen, including things that wouldn’t happen in your native country. But, you can take precautions against those bad things, just like you take precautions against black ice and rabid dogs. Don’t let it stop you from going to France or joining a choir or finishing your degree.
Small dreams come true. But, you know what? So do big dreams. And if your dreams are going to come true, which would you rather have? Face your fears, slay your dragons, find your treasure, build your Future. You can do this.
Some of the most wondrous things and times in our lives have come immediately after facing our fears and not backing away. Fear is what makes up the boundaries of our comfort zones. It’s like the maps of old where along the edges they would write “Here be dragons”, to let sailors know that no one knew what lay beyond the borders of the map. But the borders of the map blocked off the New World. The borders of your comfort zone can block off a New Life.
A lot of people live on the surface of life. They don’t bother with things that make them uncomfortable. They work at their safe jobs, drive home, turn on the distraction, and fall asleep mentally and emotionally long before their bodies do. And in the mornings, they do it all again. They back away from adversity or new things or change. Why? They think they have it all. And yet, these are the same people who are constantly trying to keep up with the Joneses. Why? Because the Joneses have more than they do. It’s amazing how a person can “have it all”, until their neighbor gets a new car. And then they want a new car. A new car is their dream. Or a new TV or lawn mower or whatever.
Even their dreams are small.
Their comfort zones are small, and their dreams are small. If they’re going to spend enough money to get a new car, why not go to France instead? They obviously have a perfectly good (if a few years old) car in their own garage. Why keep following in the footsteps of their neighbors? Why not live a little differently? Or if not France, what about dance lessons or music lessons or saving the money and joining a public speaking group? They want to be noticed and different and admired, but only in exactly the same way that they notice and admire other people. Different really doesn’t quite make it from their claims to their true wishes.
What about you?
Are your dreams small? Is your comfort zone small? Do you want them to be small? Are they are large as you want? Is fear stopping you? Fear is only an emotion, and not always a rational one at that. Fear has its place, but not as a dream stopper. Fear of black ice so you drive carefully, that’s a good fear. Fear of the snarling dog foaming at the mouth coming towards you, that’s a good fear. Fear of taking dance lessons? Not really a good fear. Fear of going to France? Not really a good fear. Could something awful happen in a foreign land where you don’t know anyone and you don’t speak the language? Why, yes, bad things could happen, including things that wouldn’t happen in your native country. But, you can take precautions against those bad things, just like you take precautions against black ice and rabid dogs. Don’t let it stop you from going to France or joining a choir or finishing your degree.
Small dreams come true. But, you know what? So do big dreams. And if your dreams are going to come true, which would you rather have? Face your fears, slay your dragons, find your treasure, build your Future. You can do this.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Life Or Nothing
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. - Helen Keller
You have a choice. You constantly have choices. You may not think you do. You may have so many restrictions upon you that your only choice is your attitude. But you always have a choice. At least one. How will you see today? As a day of drudgery or one of adventure? Will you dare to live or will you merely exist? Will you choose to be defeated, or will you hold on?
You have a choice. And the most insidious, the sneakiest, the most wonderful thing about this is that you don’t have to change your life in order to make a different choice. You just have to change your living. And this choice is the most important choice, one that feeds or hinders all others. It is the one of attitude.
And if you play it right, if you do nothing differently except think, if you show outwardly nothing of the change of choice you’ve made inside yourself, then no one will know. Except you. They may suspect. But since you’re doing the same things as you did yesterday, how would they know? If you’re truly in so bad a situation (and some of you are) that you dare now smile if you’re not allowed, dare not frown when sad, dare not shed any tears or express an opinion, then keep it all inside you. Make your choice of attitude and realization, and change the way you live your life, even if you don’t change your life.
The realization is that you have a choice. Once you realize that, things get both a lot tougher and a lot easier. It’s tougher because now the control is in your hands, and you can’t blame someone else for it. It’s easier because now that you realize you have the control, you can make that choice. Do you look at life as a victim or a survivor? Do you see yourself as imprisoned, or merely biding your time here until you have somewhere else to go, someplace better? Do you see yourself as powerless or powerful? Are you the central character of your life, or have you given that role over to someone else?
And make no mistake, you are the one who makes that choice. Do your parents think the world of your little sister and nothing of you? So what? That’s their choice. Do not make their choice the center of your world. First, see yourself as wonderful and then find other people who share that opinion. Your parents can keep their opinion. You don’t have to agree or fight. Are you in an abusive relationship where the other person insists that you wait on them hand and foot, always taking them into consideration no matter what you do? You can still make the choice about how you think and whether or not you leave, and if so how. Suicide is unfortunately the choice that some abuse victims make, whether it be by knife, car accident, starvation, or refusing to see a doctor until they are too sick to be cured. Abuse survivors, on the other hand, do not choose suicide as how they will leave, if they choose to leave. They figure out a way to make it out with their bodies and more importantly their spirits intact.
Any other scenarios where you are not the central character of your life can pretty much be referred to those two cases. Annoying coworker who seems to get promotions and raises more often than you? See the first case. Annoying boss who thinks that work should be your life rather than your job? See the second case.
Realize you have the choice to make your life what you want, and then choose your attitude. With your attitude in place and consciously chosen, you can then create your life more easily, more readily, and more happily. Realize, choose, and give birth to your Future.
You have a choice. You constantly have choices. You may not think you do. You may have so many restrictions upon you that your only choice is your attitude. But you always have a choice. At least one. How will you see today? As a day of drudgery or one of adventure? Will you dare to live or will you merely exist? Will you choose to be defeated, or will you hold on?
You have a choice. And the most insidious, the sneakiest, the most wonderful thing about this is that you don’t have to change your life in order to make a different choice. You just have to change your living. And this choice is the most important choice, one that feeds or hinders all others. It is the one of attitude.
And if you play it right, if you do nothing differently except think, if you show outwardly nothing of the change of choice you’ve made inside yourself, then no one will know. Except you. They may suspect. But since you’re doing the same things as you did yesterday, how would they know? If you’re truly in so bad a situation (and some of you are) that you dare now smile if you’re not allowed, dare not frown when sad, dare not shed any tears or express an opinion, then keep it all inside you. Make your choice of attitude and realization, and change the way you live your life, even if you don’t change your life.
The realization is that you have a choice. Once you realize that, things get both a lot tougher and a lot easier. It’s tougher because now the control is in your hands, and you can’t blame someone else for it. It’s easier because now that you realize you have the control, you can make that choice. Do you look at life as a victim or a survivor? Do you see yourself as imprisoned, or merely biding your time here until you have somewhere else to go, someplace better? Do you see yourself as powerless or powerful? Are you the central character of your life, or have you given that role over to someone else?
And make no mistake, you are the one who makes that choice. Do your parents think the world of your little sister and nothing of you? So what? That’s their choice. Do not make their choice the center of your world. First, see yourself as wonderful and then find other people who share that opinion. Your parents can keep their opinion. You don’t have to agree or fight. Are you in an abusive relationship where the other person insists that you wait on them hand and foot, always taking them into consideration no matter what you do? You can still make the choice about how you think and whether or not you leave, and if so how. Suicide is unfortunately the choice that some abuse victims make, whether it be by knife, car accident, starvation, or refusing to see a doctor until they are too sick to be cured. Abuse survivors, on the other hand, do not choose suicide as how they will leave, if they choose to leave. They figure out a way to make it out with their bodies and more importantly their spirits intact.
Any other scenarios where you are not the central character of your life can pretty much be referred to those two cases. Annoying coworker who seems to get promotions and raises more often than you? See the first case. Annoying boss who thinks that work should be your life rather than your job? See the second case.
Realize you have the choice to make your life what you want, and then choose your attitude. With your attitude in place and consciously chosen, you can then create your life more easily, more readily, and more happily. Realize, choose, and give birth to your Future.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
The Next Step
Writing is like driving at night. You cannot see beyond your headlights…but you can make the whole trip that way. - E.L. Doctorow
Sometimes, you can see your goal and everything between here and there. You can see where the path twists and turns. You can see the roadblocks ahead and prepare for them. You can slow down at the bumpy parts and speed up on the straight areas.
And then night falls.
Night can be exhaustion (and is usually accompanied by exhaustion). It can be a more urgent priority (sick kid, sick parent, sick yourself, car accident, house fire, etc.). It can be an unexpected obstacle (the local college doesn’t offer that degree, you get fired, the program you’d signed up for gets cancelled, something goes out of business, etc.). It can be confusion (I thought I’d know what to do once I got to this point).
Night is the time when you know what your Future looks like, but you just can’t see how to get there from here.
But night doesn’t last, unless you sit on your butt and give up. If you choose to stay in the night, then night will stay with you. But if you continue on, the dawn will come, and things will be clear again.
Take care of the emergency (just be sure to set boundaries and take care of yourself at the same time!). Figure out another way around the obstacle. Do some more research, if you’re confused. Keep alert to possibilities and options. They’re all around us. Read the newspapers and the signs at the library. Check out the books on your subject; perhaps they’ll have an idea you hadn’t thought of before. Talk to supportive people about your dream (and keep it defended against negative people); they may know someone or something you don’t. Night time is when our bodies rest and prepare themselves for the coming day. Use your night to figure out the next step and prepare to take it once you can.
Sometimes, you can see your goal and everything between here and there. You can see where the path twists and turns. You can see the roadblocks ahead and prepare for them. You can slow down at the bumpy parts and speed up on the straight areas.
And then night falls.
Night can be exhaustion (and is usually accompanied by exhaustion). It can be a more urgent priority (sick kid, sick parent, sick yourself, car accident, house fire, etc.). It can be an unexpected obstacle (the local college doesn’t offer that degree, you get fired, the program you’d signed up for gets cancelled, something goes out of business, etc.). It can be confusion (I thought I’d know what to do once I got to this point).
Night is the time when you know what your Future looks like, but you just can’t see how to get there from here.
But night doesn’t last, unless you sit on your butt and give up. If you choose to stay in the night, then night will stay with you. But if you continue on, the dawn will come, and things will be clear again.
Take care of the emergency (just be sure to set boundaries and take care of yourself at the same time!). Figure out another way around the obstacle. Do some more research, if you’re confused. Keep alert to possibilities and options. They’re all around us. Read the newspapers and the signs at the library. Check out the books on your subject; perhaps they’ll have an idea you hadn’t thought of before. Talk to supportive people about your dream (and keep it defended against negative people); they may know someone or something you don’t. Night time is when our bodies rest and prepare themselves for the coming day. Use your night to figure out the next step and prepare to take it once you can.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Energy
Sometimes the only thing we do to avoid success is refuse to be energetic on our own behalf. - Barbara Sher
Have you ever been to a football game? If you’re tuned into other people’s energy levels or in least bit empathic, it can be quite a heady experience. The energy everyone expends at a good football game is immense. The players play hard, the coaches coach, the cheerleaders cheer, and the fans go wild, and everyone spends a whole lot of energy doing it. It’s what they want to do, for entertainment, for a job, or for their passion. At least, for some people it’s their passion. Some people want to be football players, coaches, cheerleaders, or fans, and if their Future contains that, that’s great by them. But for others, it’s just entertainment. It’s just a way to socialize and unwind from a long day or a long week. Or it’s just a job that they have right now until something else comes along. The game serves its purpose, but not the person’s purpose in life.
You see those people, and then you step back and take a look at the rest of their life. Where else do they spend as much energy as they do at that football game? With their buddies at the bar? In bed? Ranting and complaining? Are any of those their purpose in life? The basis on which they will build their Future? Probably not. They are energetic, and they are passionate, but not about themselves or their lives.
What about you? Where do you spend your time and energy? On entertainment? On a job that’s “just a job”? Or on your passion, your purpose, your Future? Give it some thought.
Have you ever been to a football game? If you’re tuned into other people’s energy levels or in least bit empathic, it can be quite a heady experience. The energy everyone expends at a good football game is immense. The players play hard, the coaches coach, the cheerleaders cheer, and the fans go wild, and everyone spends a whole lot of energy doing it. It’s what they want to do, for entertainment, for a job, or for their passion. At least, for some people it’s their passion. Some people want to be football players, coaches, cheerleaders, or fans, and if their Future contains that, that’s great by them. But for others, it’s just entertainment. It’s just a way to socialize and unwind from a long day or a long week. Or it’s just a job that they have right now until something else comes along. The game serves its purpose, but not the person’s purpose in life.
You see those people, and then you step back and take a look at the rest of their life. Where else do they spend as much energy as they do at that football game? With their buddies at the bar? In bed? Ranting and complaining? Are any of those their purpose in life? The basis on which they will build their Future? Probably not. They are energetic, and they are passionate, but not about themselves or their lives.
What about you? Where do you spend your time and energy? On entertainment? On a job that’s “just a job”? Or on your passion, your purpose, your Future? Give it some thought.
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