More Financial Security

Wouldn’t it be great if everyone lived within their means? If no one ever declared bankruptcy or had a need to? If everyone had affordable and sufficient health care? If all companies would be understanding about money owed and work with the person to arrange a way to pay the bills?

Wouldn’t it be great if every company paid a living wage? Offered affordable health care? Took care of their own balance sheets so they never had to have massive lay offs or rob pension plans?

Wouldn’t it be great if high schools taught how to balance a check book as well as what the capital of North Dakota is? How to figure out a spending plan as well as how to do a proper chin up? How to search for a job as well as the pythagorean theorum?

I want financial security for me and for everyone and every business, too.

The Serpent Slayer

The Serpent Slayer and Other Stories of Strong Women by Katrin Tchana and Trina Schart Hyman is an excellent book. I started this blog talking about a book that disgusted me because of its sexism. Some people who see or read this book will claim that this book is as sexist as that one. Perhaps, but not in my opinion. No where in this book does it say men are less than women or beneath them or not as good or any other negative implication. What it does say is that women can be great. It’s a story book filled with fairy tales from around the world, each one with a woman who is strong or clever or both and does what needs to be done. They are well told and do not pander. Fairy god mothers do not always give away wishes. Princes are not always the rescuers. There are plenty of books around that have the men or a supernatural force make the girl’s life amazing. In this book, the girl does it herself, and I like that.

More Opportunity

I would love to have more opportunity for myself, but I would also like to see more opportunities for others, as well. But, more importantly than there being more opportunities, I would like people to see the opportunities that are already there, moreso than they do now. A lot of problems (not most, but a good number) in this world are because people believe that their situation is hopeless or that there is only one solution or that they have no other options or something to that effect. The truth is much better and much more interesting than that. There are an infinite number of opportunities around every one of us, whether we’re aware of them or not, whether we take them or not. The “more creativity” desire goes along with this, because part of the reason people don’t see the opporunities is because they don’t have the imagination to realize what else they could do. Opportunities abound.

I use diets a bunch in this, so let’s take losing weight as an example. How do you lose weight? What opportunities to lose weight are in your life? Most people will think eat less, exercise more, give up all the foods they love. But there are other opporunities. How about taking up a job as a dog walker? You get money and exercise that way. How about volunteering at the library to put away books? Standing up straight to put books on top shelves, bending down to put books on bottom shelves, walking all around the library. No time to exercise? Five sit ups every commercial break of your favorite night-time drama, and you’ve got firmer abs in a month. Fold laundry standing up instead of sitting down. Every time you go up the steps, step up once, then down, then go up as normal. Need something to snack on? Try gum. Try humming. Very difficult to eat while you’re humming.

What opportunities are there for finding a job? Why do you need a job? Because you need money, right? But a job isn’t the only way to make money. Marry someone rich. Rent your body out for medical experiments. Start up a fantastic e-zine. Sing for coins at the subway station. Search the flea markets and second-hand shops for hidden antiques and sell them. But, what if none of that works for you? What if you really want a job? Fine, get a job. How do you get one? The newspapers, the temp agencies, the internet – the usual, right? What other opportunities are there for finding a job? Advertise your interest on telephone poles. Hit up your friends for references. Research the best companies out there for you and send them your resume, whether they claim to have a job open or not. Volunteer at a place you want to work at (that’s how I got my first job after I moved to my current place); they’ll know what a good worker you are and will think of you when they have an opening. Walk the malls; they almost always need help. Join a networking group. Try the fast food joints (I know, you don’t want to work at a fast food joint, but it is true that it’s easier to get a job when you already have one than when you’re in desperate need).

The point is, there are a lot of opportunities out there for you, a lot of possibilities. If you cannot see them, ask your friends, your coworkers, what they see. That’s what I want for the Future, for more opportunities to be seen.

More Creativity

Again, this one is easy to explain. I want to create books and stories and literature and paintings and collages, both for my personal enjoyment and for others’ enjoyment. I want people to figure out and create cures for cancer, ALS, Alzheimer’s, and many other diseases, and I want to provide time and money to help them out. I want people to figure out new ways to fight world hunger, get rid of war, and protect the environment. I want to watch fantastic movies, read wonderful books, see incredible pieces of artwork, and walk through choreographed gardens. I want the Future to hold more creation, less destruction, more amazement, and less drudgery. I want to create and to appreciate the creativity of others for the rest of my life.

More Health

Now, this one should be easy to understand. By more health, I mean healthier people, healthier environment, healthier society. To have healthier people, I stay healthy myself and set a good example for others, and I participate in fundraisers for healthy causes (like finding a cure for MS or cancer). To have a healthier environment, I reduce, reuse, and recycle. I use the freecycle system, I shop at second hand stores (or did before the only decent one in the area closed), I recycle what I am allowed by the city, and I use renewable resources (walk where I can, use the library, etc.). To have a healthier society, again, by example, I tolerate, understand, and promote harmony (see previous posts).

More Understanding

More understanding goes along with more harmony. It’s the intellectual side of the coin. Harmony is the acceptance that they are different. Understanding is the knowledge of how they are different. The way to understand is to learn. You cannot understand something about which you know nothing.

Learn and then share your knowledge. Not in a pompous “I know this obscure fact” sort of way. If the people you are with are discussing something and you know a relevant piece of information, share it. If it has nothing to do with what’s going on, keep it to yourself. People don’t like a show off or a know-it-all, and unfortunately, that’s what you would look like if you spout off random facts. Learn and choose your “teaching moments” carefully so that your listeners will be receptive to what you have to say.

More Harmony

First off, what do I mean by more harmony? It’s difficult to create more of something if I don’t know what it is. I can define it in negative terms – fewer wars, fewer hate crimes, etc. But, I’m trying to be positive, to create rather than destroy. What do I mean by more harmony?

More tolerance for your fellow man, no matter what their religion, political views, or sexual orientation. More negotiations between splintering factions. More “live and let live” philosophers. More acceptance of the non-harmful portions of another’s life, even if they disagree with mine.

Now, I’m not saying that I will tolerate those who think that rape is acceptable, no matter how they claim it’s a political view, or a religious right, or however else they justify it in their own heads. There are plenty of other things that I will not tolerate, also. I’m talking about those views and actions that do not harm anyone, do not destroy.

Again, the best way I can create more harmony in the world is to create more harmony in myself. I will need to tolerate and accept. Perhaps I will be a shining example to others. Perhaps I will be a safe haven for those who face hatred all around them. Or perhaps I will merely keep a little bit of hate out of the world. No matter how grand a scope of my tolerance and harmony, the Future will be at least a little bit better because of it.

More Safety

How do you create more safety in the world? Or, more precisely, how do I create more safety in the world since I am the one who wants it?

I wear my seat belt. I drive a reasonable speed. I make my passengers wear their seat belts. I look both ways before crossing the road. I support laws and lawmakers that promote safety in the world. I refuse to buy products from companies that put the Earth in danger. I take care when using a knife. I stay sober when I drive. I pay attention when I cook. I don’t smoke, so I have no worries about cigarettes burning outside of ashtrays. I make certain that any candles I light are out when I am through. I put away things where they belong so others don’t trip.

I act in favor of shelters for battered spouses and kids. I support places where homeless can go to get off the streets. I support those who speak out against domestic violence. I tell others about self defense classes that are available. I remind myself of my own self defense training and keep fit enough to use it if I need to. I advise friends to leave abusers. I give them any support they need from me to do so – an ear, a place to stay, hands to help move.

I do what I can where I can when I can to ensure that everyone has a safe life.

The 10 Natural Laws of Successful Time and Life Management

The 10 Natural Laws of Successful Time and Life Management: Proven Strategies for Increased Productivity and Inner Peace by Hyrum W. Smith, unlike a previous book I’ve reviewed, actually does what the title promises. This is the third time I’ve read this book, and every time it has something to say to my life. This time around, I reminded myself that I need to re-review my core values, because people change throughout their lives. The top two have not changed, but the rest may get reshuffled if they still make it to the list.

If you read nothing else in the book, read the “Crossing the I Beam” portion of the Law 2 chapter. It contains an extremely important point in this book – that there are some things in your life that are more important than continuing to live. Once you figure out what these things are, your life becomes a lot clearer.

I highly recommend this book. Seriously, go out and read this book. If you get nothing else from the book, there are amusing stories. But with this book, you’ll probably get a whole lot more, too.

More Peace

Once again, the change you want in the world begins with you. Well, I don’t go around killing or mugging people. I don’t start wars or blow up buildings. I’m peaceful, right?

Not really. I am currently more peaceful now than I have ever been, but I have quite a ways to go to get to as peaceful as I want to be. Peace is more than just a lack of violence. Peace is also about calm and tranquility. Peace is about being able to sit down and do nothing for a little bit. Peace is about being able to handle the alleged crises that come into your life in such a way that people are glad you’re there.

Meditation doesn’t work for everyone, but it is a great way to obtain and maintain inner peace for those who use it. Tai chi is also good for this. Many methodical and repetitive things work well. Knitting, gardening, shooting hoops for fun (not competition), taking a walk, going on a bike ride. Things that help you adjust your inner thoughts and churning stomach (or knotted shoulders or tapping toes) are good for peace.

Allow yourself to relax, really relax. When you’re on the couch watching the TV, don’t stress and strain. Let yourself really sink into the couch. Use pillows instead of muscles to prop you up. Watch something agreeable and entertaining rather than loud and annoying (yes, people intentionally watch annoying things – especially political shows). Allow yourself to get out of the tension that has been sitting on you for so long.

People are grateful for the peaceful people in their lives. The noisy and tension-producing ones just get more talk because it’s more entertaining to complain in this society, and tension is more photogenic than peace on the TV. Don’t be fooled by what you see and hear, though. Peaceful people do a lot of good, and you can be one of those people. So could I. I wish all of us luck in that.

More Happiness

How do you get more happiness in this world? Same way you get more love. You be happier. But wait, I hear you cry. If I could just “be happier”, I’d be happier! Everyone would be if other people/things/situations weren’t making me unhappy!

Um, no. Happiness is an attitude, and you have control over your attitude. You have control over how you react to things, whether you get angry, disappointed, whatever. And, most importantly, you have control over how long you feel angry, disappointed, whatever.

Do you know someone who’s still nursing a grudge over something that’s happened over a year ago? Nursing is the right word. They’re keeping the grudge alive by feeding it time and energy. Their thoughts feed it. Their words feed it. Their actions feed it. Without this person’s constant attention, the grudge would die, and the person would be happier, but they choose to be unhappy. “But you don’t know what that person’s done to me!” Nope, I don’t, but you’re going to have to decide, what’s more important? That you were hurt back then, or that you’re hurting yourself right now.

Do you know someone who has a bad day at the drop of a hat? (Not literally. For you younger readers, “at the drop of a hat” means “for any stupid old reason, and right away”.) The sun could be shining, and their car ran great on their way in to work, and they hit all the green lights, and the bakery had their favorite donut when they went down for a snack, and life in general is pretty good, and then BLAM! The copy machine jams right as they needed to finish this report, and their day is just shot to hell. Everything sucks. Their life sucks. The copy machine sucks. Their job sucks. They don’t even like the tie they’re wearing any more. And what is up with that guy down the hall? And on and on and on and on. It’s as if they wanted a bad day but just couldn’t find a good enough excuse until the copy machine thing. I really don’t like these people and have as little to do with them as possible. Their negative attitude rubs off on me too easily (my fault, not theirs, which is why I take the action to correct the problem).

One of my brothers decided when he was 8 that he was going to be happy. That wasn’t an easy decision to make in the household he grew up in, much less for an 8-year-old. But, he decided it, and today he’s one of the happiest people I know. In recent years, I have tried to follow that example. It’s not always easy.

Twice in my life, for some bizarre reason I can’t quite fathom any more, I played fictional incredibly negative scenarios in my head as I was walking, to the point that I was scowling. And twice – twice! – a complete stranger came up to me and said, “It can’t be that bad.” You know what? It wasn’t that bad, but I played out that scenario in my head, and it made me feel bad enough to show to complete strangers. I’m very glad for these strangers. They made me realize what I was doing to myself. And I hope to make you realize what you are doing to yourself.

Get the negative scenarios out of your head. If you need to plan for an emergency or a possibility, plan for it and then get it out of your head. If you need to have good arguments to counter someone you need to talk with, then do it, and then stop thinking about it. The only two reasons to replay an argument in your head after it’s happened are to see if there’s any truth you can glean from it, and to see how you could have handled it better. If you’re replaying the argument in your head for some other reason, it’s probably not a positive one.

Get the negative words out of your mouth. Don’t talk trash. Don’t say negative things. Don’t complain about how crappy your day was. Was there anything that was good? Was there any bit that you could focus on that would improve your mood? Legitimate complaints are different, but once you’ve complained, let it go. Fix what you can now, prepare to fix what you can for later, and let the rest of it go.

Choose things that make you happy. Let go of things that make you unhappy. Choose a happy attitude, or practice a non-negative one if you can’t quite get to happy yet. You can be happier by choice. Choose happiness, and the world will be a happier place.

April Appreciation Day

For this month's appreciation day, I have sent a note to Midas about the manager at my local Midas location. He has always been very helpful and informative, and I wanted them to know that.

The Small Business Millionaire

The Small Business Millionaire by Steve Chandler and Sam Beckford is a story that tells about a millionaire who helps a struggling family restaurant turn around their finances. If you’re in a small business, it could be of use to you. I am not, but the title intrigued me, and I intend to be a millionaire some day, so I can use all the good advice I can get. The two things that I got out of this (and a discussion with my husband) are go for great and commit to what you want. The family in the story was rather wishy washy. They wanted more customers, but they weren’t sure what to do to get them. So they kept doing the same useless things over and over. And since they felt helpless, they decided they’d take any customers that came in the door rather than go after the good customers. After all, they figured, who were they to go after the good customers when they owed so much money? As for commitment, the daughter isn’t fully committed at first, and the father quits part way through the book. Fortunately, they both learn the lessons from the self-taught millionaire customer who loves Magnum P.I. and manage to turn their restaurant around.

If you have a small business, read it and glean the lessons (there’s a chart towards the end) and also read the rest of this post. If you don’t have a small business, then just read the rest of this post.

You are worth more than you think. You are wonderful and absolutely amazing. You are incredible, and in the entire history of mankind, there never has been nor will there ever be someone like you. It’s not “who am I to go for the gusto” but rather who are you to say ‘screw you, universe’ and waste your life on mediocrity? If someone’s told you you’re not good enough for the good life, dump them. Get them out of your life. And if it’s you that’s been telling you that, get that voice out of your head and kick it to the curb. You’re amazing, and you deserve great things, so go after them.

Just to make something clear – you do not deserve great things without any effort on your part. The universe owes you nothing. It gave you life, this world, and consciousness enough to see the opportunities that abound around you. The rest is up to you.

Commit to what you want. First, figure out what you want, and then go for it. And don’t give up until you get it or realize that you truly don’t want it. And not in that sour grapes sort of way where you try, you fail, and you state that you didn’t want it in the first place. Don’t lie. You wanted it. If, however, you learn more about this thing – job, person, house, situation – that you want and learn that it is not for you, then cut your losses and move on. Just don’t lie to yourself.

You deserve wonderful things, you are good enough for wonderful things, so figure out which wonderful things you want and go for them.

More Love

How do you put more love in the world, in your present, in your Future? By loving. By performing loving acts, by saying loving things, and by refusing love’s two opposites – hate and apathy. Love is a positive passion. Hate is a negative passion. Apathy is a lack of passion. Of the three, go for love.

I don’t mean cutesy-wootsey stuff like baby talk and red hearts trimmed in lace and false compliments. I mean actual loving things. I mean asking “how’s your day” and then listening to the answer. I mean taking out the garbage when it needs to be taken out, even if it isn’t your turn, because you love yourself enough to have a house that isn’t full of garbage. I mean saying no when you mean no, because that’s loving yourself enough not to commit to something you don’t want and loving the other person enough to be honest with them. I mean giving to charity without complaints. I mean mowing your neighbor’s lawn when they’re sick just to be nice. I mean doing nice things in nice ways to yourself and the people around you.

Yes, I do mean that you need to love yourself more. I am not talking about masturbation or any other type of sexual love. Treat yourself and others with kindness, with respect, with honesty, and with attention. Pay attention to yourself and to others. Be kind to yourself and others. Be respectful to yourself and others. Be honest with yourself and others. And if you don’t know how to do those things, keep reading.

To be kind, give yourself a break when you need a break. Don’t say bad things about yourself. Compliment yourself when you deserve it. Take care of your body and your health.

To pay attention, listen when someone is talking. Don’t do something else, too. Stop what you’re doing, turn to the person, and give them your attention. To pay attention to yourself, give your thoughts enough time to find out – am I tired, do I need a break, am I hungry, is something making me anxious and if so what?

To respect, be honest, give deserved compliments, do not criticize without cause, do not gossip, use a neutral tone of voice – not yelling or patronizing. Unfortunately, in this society, it’s much easier to come up with “do not” examples of how to respect than “do”.

To be honest, tell the truth. Do not gossip, even if you believe it to be true. There is almost no way you can know the whole story. Say no when you mean no. Say yes when you mean yes. Give your honest opinion when asked for it, though if you get into a situation where honesty would actually hurt you (like your boss is a baby who cannot handle the truth), be as diplomatic as possible and find a new situation. You don’t have to be brutal about things, but don’t lie.

Love yourself, love others, and more love will be in this world.

What I Want For The Future

Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. – Martin Luther King, Jr.

You can say you want less hatred, less intolerance, less this, less that in your life, in the world in your Future, but by phrasing it like that, you are focusing on the negative, on the darkness. Putting your focus, attention, and energy on those things just increases both their affect on you and your awareness of them. If you want less of them, instead promote their opposite. Abolish them by putting something better in their place. That’ll be the topic for the next series of posts.

For the Future, I want more love, more happiness, more peace, more safety, more harmony, more understanding, more health, more creativity, more opportunity, more financial security, more equality, for myself and for the rest of the world. In each post in this series, I’ll talk about how to get one of those things. If you want me to talk about something you want that isn’t on the list, let me know.