More Happiness

How do you get more happiness in this world? Same way you get more love. You be happier. But wait, I hear you cry. If I could just “be happier”, I’d be happier! Everyone would be if other people/things/situations weren’t making me unhappy!

Um, no. Happiness is an attitude, and you have control over your attitude. You have control over how you react to things, whether you get angry, disappointed, whatever. And, most importantly, you have control over how long you feel angry, disappointed, whatever.

Do you know someone who’s still nursing a grudge over something that’s happened over a year ago? Nursing is the right word. They’re keeping the grudge alive by feeding it time and energy. Their thoughts feed it. Their words feed it. Their actions feed it. Without this person’s constant attention, the grudge would die, and the person would be happier, but they choose to be unhappy. “But you don’t know what that person’s done to me!” Nope, I don’t, but you’re going to have to decide, what’s more important? That you were hurt back then, or that you’re hurting yourself right now.

Do you know someone who has a bad day at the drop of a hat? (Not literally. For you younger readers, “at the drop of a hat” means “for any stupid old reason, and right away”.) The sun could be shining, and their car ran great on their way in to work, and they hit all the green lights, and the bakery had their favorite donut when they went down for a snack, and life in general is pretty good, and then BLAM! The copy machine jams right as they needed to finish this report, and their day is just shot to hell. Everything sucks. Their life sucks. The copy machine sucks. Their job sucks. They don’t even like the tie they’re wearing any more. And what is up with that guy down the hall? And on and on and on and on. It’s as if they wanted a bad day but just couldn’t find a good enough excuse until the copy machine thing. I really don’t like these people and have as little to do with them as possible. Their negative attitude rubs off on me too easily (my fault, not theirs, which is why I take the action to correct the problem).

One of my brothers decided when he was 8 that he was going to be happy. That wasn’t an easy decision to make in the household he grew up in, much less for an 8-year-old. But, he decided it, and today he’s one of the happiest people I know. In recent years, I have tried to follow that example. It’s not always easy.

Twice in my life, for some bizarre reason I can’t quite fathom any more, I played fictional incredibly negative scenarios in my head as I was walking, to the point that I was scowling. And twice – twice! – a complete stranger came up to me and said, “It can’t be that bad.” You know what? It wasn’t that bad, but I played out that scenario in my head, and it made me feel bad enough to show to complete strangers. I’m very glad for these strangers. They made me realize what I was doing to myself. And I hope to make you realize what you are doing to yourself.

Get the negative scenarios out of your head. If you need to plan for an emergency or a possibility, plan for it and then get it out of your head. If you need to have good arguments to counter someone you need to talk with, then do it, and then stop thinking about it. The only two reasons to replay an argument in your head after it’s happened are to see if there’s any truth you can glean from it, and to see how you could have handled it better. If you’re replaying the argument in your head for some other reason, it’s probably not a positive one.

Get the negative words out of your mouth. Don’t talk trash. Don’t say negative things. Don’t complain about how crappy your day was. Was there anything that was good? Was there any bit that you could focus on that would improve your mood? Legitimate complaints are different, but once you’ve complained, let it go. Fix what you can now, prepare to fix what you can for later, and let the rest of it go.

Choose things that make you happy. Let go of things that make you unhappy. Choose a happy attitude, or practice a non-negative one if you can’t quite get to happy yet. You can be happier by choice. Choose happiness, and the world will be a happier place.