Monday, September 29, 2008
Tinted Glasses
I do not see the world the way it is; I see the world the way I am. – Talmud
Just about everyone knows one of these people. Some of us associate with way too many of these people. Some of us are these people and are going to be very ticked off about this post. Tough.
You may have heard of the phrase “looking at the world through rose-colored glasses”. It means seeing things in a positive light, to the point of overlooking the bad and seeing only the good. That’s not the only kind of tinted glasses out there, though.
Some people believe that they didn’t get a job because of their race, gender, haircut, weight, or whatever. Same reason why their girlfriend or boyfriend dumped them or why the cashier down the street didn’t give them a friendly hello today and a whole host of other slights and problems. They sincerely believe that everything bad happens because of this thing, and they resent anyone who tells them otherwise. Their “life glasses” are tinted by their belief that others see them in a particular way, so they see others’ actions in that light.
It is entirely possible that there was someone better for the job. Or that the entire interview process was a sham, and the company was going to hire X no matter who put in an application. It may have had nothing to do with “whatever”. But that’s what they’ll think, and no amount of reasoning will make them see otherwise. Even if you grab the president of the company, drag him down to your friend, and have the president explain exactly why your friend didn’t get the job, your friend still won’t believe him. It was due to “whatever” no matter who says what.
People break up for a whole variety of reasons. It doesn’t have to be about “whatever” (though it could be about your obsession with it). The cashier may be having a lousy day or doesn’t like you because you use too many pennies. Who knows? The point is, the world does not revolve around your “whatever”. But your life apparently does.
Until you can get rid of your glasses or at least clear them up a bit, you will continue to see life out of focus. You will continue to see what isn’t actually there, and because you are too busy seeing the non-existent, you’ll miss out on some really wonderful things.
Clear off your glasses and enjoy the wonders of your life.
Just about everyone knows one of these people. Some of us associate with way too many of these people. Some of us are these people and are going to be very ticked off about this post. Tough.
You may have heard of the phrase “looking at the world through rose-colored glasses”. It means seeing things in a positive light, to the point of overlooking the bad and seeing only the good. That’s not the only kind of tinted glasses out there, though.
Some people believe that they didn’t get a job because of their race, gender, haircut, weight, or whatever. Same reason why their girlfriend or boyfriend dumped them or why the cashier down the street didn’t give them a friendly hello today and a whole host of other slights and problems. They sincerely believe that everything bad happens because of this thing, and they resent anyone who tells them otherwise. Their “life glasses” are tinted by their belief that others see them in a particular way, so they see others’ actions in that light.
It is entirely possible that there was someone better for the job. Or that the entire interview process was a sham, and the company was going to hire X no matter who put in an application. It may have had nothing to do with “whatever”. But that’s what they’ll think, and no amount of reasoning will make them see otherwise. Even if you grab the president of the company, drag him down to your friend, and have the president explain exactly why your friend didn’t get the job, your friend still won’t believe him. It was due to “whatever” no matter who says what.
People break up for a whole variety of reasons. It doesn’t have to be about “whatever” (though it could be about your obsession with it). The cashier may be having a lousy day or doesn’t like you because you use too many pennies. Who knows? The point is, the world does not revolve around your “whatever”. But your life apparently does.
Until you can get rid of your glasses or at least clear them up a bit, you will continue to see life out of focus. You will continue to see what isn’t actually there, and because you are too busy seeing the non-existent, you’ll miss out on some really wonderful things.
Clear off your glasses and enjoy the wonders of your life.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Write for Life
Write for Life: Healing Body, Mind, and Spirit Through Journal Writing by Sheppard B. Kominars is an excellent book. Journal writing may seem like something teenagers do when they have a crush or adventurers do when they’re on safari, not something a sane and ordinary adult does. But it is. When life has handed you something big, some change, something that upsets your life, journal writing can be exactly what you need and can be the sanest choice you can make.
This book describes some of the benefits of journal writing, what you can expect and hope for from journal writing. It also talks about all the different topics you could discuss, gives you questions to answer and lists to make. It’s a great book for someone who is willing to give journal writing a chance, no matter the reason.
It’s given me enough ideas to get me going for now. I’ll pick the book up again in a year or two to see what suggestions I hadn’t taken and to refresh my commitment to journaling. I recommend this book.
This book describes some of the benefits of journal writing, what you can expect and hope for from journal writing. It also talks about all the different topics you could discuss, gives you questions to answer and lists to make. It’s a great book for someone who is willing to give journal writing a chance, no matter the reason.
It’s given me enough ideas to get me going for now. I’ll pick the book up again in a year or two to see what suggestions I hadn’t taken and to refresh my commitment to journaling. I recommend this book.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Survivor or Victim?
As long as you see yourself as a victim, you’re lost in chaos. Once you see yourself as a survivor, you can begin to live again. – Sheppard B. Kominars
Victims react. Victims are done to. They are the object of the action. They are objects.
Survivors act. Survivors do. They cause the action. They are people.
Unfortunately, too many people believe “it’s not my fault”. It’s because society oppresses them due to their race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, whatever. That’s why they did what they did or didn’t bother doing what they should have or are in this rotten mess or whatever the reason behind the whining. Or, it’s their father or mother or the guy who molested them when they were three or the woman who cheated on them or the school system that let them down or … or … or … It’s not their fault. They are not to blame. They are the victims.
Likewise, if they have no responsibility in their lives, they get no credit for any of the good, either. Likewise, since they are the victims and refuse to be anything else, they will remain victims and nothing else.
Be a survivor. Survive life, survive your family, survive your society, hell, survive yourself some days. But survive, live, act, do.
Victims react. Victims are done to. They are the object of the action. They are objects.
Survivors act. Survivors do. They cause the action. They are people.
Unfortunately, too many people believe “it’s not my fault”. It’s because society oppresses them due to their race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, whatever. That’s why they did what they did or didn’t bother doing what they should have or are in this rotten mess or whatever the reason behind the whining. Or, it’s their father or mother or the guy who molested them when they were three or the woman who cheated on them or the school system that let them down or … or … or … It’s not their fault. They are not to blame. They are the victims.
Likewise, if they have no responsibility in their lives, they get no credit for any of the good, either. Likewise, since they are the victims and refuse to be anything else, they will remain victims and nothing else.
Be a survivor. Survive life, survive your family, survive your society, hell, survive yourself some days. But survive, live, act, do.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Inspiration (2)
Lighting your own light, letting your own beacon shine, this will then inspire others who will inspire others who will inspire others. – Lazaris
I’ve been doing this for about two years now, and I’ve gotten about 5 comments. This has been very discouraging at times, but I still do it. Why? In part, because I don’t know what kind of effect I’m having on others. What I say may be exactly what someone else needs to hear at that time in their life, whether they ever tell me that or not. I cannot count the number of times that I have gained inspiration or energy from another’s words, yet I’ve never told them. That I’ve gained inspiration from others’ words should be apparent by how many posts have quotes. A good many of them are inspired by the quotes I use.
One of the quotes I’ve used was said by a guy to his daughter when she was 8. She’s an adult now, and she mentioned it on an e-mail list I’m on. This in turn became a post that I’ve given to you. Now, did that guy, years and years ago, think that his words would go on to inspire a blogger and perhaps that blogger’s readers? I doubt it, yet that’s what has happened.
You don’t know what kind of an inspiration you can be, because you never know when someone’s going to lift their head out of their own misery and see you. Most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to see another’s, but we do see now and again. Become a light, become an inspiration, even if you never know the effect you’ll have. Just by being a light, you will brighten your own life, and that is worth it by itself. But you just may have that light shine on for generations to come.
I’ve been doing this for about two years now, and I’ve gotten about 5 comments. This has been very discouraging at times, but I still do it. Why? In part, because I don’t know what kind of effect I’m having on others. What I say may be exactly what someone else needs to hear at that time in their life, whether they ever tell me that or not. I cannot count the number of times that I have gained inspiration or energy from another’s words, yet I’ve never told them. That I’ve gained inspiration from others’ words should be apparent by how many posts have quotes. A good many of them are inspired by the quotes I use.
One of the quotes I’ve used was said by a guy to his daughter when she was 8. She’s an adult now, and she mentioned it on an e-mail list I’m on. This in turn became a post that I’ve given to you. Now, did that guy, years and years ago, think that his words would go on to inspire a blogger and perhaps that blogger’s readers? I doubt it, yet that’s what has happened.
You don’t know what kind of an inspiration you can be, because you never know when someone’s going to lift their head out of their own misery and see you. Most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to see another’s, but we do see now and again. Become a light, become an inspiration, even if you never know the effect you’ll have. Just by being a light, you will brighten your own life, and that is worth it by itself. But you just may have that light shine on for generations to come.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Inspiration
We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action. – Frank Tibolt
One of the mottos of Codependents Anonymous is “fake it till you make it”. Basically, you pretend you’re strong enough to withstand the problems you’re facing until you really are strong enough. You pretend you have a good self esteem and treat yourself as such until you actually do have a good enough self esteem. There are two rules about it, though. You don’t do it with finances (you don’t spend as though you’re making a lot of money when you aren’t). You don’t do it with other people (you don’t fake that Joe is sober when he isn’t).
Another place that action almost has to come first is writing. We all know plenty of people who would love to write a novel or a poem or a screenplay or something. But they don’t. They have the beginnings of inspiration, but they don’t act on it. What they don’t get is that if you start acting first, then the rest of the inspiration will show up, too.
Another place that action comes before inspiration is in opportunities. Sometimes, you have to take an action as though you knew what you were doing before the right opportunity comes along. You aren’t going to find out about the perfect accounting job until after you take some accounting courses or start looking in the classified ads. You aren’t going to get a big break in acting until you start acting in some things. If you wait to be “discovered” first, you’ll have a very, very long wait.
Start your Future now. Don’t wait for your next birthday or New Year’s Eve or even this upcoming Monday. Start it now, and inspiration will follow.
One of the mottos of Codependents Anonymous is “fake it till you make it”. Basically, you pretend you’re strong enough to withstand the problems you’re facing until you really are strong enough. You pretend you have a good self esteem and treat yourself as such until you actually do have a good enough self esteem. There are two rules about it, though. You don’t do it with finances (you don’t spend as though you’re making a lot of money when you aren’t). You don’t do it with other people (you don’t fake that Joe is sober when he isn’t).
Another place that action almost has to come first is writing. We all know plenty of people who would love to write a novel or a poem or a screenplay or something. But they don’t. They have the beginnings of inspiration, but they don’t act on it. What they don’t get is that if you start acting first, then the rest of the inspiration will show up, too.
Another place that action comes before inspiration is in opportunities. Sometimes, you have to take an action as though you knew what you were doing before the right opportunity comes along. You aren’t going to find out about the perfect accounting job until after you take some accounting courses or start looking in the classified ads. You aren’t going to get a big break in acting until you start acting in some things. If you wait to be “discovered” first, you’ll have a very, very long wait.
Start your Future now. Don’t wait for your next birthday or New Year’s Eve or even this upcoming Monday. Start it now, and inspiration will follow.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Enjoying Life
A person will be called to account on Judgment Day for every permissible thing he might have enjoyed but did not. – Talmud
Self denial is a tricky thing. In some ways, it helps quite a bit. Denying yourself dessert can help you lose weight. Denying yourself an extra hour of sleep in favor of jogging can increase your health. Delaying gratification can work in the same way. I’ll sit down with my favorite TV show but only after I do the dishes. I’ll finish up the load of laundry now, that way I won’t have anything to do all afternoon and can do whatever I want.
The problem comes in when you start denying yourself just because you’re denying yourself. It becomes a habit, and I’ve spoken quite a bit about habits. This seems like one of those “good for you” habits that can get a bit out of control. Life was not meant to be suffered. If life was about suffering rather than enjoying, sex would not feel that good. Sugar would not taste so nice. Sunshine and a cool breeze beneath the autumnal splendor of maples and oaks would not be so perfect. But sex is that good, sugar does taste nice, and a beautiful day in the fall is still a beautiful day in the fall whether you’re denying yourself it or not.
Life is meant to be enjoyed. Do what needs to be done, but include on that to do list “enjoy today”. Your Future should be pleasant, wonderful, happy, joyful, exciting, and full of contentment. Practice now.
Self denial is a tricky thing. In some ways, it helps quite a bit. Denying yourself dessert can help you lose weight. Denying yourself an extra hour of sleep in favor of jogging can increase your health. Delaying gratification can work in the same way. I’ll sit down with my favorite TV show but only after I do the dishes. I’ll finish up the load of laundry now, that way I won’t have anything to do all afternoon and can do whatever I want.
The problem comes in when you start denying yourself just because you’re denying yourself. It becomes a habit, and I’ve spoken quite a bit about habits. This seems like one of those “good for you” habits that can get a bit out of control. Life was not meant to be suffered. If life was about suffering rather than enjoying, sex would not feel that good. Sugar would not taste so nice. Sunshine and a cool breeze beneath the autumnal splendor of maples and oaks would not be so perfect. But sex is that good, sugar does taste nice, and a beautiful day in the fall is still a beautiful day in the fall whether you’re denying yourself it or not.
Life is meant to be enjoyed. Do what needs to be done, but include on that to do list “enjoy today”. Your Future should be pleasant, wonderful, happy, joyful, exciting, and full of contentment. Practice now.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
The Richest Man In Babylon
The Richest Man In Babylon by George S. Clason is a series of financial parables. They’re short stories, mostly set in ancient Babylon, that show how to become rich and to manage your personal finances. It’s a great book. I’ve read it twice. The stories are fun to read, and I love reading personal finance books. It has great advice, and it’s very, very short, so even people who don’t like to read can take a stab at it. And if the book is too long for you, then read just one of the stories rather than them all. I highly recommend this book.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Appreciation Day - September 2008
For this appreciation day, I want to thank Brenda Della Casa (or, if it’s a hoax, whomever made the comment) for the comment on my lack of review of her book. The “hidden fears” comment I made was about the next book mentioned and was not aimed at you. Since you took the time out to take a look at my blog, the least I can do is take a better look at your book. I already have the next couple of book reviews lined up, but I will get your book from the library and review it within the next couple of months. I thank you for the feedback.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
A Heaven of Hell
The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a Heaven of Hell or a Hell of Heaven. – John Milton
This goes right along with the paper cut people and the worthless muck. Paper cut people make a hell of heaven wherever they go. People stuck in muck cannot see the heaven around them, and thus believe themselves in hell. You don’t have to do this.
Some people rise above their circumstances. They were born in horrendous situations, had crippling events happen to them in their life, and yet they come out the other side and become Secretary of State, President, doctors, millionaires, and so on and so forth. They make a heaven of hell. You can, too.
“But how? How, how how?” It’s not always easy. Attitude, first and foremost, and sometimes this is the toughest thing. You have to believe that it is possible for your situation, right now, as it is, to be heaven, or at the very least to be the road to heaven. This can be incredibly tough, but if you pretend to believe it, you will believe it eventually.
Then, once you believe that you are at least on the road to heaven, you make your way easier, smoother, and prettier. You cut away the dead wood and the rotten debris. You know what these things are in your life, even if you don’t want to admit it.
Once you get rid of the wrong, you start moving the stones out of your way and planting the flowers to make your time pass with more beauty. These include taking care of things that need to be done, adding things of value to your life, and smiling more often.
As your path becomes clearer and more beautiful, you are on your way to heaven, because you choose to do so and because you are willing to do what it takes. You can make a heaven of hell, if you are willing.
This goes right along with the paper cut people and the worthless muck. Paper cut people make a hell of heaven wherever they go. People stuck in muck cannot see the heaven around them, and thus believe themselves in hell. You don’t have to do this.
Some people rise above their circumstances. They were born in horrendous situations, had crippling events happen to them in their life, and yet they come out the other side and become Secretary of State, President, doctors, millionaires, and so on and so forth. They make a heaven of hell. You can, too.
“But how? How, how how?” It’s not always easy. Attitude, first and foremost, and sometimes this is the toughest thing. You have to believe that it is possible for your situation, right now, as it is, to be heaven, or at the very least to be the road to heaven. This can be incredibly tough, but if you pretend to believe it, you will believe it eventually.
Then, once you believe that you are at least on the road to heaven, you make your way easier, smoother, and prettier. You cut away the dead wood and the rotten debris. You know what these things are in your life, even if you don’t want to admit it.
Once you get rid of the wrong, you start moving the stones out of your way and planting the flowers to make your time pass with more beauty. These include taking care of things that need to be done, adding things of value to your life, and smiling more often.
As your path becomes clearer and more beautiful, you are on your way to heaven, because you choose to do so and because you are willing to do what it takes. You can make a heaven of hell, if you are willing.
Friday, September 05, 2008
Nothing Worth While
It is the feeling that nothing is worth while that makes men ill and unhappy. – Dr. Harold W Dodds
Despair, hopelessness, depression – all are forms of the belief that nothing is worth while. They all suck. Since they all suck, they are all trying to suck you into their murky, sticky depths. Don’t choose to go in there. You might not be able to help it in some cases, but there’s no reason to jump in with both feet.
When we’re in the depths of despair, hopelessness, depression – the muck, sometimes it just takes a single worth while thing to give you a life line out. If something – anything – is worth while, then life is worth while. It has to be, because without life, this something could not exist, or at the very least, your perception of it could not exist. If life is then worth while, then living is worth while, which makes a whole lot of other things worth while, too. Realize this and shape your present and Future to bring these worth while things into your life and the lives of others.
If you need a little help with your life line, here are some little things that a lot of people believe are worth while:
Puppies
Flowers
Religion
Children’s laughter
Children smiling
Sunshine
A cool breeze on a warm day
Fresh air
A great movie
A great book
Kitties
The beach at sunset
Anywhere at sunset
Sunrises
Cloud watching
Hugs
The smell of fresh cut grass
Fireworks
Make your own list when you’re not stuck in the muck, so that when you are caught, you can quickly pick up a life line again.
Despair, hopelessness, depression – all are forms of the belief that nothing is worth while. They all suck. Since they all suck, they are all trying to suck you into their murky, sticky depths. Don’t choose to go in there. You might not be able to help it in some cases, but there’s no reason to jump in with both feet.
When we’re in the depths of despair, hopelessness, depression – the muck, sometimes it just takes a single worth while thing to give you a life line out. If something – anything – is worth while, then life is worth while. It has to be, because without life, this something could not exist, or at the very least, your perception of it could not exist. If life is then worth while, then living is worth while, which makes a whole lot of other things worth while, too. Realize this and shape your present and Future to bring these worth while things into your life and the lives of others.
If you need a little help with your life line, here are some little things that a lot of people believe are worth while:
Puppies
Flowers
Religion
Children’s laughter
Children smiling
Sunshine
A cool breeze on a warm day
Fresh air
A great movie
A great book
Kitties
The beach at sunset
Anywhere at sunset
Sunrises
Cloud watching
Hugs
The smell of fresh cut grass
Fireworks
Make your own list when you’re not stuck in the muck, so that when you are caught, you can quickly pick up a life line again.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Suffering is Optional
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. – Kathleen Casey
If you’ve just had a major painful procedure (car accident, chainsaw accident, surgery), and you don’t have any pain medication or some way to blunt the pain, then you are in pain, and you are most assuredly entitled to suffer if that’s what you want (or if that’s the only thing you can do because of the amount of pain you’re in). I’m not talking about the extreme, here. I’m not talking about the “just got my leg cut off” person. I’m talking about the paper cut person.
We’ve all had bad days. Splashed by a car, umbrella breaks, spill coffee, tear in the sock/pantyhose, 37 phone messages all of which are marked urgent – you know what I mean. A bit of grumbling, grousing, suffering, is natural. For most of us, we grumble and gripe, and then we move on. Tomorrow is another day, and our grumbling is done.
For the paper cut person, the grumbling is never done.
A paper cut person is the person whose life is tragic – in their own eyes. Circumstances, nay even Life itself, are against them. They are victims, truly. They got a paper cut and it hurts. It’s proof. Someone brought in donuts to the office, and they didn’t get their favorite. It’s proof. The lead on their pencil broke, and they didn’t have a spare. It’s proof. And on and on. They lead such little, little lives that these little, little inconveniences are tragedies in their eyes. They are victims, and they are entitled to suffer. Suffering usually means griping and grousing to others to show how they are suffering and to elicit sympathy and attention. It’s pathetic and really very annoying.
Some paper cut people have bigger tragedies. They may have a chronic disease. They may be in the hospital for some extremely serious reason. They may be going through a divorce that is nasty and bitter. These are tragedies, yes. What’s a bigger tragedy is the way the paper cut person treats it. The paper cut person becomes their tragedy. They have no life, no personality, no anything outside of the tragedy or how it relates to the tragedy. They are no longer people, just victims. This is an option, and they have chosen it.
The paper cut people who are reading this (provided they didn’t just click to another blog after that last sentence) are now howling about how unfair I’m being to them. I don’t have this chronic disease. I’m not in the hospital. I’m not going through a nasty and bitter divorce. I’m not involved in tragedy A or B or C or whatever it is that the howler has, and of course their tragedy is so much worse than anything I’m going through right now. First off, prove it. Second off, so what?
Even if I have such an easier life compared to you, there are others who are in the same circumstances who are still people, too. People have been going through divorces for hundreds of years, some even more nasty and bitter than yours. And yet, some of those people are still able to live a life, too. Some people have your chronic disease, but they are not just their disease. They have a life, too. Some people are in the hospital for serious reasons, yet they are still regarded by nurses and visitors as rays of sunshine and inspiration to other patients. They are still people, too. These people exist, even if you don’t know them, even if you can’t see them, and you can be one of these people if you choose to be.
You will be in pain. You will have cause to suffer. It is your choice how much you suffer and what you do about it.
If you’ve just had a major painful procedure (car accident, chainsaw accident, surgery), and you don’t have any pain medication or some way to blunt the pain, then you are in pain, and you are most assuredly entitled to suffer if that’s what you want (or if that’s the only thing you can do because of the amount of pain you’re in). I’m not talking about the extreme, here. I’m not talking about the “just got my leg cut off” person. I’m talking about the paper cut person.
We’ve all had bad days. Splashed by a car, umbrella breaks, spill coffee, tear in the sock/pantyhose, 37 phone messages all of which are marked urgent – you know what I mean. A bit of grumbling, grousing, suffering, is natural. For most of us, we grumble and gripe, and then we move on. Tomorrow is another day, and our grumbling is done.
For the paper cut person, the grumbling is never done.
A paper cut person is the person whose life is tragic – in their own eyes. Circumstances, nay even Life itself, are against them. They are victims, truly. They got a paper cut and it hurts. It’s proof. Someone brought in donuts to the office, and they didn’t get their favorite. It’s proof. The lead on their pencil broke, and they didn’t have a spare. It’s proof. And on and on. They lead such little, little lives that these little, little inconveniences are tragedies in their eyes. They are victims, and they are entitled to suffer. Suffering usually means griping and grousing to others to show how they are suffering and to elicit sympathy and attention. It’s pathetic and really very annoying.
Some paper cut people have bigger tragedies. They may have a chronic disease. They may be in the hospital for some extremely serious reason. They may be going through a divorce that is nasty and bitter. These are tragedies, yes. What’s a bigger tragedy is the way the paper cut person treats it. The paper cut person becomes their tragedy. They have no life, no personality, no anything outside of the tragedy or how it relates to the tragedy. They are no longer people, just victims. This is an option, and they have chosen it.
The paper cut people who are reading this (provided they didn’t just click to another blog after that last sentence) are now howling about how unfair I’m being to them. I don’t have this chronic disease. I’m not in the hospital. I’m not going through a nasty and bitter divorce. I’m not involved in tragedy A or B or C or whatever it is that the howler has, and of course their tragedy is so much worse than anything I’m going through right now. First off, prove it. Second off, so what?
Even if I have such an easier life compared to you, there are others who are in the same circumstances who are still people, too. People have been going through divorces for hundreds of years, some even more nasty and bitter than yours. And yet, some of those people are still able to live a life, too. Some people have your chronic disease, but they are not just their disease. They have a life, too. Some people are in the hospital for serious reasons, yet they are still regarded by nurses and visitors as rays of sunshine and inspiration to other patients. They are still people, too. These people exist, even if you don’t know them, even if you can’t see them, and you can be one of these people if you choose to be.
You will be in pain. You will have cause to suffer. It is your choice how much you suffer and what you do about it.
Monday, September 01, 2008
Full Force
It’s better to make a mistake with the full force of your being than to timidly avoid mistakes with a trembling spirit. – Socrates in Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman
Be yourself, and be amazing at it. Bring all of yourself, even the bits you don’t like, into the now and use them all to create your Future. Dare to make a mistake, for it is only through mistakes that we can learn. Learn from others’ mistakes, and then make some different ones. Once you learn from them, do the right things and then make more mistakes, for it is only by branching out from our comfort zones and our tiny little holes that we are able to be the amazing creatures we really are.
If you play it timid and safe, you will have a timid Future. Note I did not say a “safe Future”, for safety is not entirely up to you. Since you cannot guarantee your safety, then why guarantee being timid? Shake things up a bit and see what the fall out will be. So long as you are true to yourself and to your values, you can weather any storm. It is when you betray yourself that true failure, true pain, and true death comes along.
We were not born timid creatures. We became timid creatures. The full force spirit is still within you, ready to come out when you let it. It’s a scary, scary thought, and I still have mine on a leash more often than I think I should, but a bright and brilliant Future awaits, and your full force spirit is what can get you there.
Be yourself, and be amazing at it. Bring all of yourself, even the bits you don’t like, into the now and use them all to create your Future. Dare to make a mistake, for it is only through mistakes that we can learn. Learn from others’ mistakes, and then make some different ones. Once you learn from them, do the right things and then make more mistakes, for it is only by branching out from our comfort zones and our tiny little holes that we are able to be the amazing creatures we really are.
If you play it timid and safe, you will have a timid Future. Note I did not say a “safe Future”, for safety is not entirely up to you. Since you cannot guarantee your safety, then why guarantee being timid? Shake things up a bit and see what the fall out will be. So long as you are true to yourself and to your values, you can weather any storm. It is when you betray yourself that true failure, true pain, and true death comes along.
We were not born timid creatures. We became timid creatures. The full force spirit is still within you, ready to come out when you let it. It’s a scary, scary thought, and I still have mine on a leash more often than I think I should, but a bright and brilliant Future awaits, and your full force spirit is what can get you there.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Books I'm Not Reviewing
I want to review books that actually have some meaning to this blog. I want to review books that have to do with creating your Future, about making those changes in your life that you want to make, about living your dreams. But I don't want to read garbage. If the book is great or fun, it's easy to tear my eyes from the computer screen. If the book is merely good and practical, then it's a whole lot tougher. If I just plain don't like the book, then I'm not likely to finish it. I don't want to give you a review on a book I don't at least read most of, but I don't know if I'll finish it when I pick it up. My life and my time are too precious to bother reading bad books, just like yours is. So, here's a list of some of the books I'm not reviewing, because I'm not reading.
What Matters Most by Hyram W. Smith. I started reading it, but it was a lot like a previous book I reviewed, and I don't feel like reading the book again. There's nothing wrong with this book to my knowledge, and if you couldn't read his other book, give this one a try. It may be more your style.
How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Peter McWilliams. It's online at http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/books/sur/ I skimmed it. It's a lot of basic advice I've gotten elsewhere, but this could be the right package for you.
How to Heal Depression by Peter McWilliams. It's online at http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/books/dep/ I skimmed it. Turns out I'm not depressed according to their checklist, so I didn't bother with the rest. If you're depressed, give it a shot.
These next three I picked up at the library when I was in a bad mood and looking for a Cinderella remake with Jerry Lewis. The titles popped up, however, once I got them home, I just couldn't get myself to bother with them, even for a review. They were too depressing. But, perhaps they'll spark your interest like they did mine, and perhaps for you the interest will stay. Cinderella Was a Liar: The Real Reason You Can't Find (or Keep) a Prince by Brenda Della Casa, Slay Your Own Dragons: How Women Can Overcome Self-Sabotage in Love and Work by Nancy Good, The Cinderella Complex: Women's Hidden Fear of Independence by Colette Dowling. I don't know about you, but I'm sick and tired of being told I have hidden fears. The vast majority of the self-help genre is based upon the premise that you are a flawed and bad human being that must be saved from yourself and your hideous soul. Then there's the victim genre that says your soul is great, but you and your life suck, but that's okay, because it's all their fault. You know what? They can just stick it. You and I are amazing and wondrous human beings as we are right now, and if we want to change, we'll change. Not because we're flawed or because we're stuck waiting for prince who won't come or because others have held us down all our lives, but because we want to. We will change because we want to.
I'll keep doing book reviews, and now and again, I'll give you a list of books I just couldn't be bothered with. If you want to suggest some, I welcome that.
What Matters Most by Hyram W. Smith. I started reading it, but it was a lot like a previous book I reviewed, and I don't feel like reading the book again. There's nothing wrong with this book to my knowledge, and if you couldn't read his other book, give this one a try. It may be more your style.
How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Peter McWilliams. It's online at http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/books/sur/ I skimmed it. It's a lot of basic advice I've gotten elsewhere, but this could be the right package for you.
How to Heal Depression by Peter McWilliams. It's online at http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/books/dep/ I skimmed it. Turns out I'm not depressed according to their checklist, so I didn't bother with the rest. If you're depressed, give it a shot.
These next three I picked up at the library when I was in a bad mood and looking for a Cinderella remake with Jerry Lewis. The titles popped up, however, once I got them home, I just couldn't get myself to bother with them, even for a review. They were too depressing. But, perhaps they'll spark your interest like they did mine, and perhaps for you the interest will stay. Cinderella Was a Liar: The Real Reason You Can't Find (or Keep) a Prince by Brenda Della Casa, Slay Your Own Dragons: How Women Can Overcome Self-Sabotage in Love and Work by Nancy Good, The Cinderella Complex: Women's Hidden Fear of Independence by Colette Dowling. I don't know about you, but I'm sick and tired of being told I have hidden fears. The vast majority of the self-help genre is based upon the premise that you are a flawed and bad human being that must be saved from yourself and your hideous soul. Then there's the victim genre that says your soul is great, but you and your life suck, but that's okay, because it's all their fault. You know what? They can just stick it. You and I are amazing and wondrous human beings as we are right now, and if we want to change, we'll change. Not because we're flawed or because we're stuck waiting for prince who won't come or because others have held us down all our lives, but because we want to. We will change because we want to.
I'll keep doing book reviews, and now and again, I'll give you a list of books I just couldn't be bothered with. If you want to suggest some, I welcome that.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Your Corner
You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith, and hope. – Thomas Merton
Like I talked about in the previous quote, you have a corner of the world that you can influence, affect, change, and make sparkle. You don’t need to know how your corner will affect the world or even the next corner over. You just need to do the best you can with your corner and make it as amazing as you are.
The Future is being created by a whole lot of people, and you can’t know what all is going to happen, no matter how big or powerful or influential or psychic you are. But you can build and influence and affect in the now. You can help shape the Future here and now and take all the possibilities and challenges that are here now and make them something unique and in service of your plans for the Future.
You don’t need to know everything in order to do what you can. Even a small step will help to open your eyes and to brighten your corner. And, most of all, to shape your Future.
Like I talked about in the previous quote, you have a corner of the world that you can influence, affect, change, and make sparkle. You don’t need to know how your corner will affect the world or even the next corner over. You just need to do the best you can with your corner and make it as amazing as you are.
The Future is being created by a whole lot of people, and you can’t know what all is going to happen, no matter how big or powerful or influential or psychic you are. But you can build and influence and affect in the now. You can help shape the Future here and now and take all the possibilities and challenges that are here now and make them something unique and in service of your plans for the Future.
You don’t need to know everything in order to do what you can. Even a small step will help to open your eyes and to brighten your corner. And, most of all, to shape your Future.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Time to Fly
Why be content to crawl, when we were born with wings. It's time we learn to fly. - Daniel Whiteside
“I can’t.” “Not me.” “I’m not good enough.” “I’d just fail.” “Someone else is so much better at it than I am.” “Who am I, after all?”
That is such a load of hooey that it’s almost sickening to even try to address it. You are an amazing person. In the history of the world (no matter how old you think it is), there has never been anyone exactly like you. You are unique and wonderful. You have plenty in common with others, but you are still the one and only you. To not be you, to reduce your ability from doubt or despair, hurts not just you but the world. The world could be so much more than it is right now if only people would realize that they could make a difference.
“I couldn’t change the world!” Who’s asking you to? Just change your little corner, or your big corner if you’re ambitious. You change your corner, and I’ll change my corner, and he’ll change his, and she’ll changer hers, and so on and so on, and pretty soon a whole lot of the world has changed. You only need to do what you can where you are.
You are wonderful, and if anyone tells you otherwise, get them out of your corner. Let the pigs wallow in the mud. It’s time to fly.
“I can’t.” “Not me.” “I’m not good enough.” “I’d just fail.” “Someone else is so much better at it than I am.” “Who am I, after all?”
That is such a load of hooey that it’s almost sickening to even try to address it. You are an amazing person. In the history of the world (no matter how old you think it is), there has never been anyone exactly like you. You are unique and wonderful. You have plenty in common with others, but you are still the one and only you. To not be you, to reduce your ability from doubt or despair, hurts not just you but the world. The world could be so much more than it is right now if only people would realize that they could make a difference.
“I couldn’t change the world!” Who’s asking you to? Just change your little corner, or your big corner if you’re ambitious. You change your corner, and I’ll change my corner, and he’ll change his, and she’ll changer hers, and so on and so on, and pretty soon a whole lot of the world has changed. You only need to do what you can where you are.
You are wonderful, and if anyone tells you otherwise, get them out of your corner. Let the pigs wallow in the mud. It’s time to fly.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Other People’s Opinion
People always want you to be who they think you are. – David Cross
It’s easier for a lot of people if you would just quietly and consistently fit into a nice neat category so they can label you and not have to think about you. But, if you go against their stereotypes, they don’t care for you too much.
These stereotypes can be racial, sexual, sexual orientation based, religious, nationality based, or even what side of the city you’re from. Let’s not forget height, weight, and occupation. Whoever insisted that all fat people must be jolly should be shot. By the way, not all cops are Irish, either, nor are all tall people basketball players.
A lot of people are lazy and would prefer to put you in a category than get to know you as a person. Do I care what the cashier thinks of me? Not really. I’m fine with the cashier putting me in the category “customer” and thinking nothing else of me. That’s as far as our relationship goes – “customer and cashier”. But, if I have a coworker who decides that I’m “female” hence I am x, y, and z, then I have a lot of issues and problems. Unless x, y, and z are “has ovaries”, “has an x chromosome”, and “should be referred to as ‘she’ when speaking of her in the third person”, I’m probably being stereotyped. I am a person, not a category. I fit into a lot of different categories and labels, but what my label means to me and what it means to you could be very different things.
That’s the problem. My perspective on the world and yours differs. Some people don’t get that. They think that the way they see the world is the way it is AND the way that others see the world, too. That just ain’t so. But, they don’t want to bother, which makes me not want to bother with them. Because in my life, I need people who see me as a person, who are willing to deal with me as a person, who will respect me as a person rather disrespect me as “one of them”, and I’m not going to settle for anything less than that.
You shouldn’t either.
It’s easier for a lot of people if you would just quietly and consistently fit into a nice neat category so they can label you and not have to think about you. But, if you go against their stereotypes, they don’t care for you too much.
These stereotypes can be racial, sexual, sexual orientation based, religious, nationality based, or even what side of the city you’re from. Let’s not forget height, weight, and occupation. Whoever insisted that all fat people must be jolly should be shot. By the way, not all cops are Irish, either, nor are all tall people basketball players.
A lot of people are lazy and would prefer to put you in a category than get to know you as a person. Do I care what the cashier thinks of me? Not really. I’m fine with the cashier putting me in the category “customer” and thinking nothing else of me. That’s as far as our relationship goes – “customer and cashier”. But, if I have a coworker who decides that I’m “female” hence I am x, y, and z, then I have a lot of issues and problems. Unless x, y, and z are “has ovaries”, “has an x chromosome”, and “should be referred to as ‘she’ when speaking of her in the third person”, I’m probably being stereotyped. I am a person, not a category. I fit into a lot of different categories and labels, but what my label means to me and what it means to you could be very different things.
That’s the problem. My perspective on the world and yours differs. Some people don’t get that. They think that the way they see the world is the way it is AND the way that others see the world, too. That just ain’t so. But, they don’t want to bother, which makes me not want to bother with them. Because in my life, I need people who see me as a person, who are willing to deal with me as a person, who will respect me as a person rather disrespect me as “one of them”, and I’m not going to settle for anything less than that.
You shouldn’t either.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Not Enough Time
Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of ours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresea, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein. – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Do you have enough time? Yes. To do everything? No. To do those things that mean the most to you? Yes. To do everything that means a lot to you? No.
If there is something that’s really important to you, but you’re doing nothing about it, then that means one of two things. It’s not as important to you as you think. Or, it’s not as important to you as something else. “That’s not fair,” I can hear you screaming (or perhaps it’s just me). “I want to do this and that and the other thing, but I deserve time to relax after my hard day…but I need to take care of this other obligation … but, but, but…” Whatever. And I say that to myself too – if only you knew how much time I waste watching TV and playing computer games.
Now, computer games and TV are not as important to me as writing. No, really. Despite the fact that I spend more time playing computer games and watching TV than I do writing, writing is more important. So, why the games and TV? Because mixed in with the games and TV are other things – fear of failure, fear of success, inertia, depression, victim-attitude, desire for instant gratification (I love rereading what I wrote, but it takes longer to write it than it does to watch a TV show). When you take all of these things and you combine them, you get a mass of ugly ooze that unfortunately adds up to something more important than writing.
How do you defeat the ugly ooze? One little bit at a time. Each five minutes you spend on the truly important thing is a little bit carved out of the ooze. Keep it up, and slowly you will starve the ooze until its power lessens and suddenly it becomes more important to you to X than it does to do something else.
It also helps if you add things to your very important X to make it stronger in the face of the ooze. Self respect. Self esteem. Making yourself a promise and being the type of person who keeps their word. Rewards (don’t underestimate rewards or consider them beneath you – if it takes an ice cream cone to get you to X for now, then do it). And, very important, habit. Eventually, that inertia will switch sides, betray the ooze and come over and help you build your castle. That which is at rest tends to stay at rest. That which is in motion tends to stay in motion. If you are moving towards building your anti-ooze castle around your very important X, then you will keep moving.
You have enough time, if you use it right. Build your Future. You’ll be glad you did.
Do you have enough time? Yes. To do everything? No. To do those things that mean the most to you? Yes. To do everything that means a lot to you? No.
If there is something that’s really important to you, but you’re doing nothing about it, then that means one of two things. It’s not as important to you as you think. Or, it’s not as important to you as something else. “That’s not fair,” I can hear you screaming (or perhaps it’s just me). “I want to do this and that and the other thing, but I deserve time to relax after my hard day…but I need to take care of this other obligation … but, but, but…” Whatever. And I say that to myself too – if only you knew how much time I waste watching TV and playing computer games.
Now, computer games and TV are not as important to me as writing. No, really. Despite the fact that I spend more time playing computer games and watching TV than I do writing, writing is more important. So, why the games and TV? Because mixed in with the games and TV are other things – fear of failure, fear of success, inertia, depression, victim-attitude, desire for instant gratification (I love rereading what I wrote, but it takes longer to write it than it does to watch a TV show). When you take all of these things and you combine them, you get a mass of ugly ooze that unfortunately adds up to something more important than writing.
How do you defeat the ugly ooze? One little bit at a time. Each five minutes you spend on the truly important thing is a little bit carved out of the ooze. Keep it up, and slowly you will starve the ooze until its power lessens and suddenly it becomes more important to you to X than it does to do something else.
It also helps if you add things to your very important X to make it stronger in the face of the ooze. Self respect. Self esteem. Making yourself a promise and being the type of person who keeps their word. Rewards (don’t underestimate rewards or consider them beneath you – if it takes an ice cream cone to get you to X for now, then do it). And, very important, habit. Eventually, that inertia will switch sides, betray the ooze and come over and help you build your castle. That which is at rest tends to stay at rest. That which is in motion tends to stay in motion. If you are moving towards building your anti-ooze castle around your very important X, then you will keep moving.
You have enough time, if you use it right. Build your Future. You’ll be glad you did.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Too Many Things To Fix
The world is simply too full of worthwhile projects, injustices in need of justice, and unfairness in general for each of us to conquer them all. – John-Roger & Peter McWilliams
So don’t conquer them all. Just because there’s a lot to be done doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do anything. So what if you can’t do everything? Do something, and the world and your life will be better for it. That guy over there, he can’t do everything either. But can do something, and you can do something, and together you can get a lot done. Is it everything? Maybe not, but that woman over there is doing something too, and with the three of you, a lot is getting done. And you attract the couple down the street, and the social group itching to go out and do something together and him and her and the other one and, and, and… You get the point?
Pick one thing. It doesn’t have to be the most worthwhile thing or the best choice, but choosing is better than not choosing at all. Then, work on that one thing. If it’s the wrong thing, you can change your mind later. But do something, and that’ll be one less of the “everything” for someone else to do.
So don’t conquer them all. Just because there’s a lot to be done doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do anything. So what if you can’t do everything? Do something, and the world and your life will be better for it. That guy over there, he can’t do everything either. But can do something, and you can do something, and together you can get a lot done. Is it everything? Maybe not, but that woman over there is doing something too, and with the three of you, a lot is getting done. And you attract the couple down the street, and the social group itching to go out and do something together and him and her and the other one and, and, and… You get the point?
Pick one thing. It doesn’t have to be the most worthwhile thing or the best choice, but choosing is better than not choosing at all. Then, work on that one thing. If it’s the wrong thing, you can change your mind later. But do something, and that’ll be one less of the “everything” for someone else to do.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Complacency
We think that hope – in the form of complacency – is one of the greatest evils. Without hope, humanity would have gotten busy and cleaned up all the other evils long ago. Hope provides the environment in which the other evils can flourish. – John-Roger & Peter McWilliams
The hope that they talk about here is the hope that “it’ll all go away” or “someone else will take care of it”. People hope that things will get better even if they don’t do anything about them. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes crime statistics get better, even if you don’t create a neighborhood watch program. Sometimes people do get into better moods, even if you don’t be nice to them or see if you can help. Sometimes your noisy neighbors do get quieter (usually by moving away), even if you don’t go over and speak with them. Sometimes it happens.
But it doesn’t happen as often or as quickly as if you had gotten off your butt and done something about it. Hope is wonderful. Hope is great. Without hope of things being better, there’s no incentive for you to do anything. But, hope needs action or else it’s just an excuse.
Don’t let hope fall into the same category as “I’m too tired” or “I just didn’t have enough time”. Don’t use hope as an excuse to do nothing. The Future will be created, whether you act or not, with little regard to what you “hope”.
The hope that they talk about here is the hope that “it’ll all go away” or “someone else will take care of it”. People hope that things will get better even if they don’t do anything about them. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes crime statistics get better, even if you don’t create a neighborhood watch program. Sometimes people do get into better moods, even if you don’t be nice to them or see if you can help. Sometimes your noisy neighbors do get quieter (usually by moving away), even if you don’t go over and speak with them. Sometimes it happens.
But it doesn’t happen as often or as quickly as if you had gotten off your butt and done something about it. Hope is wonderful. Hope is great. Without hope of things being better, there’s no incentive for you to do anything. But, hope needs action or else it’s just an excuse.
Don’t let hope fall into the same category as “I’m too tired” or “I just didn’t have enough time”. Don’t use hope as an excuse to do nothing. The Future will be created, whether you act or not, with little regard to what you “hope”.
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