Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you're there. It doesn't matter what you do, he said, so as long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. - Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 (1953)
There are a lot of answers to the question “What is the meaning of life?” This quote believes that the meaning of life is to make a change in the world. If so, too many people lead meaningless lives. Have you made a change in the world? A lasting change? Is that change something you can be proud of? Something you would be willing to admit to, brag about even? Your life has made a difference, no matter how small, in the world. You convert oxygen to carbon dioxide. You consume and excrete. You have or may have had a job that didn’t go to someone else, lived in an apartment that someone else didn’t live in at the same time. Somehow, you made a small change in this world, but is it enough for you? And is it in the way that you’d want to be remembered? Do you want to knock on the gates of heaven (or wherever you believe you’ll go after death) and say, the converter of oxygen is here for admittance. What do you want to be able to say?
When you figure that out, you’ve made a tremendous step into figuring out your Future.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
A Dollar Down
The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments. - Mad Magazine
How easy are those weekly payments? How easy are they when you have a dozen of them at the same time? Don’t laugh, that’s not as far fetched as you think. Really think about what’s in your life that you’re paying off. But, most things are monthly rather than weekly now. Let’s take a look.
Do you own your home? Do you have a mortgage? That’s one. And don’t forget mortgage insurance, if you have it. Property tax doesn’t count for this, because that won’t go away, like utilities. We’re thinking about the stuff you’re paying off.
How many credit cards to you own? One? Three? Five? More? All of those need monthly payments, unless you have a zero balance on them. Odds are likely, though, at least for Americans, that if you have a credit card, you probably have a balance on them.
Then there’s cars. How many do you have? Is it paid off? Are they paid off? Do you have a motorcycle? A boat? Count each of those, as well.
Then there’s the television. Did you buy that on a payment plan? Or is that one of the things on the credit card? How about your appliances – your washer and dryer, your refrigerator?
A lot of people have plenty of things that they’re paying off at the same time because each individual thing is easy, so adding just a “little more” debt and paying out just a “little more” money each month is easy. But it adds up. It all adds up.
And it’s not just money. And it’s not all bad. One more soda a day adds up to a lot of calories. One more sit up a day adds up to better stomach muscles. One more drink adds up to a higher tolerance which leads to a slippery slope that’s hard to control. One more night spent in adds up to that much more money saved.
Little things add up. You don’t have to make drastic changes in your life in order to get your life to change. You are in control of your life, or at the very least a part of it. Use that control to make your life what you want rather than what is easy.
How easy are those weekly payments? How easy are they when you have a dozen of them at the same time? Don’t laugh, that’s not as far fetched as you think. Really think about what’s in your life that you’re paying off. But, most things are monthly rather than weekly now. Let’s take a look.
Do you own your home? Do you have a mortgage? That’s one. And don’t forget mortgage insurance, if you have it. Property tax doesn’t count for this, because that won’t go away, like utilities. We’re thinking about the stuff you’re paying off.
How many credit cards to you own? One? Three? Five? More? All of those need monthly payments, unless you have a zero balance on them. Odds are likely, though, at least for Americans, that if you have a credit card, you probably have a balance on them.
Then there’s cars. How many do you have? Is it paid off? Are they paid off? Do you have a motorcycle? A boat? Count each of those, as well.
Then there’s the television. Did you buy that on a payment plan? Or is that one of the things on the credit card? How about your appliances – your washer and dryer, your refrigerator?
A lot of people have plenty of things that they’re paying off at the same time because each individual thing is easy, so adding just a “little more” debt and paying out just a “little more” money each month is easy. But it adds up. It all adds up.
And it’s not just money. And it’s not all bad. One more soda a day adds up to a lot of calories. One more sit up a day adds up to better stomach muscles. One more drink adds up to a higher tolerance which leads to a slippery slope that’s hard to control. One more night spent in adds up to that much more money saved.
Little things add up. You don’t have to make drastic changes in your life in order to get your life to change. You are in control of your life, or at the very least a part of it. Use that control to make your life what you want rather than what is easy.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Character and Decisions
Character is the ability to carry out a worthy decision after the emotion of making that decision has passed. - Hyrum W. Smith
How many of you have made a New Year’s Resolution? How many of you have kept all of them? They “get” hard. Not really, though. The decision is just as hard on February 18 as it was on January 2, but a lot of people have stopped doing (or not doing) X by that time, because it “got hard”. What really happened is that your persistence ran out.
Unless you were in an accident or had surgery or some other major health alteration, it’s just as easy to do 20 sit ups on January 2 as it is on February 18. It feels harder, though. People like to make decisions, but following through on them is another thing altogether. That’s where character and persistence come in.
There are a lot of things that make up your character. One of the big ones is keeping your word. If you are known, rightfully so, as a person who does not keep his or her word, then your character is shot, along with your reputation. And do not even try to get away with “no one will know”. You’ll know, and your opinion of yourself and your character is important. If you lie to yourself repeatedly, then you will not see yourself as trustworthy, and others will pick up on that, whether they know about your broken promises or not.
However, don’t forget that word “worthy” in the quote. If you decide that you’re going to exercise for an hour every morning before work, and something happens that you can no longer keep that decision, let yourself off the hook. If your job changes, or your car breaks down and you have to commute a different way, or your health alters, or you start working later for an important project and can’t get to sleep on time for now, these are good and legitimate reasons for not being able to exercise an entire hour every morning. If you just don’t feel like it, or if your favorite TV show is now on later so you “have” to stay up later, or if it’s too rainy or foggy or cold or nice out for you to exercise, these aren’t good excuses. But, if you are not going to keep your decision any way, then decide to do that. Don’t just let your promise to yourself or to another linger and lapse. Grab your character, dust it off, and state that you are not going to keep that decision any longer.
Promises are harder to keep than they are to make. Decisions are harder to abide by than they are to make. First, only make those that you can and that you intend to keep. Then, keep them or stop them, if you can’t. As your character improves, your self esteem will improve, and you will feel more powerful. And that will improve your Future.
How many of you have made a New Year’s Resolution? How many of you have kept all of them? They “get” hard. Not really, though. The decision is just as hard on February 18 as it was on January 2, but a lot of people have stopped doing (or not doing) X by that time, because it “got hard”. What really happened is that your persistence ran out.
Unless you were in an accident or had surgery or some other major health alteration, it’s just as easy to do 20 sit ups on January 2 as it is on February 18. It feels harder, though. People like to make decisions, but following through on them is another thing altogether. That’s where character and persistence come in.
There are a lot of things that make up your character. One of the big ones is keeping your word. If you are known, rightfully so, as a person who does not keep his or her word, then your character is shot, along with your reputation. And do not even try to get away with “no one will know”. You’ll know, and your opinion of yourself and your character is important. If you lie to yourself repeatedly, then you will not see yourself as trustworthy, and others will pick up on that, whether they know about your broken promises or not.
However, don’t forget that word “worthy” in the quote. If you decide that you’re going to exercise for an hour every morning before work, and something happens that you can no longer keep that decision, let yourself off the hook. If your job changes, or your car breaks down and you have to commute a different way, or your health alters, or you start working later for an important project and can’t get to sleep on time for now, these are good and legitimate reasons for not being able to exercise an entire hour every morning. If you just don’t feel like it, or if your favorite TV show is now on later so you “have” to stay up later, or if it’s too rainy or foggy or cold or nice out for you to exercise, these aren’t good excuses. But, if you are not going to keep your decision any way, then decide to do that. Don’t just let your promise to yourself or to another linger and lapse. Grab your character, dust it off, and state that you are not going to keep that decision any longer.
Promises are harder to keep than they are to make. Decisions are harder to abide by than they are to make. First, only make those that you can and that you intend to keep. Then, keep them or stop them, if you can’t. As your character improves, your self esteem will improve, and you will feel more powerful. And that will improve your Future.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Simplify Your Work Life
Simplify Your Work Life: Ways to Change the Way You Work So You Have More Time to Live by Elaine St. James is well worth reading. It’s short but highly effective. The author puts in a lot of information in a very small book. It’s also easy to read – no long words, no page-long paragraphs, no convoluted sentence structures. It’s straightforward and has great advice.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Complaining
Every one must see daily instances of people who complain from a mere habit of complaining. - Richard Graves, Olla Podrida 6 October 1787
I hate whiners. I dislike negative people in general, but whiners and complainers, they’re some of the worst. Even when their life is relatively decent, they will have something to complain about, because complaining and dissatisfaction are at the center of their lives. They are dissatisfied with themselves and thus cannot be satisfied with anything else. They are annoying to listen to, because they typically cannot let you talk about anything, much less about anything positive.
Listen to yourself, and see how much you complain. I just complained for an entire paragraph right above this. But, I’ll let that go. If it comes up in conversation another time, I may mention it again. In fact, I probably will. But I’m not going to create an entire conversation complaining about complainers. Instead, let’s talk about what you (and I) can do to reduce the amount of complaining in the world.
How much do you complain? A lot of your complaints may be legitimate. If so, then express them where they need to be expressed and move on. Tell your neighbor the stereo is too loud, tell your boss that the hours are unreasonable, and tell your roommate that the kitchen is no place for dirty socks. And then let it drop. Do not go out with your friends and tell all of them about your neighbor, your boss, and your roommate. What are they going to do other than give you sympathy and attention? You can get attention in other ways, more positive ways.
Some of your complaints may be useless. Any complaint about the weather is useless. No one can do anything about it. Observation about the weather, sure. Want to start up some conversation with a random stranger at the bus stop or in the elevator? Talk about the weather. But, complaining about the weather to your friends and family? Don’t you have anything else to talk about? And if not, then why do you bother with them? Find a movie to watch or a game to play or something else that will occupy your time so you don’t have to speak.
And with some people, complaining is what you do, because that’s what the two of you do when you’re together. Do you really need a friend like that? You can get other friends. What if the two of you got together and didn’t complain? What if you talked about the good things that happened to you that week? What if you just expressed some thanks for being alive? Could you do that? Could your friend?
Complaining can be a habit, which means it can be broken. You don’t need negativity in your life. Your life and your Future are better off without it.
I hate whiners. I dislike negative people in general, but whiners and complainers, they’re some of the worst. Even when their life is relatively decent, they will have something to complain about, because complaining and dissatisfaction are at the center of their lives. They are dissatisfied with themselves and thus cannot be satisfied with anything else. They are annoying to listen to, because they typically cannot let you talk about anything, much less about anything positive.
Listen to yourself, and see how much you complain. I just complained for an entire paragraph right above this. But, I’ll let that go. If it comes up in conversation another time, I may mention it again. In fact, I probably will. But I’m not going to create an entire conversation complaining about complainers. Instead, let’s talk about what you (and I) can do to reduce the amount of complaining in the world.
How much do you complain? A lot of your complaints may be legitimate. If so, then express them where they need to be expressed and move on. Tell your neighbor the stereo is too loud, tell your boss that the hours are unreasonable, and tell your roommate that the kitchen is no place for dirty socks. And then let it drop. Do not go out with your friends and tell all of them about your neighbor, your boss, and your roommate. What are they going to do other than give you sympathy and attention? You can get attention in other ways, more positive ways.
Some of your complaints may be useless. Any complaint about the weather is useless. No one can do anything about it. Observation about the weather, sure. Want to start up some conversation with a random stranger at the bus stop or in the elevator? Talk about the weather. But, complaining about the weather to your friends and family? Don’t you have anything else to talk about? And if not, then why do you bother with them? Find a movie to watch or a game to play or something else that will occupy your time so you don’t have to speak.
And with some people, complaining is what you do, because that’s what the two of you do when you’re together. Do you really need a friend like that? You can get other friends. What if the two of you got together and didn’t complain? What if you talked about the good things that happened to you that week? What if you just expressed some thanks for being alive? Could you do that? Could your friend?
Complaining can be a habit, which means it can be broken. You don’t need negativity in your life. Your life and your Future are better off without it.
Friday, June 05, 2009
Difficulties
I am having continued difficulties posting since upgrading Internet Explorer. Several book reviews were already scheduled, so they will post as normal, but regular posts will be sporadic until I get this figured out.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom
Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom by Christiane Northrup is an excellent book. I highly recommend it to any women, but especially to women who believe in alternative therapies and healing. She mentions a healing intuitive a few times. If that’s not your thing, then skip those parts and read the rest. She is a doctor, and the biological information alone is worth checking out. However, the advice on diet, health, and other parts of a woman’s life is very much worth the read.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Pessimism
If we can recognize that change and uncertainty are basic principles, we can greet the future and the transformation we are undergoing with the understanding that we do not know enough to be pessimistic. - Hazel Henderson
According to this quote, pessimism is rather egotistical. You believe that there will be a particular outcome, something in the future is set in stone. But you can’t know that. You may be right. There may be things that happen just as you thought they would, but you aren’t right 100% of the time. “The country is going to hell in a handbasket.” Really? Are you sure? We have survived a great deal throughout our history, and we can survive this. “Morality is going downhill.” Perhaps, perhaps not. There are still many people helping others. Mainstream media certain has more swearing and nudity than it used to, but does that mean that we as a society are less moral than we were 50 years ago? And whose morals are we talking about? Yours? Why do you get to judge the entire country?
Pessimism means that you believe you know, that you out of everybody on this planet have knowledge of the future. Not just that, not only do you have knowledge, but you have the right to judge that future as bad. Sorry to break it to you, but you don’t. You have your rights to have opinions on things, but you don’t get to judge the future or me or anyone else. You simply don’t know. So why not hope for the best? It costs the same amount of energy, and it certainly makes life more fun.
According to this quote, pessimism is rather egotistical. You believe that there will be a particular outcome, something in the future is set in stone. But you can’t know that. You may be right. There may be things that happen just as you thought they would, but you aren’t right 100% of the time. “The country is going to hell in a handbasket.” Really? Are you sure? We have survived a great deal throughout our history, and we can survive this. “Morality is going downhill.” Perhaps, perhaps not. There are still many people helping others. Mainstream media certain has more swearing and nudity than it used to, but does that mean that we as a society are less moral than we were 50 years ago? And whose morals are we talking about? Yours? Why do you get to judge the entire country?
Pessimism means that you believe you know, that you out of everybody on this planet have knowledge of the future. Not just that, not only do you have knowledge, but you have the right to judge that future as bad. Sorry to break it to you, but you don’t. You have your rights to have opinions on things, but you don’t get to judge the future or me or anyone else. You simply don’t know. So why not hope for the best? It costs the same amount of energy, and it certainly makes life more fun.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Be the Change
You must be the change you wish to see in the world. - Mahatma Gandhi
This quote has been on numerous posters and bumper stickers, so it’s probably familiar to people who read this blog. It’s still valid, no matter how many times or in how many places you’ve seen it. People who complain about things but do nothing to make changes are negative for no reason, and they should have no place in your life. You deserve better than negativity. People who make changes in the world are worth knowing. Some people go overboard and recruit everyone they can get their hands on for their cause. There are many worthwhile causes. Don’t let them drag into something that doesn’t meet your personal goals or would take more time than you can afford.
What if you don’t have time for anything? What if you’re booked solid for your entire life? First, declutter your life. Check out flylady or numerous other places and sources for decluttering advice. Second, check out your priorities. If you are placing a high priority on something about which you’re doing nothing, you’re either lying to yourself about its importance, or you’re not living your life in congruence to your beliefs. Neither of those things will help you get what you truly want out of life.
You don’t have to make huge changes in order to begin or to make a change. You want the world to be a cleaner place? Recycle a little more. Pick up a little trash you see in the park. Clean up your own messes. If everyone did that, the world would be so much cleaner. You want to see more money donated to worthy causes? Donate a dollar a week – figure out what you can do without, something little. Talk about worthy causes with friends and coworkers, see what they think about different charities; bring it to their attention. See if your employer has a matching program; if you make a donation, will they make one of the same amount. You want to see more love in the world? Be more loving. Give more hugs. Give more praise, but only if its sincere. Smile more often, and complain and criticize less.
You can make small changes that add up to big changes, when you keep doing them. You can be that change you want to see in the world.
This quote has been on numerous posters and bumper stickers, so it’s probably familiar to people who read this blog. It’s still valid, no matter how many times or in how many places you’ve seen it. People who complain about things but do nothing to make changes are negative for no reason, and they should have no place in your life. You deserve better than negativity. People who make changes in the world are worth knowing. Some people go overboard and recruit everyone they can get their hands on for their cause. There are many worthwhile causes. Don’t let them drag into something that doesn’t meet your personal goals or would take more time than you can afford.
What if you don’t have time for anything? What if you’re booked solid for your entire life? First, declutter your life. Check out flylady or numerous other places and sources for decluttering advice. Second, check out your priorities. If you are placing a high priority on something about which you’re doing nothing, you’re either lying to yourself about its importance, or you’re not living your life in congruence to your beliefs. Neither of those things will help you get what you truly want out of life.
You don’t have to make huge changes in order to begin or to make a change. You want the world to be a cleaner place? Recycle a little more. Pick up a little trash you see in the park. Clean up your own messes. If everyone did that, the world would be so much cleaner. You want to see more money donated to worthy causes? Donate a dollar a week – figure out what you can do without, something little. Talk about worthy causes with friends and coworkers, see what they think about different charities; bring it to their attention. See if your employer has a matching program; if you make a donation, will they make one of the same amount. You want to see more love in the world? Be more loving. Give more hugs. Give more praise, but only if its sincere. Smile more often, and complain and criticize less.
You can make small changes that add up to big changes, when you keep doing them. You can be that change you want to see in the world.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The Bisexual Spouse
I was going to read this and do a book review on it, but I had to put it down after starting the third chapter. I was going to throw it down after the introduction, but I decided to give it a fair shot and read five chapters. No. I have better things to do with my life than to read this piece of garbage. I don't know where I got the recommendation from, but I wish I hadn't picked this up.
Short version of why I think this book sucks - the "bisexuals" in the interviews aren't bisexual. They are homosexuals who had heterosexual marriages for a while. That's the author's definition of bisexual - gays who thought they were straight but then came out as gay.
This upsets me, ticks me off, to use more "polite" language. I'd rather not swear in my blog, but this really gets to me.
I am bisexual. I am not gay. I am not straight. To declare that all bisexuals are really one or the other who dabbled or were mistaken is insulting to an extreme. I am attracted to women. I am attracted to men. I am also attracted to different physical aspects in men versus women. I like my women to be curvy and soft. I like my men to be fit and solid. A woman can be soft and solid, curvy and fit. So can a man. But, I am not attracted to androgynous people, or rather not just, because the physical has never been my main attraction to people. I am in no way monosexual. I am bisexual, and to be told that I don't exist or that I don't know myself as well as this author does is condescending and extremely upsetting.
There are times when a person is too close to something to see it clearly. We've all had friends (or been that friend) who ends up in the same situation over and over again, though we think it's a completely different thing each time. Our friends see it, but we don't. This is not one of those things. I've done a lot of thinking about this. I've done over two decades of thinking about this. I've gone through all kinds of labels and "what if"'s and things like that. I know what I am, and I know who I am. This author can go stuff himself.
Another thing that ticks me off about this is that other people will read this and think that the author is correct, that that is the real definition of bisexual. I have an ex-boyfriend who thought that way. There is enough derision and societal pressure about being bisexual without this spreading it around.
So, whoever recommended this book, please stop. And for anyone who was thinking about reading this book, don't. Not if you're looking for something about bisexuals. If you want to read about homosexuals who married people of the opposite gender, this is for you. But it sure isn't what it claims to be.
Short version of why I think this book sucks - the "bisexuals" in the interviews aren't bisexual. They are homosexuals who had heterosexual marriages for a while. That's the author's definition of bisexual - gays who thought they were straight but then came out as gay.
This upsets me, ticks me off, to use more "polite" language. I'd rather not swear in my blog, but this really gets to me.
I am bisexual. I am not gay. I am not straight. To declare that all bisexuals are really one or the other who dabbled or were mistaken is insulting to an extreme. I am attracted to women. I am attracted to men. I am also attracted to different physical aspects in men versus women. I like my women to be curvy and soft. I like my men to be fit and solid. A woman can be soft and solid, curvy and fit. So can a man. But, I am not attracted to androgynous people, or rather not just, because the physical has never been my main attraction to people. I am in no way monosexual. I am bisexual, and to be told that I don't exist or that I don't know myself as well as this author does is condescending and extremely upsetting.
There are times when a person is too close to something to see it clearly. We've all had friends (or been that friend) who ends up in the same situation over and over again, though we think it's a completely different thing each time. Our friends see it, but we don't. This is not one of those things. I've done a lot of thinking about this. I've done over two decades of thinking about this. I've gone through all kinds of labels and "what if"'s and things like that. I know what I am, and I know who I am. This author can go stuff himself.
Another thing that ticks me off about this is that other people will read this and think that the author is correct, that that is the real definition of bisexual. I have an ex-boyfriend who thought that way. There is enough derision and societal pressure about being bisexual without this spreading it around.
So, whoever recommended this book, please stop. And for anyone who was thinking about reading this book, don't. Not if you're looking for something about bisexuals. If you want to read about homosexuals who married people of the opposite gender, this is for you. But it sure isn't what it claims to be.
Friday, May 08, 2009
What You Want
"I want what I can't have." Are you sure?
You've run into this situation. I know I have. Multiple times. There's a great guy (or gal or job or whatever). He's great - smart, funny, energetic, or whatever it is that makes you tingle. But he's unavailable. He's married or dating or your best friend's ex or has an incredibly annoying habit that you can't live with or lives in another state or whatever it is. Because of X, you cannot have him. So, you can't have what you want, right? Wrong.
You want someone who's smart, someone who's funny, someone who's energetic. You can have it. You don't need him. You can get what you want in a different package. He is not the only smart, funny, energetic person out there.
Likewise, there's more than one great job, more than one place to live, more than one solution to your problem. But when you're focused on X, you don't see the rest of the alphabet. So take a closer look at X. What is it about X that you really want? How else can you get it? Hershey kisses aren't the only way to get chocolate. A Snickers bar works too.
You can have what you want provided you're more concerned with the substance than the packaging.
You've run into this situation. I know I have. Multiple times. There's a great guy (or gal or job or whatever). He's great - smart, funny, energetic, or whatever it is that makes you tingle. But he's unavailable. He's married or dating or your best friend's ex or has an incredibly annoying habit that you can't live with or lives in another state or whatever it is. Because of X, you cannot have him. So, you can't have what you want, right? Wrong.
You want someone who's smart, someone who's funny, someone who's energetic. You can have it. You don't need him. You can get what you want in a different package. He is not the only smart, funny, energetic person out there.
Likewise, there's more than one great job, more than one place to live, more than one solution to your problem. But when you're focused on X, you don't see the rest of the alphabet. So take a closer look at X. What is it about X that you really want? How else can you get it? Hershey kisses aren't the only way to get chocolate. A Snickers bar works too.
You can have what you want provided you're more concerned with the substance than the packaging.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Change
Things change. People change. You change. And what worked for you five years ago may not work for you now. It's not a matter of being dissatisfied or about being never satisfied, despite what some people may say. It's about being a dynamic, growing, changing being. You, your body, your beliefs, your life - they are all always changing. Some things will never change, but there will always be something.
So what do you do? Do you ignore change? Do you actively fight against it? Do you insist that things are or remain exactly the same as five years ago? That won't help you. People are born. People die. People get new jobs. People retire. Laws change. Wars start. Wars end. Things change, and you cannot change that.
You adapt. You adjust what needs to be. You see the new situation and life, and you turn it to your advantage as best you can. You can always change your thoughts and your attitudes. No matter what change life/fate/the outside world forces upon you, you still have a choice.
Choose your Future, over and over again.
So what do you do? Do you ignore change? Do you actively fight against it? Do you insist that things are or remain exactly the same as five years ago? That won't help you. People are born. People die. People get new jobs. People retire. Laws change. Wars start. Wars end. Things change, and you cannot change that.
You adapt. You adjust what needs to be. You see the new situation and life, and you turn it to your advantage as best you can. You can always change your thoughts and your attitudes. No matter what change life/fate/the outside world forces upon you, you still have a choice.
Choose your Future, over and over again.
Monday, May 04, 2009
What If?
What if life was infinitely precious? What if the choices you make today affect not only your own future but those of others? What if you were more important than you could possibly know? What if fewer people are looking at you, judging you, than you think? What if someone found something to admire in you, every day, even on your worst day? What if? Then what?
Monday, April 20, 2009
Change Can Be Scary
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. - Anatole France
We are constantly changing people, mostly. There are some people who have stubbornly insisted on remaining the same day after day, year after year. But most of us grow and change. We aren’t the same people we were a decade ago, and acknowledging that can be a scary thing. One of the worst accusations a friend can make is “You’re changed”. You may try to deny it, but it’s probably true, even without you thinking about it.
It’s the unconscious changes that are the scariest, in my opinion, once you realize them, that is. So long they remain unknown, then how can you be scared? But once you’ve woken up to the fact that your life and your actions are now what you would have expected from who you were “back then”, the change is scary. “How did this happen?” “When did this happen?” “Why did this happen?” Why? Because you weren’t changing intentionally, so you changed as life wanted to shape you.
You’re going to change. It’s inevitable. You can spend a ton of time and energy in never changing, and that’s you’re choice, but things will just change around you instead. The question is, are you going to direct your change, manage it, make certain that you come out on the other side where you want to be? Or are you just going to let the winds of fate take you?
The second choice isn’t so bad, so long as you have enough inner strength to withstand the bad times, but most people who resign themselves to fate do so because they lack the inner strength to bother taking control of their own lives. Either option can be taken to extremes, of course. But are you now where you want to be? And if not, what are you going to do about it?
What’s scarier to you – the effort of making a change where you don’t know the outcome, or the thought of you being exactly like you are 5 or 10 years from now? Change can be scary, but being out of control of yourself can be scarier still.
We are constantly changing people, mostly. There are some people who have stubbornly insisted on remaining the same day after day, year after year. But most of us grow and change. We aren’t the same people we were a decade ago, and acknowledging that can be a scary thing. One of the worst accusations a friend can make is “You’re changed”. You may try to deny it, but it’s probably true, even without you thinking about it.
It’s the unconscious changes that are the scariest, in my opinion, once you realize them, that is. So long they remain unknown, then how can you be scared? But once you’ve woken up to the fact that your life and your actions are now what you would have expected from who you were “back then”, the change is scary. “How did this happen?” “When did this happen?” “Why did this happen?” Why? Because you weren’t changing intentionally, so you changed as life wanted to shape you.
You’re going to change. It’s inevitable. You can spend a ton of time and energy in never changing, and that’s you’re choice, but things will just change around you instead. The question is, are you going to direct your change, manage it, make certain that you come out on the other side where you want to be? Or are you just going to let the winds of fate take you?
The second choice isn’t so bad, so long as you have enough inner strength to withstand the bad times, but most people who resign themselves to fate do so because they lack the inner strength to bother taking control of their own lives. Either option can be taken to extremes, of course. But are you now where you want to be? And if not, what are you going to do about it?
What’s scarier to you – the effort of making a change where you don’t know the outcome, or the thought of you being exactly like you are 5 or 10 years from now? Change can be scary, but being out of control of yourself can be scarier still.
Friday, April 17, 2009
The Point
I would rather work with five people who really believe in what they are doing rather than five hundred who can't see the point. - Patrick Dixon in Building a Better Business
Ability, efficiency, and passion. Those three things can make something work. It’s tough to get by with only two of them, but of the three, passion may be the most important. When you’re missing passion, no amount of ability or efficiency will get you it. If you’ve got passion, though, you’ll get the ability and efficiency, if you have to, because it’s important to you to do so. This is true in many, many places. Who’s going to practice football plays for hours on end? The one with the ability or the one with the passion? Who’s going to spend their nights learning and relearning business strategies? The one who’s efficient or the one who’s passionate? Ability can be learned. Innate talent cannot, but ability can be. Efficiency can be learned, usually at a high cost if you’re not careful, but it can be learned. Passion cannot be learned.
If you can’t see the point in what you’re doing, do something else. In my opinion, a Future without passion about something, isn’t worth living.
Ability, efficiency, and passion. Those three things can make something work. It’s tough to get by with only two of them, but of the three, passion may be the most important. When you’re missing passion, no amount of ability or efficiency will get you it. If you’ve got passion, though, you’ll get the ability and efficiency, if you have to, because it’s important to you to do so. This is true in many, many places. Who’s going to practice football plays for hours on end? The one with the ability or the one with the passion? Who’s going to spend their nights learning and relearning business strategies? The one who’s efficient or the one who’s passionate? Ability can be learned. Innate talent cannot, but ability can be. Efficiency can be learned, usually at a high cost if you’re not careful, but it can be learned. Passion cannot be learned.
If you can’t see the point in what you’re doing, do something else. In my opinion, a Future without passion about something, isn’t worth living.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Starting Place
To become different from what we are, we must have some awareness of what we are. - Eric Hoffer
When someone asks you for directions, what’s the first thing you need to know? Where they are. Unless you know where they are, how can you tell them how to get someplace else? You can do vague things like “take this highway south”, but if you don’t know if they’re anywhere near the highway, that doesn’t help. If they’re in Alaska, and you’re in New York, you’re going to tell them different things than if they were in Florida. You need a starting point.
And when you create your Future, you need a starting point, too. If you want to build your Future on today, which is the only way you can build something lasting, you have to know what kind of foundation you’ve got. The way to do that is to know about your life and about yourself. Do you really want X, or is that something you’re going for to please someone else? How important is money to you, really? Any answer is acceptable, so long as it’s the truth. If money is very important to you, then don’t take a job that pays you very little. If money is not important to you, then don’t take the good-paying job that sucks your soul out of your body 60 hours a week. How healthy are you? Can you handle a high stress job? Do you need to move somewhere for your health, or will you in a few years? If you’re going to need to move, starting a business in your current location isn’t such a good idea. Then there’s the people aspect. If you can’t stand Dave, don’t go into business with him, no matter what kind of excellent ideas he has. And definitely don’t date him, even if he “looks good on paper”. Do you dream of going to Tibet for a year? What are you doing about it now? What can you do about it now? How are you arranging your life so that you can accomplish it? You can’t rearrange your life until you know all the pieces, or at the very least some of the pieces, and yet people do it constantly. They want something different, but they don’t realize what they’ve already got.
Before you go changing, find out what is true about you and your Life right now. It’s the best way to create your Future.
When someone asks you for directions, what’s the first thing you need to know? Where they are. Unless you know where they are, how can you tell them how to get someplace else? You can do vague things like “take this highway south”, but if you don’t know if they’re anywhere near the highway, that doesn’t help. If they’re in Alaska, and you’re in New York, you’re going to tell them different things than if they were in Florida. You need a starting point.
And when you create your Future, you need a starting point, too. If you want to build your Future on today, which is the only way you can build something lasting, you have to know what kind of foundation you’ve got. The way to do that is to know about your life and about yourself. Do you really want X, or is that something you’re going for to please someone else? How important is money to you, really? Any answer is acceptable, so long as it’s the truth. If money is very important to you, then don’t take a job that pays you very little. If money is not important to you, then don’t take the good-paying job that sucks your soul out of your body 60 hours a week. How healthy are you? Can you handle a high stress job? Do you need to move somewhere for your health, or will you in a few years? If you’re going to need to move, starting a business in your current location isn’t such a good idea. Then there’s the people aspect. If you can’t stand Dave, don’t go into business with him, no matter what kind of excellent ideas he has. And definitely don’t date him, even if he “looks good on paper”. Do you dream of going to Tibet for a year? What are you doing about it now? What can you do about it now? How are you arranging your life so that you can accomplish it? You can’t rearrange your life until you know all the pieces, or at the very least some of the pieces, and yet people do it constantly. They want something different, but they don’t realize what they’ve already got.
Before you go changing, find out what is true about you and your Life right now. It’s the best way to create your Future.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Birds of a Feather
Odd, I know, a Wiccan quoting the bible, but I’m not as rabidly anti-Christian as some of my other pagan friends are. Besides, there’s some good advice in there. It’s really the poor way a lot of people interpret things that make live such an “adventure”.
Who you spend your time with says not only a lot about who you are, but also a lot about who you will be. The people we’re around have a lot more influence on us than most people want to believe. Even if you don’t start taking on some of their traits, fighting against following the herd can be exhausting. Also, if you hang around fools, you don’t learn nearly as much as you can from wise people or even mediocre people. Except perhaps negative examples, but you can get enough of those from the media.
You don’t have to hang around smart people in order to be smart, but it can help. You don’t have to hang around wise people in order to be wise, but it can help. Wise people can act foolish at times or at least play the fool when they want, but it’s harder to for a fool to pretend to be wise. Wise people and smart people do not have to be stuffy, and if you’re hanging around stuffy people, perhaps you should find some other wise and smart people to be around.
A lot of life is trial and error. A lot of life is learned by example. Your friends will provide you with examples and with opportunities for trial and error. Choose your friends so what you get is what you want out of life and your Future.
Who you spend your time with says not only a lot about who you are, but also a lot about who you will be. The people we’re around have a lot more influence on us than most people want to believe. Even if you don’t start taking on some of their traits, fighting against following the herd can be exhausting. Also, if you hang around fools, you don’t learn nearly as much as you can from wise people or even mediocre people. Except perhaps negative examples, but you can get enough of those from the media.
You don’t have to hang around smart people in order to be smart, but it can help. You don’t have to hang around wise people in order to be wise, but it can help. Wise people can act foolish at times or at least play the fool when they want, but it’s harder to for a fool to pretend to be wise. Wise people and smart people do not have to be stuffy, and if you’re hanging around stuffy people, perhaps you should find some other wise and smart people to be around.
A lot of life is trial and error. A lot of life is learned by example. Your friends will provide you with examples and with opportunities for trial and error. Choose your friends so what you get is what you want out of life and your Future.
Monday, April 06, 2009
What Are You Made Of?
When you are angry or frustrated, what comes out? Whatever it is, it's a good indication of what you're made of. - H. Jackson Brown Jr
There is a thick veneer or layer of polite/acceptable society that covers the majority of Americans’ personalities. Do you really tell your boss what you think? Do you go up to the woman with three pounds of make up and let her know that it doesn’t make her look alluring, just cheap? Do you fart loudly in a restaurant just because you can? For a lot of you, the answer is no for all of those. But how many of you would like to?
When you’re drunk, tired, angry, or frustrated, the layer of “nice nice” gets thinner to non existent. I don’t drink, but I do stay up way too late, and when I do I get very, very honest. Plenty of my friends get the same way when they are drunk or angry or frustrated. That’s one of the reasons why it’s not “nice” to be drunk, angry, or frustrated.
Sometimes, though, it’s the only way to figure out what you’re really thinking. Societal brainwashing can run deep, and sometimes even you don’t know what you’re really thinking because it’s just rude to think that way, so you refuse to acknowledge it. But, you have to do this with some care.
Don’t get drunk and drive, obviously. Don’t get drunk and start calling your exes, either. That’s just begging for trouble. Don’t take your anger out on your boss or your pets or whatever. Yell, scream, etc., but remember that once you calm down, you’re going to have to deal with the consequences of what you said and did.
I am a big fan of journaling, but doing that when drunk or angry doesn’t work very well, so try a recorder, whether you use a tape recorder or your computer or whatever, you’ll be more able to talk than write when you’re upset or drunk enough to cut through the veneer. It’s enlightening, and I highly recommend this to anyone who wants to see a little bit deeper into their own souls.
There is a thick veneer or layer of polite/acceptable society that covers the majority of Americans’ personalities. Do you really tell your boss what you think? Do you go up to the woman with three pounds of make up and let her know that it doesn’t make her look alluring, just cheap? Do you fart loudly in a restaurant just because you can? For a lot of you, the answer is no for all of those. But how many of you would like to?
When you’re drunk, tired, angry, or frustrated, the layer of “nice nice” gets thinner to non existent. I don’t drink, but I do stay up way too late, and when I do I get very, very honest. Plenty of my friends get the same way when they are drunk or angry or frustrated. That’s one of the reasons why it’s not “nice” to be drunk, angry, or frustrated.
Sometimes, though, it’s the only way to figure out what you’re really thinking. Societal brainwashing can run deep, and sometimes even you don’t know what you’re really thinking because it’s just rude to think that way, so you refuse to acknowledge it. But, you have to do this with some care.
Don’t get drunk and drive, obviously. Don’t get drunk and start calling your exes, either. That’s just begging for trouble. Don’t take your anger out on your boss or your pets or whatever. Yell, scream, etc., but remember that once you calm down, you’re going to have to deal with the consequences of what you said and did.
I am a big fan of journaling, but doing that when drunk or angry doesn’t work very well, so try a recorder, whether you use a tape recorder or your computer or whatever, you’ll be more able to talk than write when you’re upset or drunk enough to cut through the veneer. It’s enlightening, and I highly recommend this to anyone who wants to see a little bit deeper into their own souls.
Saturday, April 04, 2009
When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies
When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies: Freeing Yourself from Food and Weight Obsession by Jane R Hirschmann and Carol H. Munter is a good book. These women have worked for years with women who were obsessed with food, their weight, their size, and have figured out a way to help women get past that. Their system is straight forward, though of course not easy. If it was easy, you wouldn’t need a book to do it. The women they quote in their book believe it to be well worth their while. That’s one of the things I like best about the book is the large number of personal examples that they cite. Too many books about women and food and weight are psychoanalytical, dry, and sometimes pompous. This one talks about women on their own level and lets the women’s words speak for themselves.
Friday, April 03, 2009
What You’re Owed
The American dream is, in part, responsible for a great deal of crime and violence because people feel that the country owes them not only a living but a good living. - psychoanalyst David Abrahansen, San Francisco Examiner and Chronicle, November 18, 1975
What are you owed, really, by America? Not a thing, other than what’s dictated by law. You are owed the right to remain silent if you’re arrested. You’re owed freedom of religion. You’re owed the ability to cross a street in a cross walk with the light without getting run over. Other than that, what are you owed?
Are you owed a living? No. Are you owed happiness? Sorry, again no. You’re offered life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, but not happiness itself. And you have life, since you’re reading this, unless you’re dead and reading this, in which case contact me, I’d like to talk to you. And if you don’t have liberty, then either the system screwed up or you did. But you’re not owed a living. You’re not owed a great job. You’re not owed the right to do whatever you want at the expense of other people.
And the sooner you realize this, the happier you’ll be. Or, if you refuse to realize it, then work on making the changes necessary so that you are owed it, because it isn’t true now.
What are you owed, really, by America? Not a thing, other than what’s dictated by law. You are owed the right to remain silent if you’re arrested. You’re owed freedom of religion. You’re owed the ability to cross a street in a cross walk with the light without getting run over. Other than that, what are you owed?
Are you owed a living? No. Are you owed happiness? Sorry, again no. You’re offered life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, but not happiness itself. And you have life, since you’re reading this, unless you’re dead and reading this, in which case contact me, I’d like to talk to you. And if you don’t have liberty, then either the system screwed up or you did. But you’re not owed a living. You’re not owed a great job. You’re not owed the right to do whatever you want at the expense of other people.
And the sooner you realize this, the happier you’ll be. Or, if you refuse to realize it, then work on making the changes necessary so that you are owed it, because it isn’t true now.
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Inertia (epilogue)
For me, those are the four main weapons that inertia has in my life – emotional investment, pride, difficulty, and self perception. Inertia may have other weapons in your life, other things that it holds over you as it shapes your life and your Future. You are stronger than inertia and all of its weapons. You don’t have to tackle the biggest beast on the first go. If you want, you can make little changes, combat inertia on the small scale, before going on to the more important issues. What is important, though, is that the choices you make are because you want to make those choices, not because they’re easy, and inertia can make some otherwise-ugly choices look pretty appealing. You deserve the very best you can give yourself, and the very best Future.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Inertia (self-perception)
I don’t like to consider myself an angry person. Anger was an emotion that only my father was allowed to feel, back in my childhood home. I didn’t like what anger did to him, and I did my best throughout my life not to be angry. And if I was angry, I didn’t show it, sometimes not even to myself. But I do get angry, both legitimately and illegitimately. But what does that mean? Who gets to decide legitimate anger? My definition of legitimate anger has expanded quite a bit throughout time. I’ll save that for another post. But still, I don’t like to think of myself as an angry person.
I used to think of myself as someone who could handle anything, someone very much “go with the flow”. What that translated into was “doormat”. I’m working on that one, but I still like to feel that I am an open-minded person with few prejudices. Uh huh. I have prejudices. I don’t like being reminded of them, though.
Journaling is something that’s been suggested to me by professionals, either through mindfulness classes or support groups or books, but it’s not something I keep going for any length of time. I pick it up now and again, but I drop it readily now. Back when I was still fooling myself about how I felt and what I thought, I wrote in my journal on a much more regular basis. But now that I know myself better, now that I’m no longer lying to myself about what does or doesn’t hurt, about whether or not I feel anger, about whether or not something upsets me, I don’t journal very much any more. If I’m going to lie, I may as well write fiction. If I’m going to talk about someone else, I may as well blog. To journal honestly, I’m going to have to take a look at myself, and my self perception might not match with reality.
That’s another of inertia’s weapons – self perception, closely tied into pride. There are dark spots in everyone’s souls that they just don’t want to peer into very closely. For me, journaling shines a light into those spots. For others, it may be something else. Someone might not exercise because doing so would remind him that he isn’t young any more, that he doesn’t have a 20-year-old’s body any longer. Someone might not try out a sculpting or acting class, because she’s brilliant in her own head and doesn’t want the possibility of seeing something else when doing these things in real life. For others, starting something isn’t the problem. Ending something is. If she stops all her volunteer work, she’ll have to stay home more often with her husband, and she doesn’t want to see that that’s not something she wants to do. Inertia works both ways – it’s the continuation of your level of motion, whether that be not at all or way too much.
I used to think of myself as someone who could handle anything, someone very much “go with the flow”. What that translated into was “doormat”. I’m working on that one, but I still like to feel that I am an open-minded person with few prejudices. Uh huh. I have prejudices. I don’t like being reminded of them, though.
Journaling is something that’s been suggested to me by professionals, either through mindfulness classes or support groups or books, but it’s not something I keep going for any length of time. I pick it up now and again, but I drop it readily now. Back when I was still fooling myself about how I felt and what I thought, I wrote in my journal on a much more regular basis. But now that I know myself better, now that I’m no longer lying to myself about what does or doesn’t hurt, about whether or not I feel anger, about whether or not something upsets me, I don’t journal very much any more. If I’m going to lie, I may as well write fiction. If I’m going to talk about someone else, I may as well blog. To journal honestly, I’m going to have to take a look at myself, and my self perception might not match with reality.
That’s another of inertia’s weapons – self perception, closely tied into pride. There are dark spots in everyone’s souls that they just don’t want to peer into very closely. For me, journaling shines a light into those spots. For others, it may be something else. Someone might not exercise because doing so would remind him that he isn’t young any more, that he doesn’t have a 20-year-old’s body any longer. Someone might not try out a sculpting or acting class, because she’s brilliant in her own head and doesn’t want the possibility of seeing something else when doing these things in real life. For others, starting something isn’t the problem. Ending something is. If she stops all her volunteer work, she’ll have to stay home more often with her husband, and she doesn’t want to see that that’s not something she wants to do. Inertia works both ways – it’s the continuation of your level of motion, whether that be not at all or way too much.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Inertia (pride and difficulty)
I like to write. I’ve written quite a bit. No, I’ve never been published, but that’s not the point of my writing. I write things I enjoy reading and things I enjoy writing. Some people don’t see the point of that. Why write if you’re not going to get published? Not every hobby has to make money. Some hobbies are their own rewards.
So, why don’t I write more often? It’s not as easy as a computer game. While exercising has an emotional investment, writing involves two other of inertia’s weapons – pride and difficulty. I write in phases. It used to be poems, then it was short stories, now it’s novellas. I’m going to use novellas (mini-novels) as the example, but it works with any kind of writing.
Writing a good novella is not easy. Writing any novella is, but my pride would prefer that I write a good one. It’s simple to do – you put words onto paper. But, doing it well is not that easy. And I want to do it well. One of the reasons I write is so I can go back and reread it later, and who wants to read something that’s written poorly? Especially if it’s something I’ve written myself. I take pride in my ability to write. I’ve been doing it for decades. It’s something I think I’ve gotten pretty good at. I have a large vocabulary. I have a decent knowledge of grammar. (Yes, I know that two sentences ago I ended a sentence with a preposition.) I can construct an okay plot and somewhat realistic characters. But it’s taken a lot of time and practice to get to this point, and my pride insists that I keep getting better. Getting better is difficult. Writing at this level of proficiency would not be hard. Rewriting the sort of things that I’ve already written would not be hard. But, there are new stories to tell, new plots to make, new characters to describe, and new pieces of fiction to complete. And my pride wants me to do it all well, but it’s not an easy thing to do.
Computer games or movies, on the other hand, are easy things to do, and I have little to no investment of my pride in them. That’s why they win too often. I’ve had more experience combating emotional investment and inertia than I have pride. This is a lesson I’m learning again right now.
So, why don’t I write more often? It’s not as easy as a computer game. While exercising has an emotional investment, writing involves two other of inertia’s weapons – pride and difficulty. I write in phases. It used to be poems, then it was short stories, now it’s novellas. I’m going to use novellas (mini-novels) as the example, but it works with any kind of writing.
Writing a good novella is not easy. Writing any novella is, but my pride would prefer that I write a good one. It’s simple to do – you put words onto paper. But, doing it well is not that easy. And I want to do it well. One of the reasons I write is so I can go back and reread it later, and who wants to read something that’s written poorly? Especially if it’s something I’ve written myself. I take pride in my ability to write. I’ve been doing it for decades. It’s something I think I’ve gotten pretty good at. I have a large vocabulary. I have a decent knowledge of grammar. (Yes, I know that two sentences ago I ended a sentence with a preposition.) I can construct an okay plot and somewhat realistic characters. But it’s taken a lot of time and practice to get to this point, and my pride insists that I keep getting better. Getting better is difficult. Writing at this level of proficiency would not be hard. Rewriting the sort of things that I’ve already written would not be hard. But, there are new stories to tell, new plots to make, new characters to describe, and new pieces of fiction to complete. And my pride wants me to do it all well, but it’s not an easy thing to do.
Computer games or movies, on the other hand, are easy things to do, and I have little to no investment of my pride in them. That’s why they win too often. I’ve had more experience combating emotional investment and inertia than I have pride. This is a lesson I’m learning again right now.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Inertia (emotional investment)
It takes time and energy to start a new computer game. New rules to learn, time taken to play it, at least a little bit of concentration (at least for the games I enjoy). Some computer games eat up hours a day. So why don’t I take some time out to exercise or write or post on time or whatever?
It’s because of the emotional investment and the immediate gratification in return. I have no emotional investment in a new computer game or a murder mystery or a movie (usually). All I have to give it is time and attention. That’s not that difficult. On top of which, it immediately rewards me with fun and distraction, often laughter. It’s cotton candy, not nutritious, but sweet to eat. Exercise doesn’t give me an immediate rush. It’s work. And my mind is still free to think while I do it. And what does it think about? Well, I’m exercising, which means I’m trying to reshape my body and work off calories, which means my body isn’t right the way it is, which means my body is wrong, which reminds me of all the people who have told me I’m ugly or unattractive or plain just too fat, and why do I want to do something that’s constantly reminding me I’m fat, even if it is something that will cause me to become less fat, more shapely, and healthier? I’ve been on an exercise regimen that I’ve been following very faithfully for the past few years, despite those thoughts (except for the past horrific month). I keep my mind occupied with other things, trying to be “mindful” of my exercising some days, day dreaming about my favorite TV shows others. I still beat myself up on occasion about exercising – I should do it more often, I should use heavier weights, I should, I should, I should, I should, but really, those are mostly voices from my past, from others, and are judging and/or condemning, and I’ve been working for over a decade to disentangle myself from those kinds of voices, and I’m doing pretty well at it. So I do exercise, because the long-term benefits outweigh the short-term negatives, and because I’ve been doing it long enough that I see some results.
Now, I’ve done this in the past. There have been other exercise regimens that I’ve picked up and laid down, usually after a long period of time. So I have personal knowledge that if I keep going with my exercise routine, I would see results. But I had to try and “fail” time and again in order to get that knowledge, in order to have enough of a reason to fight the inertia that would keep me sleeping a little later rather than working out.
Right now, I’m going on about 4 weeks since I last exercised consistently. Tube feeding my cat was much more important than exercising. Taking care of my mourning and (as it turned out) dying second cat was much more important than exercising. Taking time for my own mourning for my two cats was more important, and right now, exercising while I have a bad cold would just exhaust me too much to go to work, which is more important than exercising. But I see the signs that if I don’t start back up again, inertia may decide that I won’t start up again, so it will be soon. While I’m sick, I’ll do just a little, but enough to keep me in the habit of doing something. And then I’ll add it back in slowly but surely. I was able to pick it back up after a long time off after my surgery two years ago. I can pick it back up after a mere month.
It’s because of the emotional investment and the immediate gratification in return. I have no emotional investment in a new computer game or a murder mystery or a movie (usually). All I have to give it is time and attention. That’s not that difficult. On top of which, it immediately rewards me with fun and distraction, often laughter. It’s cotton candy, not nutritious, but sweet to eat. Exercise doesn’t give me an immediate rush. It’s work. And my mind is still free to think while I do it. And what does it think about? Well, I’m exercising, which means I’m trying to reshape my body and work off calories, which means my body isn’t right the way it is, which means my body is wrong, which reminds me of all the people who have told me I’m ugly or unattractive or plain just too fat, and why do I want to do something that’s constantly reminding me I’m fat, even if it is something that will cause me to become less fat, more shapely, and healthier? I’ve been on an exercise regimen that I’ve been following very faithfully for the past few years, despite those thoughts (except for the past horrific month). I keep my mind occupied with other things, trying to be “mindful” of my exercising some days, day dreaming about my favorite TV shows others. I still beat myself up on occasion about exercising – I should do it more often, I should use heavier weights, I should, I should, I should, I should, but really, those are mostly voices from my past, from others, and are judging and/or condemning, and I’ve been working for over a decade to disentangle myself from those kinds of voices, and I’m doing pretty well at it. So I do exercise, because the long-term benefits outweigh the short-term negatives, and because I’ve been doing it long enough that I see some results.
Now, I’ve done this in the past. There have been other exercise regimens that I’ve picked up and laid down, usually after a long period of time. So I have personal knowledge that if I keep going with my exercise routine, I would see results. But I had to try and “fail” time and again in order to get that knowledge, in order to have enough of a reason to fight the inertia that would keep me sleeping a little later rather than working out.
Right now, I’m going on about 4 weeks since I last exercised consistently. Tube feeding my cat was much more important than exercising. Taking care of my mourning and (as it turned out) dying second cat was much more important than exercising. Taking time for my own mourning for my two cats was more important, and right now, exercising while I have a bad cold would just exhaust me too much to go to work, which is more important than exercising. But I see the signs that if I don’t start back up again, inertia may decide that I won’t start up again, so it will be soon. While I’m sick, I’ll do just a little, but enough to keep me in the habit of doing something. And then I’ll add it back in slowly but surely. I was able to pick it back up after a long time off after my surgery two years ago. I can pick it back up after a mere month.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Inertia (prelude)
Perhaps I’ve written about this before, perhaps not. But, even if I have, it’s come up again my in own life, one of those lessons you have to learn and learn and learn until you learn it all. I’m not going to say “until you get it right”, because there really is no such thing. I did get it right. I got it right the first time I learned it, right enough to be able to get past the lesson and onto something else. I got it right the second time I learned it. And the third, and the fourth, and the fifth, throughout my life. It’s like math. You learn counting. Then addition. Then subtraction. Then multiplication. And so on and so on. Some people learn calculus. Some don’t. Some people learn quantum physics. Some don’t. I learned my lesson about inertia, and the later I had a new lesson about inertia to learn. That doesn’t mean I didn’t get it right. I do lapse. I do slide backwards, and on occasion I may need a refresher course, but I’m never in the same place as I was back when I got my first lesson. You never really start over. I know I’ve said that before, so I won’t go into that again.
Inertia, the tendency to stay in motion if you are in motion, or to stay still if you are still. It’s also the biggest reason why people stay on their duffs on the couch instead of doing something new that’s good for them. I could fill up a blog, much less a blog post, about all the things I know would be good for me to do but I just ain’t doing them. I’m there right now. I’ve been there for quite a while, but the recent deaths and now this cold I’ve got have put it into perspective for me. Illness has a tendency to do that for me, because I don’t feel like doing any of my normal distractions – going out with friends, computer games, reading. Because I’m not as distracted, my mind actually has time to bring forth those thoughts that have been sitting patiently in the back of my head, and a lot of them are about what I could do that would make my life a greater pleasure to live. It’s time again to take a few out from the “back room” of my mind, dust them off, and add them to my life. Each time I do, they stick for a while. Some stay for a very long time. It makes my life better when I do, but inertia causes me to stay put. Why? Well, let me think…
(to be continued)
Inertia, the tendency to stay in motion if you are in motion, or to stay still if you are still. It’s also the biggest reason why people stay on their duffs on the couch instead of doing something new that’s good for them. I could fill up a blog, much less a blog post, about all the things I know would be good for me to do but I just ain’t doing them. I’m there right now. I’ve been there for quite a while, but the recent deaths and now this cold I’ve got have put it into perspective for me. Illness has a tendency to do that for me, because I don’t feel like doing any of my normal distractions – going out with friends, computer games, reading. Because I’m not as distracted, my mind actually has time to bring forth those thoughts that have been sitting patiently in the back of my head, and a lot of them are about what I could do that would make my life a greater pleasure to live. It’s time again to take a few out from the “back room” of my mind, dust them off, and add them to my life. Each time I do, they stick for a while. Some stay for a very long time. It makes my life better when I do, but inertia causes me to stay put. Why? Well, let me think…
(to be continued)
Friday, March 20, 2009
Crisis and the Meaning of Life
I said in “Define Living” that a crisis is a lousy time to start thinking about the meaning of life. It’s a great time to think about the meaning of life, but a lousy time to start thinking about it.
A crisis is almost defined by having a good reason to panic. If there is not a good reason to panic, then it isn’t much of a crisis. Not to say that you would panic. After all, that wouldn’t do you any good. But since there is a reason to panic, you will probably be mentally distracted. Not to mention that you still have to deal with whatever caused the crisis in the first place. In short, you have a lot going on and a lot to think about.
It’s better to have some money saved up prior to needing to replace your car. It’s better to have a first aid kit on hand prior to slicing open your finger with a kitchen knife. It’s better to have a spare tire in your trunk prior to getting a flat. And it’s better to think about the meaning of life prior to having your world shaken. Having a definition of living can be a rock for you in times of trouble, even if that definition changes. It’s something you can hang on to for a while, like some people’s faith or friendships or family. It can help you weather the storm. Have just a start so that your mind has a touchstone when it starts wondering “Why me? Why is this happening?” It can help.
A crisis is almost defined by having a good reason to panic. If there is not a good reason to panic, then it isn’t much of a crisis. Not to say that you would panic. After all, that wouldn’t do you any good. But since there is a reason to panic, you will probably be mentally distracted. Not to mention that you still have to deal with whatever caused the crisis in the first place. In short, you have a lot going on and a lot to think about.
It’s better to have some money saved up prior to needing to replace your car. It’s better to have a first aid kit on hand prior to slicing open your finger with a kitchen knife. It’s better to have a spare tire in your trunk prior to getting a flat. And it’s better to think about the meaning of life prior to having your world shaken. Having a definition of living can be a rock for you in times of trouble, even if that definition changes. It’s something you can hang on to for a while, like some people’s faith or friendships or family. It can help you weather the storm. Have just a start so that your mind has a touchstone when it starts wondering “Why me? Why is this happening?” It can help.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Mid Life Crisis
In “Action Verb”, I talked about people hitting a mid life crisis and continuing to be brain dead. Too many people hit a certain age and realize that they aren’t “living” by their definition. The unfortunate thing is that they don’t really have a definition of “living”. They just don’t feel alive. However, they don’t know what their definition of “living” is, and they don’t want to bother with all that introspective crap when they’re in the middle of a crisis. Instead, they go the two major sources of “living” definitions that there are for people like that – the media and their youth.
The media is constantly bombarding us with images and messages saying that if we did this, bought that, used this, we’d have amazing and fun filled lives. If only we had a red convertible, we’d get the gorgeous blond, too. If only we used this deodorant, we’d have people flocking to us in the bars. If only we got a hair cut and manicure and new wardrobe, we’d be married in no time. And we want the excitement of new things and of dreams fulfilled, even if they’re only fantasies and not really plans for our Future. So, we fall into the trap. But it doesn’t work, because it’s still someone else’s definition of living. But, like a drug, people don’t realize that it’s not working. They think they just don’t have enough of it. So they take trips or get a second car or find a hot young lover that is willing to help us throw away our money. The media has a definition of living that works for only some people. If you buy into their definition without seeing if it works for you, you’ll be no better off than you were two years ago.
People also think back to the last time they felt alive, and for many that was in their late teens and early twenties. So, they try to “recapture their youth” without thinking about whether or not that is still appropriate for them at their present place in life. Getting drunk every night or staying out until 6 am may have been a lot of fun for you then, but things are different for you now. You don’t live with six other people in a run down place with the nice drug dealer next door. You don’t have the job in the copier store or the fast food joint where you go into work at 2 in the afternoon. You also don’t have the same metabolism as you used to or as low of a balance on your credit card. Or any other of a dozen differences between your life at 20 and your life at 40. Living is different for a person throughout your life, and while it is a pain in the butt to have to redefine it now and again, repairing the damage done from your midlife crisis will be a bigger pain in the butt if you don’t.
Don’t ruin your Future by insisting on dragging your past with you.
The media is constantly bombarding us with images and messages saying that if we did this, bought that, used this, we’d have amazing and fun filled lives. If only we had a red convertible, we’d get the gorgeous blond, too. If only we used this deodorant, we’d have people flocking to us in the bars. If only we got a hair cut and manicure and new wardrobe, we’d be married in no time. And we want the excitement of new things and of dreams fulfilled, even if they’re only fantasies and not really plans for our Future. So, we fall into the trap. But it doesn’t work, because it’s still someone else’s definition of living. But, like a drug, people don’t realize that it’s not working. They think they just don’t have enough of it. So they take trips or get a second car or find a hot young lover that is willing to help us throw away our money. The media has a definition of living that works for only some people. If you buy into their definition without seeing if it works for you, you’ll be no better off than you were two years ago.
People also think back to the last time they felt alive, and for many that was in their late teens and early twenties. So, they try to “recapture their youth” without thinking about whether or not that is still appropriate for them at their present place in life. Getting drunk every night or staying out until 6 am may have been a lot of fun for you then, but things are different for you now. You don’t live with six other people in a run down place with the nice drug dealer next door. You don’t have the job in the copier store or the fast food joint where you go into work at 2 in the afternoon. You also don’t have the same metabolism as you used to or as low of a balance on your credit card. Or any other of a dozen differences between your life at 20 and your life at 40. Living is different for a person throughout your life, and while it is a pain in the butt to have to redefine it now and again, repairing the damage done from your midlife crisis will be a bigger pain in the butt if you don’t.
Don’t ruin your Future by insisting on dragging your past with you.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Define Living
How do you define living? Have you ever defined living? A lot of the most radical people have defined it. Some of the most radical people haven’t and are merely reacting. Reacting is an action verb, like living, but it isn’t quite living. So what is living?
You put some people in a 40-hour-a-week desk job, and they will thrive. Some will trudge along sullenly. Some will outright rebel. For some people, that is part of the definition of living. For some it is part of the definition of death. My definition of living includes walks outdoors and reading. And friends. Most definitely friends. Yours may not. But if my definition and your definition are different, then how do you know if you’re living? That’s kinda my point. Or rather, that’s almost exactly my point.
You have to figure out what living means to you, preferably before a crisis, because a crisis is a really lousy time to start thinking about the meaning of life. People can get a little crazy around a crisis, and we shouldn’t all get crazy at the same time. What is necessary for your life? Is it comfort? Creativity? Novelty? Friends? Solitude? Security? Risk? Family? What makes you feel alive inside? What makes your eyes dance and your breathing easy and free? Figure out what makes you alive rather than merely surviving, and bring more of it into your Future. Create a Living Future, for you deserve that.
You put some people in a 40-hour-a-week desk job, and they will thrive. Some will trudge along sullenly. Some will outright rebel. For some people, that is part of the definition of living. For some it is part of the definition of death. My definition of living includes walks outdoors and reading. And friends. Most definitely friends. Yours may not. But if my definition and your definition are different, then how do you know if you’re living? That’s kinda my point. Or rather, that’s almost exactly my point.
You have to figure out what living means to you, preferably before a crisis, because a crisis is a really lousy time to start thinking about the meaning of life. People can get a little crazy around a crisis, and we shouldn’t all get crazy at the same time. What is necessary for your life? Is it comfort? Creativity? Novelty? Friends? Solitude? Security? Risk? Family? What makes you feel alive inside? What makes your eyes dance and your breathing easy and free? Figure out what makes you alive rather than merely surviving, and bring more of it into your Future. Create a Living Future, for you deserve that.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Another Death
Two weeks after I put down my female cat, I had to put down my male cat. He also had a mass in his abdomen, but one of a different type. Putting him down was both easier and harder than putting down her. It was easier because I had already made the choice once wit a previous pet and because I had heard him screaming in pain, while with her, she was the first pet for whom I’d ever had to make that decision and she sulked a lot and didn’t display her pain as vividly. It was harder because I loved him more. She was my pet, and I loved her, but he was my baby boy and always will be. They’re better off now, and I’m not, but that’s sometimes what you have to do. Sometimes you have to take care of yourself, and sometimes you have to take care of others. As much as I wanted to keep them around, doing so would be cruel.
Monday, March 09, 2009
Loving
So, how do you love someone? In that famous poem that a whole lot of high school students know the first and second lines to, and a sprinkling of others know the rest, the poet talked about the expanse of her emotions, but not about what she does that is the verb “love”. Love is a verb as well as an emotion, and it’s the verb I’m talking about today.
I loved my husband when I stayed up late to take him to work, even though I ended up dog tired at my own job the next day. I love my parents when I write them every month, even if I don’t have anything to say, other than “love you”. I love my friends when I invite them over to my place to hang out and play games and talk. I love my cats when I take care of them, feeding them, giving them medicine, doing my damnedest to make her well again, and letting her go when I needed to. I love myself when I set up exercise routines and clean the house so that it’s healthy for me, and when I am very gentle with myself during the rough times and let those things slide for a little while.
I have been loved by my friends who drove me to the vet and stayed with me when my cat died. I have been loved by my brother and sister-in-law when they invited me over for my first Christmas alone. I have been loved by my parents when they told me sincerely that I could always live with them for a while or a long time if that’s what I needed. I have been loved by pets throughout my life, by lovers and a husband, and by many friends both here and gone by their actions and their words and their presence.
Love yourself with your emotions, your thoughts, and most importantly your actions. Practice on others if you have to first. Practice on yourself if you have to first. But create more loving actions in your life, and your Future will be more loving in both feelings and deeds.
I loved my husband when I stayed up late to take him to work, even though I ended up dog tired at my own job the next day. I love my parents when I write them every month, even if I don’t have anything to say, other than “love you”. I love my friends when I invite them over to my place to hang out and play games and talk. I love my cats when I take care of them, feeding them, giving them medicine, doing my damnedest to make her well again, and letting her go when I needed to. I love myself when I set up exercise routines and clean the house so that it’s healthy for me, and when I am very gentle with myself during the rough times and let those things slide for a little while.
I have been loved by my friends who drove me to the vet and stayed with me when my cat died. I have been loved by my brother and sister-in-law when they invited me over for my first Christmas alone. I have been loved by my parents when they told me sincerely that I could always live with them for a while or a long time if that’s what I needed. I have been loved by pets throughout my life, by lovers and a husband, and by many friends both here and gone by their actions and their words and their presence.
Love yourself with your emotions, your thoughts, and most importantly your actions. Practice on others if you have to first. Practice on yourself if you have to first. But create more loving actions in your life, and your Future will be more loving in both feelings and deeds.
Saturday, March 07, 2009
This Year You Write Your Novel
This Year You Write Your Novel by Walter Mosley. I have a very good vocabulary, better than most of my friends, as good as the rest. When I hit the third word I didn’t know in the book, I stopped. How good could a book on writing be when the author doesn’t know how to make his own book readable by the majority of his target audience?
Friday, March 06, 2009
Action Verb
Living is an action verb. Pretty much anything that ends in “ing” is an action verb. We are human beings. We are humans who are actualizing the verb “to be”. We are being. Whether or not we are living is up for debate. If we are being, then we are most likely surviving, but surviving is not living. Surviving is a requirement for living, but it is not sufficient. Walking, talking, seeing, smelling, tasting, touching, are all things that enhance living, but none of them are necessarily essential for living. Living as many different definitions, but not as many as there are humans on the earth, which is a sad thing.
A lot of people go through life living without defining what that is for them. They get up, go to work, come home, mow the lawn on Saturdays, do their laundry on Sundays and their shopping on Wednesdays because that’s when the coupons are doubled at the local store. Is that sufficient for them for living? Many people don’t bother looking at it or defining it until they hit 40 or so and we get the almost cliché “mid life crisis”. There is no crisis. You just realized that you hadn’t bothered defining “living” and thus aren’t doing it by your alleged definition. Most “mid life crisis” people borrow their definition of “living” from the media or their early 20s. Yet another brain dead short cut. More on that later.
Loving is another great action verb. “I love him” or “I love her”. What does that mean? For most people, it means that you feel the emotion of love for that person, and that’s it. Love is a verb, and loving is an action verb. “I am loving him” is inaccurate for a lot of relationships, which is why they fail. If you can accurately say, “I am loving my partner” in addition to “I love my partner”, then you’re doing great. More on that later.
Live is meant to be lived using action verbs. Swimming, thinking, contemplating, loving, shopping, reading, meditating, playing, dancing – all these things are actions that can fill your life with living. Pick a few of them, or all of them, and a whole lot more, and fill up your Future.
A lot of people go through life living without defining what that is for them. They get up, go to work, come home, mow the lawn on Saturdays, do their laundry on Sundays and their shopping on Wednesdays because that’s when the coupons are doubled at the local store. Is that sufficient for them for living? Many people don’t bother looking at it or defining it until they hit 40 or so and we get the almost cliché “mid life crisis”. There is no crisis. You just realized that you hadn’t bothered defining “living” and thus aren’t doing it by your alleged definition. Most “mid life crisis” people borrow their definition of “living” from the media or their early 20s. Yet another brain dead short cut. More on that later.
Loving is another great action verb. “I love him” or “I love her”. What does that mean? For most people, it means that you feel the emotion of love for that person, and that’s it. Love is a verb, and loving is an action verb. “I am loving him” is inaccurate for a lot of relationships, which is why they fail. If you can accurately say, “I am loving my partner” in addition to “I love my partner”, then you’re doing great. More on that later.
Live is meant to be lived using action verbs. Swimming, thinking, contemplating, loving, shopping, reading, meditating, playing, dancing – all these things are actions that can fill your life with living. Pick a few of them, or all of them, and a whole lot more, and fill up your Future.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Death and the Muppets
There’s a song in “Muppets Take Manhattan” (a movie) called “Saying Goodbye”. In it, Scooter says, “Saying goodbye, why is it sad? It makes us remember all the good times we had.”
Someone should drop-kick Scooter. Idiot.
The past is not more important than the present. Having memories of your friends is not as important as being with your friends right now. He’s one of those people who’ll be happiest when he’s 95 years old and sitting in a rocking chair looking at pictures of 70 years ago, enjoying those times more than he had when he was actually living them. Idiot.
Having memories and enjoying past times with your loved ones matter. But don’t forget to enjoy the present, too. Living in the past is as destructive to you as living in the future. You live now. Living is an action verb, like swimming and walking and loving. Live now, because no matter where your head is, now becomes then very quickly.
Someone should drop-kick Scooter. Idiot.
The past is not more important than the present. Having memories of your friends is not as important as being with your friends right now. He’s one of those people who’ll be happiest when he’s 95 years old and sitting in a rocking chair looking at pictures of 70 years ago, enjoying those times more than he had when he was actually living them. Idiot.
Having memories and enjoying past times with your loved ones matter. But don’t forget to enjoy the present, too. Living in the past is as destructive to you as living in the future. You live now. Living is an action verb, like swimming and walking and loving. Live now, because no matter where your head is, now becomes then very quickly.
Monday, March 02, 2009
Dead
A week and two days ago, I put my cat down. She was very, very sick, in a lot of pain, and had about a week to live. It was the most merciful thing I could have done. It was also the hardest. I miss her, and my home seems emptier without her in it. I believe in reincarnation in humans, and I will most likely be on earth again. I hope that in between lives, I’ll be able to spend some time with her.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Not Yelling
Some other ways you might want to use to vent your frustration or anger with out violence or destruction:
Pottery – really, have you molded and thrown and shoved a lump of clay lately?
Walking – also good exercise. Running’s good, but it’s harder on the knees.
Scrubbing your tub – venting, and cleaning, a good combo. Or weeding, a destruction that is good for you.
Going for a drive – better in bad weather than walking, but uses up gas
Loud music – drowning out your anger through volume can work, especially if you sing at the top of your lungs, too
Sex – don’t go out and have anonymous sex with strangers (see previous posts), but if you’ve got a partner that likes it hot and sweaty now and again, have at. Masturbation’s good, too.
Crafts like painting or knitting – something physical that creates. Not as good, because the physical aspect isn’t as vigorous, but for those “low simmer” times, creating something of beauty can help raise your mood
Writing – get your angry yelling down on paper, either in true form or disguised in a bit of fiction. Use loud, angry pens like red markers and those blue bleeding pens that drip across the page, the ones you don’t like using for anything else. Crayon works well, too, if you dare to seem a bit silly
Pottery – really, have you molded and thrown and shoved a lump of clay lately?
Walking – also good exercise. Running’s good, but it’s harder on the knees.
Scrubbing your tub – venting, and cleaning, a good combo. Or weeding, a destruction that is good for you.
Going for a drive – better in bad weather than walking, but uses up gas
Loud music – drowning out your anger through volume can work, especially if you sing at the top of your lungs, too
Sex – don’t go out and have anonymous sex with strangers (see previous posts), but if you’ve got a partner that likes it hot and sweaty now and again, have at. Masturbation’s good, too.
Crafts like painting or knitting – something physical that creates. Not as good, because the physical aspect isn’t as vigorous, but for those “low simmer” times, creating something of beauty can help raise your mood
Writing – get your angry yelling down on paper, either in true form or disguised in a bit of fiction. Use loud, angry pens like red markers and those blue bleeding pens that drip across the page, the ones you don’t like using for anything else. Crayon works well, too, if you dare to seem a bit silly
Monday, February 23, 2009
Yelling at a Stubbed Toe
People who do this are over-reactors. If they are yelling about a stubbed toe and not something else, then they have a problem. Perhaps it’s medical, and their toes are incredibly sensitive, in which case they should invest in some steel-toed shoes. Perhaps they are normally calm people but have a hair trigger, in which case they are probably doing okay, but they might want to check out that seething anger that lies beneath the surface. Perhaps they yell about everything, in which case they have anger issues and should work on getting those resolved. Life is a beautiful and joyous thing, and if being alive wasn’t considered better than the alternative, then a whole lot more people would be committing suicide. So why are you so angry? Why don’t you feel the joy and beauty of life? Something’s wrong, and you should take care of it before you’re on your deathbed and only then realize what you’ve been missing.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
1001 Ways to Cut Your Expenses
1001 Ways to Cut Your Expenses by Jonathan D. Pond. It’s repetitious. It may be good for a once-through of just the bolded parts for a quick-and-dirty summary of methods. Not a whole lot that isn’t common sense, but you don’t always think about everything when you’re in the midst of a situation, financial or otherwise.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Angry at the Right Time
To be angry is easy. But to be angry with the right man at the right time and in the right manner, that is not easy. - Aristotle
Have you ever (or ever seen someone else) get a hole in your sock or spill some coffee on your pants or stub your toe and then just lose it? Swearing and hopping and yelling and sometimes large gestures that people and pets have to duck. It’s just a stubbed toe, but the person goes ballistic.
It’s not just a stubbed toe. Ever. Perhaps that person has had a horrible day in general or had a fight with their boss or didn’t want to come home to this sham of a marriage or something. It’s not just a stubbed toe. But you can yell at a stubbed toe. You can scream about a stubbed toe. You can’t yell at your boss. You can’t tell your spouse you want out of this marriage, or maybe you can’t tell yourself you want out. You can’t get angry at your mentally ill parents. You can’t do any of that, or so you think. So you yell at the stubbed toe.
And as long as it’s a stubbed toe or a spilled cup of coffee or a stone in the walkway, that can be okay, for now (more on that later). But when it’s your pet or your child or your spouse that you’re yelling at, that’s a different story. They don’t deserve to be yelled at just because you’re angry at someone else. Or if it really and truly is them that you’re angry at, they don’t deserve to be yelled at for anything other than what you’re really angry about. Do not take it out on your spouse about dinner being 15 minutes late when you’re really angry about having to stay married. If you’re going to yell at someone, yell at the right person for the right thing.
Not yelling but managing to get the anger out some other constructive way is even better, but more on that later, too.
If you have to yell, don’t do it at someone unless it’s that person who deserves being yelled at, for the reason you’re yelling at them, and there really and truly is no other way to get your point across.
Have you ever (or ever seen someone else) get a hole in your sock or spill some coffee on your pants or stub your toe and then just lose it? Swearing and hopping and yelling and sometimes large gestures that people and pets have to duck. It’s just a stubbed toe, but the person goes ballistic.
It’s not just a stubbed toe. Ever. Perhaps that person has had a horrible day in general or had a fight with their boss or didn’t want to come home to this sham of a marriage or something. It’s not just a stubbed toe. But you can yell at a stubbed toe. You can scream about a stubbed toe. You can’t yell at your boss. You can’t tell your spouse you want out of this marriage, or maybe you can’t tell yourself you want out. You can’t get angry at your mentally ill parents. You can’t do any of that, or so you think. So you yell at the stubbed toe.
And as long as it’s a stubbed toe or a spilled cup of coffee or a stone in the walkway, that can be okay, for now (more on that later). But when it’s your pet or your child or your spouse that you’re yelling at, that’s a different story. They don’t deserve to be yelled at just because you’re angry at someone else. Or if it really and truly is them that you’re angry at, they don’t deserve to be yelled at for anything other than what you’re really angry about. Do not take it out on your spouse about dinner being 15 minutes late when you’re really angry about having to stay married. If you’re going to yell at someone, yell at the right person for the right thing.
Not yelling but managing to get the anger out some other constructive way is even better, but more on that later, too.
If you have to yell, don’t do it at someone unless it’s that person who deserves being yelled at, for the reason you’re yelling at them, and there really and truly is no other way to get your point across.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Whether You Like It Or Not
Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the things you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not... - Thomas H. Huxley
I do find this to be a major benefit in my life, though it’s been severely lagging of late. Many things in life can have a benefit, even if it isn’t a direct benefit. I don’t use geometry much, but the methods of looking at things logically and taking things step by step is very useful, and those methods I used in geometry. I don’t use my social studies much, but it’s very helpful to have a basic background knowledge about our nation’s and world’s history when looking at the political situations today. But perhaps the most useful thing is as Huxley says – the continuous practice of doing something that needs to be done, on time, even when I don’t want to. There’s a lot of life that’s dull and dreary, but it needs to be done – dishes, dusting, visiting the in-laws. Education can help teach you to suck it up and get it over with so you can party with the rest of your time. Life is willing to teach you that lesson, too, but at a higher cost.
I do find this to be a major benefit in my life, though it’s been severely lagging of late. Many things in life can have a benefit, even if it isn’t a direct benefit. I don’t use geometry much, but the methods of looking at things logically and taking things step by step is very useful, and those methods I used in geometry. I don’t use my social studies much, but it’s very helpful to have a basic background knowledge about our nation’s and world’s history when looking at the political situations today. But perhaps the most useful thing is as Huxley says – the continuous practice of doing something that needs to be done, on time, even when I don’t want to. There’s a lot of life that’s dull and dreary, but it needs to be done – dishes, dusting, visiting the in-laws. Education can help teach you to suck it up and get it over with so you can party with the rest of your time. Life is willing to teach you that lesson, too, but at a higher cost.
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Road Not Taken
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Road_Not_Taken_(poem)
The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost gets a place in my book. I heard the phrase “the road less traveled by” a lot earlier than I ever read the entire poem. I don’t want to be like the average American. I have goals and dreams that differ from what the 6 o’clock news and the 12 o’clock soaps and the 8 o’clock dramas tell us that we want. I’m a different person, and I will continue to take the road less traveled, because that’s the trip most worth taking.
The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost gets a place in my book. I heard the phrase “the road less traveled by” a lot earlier than I ever read the entire poem. I don’t want to be like the average American. I have goals and dreams that differ from what the 6 o’clock news and the 12 o’clock soaps and the 8 o’clock dramas tell us that we want. I’m a different person, and I will continue to take the road less traveled, because that’s the trip most worth taking.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Phenomenal Woman
http://www.feminist.com/resources/artspeech/insp/maya.htm
Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou also belongs in my book. I, too, am not a model’s shape or size, and it’s nice to have affirmed that I can be an attractive, fantastic woman, even with a Rubenesque figure. It’s a poem for anyone who’s physically different but spiritually and mentally unutterably fantastic.
Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou also belongs in my book. I, too, am not a model’s shape or size, and it’s nice to have affirmed that I can be an attractive, fantastic woman, even with a Rubenesque figure. It’s a poem for anyone who’s physically different but spiritually and mentally unutterably fantastic.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Warning
http://www.wheniamanoldwoman.com/pages/348544/index.htm
This is another poem I’d have in that book. Warning by Jenny Joseph has created an entire club. The Red Hat Society is for audacious women over the age of 50 who know that life hasn’t ended for them just because they’re “old”. They are still vibrant and amazing women, and when I grow up, I want to be just like them.
This is another poem I’d have in that book. Warning by Jenny Joseph has created an entire club. The Red Hat Society is for audacious women over the age of 50 who know that life hasn’t ended for them just because they’re “old”. They are still vibrant and amazing women, and when I grow up, I want to be just like them.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
After A While
http://www.sapphyr.net/largegems/afterawhile.htm
After A While by Veronica Shoftsall is a great poem. It’s about picking up the pieces after breaking apart, growing up and becoming self reliant. It’s about comfort that comes from life. It’s a poem I enjoy reading and often remember when I need to be strong enough to take what life throws at me. It’s a reminder that you are strong and get stronger all the time.
If I were to do a book about 10 poems that can change your life, this would be one of the first.
After A While by Veronica Shoftsall is a great poem. It’s about picking up the pieces after breaking apart, growing up and becoming self reliant. It’s about comfort that comes from life. It’s a poem I enjoy reading and often remember when I need to be strong enough to take what life throws at me. It’s a reminder that you are strong and get stronger all the time.
If I were to do a book about 10 poems that can change your life, this would be one of the first.
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Ten Poems to Change Your Life
Ten Poems to Change Your Life by Roger Housden sucked. I'm not a big poetry fan any more, but the title sounded promising. So I read the first couple of poems, and I skipped the interpretations, and I skimmed the remaining poems. These poems are supposed to change my life? One of them was about how warm the poet's socks were. I'm not kidding. I have had some poems if not change my life at least influence or comfort me greatly, and I'll get into some of them and what they mean to me in future posts. But I'm not going to be so pompous as to claim that they will change your life or that my interpretation of them is the right one. My interpretation is influenced by my life and my experiences, and your interpretation will be influenced by yours. Maybe you'll enjoy the poems I suggest. Maybe not. It's your life and your Future. You get to decide.
Friday, February 06, 2009
Packing - Everything else
If you have things you refuse to take with you when you start over, why do you still have them? I can understand certain things - pianos, etc., that bring some value to your life, but not enough to compensate you for the hassle of moving them, but what about other things?
Do you have boxes in the back of your closet you haven't opened in years? Do you even remember what's in them? Why do you still have them? I have a box in my closet that I don't open often. It holds personal items that I don't care to display in my home but I cherish too much to get rid of. However, I also visit that box now and again to see these precious things. It's like having a vacation home you never see. Why bother?
What about clothes that you'll never wear again? Why hang on to them? Do each of them have a special memory?
What about your job? Is this the job you want to have? If not, why not change it now?
What about your friends? Do they support you and give you the positive energy you need in order to create your best Future? If not, why keep them?
If you are looking to start over, think about instead "cleaning house". It may be you don't need to move, you just need a little redecorating.
Do you have boxes in the back of your closet you haven't opened in years? Do you even remember what's in them? Why do you still have them? I have a box in my closet that I don't open often. It holds personal items that I don't care to display in my home but I cherish too much to get rid of. However, I also visit that box now and again to see these precious things. It's like having a vacation home you never see. Why bother?
What about clothes that you'll never wear again? Why hang on to them? Do each of them have a special memory?
What about your job? Is this the job you want to have? If not, why not change it now?
What about your friends? Do they support you and give you the positive energy you need in order to create your best Future? If not, why keep them?
If you are looking to start over, think about instead "cleaning house". It may be you don't need to move, you just need a little redecorating.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Fire in the Soul
Fire in the soul : a new psychology of spiritual optimism by Joan Borysenko. I read about a third of this. About half of that consisted of "as I said in my previous book...", so I stopped. I figure if I want to read this one, I should read the first one, but the first one doesn't sound very interesting, so I won't, and this book wasn't interesting enough to read without it.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Packing - Your Body
Another thing that you'll be taking with you when you start over is your body. You might cut or dye your hair or shave it all off. You might get some cosmetic surgery. But there are things you will either have to change before you leave, after you leave, or just deal with it.
Health is one. If you have a chronic disease or condition now, you will most likely continue to have it. Just because you move to a different climate does not mean that you don't still have health issues. It just means the symptoms have gone away. Any addictions you have will go with you unless you bust them beforehand.
Old injuries, scars, abilities such as being able to walk in high heels or play a musical instrument (which is in part muscle memory), height, and weight will all go with you. You will have to figure out how to change it or make your peace with it. If you are 6'10" and you hate it, you'll still be 6'10" wherever you go. If you're right handed or left handed, you'll still have that.
Figure out what you will be taking with you, or else you may be surprised to see just how much of your "new" life mimics your old.
Health is one. If you have a chronic disease or condition now, you will most likely continue to have it. Just because you move to a different climate does not mean that you don't still have health issues. It just means the symptoms have gone away. Any addictions you have will go with you unless you bust them beforehand.
Old injuries, scars, abilities such as being able to walk in high heels or play a musical instrument (which is in part muscle memory), height, and weight will all go with you. You will have to figure out how to change it or make your peace with it. If you are 6'10" and you hate it, you'll still be 6'10" wherever you go. If you're right handed or left handed, you'll still have that.
Figure out what you will be taking with you, or else you may be surprised to see just how much of your "new" life mimics your old.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Packing – Your Habits
Maybe you smoke. Maybe you eat when you’re stressed. Maybe you fidget. Maybe you zone out at the end of the day with an hour or so of TV. None of these things are going to go away just because you move somewhere else.
It can be easier to start or stop a particular habit in a different place, somewhere that the pressure isn’t as intense or the triggers that bring on the urge aren’t present, but it might be harder, too. Before you pack up your life to move somewhere else to start over, take a good long look at what you’re packing. If you don’t want to smoke in the new chapter of your life, quit now. Don’t say that you’re getting in the last bit of pleasure or that it’s too much to make the change and quit smoking at the same time. Quit now, because you don’t know how tenacious your urge to smoke will be in the new place. If you’re doing a very thorough job of making a new start, part of your brain will tell you that smoking is familiar, and in all this newness and strangeness, something familiar would be nice. So you should smoke, or eat, or watch TV, or do whatever else it is that you don’t want to do. Quit now, say goodbye now. You’ll have plenty of goodbyes to say later.
It can be easier to start or stop a particular habit in a different place, somewhere that the pressure isn’t as intense or the triggers that bring on the urge aren’t present, but it might be harder, too. Before you pack up your life to move somewhere else to start over, take a good long look at what you’re packing. If you don’t want to smoke in the new chapter of your life, quit now. Don’t say that you’re getting in the last bit of pleasure or that it’s too much to make the change and quit smoking at the same time. Quit now, because you don’t know how tenacious your urge to smoke will be in the new place. If you’re doing a very thorough job of making a new start, part of your brain will tell you that smoking is familiar, and in all this newness and strangeness, something familiar would be nice. So you should smoke, or eat, or watch TV, or do whatever else it is that you don’t want to do. Quit now, say goodbye now. You’ll have plenty of goodbyes to say later.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Packing – Your Education
Maybe you want a new job or a new career or a new field entirely. Or maybe you’re thinking about leaving the “rat race” and doing something completely different. In any of those cases, you’ll need to know a few things that you don’t know now. Rather than jumping in blindfolded, start learning now what you’ll need to know. Or, if you know what you need to learn, then learn it now rather than waiting until you’re in your new job, career, field, life.
The same goes for moving to a different part of the country or a different country. You can learn a lot about the neighborhood, the climate, the laws, the language. You can educate yourself so there won’t be quite so much culture shock when you do move.
Perhaps you’re staying put with the same job, but everything else is changing. You can still learn. There are plenty of people who have made the change you’re thinking about, and you probably will be able to find some that will help you through yours.
As you create the next chapter of your Life, of your Future, you get to keep your education, so pack now.
The same goes for moving to a different part of the country or a different country. You can learn a lot about the neighborhood, the climate, the laws, the language. You can educate yourself so there won’t be quite so much culture shock when you do move.
Perhaps you’re staying put with the same job, but everything else is changing. You can still learn. There are plenty of people who have made the change you’re thinking about, and you probably will be able to find some that will help you through yours.
As you create the next chapter of your Life, of your Future, you get to keep your education, so pack now.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Starting Over
You never really start over. Not completely. Even if you end up with amnesia, a thousand miles away from anyone who knew you, you still don’t truly start over. You will still have your body and most likely a good portion of your education. You won’t have all of you, but you’ll have pieces.
In a way, this sucks. You’ll never get a “clean slate”, so to speak. But you don’t need one. Not really.
In a way, this is fantastic. What if you did have a clean slate? You’d have to make all the same mistakes over again, because you wouldn’t remember all the wisdom you gained in your life. You’d have to go back to school, you’d have to relearn how to make friends, you’d have to relearn everything.
You can start a new portion of your life, in a new place, with new people, with a new career, with a new personality if you want, but you still get to retain the wisdom and education you picked up along the way. If the previous chapter of your life sucked, at least then you know what you don’t want. It’s a start.
You don’t have to pick up and move (except in extreme cases) in order to get a new chapter of your life started. If you decide you need to make a new chapter, start “packing” now for the adventure of a lifetime.
In a way, this sucks. You’ll never get a “clean slate”, so to speak. But you don’t need one. Not really.
In a way, this is fantastic. What if you did have a clean slate? You’d have to make all the same mistakes over again, because you wouldn’t remember all the wisdom you gained in your life. You’d have to go back to school, you’d have to relearn how to make friends, you’d have to relearn everything.
You can start a new portion of your life, in a new place, with new people, with a new career, with a new personality if you want, but you still get to retain the wisdom and education you picked up along the way. If the previous chapter of your life sucked, at least then you know what you don’t want. It’s a start.
You don’t have to pick up and move (except in extreme cases) in order to get a new chapter of your life started. If you decide you need to make a new chapter, start “packing” now for the adventure of a lifetime.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
January Appreciation Day
I've written a few writers that I enjoy their stories and series in progress and that I hope they continue. I'd also like to say that I appreciate the new burgeoning friendship I have with my sister, and I hope that continues.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Sometimes
Sometimes it's all too much. Sometimes, you just want to curl in a ball and hide yourself in a corner. Sometimes the only food you recognize is comfort food. Sometimes no music sounds right, because it's all too sad or not sad enough or just been heard too recently and too often. Sometimes you want to be held and yet want to be alone at the same time, and the cat just isn't doing it. Sometimes.
But it passes. It may take a while, and it may pass only for a little bit before it all comes swamping in on you again. But it passes, and then it passes again, and then it passes once more for longer this time. Your world becomes gray and then colored and then gray again. But the colors come back. They always will. You just have to wait out the gray, the sometimes. The world will come back, and so will you. Every time.
But it passes. It may take a while, and it may pass only for a little bit before it all comes swamping in on you again. But it passes, and then it passes again, and then it passes once more for longer this time. Your world becomes gray and then colored and then gray again. But the colors come back. They always will. You just have to wait out the gray, the sometimes. The world will come back, and so will you. Every time.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
On Writing
On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King. This is a great book for any writer or Stephen King fan. A good portion of it is autobiography, but it’s all relevant for a writer. It’s going to end up on my bookshelf. It’s to the point, it has great examples, and it is funny in a whole lot of places. I recommend it.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Learn to Howl (2)
On the flip side of the last post, if you surround yourself with people whose attributes you like, they will rub off on you, too. Birds of a feather and all that. Negativity can rub off on you, and so can positivity, though a lot fewer people have heard about that.
Your friends and co-workers can be a positive influence on you, and you can choose to do this. You can choose your friends and co-workers in such a way that you become a better person by having them in your life. There are a lot of people out there who have good attitudes, great work ethics, and who enjoy living.
Negativity isn’t easier than positivity. It’s just more wide spread in our culture, easier to learn at birth since you see so much of it. But once you get the hang of positive thinking and attitudes, they become just as easy as all those negative ones you used to have.
Your friends and co-workers can be a positive influence on you, and you can choose to do this. You can choose your friends and co-workers in such a way that you become a better person by having them in your life. There are a lot of people out there who have good attitudes, great work ethics, and who enjoy living.
Negativity isn’t easier than positivity. It’s just more wide spread in our culture, easier to learn at birth since you see so much of it. But once you get the hang of positive thinking and attitudes, they become just as easy as all those negative ones you used to have.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Learn to Howl
He who goes with the wolf will learn to howl. - Anonymous
Have you ever heard the old adage ‘birds of a feather flock together’? That’s basically what this quote means. Who you spend time with influences you, whether you like it or not. To what degree they influence you is up to you, but it’s a question of what you want to do.
Do you want to spend your time fighting off the negative influences of the people around you? Their negativity, their greed, their prejudices, their violence, their whatever it is that they have that you don’t want? You have better uses for your energy – if you aren’t around them, that is.
If you remove yourself from these people, or if you remove these people from your life, then you don’t have to spend so much time and energy making sure you stay being yourself. You can spend it on other things, like becoming the best self you can be, or anything else you want to do.
Your life is too precious to bother with negative people. Unless you have perfected your “anti-negativity shield” or unless your purpose in life is to help these people or they have skills that you absolutely cannot get elsewhere, leave them be. Find someone else to share your life with. You deserve fantastic friends.
Have you ever heard the old adage ‘birds of a feather flock together’? That’s basically what this quote means. Who you spend time with influences you, whether you like it or not. To what degree they influence you is up to you, but it’s a question of what you want to do.
Do you want to spend your time fighting off the negative influences of the people around you? Their negativity, their greed, their prejudices, their violence, their whatever it is that they have that you don’t want? You have better uses for your energy – if you aren’t around them, that is.
If you remove yourself from these people, or if you remove these people from your life, then you don’t have to spend so much time and energy making sure you stay being yourself. You can spend it on other things, like becoming the best self you can be, or anything else you want to do.
Your life is too precious to bother with negative people. Unless you have perfected your “anti-negativity shield” or unless your purpose in life is to help these people or they have skills that you absolutely cannot get elsewhere, leave them be. Find someone else to share your life with. You deserve fantastic friends.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Thoughts
Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right. - Henry Ford
It’s amazing how much your attitude can affect the outcome of something. You’ve seen those people with tons of confidence and a history of winning. Do you think that they got the confidence first or the winning? For a rare few, they won, were right, got ahead, or whatever first, and then gained the confidence afterwards. Most of the “winners”, though, were confident that they would be right, would win, would get ahead, and then went out and did it.
Your attitude is driven by your thoughts, and you can control them. Just as you can psych yourself out of something, you can psych yourself into something. You can be a winner, an achiever, a doer, someone others look at and say “Wow, how did that happen? How did you do that?” And when they do, just smile and say, “Attitude and confidence,” and go on to create and inspire some more.
It’s amazing how much your attitude can affect the outcome of something. You’ve seen those people with tons of confidence and a history of winning. Do you think that they got the confidence first or the winning? For a rare few, they won, were right, got ahead, or whatever first, and then gained the confidence afterwards. Most of the “winners”, though, were confident that they would be right, would win, would get ahead, and then went out and did it.
Your attitude is driven by your thoughts, and you can control them. Just as you can psych yourself out of something, you can psych yourself into something. You can be a winner, an achiever, a doer, someone others look at and say “Wow, how did that happen? How did you do that?” And when they do, just smile and say, “Attitude and confidence,” and go on to create and inspire some more.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Intelligence and Ability
Intelligence is quickness to apprehend as distinct from ability, which is capacity to act wisely on the thing apprehended. - Dialogues by Alfred North Whitehead
To act without knowing what’s going on doesn’t always help. To know what’s going on without acting usually doesn’t help. It’s best when the two go together. Intelligence can give you plenty of information. Ability can give you plenty of suggestions.
We’re all different. Not all of us have both intelligence and ability. Some of us have intelligence in abundance. Some of us have amazing abilities. Some of us have a little of each. Or any mix and match of amounts you can think of. That’s okay. We don’t all have to have plenty of both.
What’s great about the world is that you don’t have to be all things at all times. That’s what friends, colleagues, and co-workers are for. You share your intelligence and abilities with them, and they share theirs with you, and together you make wonderful and amazing things happen, things that none of you could have done on your own.
When you’re making your Future, you don’t have to do it on your own. You can get help from others, and in turn give help to others, and this way the Future will be brighter for everyone.
To act without knowing what’s going on doesn’t always help. To know what’s going on without acting usually doesn’t help. It’s best when the two go together. Intelligence can give you plenty of information. Ability can give you plenty of suggestions.
We’re all different. Not all of us have both intelligence and ability. Some of us have intelligence in abundance. Some of us have amazing abilities. Some of us have a little of each. Or any mix and match of amounts you can think of. That’s okay. We don’t all have to have plenty of both.
What’s great about the world is that you don’t have to be all things at all times. That’s what friends, colleagues, and co-workers are for. You share your intelligence and abilities with them, and they share theirs with you, and together you make wonderful and amazing things happen, things that none of you could have done on your own.
When you’re making your Future, you don’t have to do it on your own. You can get help from others, and in turn give help to others, and this way the Future will be brighter for everyone.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
What You Can
Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. - Theodore Roosevelt
This fluctuates, and that’s okay. Sometimes you can do more. Sometimes you can do less. Sometimes everything’s going your way, you have energy you don’t know what to do with, and very few commitments knocking at your door. Sometimes, everything sucks, you’re sick or you’re depressed or you have a thousand things to do on top of the stuff that gets shoved aside like eating and sitting. That’s okay.
Do what you can, and if that’s less than yesterday or a year ago, that’s okay. If it’s more, that’s okay, too. Don’t beat yourself up over the whims of life, the changes that seem to come out of nowhere about which you can do nothing. Do what you can, and take care of yourself while you’re doing it. And if taking care of yourself is all that you can do with what you have, where you are, then do that, because there are very few things more important than taking care of yourself. If you don’t, there won’t be a you later on to do even more things. Take care of yourself and do what you can.
This fluctuates, and that’s okay. Sometimes you can do more. Sometimes you can do less. Sometimes everything’s going your way, you have energy you don’t know what to do with, and very few commitments knocking at your door. Sometimes, everything sucks, you’re sick or you’re depressed or you have a thousand things to do on top of the stuff that gets shoved aside like eating and sitting. That’s okay.
Do what you can, and if that’s less than yesterday or a year ago, that’s okay. If it’s more, that’s okay, too. Don’t beat yourself up over the whims of life, the changes that seem to come out of nowhere about which you can do nothing. Do what you can, and take care of yourself while you’re doing it. And if taking care of yourself is all that you can do with what you have, where you are, then do that, because there are very few things more important than taking care of yourself. If you don’t, there won’t be a you later on to do even more things. Take care of yourself and do what you can.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Bird by Bird
Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott. I was a little leery of reading this, despite the recommendation by SARK, due to the title, but it connects to a very telling story and makes complete sense once you read it. I very much enjoyed this book, and I recommend it to any writer and to some non-writers as well. It’s very different from other writing books. It deals much more with being a writer than with writing, and it is honest, brutally so in some places. I’ll probably end up reading it again at some point.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Greater Things
Men are often capable of greater things than they perform. They are sent into the world with bills of credit, and seldom draw to their full extent. - Horace Walpole
This is true, but it is both a great promise and a heavy responsibility. It’s like being given a new lease on life, a time when you can go out and do great things, live the life you’ve always wanted to, etc., etc. For some people, jumping into that greatness is a little difficult. For some it’s incredibly easy, and really all they had been looking for in their life was permission to go and have and be incredible.
For now, for you, just realize that more is possible. You can do more. You can be more. You can have greater influence in the world than you do now. But don’t underestimate who you are, what you do, and what influence you have, but that’s pretty amazing, even if you can’t see it.
You are great and amazing, right now, as is.
This is true, but it is both a great promise and a heavy responsibility. It’s like being given a new lease on life, a time when you can go out and do great things, live the life you’ve always wanted to, etc., etc. For some people, jumping into that greatness is a little difficult. For some it’s incredibly easy, and really all they had been looking for in their life was permission to go and have and be incredible.
For now, for you, just realize that more is possible. You can do more. You can be more. You can have greater influence in the world than you do now. But don’t underestimate who you are, what you do, and what influence you have, but that’s pretty amazing, even if you can’t see it.
You are great and amazing, right now, as is.
Monday, December 15, 2008
The Winds and the Waves
The wind and the waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators. - Edward Gibbon
Do you know some people who are always lucky? They’re always at the right place at the right time. Things just naturally come easy to them. Opportunity is constantly knocking at their door. It isn’t luck.
It’s skill, it’s preparation, it’s keeping your eyes open, and it’s being willing to take a risk. You can improve your skills through practice and training. You can prepare to the best of your ability as it is right now rather than waiting until a “better” time. You can scan your life for opportunities and let others know that you’re looking for opportunities. You can take a less-than-sure thing and make it work, or at least give it a try and get some valuable hands on experience out of it.
You can be the ablest navigator. You can always make opportunities where others see none. Your life and your Future are possible, however you envision them.
Do you know some people who are always lucky? They’re always at the right place at the right time. Things just naturally come easy to them. Opportunity is constantly knocking at their door. It isn’t luck.
It’s skill, it’s preparation, it’s keeping your eyes open, and it’s being willing to take a risk. You can improve your skills through practice and training. You can prepare to the best of your ability as it is right now rather than waiting until a “better” time. You can scan your life for opportunities and let others know that you’re looking for opportunities. You can take a less-than-sure thing and make it work, or at least give it a try and get some valuable hands on experience out of it.
You can be the ablest navigator. You can always make opportunities where others see none. Your life and your Future are possible, however you envision them.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Happiness Contribution
Anything you're good at contributes to happiness. - Bertrand Russell
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1864519,00.html?cnn=yes
Researchers have determined that happiness is contagious, to a degree. If you’ve been denying your own happiness because you believe it to be selfish, now you know that you’ve been denying those around you a measure of happiness as well, because their own happiness would increase with your own, like ripples in a pond.
Anything you’re good at contributes to happiness, which means that even if your talent is something you consider frivolous or silly or of no importance to anyone, it could create happiness in the world by making you happy. What if your only talent was whistling (doubtful that you have only one thing you’re good at, but go with me on this). What if you consider whistling to be a waste of time because it doesn’t do anything constructive. You know you’re wrong now. You can make yourself happier by whistling which can increase the happiness of others around you. You can make those you don’t even know happier by seeing you happy as you walk down the street. Perhaps someone will hear your tune, and it will remind them of a happy time. Even something as simple as whistling can contribute to happiness.
Use your talents. You were given them for a reason.
And if you are around people who do not want you to be happy, who are happier themselves when you are miserable, leave them. Get out and find people who aren’t sadists.
Choose your life, your friends, and your happiness.
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1864519,00.html?cnn=yes
Researchers have determined that happiness is contagious, to a degree. If you’ve been denying your own happiness because you believe it to be selfish, now you know that you’ve been denying those around you a measure of happiness as well, because their own happiness would increase with your own, like ripples in a pond.
Anything you’re good at contributes to happiness, which means that even if your talent is something you consider frivolous or silly or of no importance to anyone, it could create happiness in the world by making you happy. What if your only talent was whistling (doubtful that you have only one thing you’re good at, but go with me on this). What if you consider whistling to be a waste of time because it doesn’t do anything constructive. You know you’re wrong now. You can make yourself happier by whistling which can increase the happiness of others around you. You can make those you don’t even know happier by seeing you happy as you walk down the street. Perhaps someone will hear your tune, and it will remind them of a happy time. Even something as simple as whistling can contribute to happiness.
Use your talents. You were given them for a reason.
And if you are around people who do not want you to be happy, who are happier themselves when you are miserable, leave them. Get out and find people who aren’t sadists.
Choose your life, your friends, and your happiness.
Career Tests
Here's a quick book review to make up for the lack of post on Monday.
Career Tests: 25 Revealing Self-Tests to Help You Find and Succeed at the Perfect Career by Louis Janda. Skip everything and read the epilogue, and only the first page of that.
Career Tests: 25 Revealing Self-Tests to Help You Find and Succeed at the Perfect Career by Louis Janda. Skip everything and read the epilogue, and only the first page of that.
Common Sense Economics
Here's a quick book review to make up for the lack of one on Saturday.
Common Sense Economics: What Everyone Should Know About Wealth and Prosperity by James Gwartney, Richard L. Stroup, and Dwight R. Lee. If you’re a student of economics, read the book. If you think that personal finance self-help books are beneath you, read section 4 of this book. Everyone else can skip it.
Common Sense Economics: What Everyone Should Know About Wealth and Prosperity by James Gwartney, Richard L. Stroup, and Dwight R. Lee. If you’re a student of economics, read the book. If you think that personal finance self-help books are beneath you, read section 4 of this book. Everyone else can skip it.
Friday, December 05, 2008
Writing Some Blues
I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues. - Duke Ellington
It doesn’t take more energy to read as it does to watch TV.
It doesn’t take more energy to inspire as it does to complain.
It doesn’t take more energy to eat an apple as it does to eat a candy bar.
It doesn’t take more energy to say something nice as it does to insult.
How much energy you have may be a product of your environment and your health, but what you do with it is up to you. Create, rather than destroy.
It doesn’t take more energy to read as it does to watch TV.
It doesn’t take more energy to inspire as it does to complain.
It doesn’t take more energy to eat an apple as it does to eat a candy bar.
It doesn’t take more energy to say something nice as it does to insult.
How much energy you have may be a product of your environment and your health, but what you do with it is up to you. Create, rather than destroy.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Secrets and Privacy
This is from an e-mail discussion I've had recently. I've edited it so that it makes sense even without the previous e-mails.
Some people are willing to share much more information about their lives than I am with mine, and with a wider variety of people. There are things in my past that I don't care to share. They're over and done with, why bring them up again? Some people will say that if I truly dealt with those issues that bringing them up again wouldn't cause me any discomfort. Those people have led very enlightened or very sheltered lives. It's a tricky discussion to have - what things do you think are secrets and what's general knowledge - because person A will think "well, duh" and not mention it, but person B will believe the opposite.
Then there is the issue of closets, whether they be about religion, sexual orientation, or what have you. While I may be free and open about my spiritual beliefs, I also know that I will get flak about them if I tell the wrong people or in the wrong way. If they ask, I'll tell them, but I'm not going to bring it up.
Which brings me to something said in the post before mine. That person said that if someone asks them something, they'll tell them. Well, I don't agree with that philosophy. I knew a guy who when invited over to your place would go into any room that didn't have a closed door. He figured if you didn't want him in your bedroom, you would have closed the door. Doesn't matter that you're having dinner and the bedroom's in a different part of the house. If it's an open door, he'd go in. Likewise, there are people who will bring up topics of conversations at inappropriate times, like people who will start a discussion about politics in front of a rabid Republican, sometimes just to get a rise out of the person. If I'm having a conversation with A and B, I might be more than happy to talk to A about it, but I don't want B to know because it'd affect our relationship. However, A will bring it up in front of B, and I won't answer at that time, perhaps never if I don't think that A will screw up my relationship with B just because A doesn't think it's a big deal. For those of you who say, "Then don't deal with B", that's kinda hard when B is a coworker or a family member you like except for this one prejudice.
Some people are willing to share much more information about their lives than I am with mine, and with a wider variety of people. There are things in my past that I don't care to share. They're over and done with, why bring them up again? Some people will say that if I truly dealt with those issues that bringing them up again wouldn't cause me any discomfort. Those people have led very enlightened or very sheltered lives. It's a tricky discussion to have - what things do you think are secrets and what's general knowledge - because person A will think "well, duh" and not mention it, but person B will believe the opposite.
Then there is the issue of closets, whether they be about religion, sexual orientation, or what have you. While I may be free and open about my spiritual beliefs, I also know that I will get flak about them if I tell the wrong people or in the wrong way. If they ask, I'll tell them, but I'm not going to bring it up.
Which brings me to something said in the post before mine. That person said that if someone asks them something, they'll tell them. Well, I don't agree with that philosophy. I knew a guy who when invited over to your place would go into any room that didn't have a closed door. He figured if you didn't want him in your bedroom, you would have closed the door. Doesn't matter that you're having dinner and the bedroom's in a different part of the house. If it's an open door, he'd go in. Likewise, there are people who will bring up topics of conversations at inappropriate times, like people who will start a discussion about politics in front of a rabid Republican, sometimes just to get a rise out of the person. If I'm having a conversation with A and B, I might be more than happy to talk to A about it, but I don't want B to know because it'd affect our relationship. However, A will bring it up in front of B, and I won't answer at that time, perhaps never if I don't think that A will screw up my relationship with B just because A doesn't think it's a big deal. For those of you who say, "Then don't deal with B", that's kinda hard when B is a coworker or a family member you like except for this one prejudice.
Monday, December 01, 2008
My Life, My Definition
More than having sexual relations with both genders, bisexuality is a mind frame, a reference point from which to view the world. Being bisexual has more to do with potential than actuality. – Amanda Yoshizaki
The other day, someone told me that he believed that bisexuals needed to have relationships with both genders to actually be bisexual. Huh. I asked him if that meant that all virgins were asexual since they weren’t having sexual relationships with anyone, or if someone is between relationships with someone that they were asexual. He didn’t really have an answer for that but just fell back onto his same argument.
After arguing with him for a little bit, I dropped it and shrugged him off. He doesn’t get to define me. He can go ahead with his singular definition of bisexual and insist that I’m not who I say I am, but that’s his problem, his issue. Me, I’m bisexual by my definition, and in my life, that’s the one that counts.
Don’t let anyone discount you or belittle you because you don’t live up or down to their narrow view of the world. If you believe you are something by your definition of it, then you go be it and be the best you can be. And if someone disagrees, shrug them off the best they can. Let them have their narrow world view. You’ll take reality.
The other day, someone told me that he believed that bisexuals needed to have relationships with both genders to actually be bisexual. Huh. I asked him if that meant that all virgins were asexual since they weren’t having sexual relationships with anyone, or if someone is between relationships with someone that they were asexual. He didn’t really have an answer for that but just fell back onto his same argument.
After arguing with him for a little bit, I dropped it and shrugged him off. He doesn’t get to define me. He can go ahead with his singular definition of bisexual and insist that I’m not who I say I am, but that’s his problem, his issue. Me, I’m bisexual by my definition, and in my life, that’s the one that counts.
Don’t let anyone discount you or belittle you because you don’t live up or down to their narrow view of the world. If you believe you are something by your definition of it, then you go be it and be the best you can be. And if someone disagrees, shrug them off the best they can. Let them have their narrow world view. You’ll take reality.
Friday, November 28, 2008
How You Play The Game
In the game of life, heredity deals the hand, and society makes the rules; but you can still play your own cards. – Peter’s Almanac
Never forget that. There are too many “victims” in this world, people who insist that the world is out to get them, or that the world is holding them down or back, or that the world owes them something because of all that they’ve had to go through.
The world doesn’t owe you anything. You are alive in this world full of opportunities. That’s all it owes you, and that’s all its going to give you.
The world is not out to get you. You’re just not that important to the entire world. I assure you that there are billions of people on this planet that have no idea who you even are.
The world is not holding you down or back, not nearly as much as your own attitude is.
If you’re not getting what you want, then change the way you play. You can’t change your cards. You might be able to change the rules. But the only way you can do that is to play the game.
Never forget that. There are too many “victims” in this world, people who insist that the world is out to get them, or that the world is holding them down or back, or that the world owes them something because of all that they’ve had to go through.
The world doesn’t owe you anything. You are alive in this world full of opportunities. That’s all it owes you, and that’s all its going to give you.
The world is not out to get you. You’re just not that important to the entire world. I assure you that there are billions of people on this planet that have no idea who you even are.
The world is not holding you down or back, not nearly as much as your own attitude is.
If you’re not getting what you want, then change the way you play. You can’t change your cards. You might be able to change the rules. But the only way you can do that is to play the game.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Manifest Abilities
A man must not deny his manifest abilities, for that is to evade his obligations. - The Treasure of Franchard by Robert Louis Stevenson
I believe that we were given our gifts and talents for a reason – for them to be used. Whether they are for our own entertainment or the betterment of life, that depends a lot of the talent, the amount of talent, and the opportunities in your life to use that talent. But if you choose to say “screw the God/dess” and refuse to use what you were given, that’s your choice. I personally think your choice is wrong, but it’s your talent and your life, so you get to do with it what you want.
Now, some of you are going to go to extremes. “What if the only thing I’m really good at is killing people?” Or some such thing. Let’s take a look at it. If I can figure out a way to make killing people into a talent that betters humanity, then surely you can figure out something to do with your talent.
First, what part of killing people are you good at? Are you good at stalking them until they’re alone? Are you good at assessing people’s weaknesses? Are you good at breaking into a place so you can attack them in their own homes? Are you good at killing quickly and silently? In what way are you good at killing people? And how can you turn that into something else?
Stalking people is also useful for private detectives, law enforcement, bounty hunters, and news reporters. Assessing people’s weaknesses is also useful for career counseling, professional trainers, body guards, and boot camp. Breaking into places is good for thieves, people who assess burglary systems, tomb robbers, and guards since they’ll know how to prevent others from doing the same. Being quick and silent in your killing can mean you’d make a good surgeon because you know anatomy well, or a good butcher because you slice quickly without waste, or a great soldier either for the nation or as a mercenary.
If you doubt that what you are good at could possibly enrich your own life or someone else’s, add a comment. Tell me what it is, and I’ll see if I can give you some ideas. But, you were given the ability for a reason. You just need to figure out what it is.
I believe that we were given our gifts and talents for a reason – for them to be used. Whether they are for our own entertainment or the betterment of life, that depends a lot of the talent, the amount of talent, and the opportunities in your life to use that talent. But if you choose to say “screw the God/dess” and refuse to use what you were given, that’s your choice. I personally think your choice is wrong, but it’s your talent and your life, so you get to do with it what you want.
Now, some of you are going to go to extremes. “What if the only thing I’m really good at is killing people?” Or some such thing. Let’s take a look at it. If I can figure out a way to make killing people into a talent that betters humanity, then surely you can figure out something to do with your talent.
First, what part of killing people are you good at? Are you good at stalking them until they’re alone? Are you good at assessing people’s weaknesses? Are you good at breaking into a place so you can attack them in their own homes? Are you good at killing quickly and silently? In what way are you good at killing people? And how can you turn that into something else?
Stalking people is also useful for private detectives, law enforcement, bounty hunters, and news reporters. Assessing people’s weaknesses is also useful for career counseling, professional trainers, body guards, and boot camp. Breaking into places is good for thieves, people who assess burglary systems, tomb robbers, and guards since they’ll know how to prevent others from doing the same. Being quick and silent in your killing can mean you’d make a good surgeon because you know anatomy well, or a good butcher because you slice quickly without waste, or a great soldier either for the nation or as a mercenary.
If you doubt that what you are good at could possibly enrich your own life or someone else’s, add a comment. Tell me what it is, and I’ll see if I can give you some ideas. But, you were given the ability for a reason. You just need to figure out what it is.
Monday, November 24, 2008
One Week
I understand the average American watches four hours of television a day. That’s twenty-eight hours a week. I also understand the average American reads two hundred and fifty words per minute. Therefore, if the average American would turn off the television set and spend those twenty-eight hours a week reading, he could read all the poems of T. S. Eliot, all the poems of Maya Angelou, two plays by Thornton Wilder, including Our Town, The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald, and all one hundred fifty psalms in the Old Testament. That’s all in one week. – David McCullough
This just astonishes me. It also makes me wonder why I don’t get more books read. Then I remember how many computer games I play, how much television I watch, and how much stuff I read that isn’t in books.
You read a lot as well, I’m willing to bet. You’re reading this blog. You may read other blogs. You probably read the newspaper or the news on the web. You read e-mails and memos and instruction manuals at work. There are also comic strips, web strips, magazine articles, recipes, letters, post cards, insurance information, advertisements, ingredients lists, cereal boxes, etc. You do read. You are a reader.
But can you imagine how much more you or I could read if we would watch one fewer show a week? Just one? You know the one I mean. The one that you only watch because there’s nothing better on right now or because that’s what the gossipy woman at the water cooler insists on talking about every Wednesday morning and you want to be able to be in on the conversation or because it’s got that really good looking guy in it and you just want to turn the volume down and watch except he’s also got a really sexy voice so you don’t want to miss any of it. You know, that show, the one that if you had a gun to your head you’d give up first. One hour a week. That’d be an extra 15,000 words every week. Wow. I’ve already trimmed my TV watching, but my computer game playing could use a good pruning. I know where I’m getting my extra 15,000 words. How about you?
This just astonishes me. It also makes me wonder why I don’t get more books read. Then I remember how many computer games I play, how much television I watch, and how much stuff I read that isn’t in books.
You read a lot as well, I’m willing to bet. You’re reading this blog. You may read other blogs. You probably read the newspaper or the news on the web. You read e-mails and memos and instruction manuals at work. There are also comic strips, web strips, magazine articles, recipes, letters, post cards, insurance information, advertisements, ingredients lists, cereal boxes, etc. You do read. You are a reader.
But can you imagine how much more you or I could read if we would watch one fewer show a week? Just one? You know the one I mean. The one that you only watch because there’s nothing better on right now or because that’s what the gossipy woman at the water cooler insists on talking about every Wednesday morning and you want to be able to be in on the conversation or because it’s got that really good looking guy in it and you just want to turn the volume down and watch except he’s also got a really sexy voice so you don’t want to miss any of it. You know, that show, the one that if you had a gun to your head you’d give up first. One hour a week. That’d be an extra 15,000 words every week. Wow. I’ve already trimmed my TV watching, but my computer game playing could use a good pruning. I know where I’m getting my extra 15,000 words. How about you?
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Bi Any Other Name
Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out edited by Loraine Hutchins and Lani Kaahumanu is a great book. It was written in 1991, and I would love to see another of its kind written on its 20th anniversary. It’s almost a Chicken Soup for the Bisexual Soul. It’s full of stories by bisexuals about their lives and experiences. Each of them have different views on and different definitions of bisexuality. It’s quite a read. They cover all kinds of topics as well – coming out, politics, biphobia, oppression from monosexuals, celebration, feminism, racism, and much more. Most people will find something in there to relate to. I recommend it to any bisexual and anyone who loves a bisexual. It’s not a “read in one sitting” book, but it’s worth finishing.
Friday, November 21, 2008
A Delicate Balance
To be successful you have to be dumb enough to think you can change the world and smart enough to know how. - Clint Borgen.
“I don’t know. Let’s find out.” These words have begun some great adventures, in travel, in science, in cooking, in many, many areas of life.
“That can’t be done.” These words have aborted a good number of adventures in life, especially when they aren’t true.
“They say it can’t be done, but let’s do it anyway.” These are some of the best words you can have. Think about how many things have been accomplished that were “impossible”. Flight, for example. Heart transplants. Telephones. Too many others to list.
You can change the world in ways that the nay-sayers and the doubters can’t even imagine. You can change the world, your life, yourself, and bring light into some “dark ages” mentalities that insist “don’t confuse me with facts, I know what’s right”. And even if you can’t change the mind of someone who insists that what you’re doing right in front of them is impossible, at least you’re doing the impossible, and you’re making yourself, your life, your world better.
You can do the amazing, the wonderful, the impossible. Don’t let anyone else tell you different.
“I don’t know. Let’s find out.” These words have begun some great adventures, in travel, in science, in cooking, in many, many areas of life.
“That can’t be done.” These words have aborted a good number of adventures in life, especially when they aren’t true.
“They say it can’t be done, but let’s do it anyway.” These are some of the best words you can have. Think about how many things have been accomplished that were “impossible”. Flight, for example. Heart transplants. Telephones. Too many others to list.
You can change the world in ways that the nay-sayers and the doubters can’t even imagine. You can change the world, your life, yourself, and bring light into some “dark ages” mentalities that insist “don’t confuse me with facts, I know what’s right”. And even if you can’t change the mind of someone who insists that what you’re doing right in front of them is impossible, at least you’re doing the impossible, and you’re making yourself, your life, your world better.
You can do the amazing, the wonderful, the impossible. Don’t let anyone else tell you different.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Fiction and Inspiration
Fiction, because it is not about somebody who actually lived in the real world, always has the possibility of being about ourselves. – Orson Scott Card
Some people find inspiration every where. Some people can see a part of themselves or something applicable to their lives in every story. Other people can see a thinly-veiled biography of themselves and just not get it.
Some of the snootier readers will only read non-fiction, and only the “proper” stuff at that. Well, if they’re so limited that they can’t find something enjoyable about a really good fiction story, that’s their problem. For the rest of us, let’s dive in.
I usually have more words to say what I want to say, a way to make it clearer to people who don’t want to believe the direct truth or who need to be persuaded that something has meaning to their own lives, but I don’t got it for this one other than the above, and the above is pretty awful. So, this once, here’s the short and dirty version, and then good night.
You can find inspiration and meaning anywhere you look or read, and that’s just fine.
Some people find inspiration every where. Some people can see a part of themselves or something applicable to their lives in every story. Other people can see a thinly-veiled biography of themselves and just not get it.
Some of the snootier readers will only read non-fiction, and only the “proper” stuff at that. Well, if they’re so limited that they can’t find something enjoyable about a really good fiction story, that’s their problem. For the rest of us, let’s dive in.
I usually have more words to say what I want to say, a way to make it clearer to people who don’t want to believe the direct truth or who need to be persuaded that something has meaning to their own lives, but I don’t got it for this one other than the above, and the above is pretty awful. So, this once, here’s the short and dirty version, and then good night.
You can find inspiration and meaning anywhere you look or read, and that’s just fine.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Inaction
Iron rusts from disuse; water loses its purity from stagnation … even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind. – Leonardo da Vinci
If you doubt the truth of this quote, think back to your school days. How quick was your mind the first week of school after summer vacation? What about first period on Monday morning? Were you as bright and swift on the uptake as you were later in the year or week? Probably not. Few people came to school raring to go first thing. And if they were ready, they probably kept it quiet because the others would retaliate.
How about you right now? Is your mind invigorated? Are you feeling creative or inspired? How’s your memory? Your vocabulary? Your quick wit, the one that your friends always enjoy so much on Friday nights? Even snappy comebacks use your brain power. Do you need time in the morning to get started, kick into gear, shake off the weekend? Imagine that same sensation, but a thousand times harder as the years start to pile up and up and up, years of using “just enough” of your brain. How hard will it be to use it when you need to or just when you want to?
Your brain needs exercise, just like your body. Read, rather than watch TV. Talk with people, rather than go out to the movies. Do a crossword puzzle, rather than read the comics. There are dozens of ways you can work your brain every single day. Your life will improve for it.
If you doubt the truth of this quote, think back to your school days. How quick was your mind the first week of school after summer vacation? What about first period on Monday morning? Were you as bright and swift on the uptake as you were later in the year or week? Probably not. Few people came to school raring to go first thing. And if they were ready, they probably kept it quiet because the others would retaliate.
How about you right now? Is your mind invigorated? Are you feeling creative or inspired? How’s your memory? Your vocabulary? Your quick wit, the one that your friends always enjoy so much on Friday nights? Even snappy comebacks use your brain power. Do you need time in the morning to get started, kick into gear, shake off the weekend? Imagine that same sensation, but a thousand times harder as the years start to pile up and up and up, years of using “just enough” of your brain. How hard will it be to use it when you need to or just when you want to?
Your brain needs exercise, just like your body. Read, rather than watch TV. Talk with people, rather than go out to the movies. Do a crossword puzzle, rather than read the comics. There are dozens of ways you can work your brain every single day. Your life will improve for it.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Lake of Molasses
I was e-mailing a friend earlier today, and I compared my life to a river of molasses with shore only barely within sight. I think it's really more like a lake than a river, but the rest of it is pretty accurate. Lake waters move, sometimes to shore and sometimes away, but usually must slower than a river and in a much more confined area. A river at least gets you somewhere.
So what do you do when you're stuck like that? Not even sure where shore is, or if there is a shore that's worth the struggle? You know (pretty much) that there's a life worth living out there, but you sure can't see it from here.
You hang on. You take care of yourself, keep yourself afloat, and keep your eyes out for landmarks to help you on the way. Landmarks include things that give you pleasure (head towards those), things that give you pain (head away from those), and solid rocks of assurance, perhaps in the form of your spirituality, a friend, a belief, a cause, or some other thing about which you have absolute surety. Using these rocks, you can find the right shore and get yourself out of the lake. But keep your head up, and keep away from the dangerous shores. Just because it's a shore doesn't mean it's safe or desirable.
So what do you do when you're stuck like that? Not even sure where shore is, or if there is a shore that's worth the struggle? You know (pretty much) that there's a life worth living out there, but you sure can't see it from here.
You hang on. You take care of yourself, keep yourself afloat, and keep your eyes out for landmarks to help you on the way. Landmarks include things that give you pleasure (head towards those), things that give you pain (head away from those), and solid rocks of assurance, perhaps in the form of your spirituality, a friend, a belief, a cause, or some other thing about which you have absolute surety. Using these rocks, you can find the right shore and get yourself out of the lake. But keep your head up, and keep away from the dangerous shores. Just because it's a shore doesn't mean it's safe or desirable.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Cinderella Was a Liar
Cinderella Was a Liar: The Real Reason You Can’t Find (or Keep) a Prince by Brenda Della Casa is not the greatest relationship advice book of all times, but it’s better than most and a whole heck of a lot funnier. The advice you can get from plenty of other places (other than the no sex on a first date rule which seems to be right or wrong depending on the book), but it presents it in a manner that’s amusing and straight forward. It’s easy to relate to the advice, because it’s presented in fairy tale language – not as a fairy tale or about fairy tale characters, but about princes and toads and maidens and slippers. I’m glad the author asked me to reconsider reading this. Even if you’ve found your happily ever after, check this out of the library for an amusing read. It’s more entertaining than a lot of things you could pick up.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Wiccan New Year
Last Friday was Halloween for many people, and New Year's Eve for many pagans. For me it was a time of renewal and rededication. My "new year" thus far has been very interesting and getting back on the right track after a long time spinning my wheels. I hope that the new season brings new an end to that which was wrong and new space in your life for the Deities to bring in some more wonderful.
Monday, November 03, 2008
Magnify Yourself
Every man who knows how to read has it in his power to magnify himself, to multiply the ways in which he exists, to make his life full, significant, and interesting. – Aldus Huxley
Boredom is a common complaint in America. Much too common. Why else would we have so many gadgets, gizmos, game consoles, and other devices devised to entertain us while giving us no value? But you don’t have to be bored. Some people won’t read because they don’t read quickly. It bores them to get bogged down with the words. Reading is like any other skill – the more you do it, the better you get at it. You read a whole lot better than you did when you were in first grade, don’t you? Why? Practice. Practice reading like you practiced riding your bike or writing cursive or typing or so many, many other things, and you will get better at it. And while you’re at it, read interesting things so you don’t get bored with all this practice. Ask your librarian to make some suggestions. I assure you, there are plenty of free books you can try out that you will enjoy. I cannot suggest them to you, because what I like and what you like are probably different. But, if you tell your librarian you want some books that involve your favorite subject, she’ll probably be able to find some if not a lot of them. The vast majority of life situations, sports, relationships, and jobs have some kind of non-fictional book written about them, and most of them have novels written about them, too. Check out your library and have a blast. There aren’t many lives that can’t be enhanced by reading something new. Make your life full, significant, and interesting. Make your Future those things, too.
Boredom is a common complaint in America. Much too common. Why else would we have so many gadgets, gizmos, game consoles, and other devices devised to entertain us while giving us no value? But you don’t have to be bored. Some people won’t read because they don’t read quickly. It bores them to get bogged down with the words. Reading is like any other skill – the more you do it, the better you get at it. You read a whole lot better than you did when you were in first grade, don’t you? Why? Practice. Practice reading like you practiced riding your bike or writing cursive or typing or so many, many other things, and you will get better at it. And while you’re at it, read interesting things so you don’t get bored with all this practice. Ask your librarian to make some suggestions. I assure you, there are plenty of free books you can try out that you will enjoy. I cannot suggest them to you, because what I like and what you like are probably different. But, if you tell your librarian you want some books that involve your favorite subject, she’ll probably be able to find some if not a lot of them. The vast majority of life situations, sports, relationships, and jobs have some kind of non-fictional book written about them, and most of them have novels written about them, too. Check out your library and have a blast. There aren’t many lives that can’t be enhanced by reading something new. Make your life full, significant, and interesting. Make your Future those things, too.
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